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starryday
December 5th, 2008, 03:38 PM
I've been writing songs for years, and I was just wondering what you all thought of them. Intuition is the name of mine and my friend's band. Anyway, here are a few of my songs. Please give me honest answers. Compliments are always nice, but some constructive criticism would be nice as well. Sorry there's so many! Also, advice on writing guitar parts to them is more than welcomed! I need help with thinking of the music for them. I have the melody of the actual vocals figured out, but not the music. XP
Broken
Take away all the pain
Make me want to regain
Can't refresh won't renew
I don't know what to do

Baby I am broken
Dont want to keep going
Take me back can you see
What you can do to help me

Its swallowing me
Everything I won't be
Will you help me retry
If not then I can't lie

Baby I am broken
Dont want to keep going
Take me back can you see
What you can do to help me

Maybe I'm not broken
But I won't keep going
Im too weak dont you see
I need you to help me

Baby I am broken
Dont want to keep going
Take me back can you see
What you can do to help me

Baby I am broken
Dont want to keep going
Looking back can you see
I need you to help me

Baby I am broken
Can you keep me going
Im finished cant you see
You alone can save me

I Miss You
Things are not what they seem
Ive forgotten the joy that you bring
And nothing seems to be right anymore
Ever since you walked out the door

And I just want you to know
I miss you

I miss everything that you meant to me
I miss everything that we could not be
I miss those days but never again
Never again will they be

And I just want you to know
I miss you

I just want you to see
Everything you could be
The truth's in your eyes
Don't give me those lies

And I just want you to know
I miss you

I miss everything that you meant to me
I miss everything that we could not be
I miss those days but never again
Never again will they be

And I just want you to know
I miss you

Sent to Save an Angel
You love her more
Than words can say
If only you
Could help her see
She's not worthless
She's your world
She is your strength
But not your girl

And now you know
Her life is hell
She has secrets
That she won't tell
And you were sent
To save an angel

You know that it
Will never be
But still you try
And still you see
She needs your help
She needs your love
Please help her now
She's had enough

And now you know
Her life is hell
She has secrets
That she won't tell
And you were sent
To save an angel

Your purpose here
Is to forgive
To let her see
That she can live
Her life without
Being alone
Please help her and
Make her your own

And now you know
Her life is hell
She has secrets
That she won't tell
And you were sent
To save an angel

You'd sacrifice
Yourself for her
But here I am
And I am sure
That I would do
The same today
If it would mean
Your lives are saved

And now you know
Her life is hell
She has secrets
That she won't tell
And you were sent
To save an angel

And it's okay
I will be fine
Because I know
You can't be mine
You love her and
You don't love me
But I'll be fine
You just can't stay

And now you know
Our lives are hell
We have secrets
That we won't tell
And you were sent
To save an angel

Save Me
Youll never believe the way that it feels
To feel your arms around me
I cannot begin to describe the sensation
Of unending sheer ecstacy

I need you to save me
To hold me to show me
To be the fire in my eyes
I need you to help me
To love me believe in me
To show me that love never dies

I know I want more than you can deliver
I know that my dreams are too high
But if ever you need a shoulder to cry on
Just know that I'm here by your side

I need you to save me
To hold me to show me
To be the fire in my eyes
I need you to help me
To love me believe in me
To show me that love never dies

And yet as I sit here alone in the dark
I wonder if youll ever see
Ill wait here forever if thats what it takes
For you to try and rescue me

I need you to save me
To hold me to show me
To be the fire in my eyes
I need you to help me
To love me believe in me
To show me that love never dies

I need you to save me
To hold me to show me
To be the fire in my eyes
I need you to help me
To love me believe in me
To show me that love never dies
To be the fire in my eyes
Ill show you my love never dies
Just save me and Ill be alright
Will you be the fire in my eyes

Just Gets Worse
Twelve years old wanna run away
Your friends making choices
You dont want em to make
Its hard to feel what youre feeling today
But dont worry
It gets worse over time

Just remember someday
Youll want to be here
Dealing with this **** that youre starting to fear
Just remember kid
It gets worse over time

Thirteen years and you had a bad day
Being dumped for your best
Take the pain away
Its hard to feel like youre feeling today
But dont worry
It gets worse over time

