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blazefire
March 26th, 2009, 12:31 AM
Hey everyone

recently ive found some old poems i did for an english class. I got a pretty good reviwe from the teacher and was kinda curious what the rest of the comunity thinks , dont be shy to leave any kinds of critacisem as it will only help me to improve.

E-vol





The wound of man lies deep
Rough its edges are
Dark its pulses alight

It forever lies in deception
It clouds the wittiest smarts
In seduction does it bring you

Its venom fills one with an unimaginable heat
Its claws tear at the minds eye
And when it has gone
Only smoldering gloom lingers






The heart of the beast

The red life pulses through the twisted dagger
Bringing both the begin and end
Forever being that which is nothing

It heaves the venom of both soul and mind throughout that which is all
It strangles the mind to endless torment
Tough all in an endless joy

In forever sound it beats to that which cannot be heard
Its life given to the others of fate
Its deception runs deep
The mind it cannot bear

It cannot be killed or brought to justice
It slips through life like a wisp of smoke
Beware of its power though nothing can be done


The one that controls the skies

I am that which air is
I control the touch of a breeze
With my word storms crush towns and rip away land

I am the one who hears the mutter
I see all that is
I am as old as time yet just born

And yet I am also the one who listens to the cries in the night
The one who offers comfort and companionship
The one who brings a breath of new life to all
The one that controls the skies






Double edged

To hold the blade is to strike and be stricken
Its heated coldness tears into the pulse of life
Its clash rings to the unheard listen

It rips through the fabric of time
Bringing both the light and darkness
Tearing into the core of essence

In the hand of a novice it is a disaster
In the hands of a master it is chaos
Only the life of death yields it all
To strike is to be stricken




To hold


To hold life in one hand is to hold death in the other
One cannot cross the field of us without the other in tow
Both must balance to order that which is chaos

Though each is different they entwine in a blazing darkness
Merging into all and none
There endless ball never still


Both strike the core ripping into sorrow, hope despair and emptiness
There eternal screams lie still in the harts of all
The hunger of both extends to the others food
To strike the hart of one is to be swallowed be the other


The hunt

The light of moon dances across the naked blade
Blood and sweet entwine in a forgotten dance
The breath lies heavy

A spar awakens deep within the soul
Hearts jump themselves
All lie in anticipation

It appears on the clearing tenderly sniffing the dark air
Its gaze seeping in a tensed look
The blade lies ready to strike

It storms with lightning slowness towards
It tears at the flesh of sweated blood
Its cry piercing into all
The blade lies fallen of the crimson ground


I



I lie in the deep within you
In that forgotten part you never ponder
I lie burrowed deep into your being

I do not rush upon you
I have all of your time
I sit in the lightened darkness

I wait and still my hunger on what you through way down
I relax as your mind squirms
I wait for that moment when all is forgotten
I strike when you are as endless joy





The end

The body is the urn of the gods
Throughout our live we are appraised
The body is the urn of the gods

The body is the urn of the gods
Our future lies clouded in haze
The body is the urn of the gods

The body is the urn of the gods
The cry of life shall be heard
The body is the urn of the gods

The body is the urn of the gods
The lulabying sound of death shall be lured
The body is the urn of the gods

The body is the urn of the gods
Your life can not be kept
The body is the urn of the gods

The body is the urn of the gods
The family will have wept
The body is the urn of the gods




















Beware the beast




Hear the sage his song descends like heaven
Listen to the tale his soul here speaks
For he brings the tale of an unimaginable foe
One of peril, hunger and woe
Hear his words tell of this great beast’s destruction of all which is held sacredly in the heart of man
Heed caution to his words as he speaks of its breath which slices as knives into the very structure of man.
Listen soundly as he speaks of its claws which rip into the skin and blood of the earth
Do not let thou thoughts wander as he speaks of its frozen steam which covers the land.
Beware the beast
Beware the beast

Feathing
March 26th, 2009, 06:30 AM
Well, to be honest, I didn't read all of them XD
But the ones I read were good. You have good ideas, 'cause they're original.
I most liked 'The End'... It remained me to a song sung in Latin which I like very much (Crazy, I know XD)

Anyway, I can't say anything about grammar 'cause I'm not english, but may be it would be good if you find someone to help you in case you have any error.

blazefire
March 28th, 2009, 01:00 AM
hey thanks glad you liked it yeah kinda need someone to fix the grammer