PDA

View Full Version : ...Advice?


starryday
December 15th, 2008, 04:22 PM
Okay, I know I'm not really that well known here but I need some advice on my boy problems. =/ Okay, basic outline:

Person A likes Person B, who likes Person C, who likes B back. Person D likes Person C. Persons B and C are dating.

Problem: Persons A and D can't get over the people they like. They're friends but don't really like each other like girl/boyfriends. But at least person A wants to get over the person they like and is thinking of asking person D out because she wants to forget about person B. But she doesn't want to use person D. Persons B and C think that A and D should go out because they really like each other and A and D have been really depressed lately and need to get over their feelings. Everyone in this scenario know exactly how the others feel, so telling everyone how they feel has been done and hasn't changed anything.

Okay, and if you didn't really get that, here's the real problem(please don't judge me on this - i'm feeling really upset and i'm just typing and ranting but im trying to be as honest as possible):

I have liked this one guy for over two years now, ever since my best friend started going out with him. I guess it all kinda started because she cheated on him... and I felt sorry for him, and then I started paying attention to him, and then I realized that despite all of his troubles, this kid is... amazing. He's sweet and funny, and always knows how to cheer people up. Well, long story short they broke up, and this past May she started going out with CJ(the guy in question)'s best friend. At the time CJ was living at her boyfriend's house because he'd gotten kicked out of his for god knows what. But basically we spent the entire summer together, me, my best friend, her boyfriend, and CJ. I liked him and he knew it, but nothing ever became of us. Just a kiss once, because he felt sorry for me(i'd just asked him out and he said no haha). XP He doesn't feel nearly the same for me.

This past May he went out with my friend Barbara. That hurt really bad. It was the first and last time I ever cut myself, and I spent a whole afternoon crying and walking around town. I'm probably lucky, looking back on it, that I didn't get hurt walking around. I don't know how to describe how much that hurt, though. CJ knew how I felt about him, as did Barbara, but yet they still decided to date. And I know I don't have the right to stop them from dating, but it hurt because they knowingly hurt me.

Okay, more background info. I have had anxiety/depression/panic issues since 4th grade(im currently in 10th), and last year around this time things i reached the peak of my issues. I couldn't face seeing any people except my parents - if i even saw my two sisters i would go into a panic attack. It was hell, to put it mildly. But I've been getting better and all dealing with the anxiety and panic, but the depression still haunted/haunts me occasionally.

Back to the story, this summer was, like, magical. It was the first time in 6 years that I had felt really, sincerely, completely happy. It felt like nothing would ever go wrong, and if they did, I knew that they'd be all right. Because we'd make them all right, the four of us. CJ and Justin(best friend's boyfriend) had two major fights during the summer, but they always made up after a few hours of not speaking. But this summer was the best time of my life that I can remember. I felt alive, like life was worth living again. I had no chance to ever date CJ, but I saw him almost every day, and we got along well and were good friends.

I remember vividly the fourth of july, because that was the night that I finally got the courage to ask CJ why he didn't want to date me. The answer made me like him even more, even though I'm sure there was more to it he didn't tell me. He said that he loved me, but more as a sister and not as a girlfriend. He didn't want to date me because I can be overly concerned, and he knew that he was making bad choices in life and didn't want to see me get hurt. I think my heart melted.

I'm going to take a time out again to try to explain these feelings that I have for CJ. He's a messed up 16 year old, that's for sure. He's into drugs and he just makes bad choices. But you know, he has a good heart. He's so sweet when he wants to be, and while his impulsive nature gets him into trouble a lot, I also really admire that, because I over-analyze everything and am not spontaneous at all. And... I think I love him.

I know that it's a strong word and that most teenagers don't know what it really is, and maybe I'm wrong about it. But... my feelings are so strong. It's more than just lust, as well. I want to help him. I want to be someone that he could go to and tell his problems to and ask advice from and enjoy being around and have fun with. I want to help him see that he can't continue this forever. I know you can't change people if they don't want to change, and that he has the kind of personality where when people are forcing him to do something, he'll fight it as long and hard as he can. I just want to help, though. I want to be there for him. I want to be allowed to love him. I want to know what it's like to know that someone out there feels the exact same for you as you do for them. I want to be able to trust him with anything, and I want to just be with him. I want to know what that feels like. I want to love him because he hasn't had much true love in his life. And... I want to teach him how to love. Because right now I think he's too immature to know how to feel so strongly for another person. He cares about other people, don't get me wrong, he's a really good friend, but he doesn't know how to love. Really love. And I want to know what it's like. And I want to love no one but him.

So August rolled around, and with it school on the horizon. CJ had admitted that he really liked my good friend Marianne, who was in France all summer. CJ and Justin had gotten in their final fight - and CJ left to go back home. They hated each other. As did most everyone I knew. He was too far down the wrong path, they said. It was too late to change him, he'd never be anything. But I know that those are lies. He has so much potential and goodness underneath all the bad. And seeing him waste that potential hurted me. But anyway, the last time I saw CJ was the middle of August, when he showed up with his other friend randomly on my doorstep, a very welcome surprise. He left for work, and that was it.

A week later and I heard news that CJ had run away from home again, stealing his mom's car to do it(he doesn't have a license), and no one knew where he was. A few hours later I managed to figure out where he was, and that he was safe, which was really what mattered at the time.