Just remember someday
Youll want to be here
Dealing with this **** that youre starting to fear
Just remember kid
It gets worse over time

Fourteen wanna leave this place
Best friend's pregnant
And now its too late
Its hard to feel what youre feeling today
But dont worry
It gets worse over time

Just remember someday
Youll want to be here
Dealing with all the **** that youre starting to fear
Just remember kid
Just gets worse over time

Not for Me
It seems to me
That everything
Is gone and you
You pulled the string
That started it
Started it all
You are the one
That made me fall

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

It's not as if
I didn't know
Then why is it
That I still show
All this distress
That I cant hide
I should have known
Youre by her side

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

I knew that it
Would have to end
But will you stay
And be my friend
I want to help
I want you to know
I want you more
Than I can show

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

I hope youre well
And feeling good
Because you knew
You knew I would
Take it like this
But did you care
That I would fall
That I can't share

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

Youre like a drug
Im addicted to
Youre everything
You see right through
How Ive been struck
Right to the bone
But its my fault
I should have known

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

Please tell me
Just one last thing
What is it
That Im lacking
Why is she
So much to you
When it is me
That loves you true

Please just help me to see
How bad youd be for me
Help me to forget you
Because it is not true
You couldnt love me
You couldnt hold me
You wouldnt show me
Everything I could be
But Im done now
This is the end
Just remember this
I was your friend

Moving On
Its been two long years
Waiting alone
Waiting for the world to change
But now thats done
Im moving on
Im breaking out of my cage

Youre still the one
That made me smile
That made me happy
All the while
Youre still the one
That makes me feel
Alive and well
But this time its for real

I have the courage now
Im ready to move on

Im ready to look beyond
The fact I miss you when youre gone
Im ready to push aside
The feelings that made me blind
I have the courage now
Im ready to move on
Im okay with freinds
That we can be
I know that I will be okay
Im going to change
Im going to see
I know theres still another day

Youre still the one
That made me smile
That made me happy
All the while
Youre still the one
That makes me feel
Alive and well
But this time its for real

I have the courage now
Im ready to move on

Im ready to look beyond
The fact I miss you when youre gone
Im ready to push aside
The feelings that made me blind
I have the courage now
Im ready to move on

Little Miss Perfect
Shes got everything
Shes her daddy's world
Never does anything wrong
The perfect little girl (she's)

Little miss perfect
Little miss great
Shes a little miss liar
Filled with envy and hate

Everyone loves her
She's got all the guys
Doing everything perfect
They cant see through her lies (she's)

Little miss perfect
Little miss great
Shes a little miss liar
Filled with envy and hate

Beautiful smiles
She's got such gorgeous hair
She seems such a sweetheart
But if you're uncool beware (of)

Little miss perfect
Little miss great
Shes a little miss liar
Filled with envy and hate

She's not what they think
She's just going along
Come on little miss perfect
Don't you tell me I'm wrong (youre)

Little miss perfect
Little miss great
Shes a little miss liar
Filled with envy and hate

Summer
Summer's on us and I'm feeling alive
Nothing can go wrong with you by my side
Sometimes I wonder why you haven't gone
It doesn't matter cause we'll get along

Summer sunshine
I love you dearly even though you're not mine
We will stay strong
Best friends forever the love will not die

We'll jump and we'll run away
Won't hear the things that they say
We may be crazy but we're havin fun
Spending the nights out and days in the sun

I pray and wish that these times will not end
I want you bad but at least youre my friend
Ill never forget the way I feel
Its like a dream but I know this is real

Summer sunshine
I love you dearly even though you're not mine
We will stay strong
Best friends forever the love will not die

We'll jump and we'll run away
Won't hear the things that they say
We may be crazy but we're havin fun
Spending the nights out and days in the sun

We're never gonna give in
Won't stop this game til we win
We are so crazy but it's been a blast
I will be sorry when these days have passed

Summer sunshine
I love you dearly even though you're not mine
We will stay strong
Best friends forever the love will not die

We'll jump and we'll run away
Won't hear the things that they say
We may be crazy but we're havin fun
Spending the nights out and days in the sun

(Just Another) Emo Song (v2)
Just another emo song
Screaming out my feelings
Not knowing where I belong

