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View Full Version : dedicated to pikawolf... everyone rate!


darkblastoise89
September 23rd, 2004, 01:45 PM
kelsey,
if i let you tell it,
then i'm perfect,
but i know otherwise.
the only thingz i've ever known
are corruption and lies.
when i first met you,
i still didn't realize,
but the way you got me open
has me soaring to the sky.

in truth,
i adore you,
i could never ignore you
my love is only for you,
i'd take a bullet just to show you.
when you cry i'll console you, and
when you're sad i'll hold you
and even if you turned on me,
i could never scold you...

honestly it's more of a rap but the message is still the same.

Finglonger
September 23rd, 2004, 03:45 PM
aww thats sweet = ). I could tell this was from the heart(yeah i know its a cliche lol) but yeah, a beautiful piece in its own respect.

The only thing that disrupted me was that more than half the lines in the second stanza ended with "you" and it seemed kind of awkward. = )

darkblastoise89
September 23rd, 2004, 03:48 PM
yah thanx fl, well you know rap has a lot of repitition of at least one word. thanks all the same.

Finglonger
September 23rd, 2004, 03:51 PM
yah thanx fl, well you know rap has a lot of repitition of at least one word. thanks all the same.

oh lol I didn't see the part about it being a rap. 0_0 yeah I'm the wrong guy to ask about how rap works....

Vkazuic
September 23rd, 2004, 03:51 PM
I said I'd rate you're poem and here it is!!! That's really sweet, I reckon Pikawolf loves it!!! 10/10

darkblastoise89
September 23rd, 2004, 03:54 PM
^thank you ms! i hope she does...

Pikawolf
September 23rd, 2004, 04:28 PM
Matty!!!!!!! That is soooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! *blushes* I am so honored that you dedicated your poem to me. ^_^ Yeah, the first time I read it, I thought it was more of a rap than a poem-poem. ^_~ I likez it lots! 10/10

~Kelsey *huggles*

darkblastoise89
September 23rd, 2004, 04:33 PM
it is but it's all the same thing to me honestly, because *most* of my poems (with a beat of course) can be said as raps

Finglonger
September 23rd, 2004, 04:39 PM
aww Im such a sap for romance, brings a tear to my eye. ;)

darkblastoise89
September 23rd, 2004, 04:42 PM
lol i don't cry. if i do it's out of anger ot hatred, but i've alwayz said to myself that i am weak if i cry so i supress it. i must be strong for my friends!

Finglonger
September 23rd, 2004, 09:58 PM
I get teary eyed when I read something beautiful or sad. I got emotional when I read night and at the end of "of mice and men" lol.