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Sydian
January 1st, 2009, 08:41 PM
This one sucks.

Only good line:

But don't hate me, baby...
How I wish you understood...
I'm a monster,
I'm an angel.
I'm a killer,
I'm a saint.

h POKE
January 2nd, 2009, 03:07 PM
Nice one again. And with no literal death, although I could definitely sense a loathing of oneself (it was hidden like a Mac truck on the highway) in the words. Also, in the first two lines, I know the idea was to have stanzas without rhyme or reason, but to a person reading it (who no matter how much it would be helpful, can't go inside your mind at the point you wrote that), they're just redundant...

Sydian
January 2nd, 2009, 07:59 PM
but to a person reading it (who no matter how much it would be helpful, can't go inside your mind at the point you wrote that), they're just redundant...

I realised that a little while ago, and decided to see if someone had commented on this one and pointed it out, and well...yeah, it's been pointed out. Anyway, I know it seems redundant, but it's just something readers aren't going to get...well, some. Depends on who knows me really well. At first, I didn't plan on posting this, so it was originally just for my own eyes, but I obviously said, "Hey, I'm going to post this poem because it's really good" and here we are now.

And yes! No one died! But even still, there's a line that death counterparts with. I can't seem to escape dying, can I? Heh.