How I feel

[Midori Chi]

When I'm sad,I turn to rain.
Thinking bandaids will heal my pain.
When I'm mad,I turn to thunder.
Giving off stress and starting to wonder.
When I'm happy,I turn to sun.
Thinking of all my friends and fun.
But whatever happens to me during the day.
I'll always be in my playful way.

[Pikawolf]

Awwwwwwww, it's so kawaii! Good job Trap! 9/10

~Kelsey

[darkblastoise89]

it puts me in a good mood. it's one of those feel good poems. me likey

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

I dident get to tell you this at your house,but,i like it.Its really cool.9.2/10

[Midori Chi]

Thanx for all the comments! I made it last year at school for a little assignment in Language Arts and got a 95.(Because I made a spelling mistake.) Anyway,I'm glad you all like it!

[darkblastoise89]

you deseved a good rating, RATE MINE lol, that was my other side talking

[Midori Chi]

Are ya talking about the one on your sig? If so,than...It's cool! It makes me think of a person I like and MY feelings for him.

[darkblastoise89]

weeeell it's in my sig too, but it's also a thread!

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Are ya talking about the one on your sig? If so,than...It's cool! It makes me think of a person I like and MY feelings for him.
You never told me you like a guy.Who is he?

[Midori Chi]

Errr...It WAS a person I LIKED. I don't like him any more.

[Finglonger]

huh well what I noticed when I was reading this was that there was essentially two main thoughts, but I didn't see any part connecting those thoughts or giving them a clear distinction for that matter. It starts out fine then it kind becomes discombobulated in the middle and then it ends on a different note then it began with.

[Midori Chi]

ooc:Errrrrrrr...You see,I'm just saying how I feel when I'm mad,sad,and happy...The 3 main attitudes. And then ending it happily.Are you saying I should re-do it?...Or,is there something else?

[Finglonger]

uh no, Im saying that I think a more organized process of thoughts would help it to flow better. Sometimes organization can hinder writing and sometimes it can help it. There is no right or wrong way when it comes to writing, if you want to disreagrd what I said it doesn't matter to me. All I said was what I noticed and what I thought were some problems. And after re-reading it I would have liked to have seen a wider varuety of diction and syntax. But as I said before it is your choice whether or not to follow my advice, I think if you fixed what I said it would make it better, but thats only my opinion. savvy?

[Midori Chi]

Well,I think it's fine the way it is.

[darkblastoise89]

i like it and everything, but why post it if you are not open to suggestions or stuff?

[Midori Chi]

Hee hee!I was just joking! I'll change it in my next thread.

[Thomas-san]

Ohh... a ryhming poem..so typical. Dont you think you could make a deeper poem than that. Youve got some 4th grade metaphors in there and could use some better ones. You should also get some similies, aliteration, and parallelism in there to make it flow more smoothly. The rhyme does that, but the other things could work better. Also, you should try not to do so many obvious rhyming. I give it a 5/10.

[Finglonger]

eh whats wrong with rhyming poems? I find it refreshing after reading all these supposed freestyles which usually just end up being cliche. Rhyming schematics are a classical form of poetry in which beauty is found within order. Frankly, its a breath of fresh air to see someone not following the new wave of poetry. Everyone thinks they can be a poet nowadays, and while I have no problem with that I think people should follow their own path. basically don't criticize someone for the organization or lack thereof in an effort to change the schematics, but rather suggest changes that will better their poem. so yeah Amphros instead of listing off grievances, try to show her where she made these mistakes and how she can fix them.

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Youve got some 4th grade metaphors in there
She made it in the 4th grade dumb nute

[Midori Chi]

Err,actually...I made it in 5TH grade. I think in my head sometimes about this certain poem and what others say. I'm not sure if I should re-do it or not...

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Err,actually...I made it in 5TH grade. I think in my head sometimes about this certain poem and what others say. I'm not sure if I should re-do it or not...
You told me you made it in the 4th grade,w/e.

[Daniel]

When I'm sad,I turn to rain.
Thinking bandaids will heal my pain.
When I'm mad,I turn to thunder.
Giving off stress and starting to wonder.
When I'm happy,I turn to sun.
Thinking of all my friends and fun.
But whatever happens to me during the day.
I'll always be in my playful way.

Wow, thats really really really good. And it makes sence (Not like my poetry >_>)

[Finglonger]

Err,actually...I made it in 5TH grade. I think in my head sometimes about this certain poem and what others say. I'm not sure if I should re-do it or not...

heh, don't spend on the attitudes of others. poetry is meaningful as long as it means something to you. Don't let the attitiudes of others rule over your ideas. Instead use what other have said to shape your own opinions. I mean I recently wrote a poem, I posted it here a while back. The thread title is:"Untitled as of right now"..if you want to take a look. But the point is that the metaphor in the poem is extremely confusing, I put it in there because it means something to me. The poem might look like rubbish to someone else, but to me it has meaning. get my point?

[Midori Chi]

ooc:I get it...Thanx! I'm gonna be putting one of my latest poems on here lately...It's about the seasons...

[Legendary_Pokegirl]

I'd say that you must of put a lot more concentration into this piece. Though, Im not crazy about the second line
"Thinking bandaids will heal my pain". ^^; You could possibly replace the word 'bandaids' with something different and deeper.

When I'm sad,I turn to rain.
Thinking bandaids will heal my pain.
When I'm mad,I turn to thunder.
Giving off stress and starting to wonder.
When I'm happy,I turn to sun.
Thinking of all my friends and fun.
But whatever happens to me during the day.
I'll always be in my playful way.

The line in bold I think could use a little bit of work. Just changing a few words can make the piece better.
'Giving off stress and starting to wonder' Maybe...you could change 'and starting to wonder' to 'and I start to wonder' or 'and I started to wonder'.

Overall, I love you're poem. ^^ And amphros23, you're 16 and Trap is 11, of course your poems would include similies, aliteration, and parallelism, and Trap cant live up to those expectations yet. In my opinion, Trap did an excellent job with her poem for her age, and that is what you should consider while rating her poem. She deserves better then a lousy 5/10.

Sorry about that, I just had to get my opinion abot Amphro's post. >.>; And Trap you shouldnt redo your poem just because of what other peeps say, just leave it the way you like it. ^^

[Midori Chi]

Yeah...when I wrote this,I was in 5th grade and didn't have much time to think about it. Whenever I was jotting down the words to this,It was hard for me to think of what to put for that one line...the "bandaids" one.