Seems to me that nothing's right
Im ready to flee
Not willing to fight
No one wants to understnad
They're all losing faith
Just please hold my hand

Just another emo song
Screaming out my feelings
Not knowing where I belong

Im trying not to stumble down
Im finished with this
Im leaving this town
Feels like life has left me weak
Not going to find
The answers I seek

Just another emo song
Screaming out my feelings
Not knowing where I belong
This is just another emo song

Drowning
Drowning in shallow waters
Overwhelmed by my pain
Transformed into a monster
Something I dont want to be

Trying to find the courage
To continue my life
Trying to find the strength
To overcome all my strife

Im hardly pushing forward
Im stopped by guilt and shame
There's nothing left to live for
Ive lost this lifelong game

Trying to find the courage
To continue my life
Trying to find the strength
To overcome all my strife

Trying to find the answer
To find a purpose in life
Lost in the fear of failure
Losing touch with real life

Trying to find the courage
To continue my life
Trying to find the strength
To overcome all my strife

Please take the pain away
Ive tried with all my might
Maybe the only way
Is to take my own life

Trying to find the courage
To continue my life
Trying to find the strength
To overcome all my strife

I won't take my life
Throw away the knife
Won't leave this world tonight
I'll go on with my life
Continue this life


Oh, and if you can't tell, I mainly write when I'm upset. So I'm not quite as depressed of a person as the songs make it seem. Although I wrote "Summer" today and was pretty proud

Astinus
December 5th, 2008, 09:17 PM
Songs are poems set to music, so this would fit in better over in the Poetry sub-forum. I'll move it over there for you.

Post Office Buddy
December 5th, 2008, 10:11 PM
Before anyone can help you write guitar parts to the songs, then we need to know what genre this would fit in. Is it metal, alternative, punk, speed metal, thrash, progressive, melodeath, new age, country, etc? Each have their own distinct sounds and each have their own styles of guitar. Also, without knowing the melody, it might be hard to think of the instrumental parts. Timing and BPM are nice to have, too.

As for the content, I think they are pretty good. I sang them aloud to see how they flowed and they flow quite nicely. It's obvious that you tried to make this as good as possible. Oh, and don't worry about there being so many. Is this what you hope to be a complete album by any chance? Eleven songs is a good number for an album, so I was just wondering if that was your intention.

Rabbit
December 5th, 2008, 10:51 PM
I feel like a lot of your songs are just general teenage ranting. Some of them are about having a crappy love life, some of them are about having a crappy life in general. Why not write something more specific to your life? Vague songs about feeling heartbroken do apply to almost anyone, but they don't feel sincere.

starryday
December 6th, 2008, 11:44 AM
Before anyone can help you write guitar parts to the songs, then we need to know what genre this would fit in. Is it metal, alternative, punk, speed metal, thrash, progressive, melodeath, new age, country, etc? Each have their own distinct sounds and each have their own styles of guitar.

All of the songs would probably fit under Alternative or Punk genres. Some bands that kind of inspired the whole idea of starting a band and that some of the general aspects of the music come from are Simple Plan, blink-182, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, etc. I don't want to sound just like them or anything, but that's the general kind of genre I'd fit them under.

As for the content, I think they are pretty good. I sang them aloud to see how they flowed and they flow quite nicely. It's obvious that you tried to make this as good as possible.

Thanks, I spend a lot of time on each song after originally writing them, and a lot of times I write maybe five different songs and take lines or verses from each of them that I like and write them down and come back to them later if I don't like much of the rest of the songs.

Oh, and don't worry about there being so many. Is this what you hope to be a complete album by any chance? Eleven songs is a good number for an album, so I was just wondering if that was your intention

Sort of, more like a rough choice of the top eleven that I'd be most eager to put in an album. I'm not sure if there's enough variety in them though.

I feel like a lot of your songs are just general teenage ranting. Some of them are about having a crappy love life, some of them are about having a crappy life in general. Why not write something more specific to your life? Vague songs about feeling heartbroken do apply to almost anyone, but they don't feel sincere.

Alright. :) A lot of times I hear that you should try to be vague so that people can connect to your songs. But I'll try that too.