From there on things are kinda cloudly, so long story short, I finally heard that CJ was going to a school not too far away for troubled teens. I cried that night so hard. He'd be there for at least a year, maybe two, and for now at least he'd be boarding there. Everything else seemed to fall apart from there, but that's another issue.

On Thanksgiving I had the best surprise of my life when he showed up at my friend's house. Marianne was there as well, and CJ basically ignored me. I think he was scared of how I'd act, but I can't be sure. He and Justin made up were on friendly terms again, and we learned that he was getting weekend passes to get out of school and be at home.

So the next week went by, and CJ and Marianne started talking(he can call from his school). As luck would have it, Marianne decided that she liked CJ as well, and they were likely going to go out. I asked her about it, and she said that basically, they were probably going to date. I had asked her so many times before not to, but she's the kind of person who doesn't care how others feel, and will do what makes her happy, no matter who it hurts.

Long story short, we had a big fight, but I finally realized how childish it was of me to try and stop her from dating him. It was just a high school fling anyway, right? So I told her that I was okay with them dating, and so now they are. As you might imagine, I'm not really okay with them dating, and I'm really jealous of Marianne. On top of that I feel guilty for being jealous, and while I really do just want CJ to be happy, I wish that it could be me that made him happy.

So we've hung out together a few times, and being around the two of them together isn't as hard as I thought, although now CJ basically ignores me, they aren't totally all over each other like I thought they would be. Yesterday(Sunday), I hung out with CJ and Marianne and our friend Jeremy. To make things even more dramatic, Jeremy likes Marianne, and has for at least a few months. So basically he knows exactly how I'm feeling right now, and we talked for a bit about it yesterday.

So my dilemma comes because I'm still really hurt that CJ doesn't like me the same way I like him, and I had this fleeting thought that maybe I should ask Jeremy out. Problem is, I don't like Jeremy as a boyfriend at all, and I don't want to use him simply to get over CJ. I asked Marianne for advice, and both she and CJ think that we should go out, but my best friend is telling me that I shouldn't. I guess what I really want is just a way to get over CJ and be content with being just friends, and being okay with seeing him and Marianne together, because all summer it was me that he flirted with and paid all the attention to. And I'm just so torn because part of me wants him happy, and they both look so happy together, but the other part of me wants me to be happy, and somewhere in my head I've connected CJ with happiness, and I can't stop thinking that way no matter what I try. Because when CJ came back into my life, things were okay, and even when they weren't, they always got better. And now he's back and I realize that it's still true. Just being around him makes me feel so happy, and it's hard knowing that he just wants to be friends and that I'm not good enough for him. I just don't know what to do, because I want to get over him, but I don't know if dating Jeremy is the right way to do it.

And I'm sorry for this terribly long and self-pitying post, I try not to feel sorry for myself but sometimes when I'm feeling down like this I just can't help it. Any advice you all have is more than welcomed.

Melody
December 15th, 2008, 06:56 PM
Move on. Find another guy, not 'Jeremy' who you don't like and don't want to 'use'
Just find a guy you like and move on. Get over it. It happens. As long as you never give up hope you'll be fine

God
December 15th, 2008, 07:02 PM
I'm sorry, but this is not a dating service. Go try match.com. :/

Just move on from him, it sounds like it's going down the drain anyway.

Quanghuy
December 15th, 2008, 07:15 PM
I'm sorry, but this is not a dating service. Go try match.com. :/

Just move on from him, it sounds like it's going down the drain anyway.

Well it is the off topic section I believe, so isn't everything pretty much fair game within this sub forum? Unless there are exceptions to the rule that I'm not aware of (unspoken rules?). As for the thread, I don't think you would want to take advice from a fifteen year such as me who spends most of his day studying and doing homework. Though if I had to, I would have to say get over him, as he was ignoring you afterward, but again you're talking to a fifteen year old who only knows any relationship through Japanese dating SIMs.

HeidiMoose
December 15th, 2008, 10:51 PM
I saw a lot of things when I was in high school, and my word of advice is to stay clear of anyone if they dated one of your friends, regardless of how close the two ever got in their relationship.

Don't worry so much about being in a relationship.
If you like someone and you find out that they like you back, or you just want to take a shot and ask them out, then go for it.
Otherwise just sit back and enjoy yourself.

I've been in enough relationships to be able to say that being single is completely underrated. Having someone to love can be nice, but it can be a lot of work too.

If this guy likes you he'll ask you out.
But make sure you check with your friends and make sure it's okay with them if you date him.

Also.. stay away from anybody who does drugs or drinks more than he should.
That's one I could definetely advise you to do out of my own personal experience.
There's too much drama involved and IT'S NOT WORTH IT. -_-

Ryusheika
December 16th, 2008, 12:39 AM
Like everyone else has said, move on and don't worry about it. It is NEVER worth your pain and your suffering to win someone over that you want in your life. It's like the old saying goes, "There are better fish in the sea." It's true, and something you should definitely think about.

starryday
December 16th, 2008, 02:21 AM
Thanks guys. :) I guess it's just hard for me to move on because it feels like the only way to be happy is to be around him, and while I know in my head that that's not true, my heart won't let me believe it. If that makes any sense at all. And I'm sorry for seeming so selfish in this post. I really try not to be, but last night I was just feeling extremely confused and upset. But thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it.