And also, what are your personal favorites of these songs? So that I know which one(s) to work on the most and first. Because once I can get a decent microphone(already have good software) for my computer, I can record some rough acoustic demos. Til I find a drummer.

Post Office Buddy
December 8th, 2008, 12:56 PM
And also, what are your personal favorites of these songs? So that I know which one(s) to work on the most and first. Because once I can get a decent microphone(already have good software) for my computer, I can record some rough acoustic demos. Til I find a drummer.
I wouldn't be able to say which ones I liked most unless music accompanied them. When listening ot music, I like to focus more on the instrumental parts rather than the vocals part. Not to say that I consider the vocals to be insignificant. The vocals are an instrument in my opinion, but they are almost nothing without a good instrumental part.

What vocalist would you say you sound most like? I know you want to be different, but you can usually relate to any one vocalist.

starryday
December 9th, 2008, 11:48 AM
Hm... vocalist I sound like. That's a tough one, since most singers are male. Although if you've ever heard Cute is What We Aim For, my basic singing style(not the whole musical aspect, because my songs are a lot less.... hyper? but the vocals) is similar to Shaant's. I'm not really that sure, though. Maybe of the female vocalists I know of, Taylor Swift would most likely be the closest match. My friend is also going to be singing some of the songs as well, and she can really sound like just about any vocalist she wants. Although I suppose you could compare her to the vocalist from Paramore.

And now I have a -very- rough version of "Just Gets Worse" (dont think I posted the lyrics for that one) recorded and on the computer. It's attatched to this. I messed up on the guitar a few times - I need to keep practicing the whole singing and playing at the same time, but I'm not planning on sharing this version too much, just to get advice and such. And to figure out if I should let her sing all the songs and just stick to playing guitar. :P lol I'm not a fan of my voice.

Post Office Buddy
December 9th, 2008, 10:53 PM
Were you planning on using Acoustic or Electric for the final product? Right now, the guitar reminds me a lot of Linkin Park, what with the constant, simple beat. Also, I would suggest getting a guitarist rather than doing both since it's pretty easy to lose beat doing both. I noticed some times during the song where you were treading dangerously close to offbeat guitar.

Would you mind sending me the tabs to that so that I can try it on my Electric and see if I can revise it to be less... simple? If you don't want to then I can understand, considering it is your intellectual property, but I would like to help a bit.

starryday
December 10th, 2008, 02:42 AM
I'm planning on it being electric eventually, but with the economy and stuff the way it is, that's not going to happen for a few years, if ever. I think since I did have some trouble doing both, I'm going to stick to being the guitarist and let my friend sing. I'll just sing when I'm trying to show how something's supposed to sound.

And I'd be happy to send you the tab, cept the way I have it written isn't exactly tab-like. I can read tabs but I have trouble writing them so that I can read them. But basically the single notes are open G string, and the chords are:


e|---------------------------------------------------------------|
B|---------------------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|
D|------5--------------------------------------------------------|
A|------5--------------------------------------------------------|
E|------5--------------------------------------------------------|

You play consistent eighth notes during the verses, and then hit the chord once when you sing "But don't worry" and "It just gets worse over time." And play the chord with a regular up/down strum during the chorus. Simple as anything. lol

Although not as simple as my other one that I've written, which is just a regular G chord the entire time with different rhythms. lol But if I let Alicia sing and just focus on the guitar, I could switch the chords up a bit, but I tried that while singing and got all screwed up. I'm not the most advanced guitar player in the world. lol I've only been playing a year or so. And I've been teaching myself, so things have been going kinda slow. I'm working on it, though.

Post Office Buddy
December 10th, 2008, 04:19 AM
At least your working though. Nothing ever gets accomplished without hard work XD

I've only been playing guitar for a few months, but I learn instruments quickly and I've had a little experience in the past. I already have finger speed down anyway, so pretty much my biggest problem is strumming.

I'll see if I can improve on it by using some basic scaling or something, most likely across one or three strings. Either that or I will just use a simple repeated pattern in the verse that has enough variety of notes that it won't sound too repetitive. I'll get back to you later on this. Oh, and thanks for the tabs.

starryday
December 10th, 2008, 04:11 PM
Thanks for your help. :)