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Dizzy
November 4th, 2003, 05:17 PM
Here is where you can tell your Funny jokes!

knives
November 5th, 2003, 12:16 AM
Here is where you can tell your Funny jokes!


ok! "a book written by 'willie catchit' (groan)


a horse walks into the bar and the barman says "why the long face?"

i know i killed it but........ oh well


________________________________

http://dendesdbzrpg.topcities.com

Geometric-sama
November 5th, 2003, 05:18 PM
I have no funny jokes. My jokes are somewhat... mathematical. Here's one I read recently:

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Timbjerr
November 5th, 2003, 06:13 PM
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
does it mean I'm a big fat nerd if I actually get that?

most of the jokes I know are too...sexual in nature to share here...sorry ^^

Geometric-sama
November 5th, 2003, 06:23 PM
Well, I don't think I'm a big fat nerd, and I understand it. So no, you're not a big fat nerd.

Greed
November 6th, 2003, 12:59 PM
A cab driver stops to pick up someone, it's halloween night. The customer is a nun and the cab driver can't stop staring at her.

"Why are you staring?" asks the nun.

"Well, I think it'll offend you.." said the cabby.

"Nothing can offend me." said the nun

"Well, okay, I always wondered what it would be like to kiss a nun" said the cab driver.

"Well, you can kiss me. But you gotta comply to these rules. First, you must be single, second, you must be catholic." said the nun

"I'm single and catholic!" said the cabby

"Good, we may proceed" said the nun

They kissed, and then the cabby started crying.

"What's the matter, child?" said the nun

"Oh, nun! I have sinned! I lied, I'm married and I'm Jewish!"

"Aww, that's okay. I sinned too." said the nun while patting the cabby

The nun continued, "My name's Kevin and I'm on my way to a halloween party" the nun finished.

Phantom Angel
November 7th, 2003, 07:57 AM
NTF the one who have IQ less than 20.
TEO:Hey! how old are you?
NTF:I am male.
TEO:...are you mail or femail?
NTF:1+1=2
TEO:OMG...do you want to get kick by Kamen Raider V3?
NTF:Eh...what was it again???
TEO:...
NTF:Where is an Airport?
TEO:*dies*

Greed
November 8th, 2003, 01:10 PM
Well, I got another joke *umm not to offend anyone, but what's the deal? These jokes are lame..*

THESE ARE JOKE QUESTIONS, THEY ARE NOT MEANT FOR YOU TO ANSWER THEM, JUST TO MAKE YOU THINK

If Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, then why does one walk on four legs and the other doesn't?

If people point to their watches as to ask what time it is, then why don't men point to their crotches as to ask where is the bathroom?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

That's it for now.. >.<;;

If these are offensive, please let me know..

~CaRtOON

Kayleigh
December 4th, 2003, 11:08 AM
This was a forward I got. ^_^

These useful quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations.

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

11. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.

14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

15. He has been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a signpost.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. One neuron short of a synapse.

29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

30. Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

31. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead

latios tamer
December 22nd, 2003, 07:05 PM
heres one

Q. what has 2 gray legs and 2 brown legs

A. an eliphent with dieriah

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

latios tamer
December 27th, 2003, 03:11 PM
i dnt get it at all pleaze explain it

Roxas
December 27th, 2003, 03:34 PM
Ok. I got one. It's offensive because it's about the jackson thats literaly white :laugh: .thats not the joke. anyways, if u guess right, then u have common sense :laugh: .here's the joke:

What does M. Jackson and a garbage bag have in common?
They're both made of plastic and come in black and white! :laugh:

latios tamer
December 28th, 2003, 03:49 PM
now that one's funny, lol

heres one


Kids on Marriage:

Q. How do you decide whom to marry?

A.You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

Q. How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

A. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

Q. What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

A. Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

Q. What do most people do on a date?

A. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

Q. When is it okay to kiss someone?

A. When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

Q. Is it better to be single or married?

A. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

Q. How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

A. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

Q. How would you make a marriage work?

A. Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- ricky, age 10

Luigi-San
December 29th, 2003, 10:27 PM
now that one's funny, lol

heres one


Kids on Marriage:

Q. How do you decide whom to marry?

A.You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

Q. How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

A. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

Q. What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

A. Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

Q. What do most people do on a date?

A. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

Q. When is it okay to kiss someone?

A. When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

Q. Is it better to be single or married?

A. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

Q. How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

A. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

Q. How would you make a marriage work?

A. Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- ricky, age 10

Is that from "Kids Say the Darndest Things"?

Here's Mine:

Kim, Wade, and Ron are on a cruise. Kim falls overboard.

Wade: Ron! Grab a Lifesaver!
Ron: Peppermint or Spearmint?
Kim: :gurgle:

The Vince Knight
December 29th, 2003, 10:58 PM
Hahahahahahaha!
Here is one...

Three kids are on a boat.No one, Stupid and nothing. no one fell overboard.
Nothing: Stupid call the poilce!
Stupid: ok
Stupid calls the poilce and saids:
Stupid: Hello i'm stupid I called for nothing Noone fell overboard!

usami
December 30th, 2003, 02:05 PM
Heres are some jokes i found.
Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...
10. Hey! Now there's a gift!
9. Well, well, well...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
1. I really don't deserve this.

The next 2 are a little ofensive they are about Micheal Jackson so if you dont want to look and are a fan of micheal jackson please ignore these.

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

Roxas
January 5th, 2004, 03:48 PM
thats funny, but the last question is almost the same thing as the one i put.....

Wings
January 5th, 2004, 06:44 PM
ok here goes!!




there is a man on the road,his wife calls and says"honey be cafeful there is a car that's going the wrong way" and then she hangs up.He thinks to himself.....

it's not only one it's thousands!!





get it?he's the one going the wrong way!!:P :D

Timbjerr
January 6th, 2004, 07:58 PM
LMAO...

I got one.

A man walks into a bar and says, "ow!"

latios tamer
January 10th, 2004, 04:26 PM
i've heard that one befor and at first i knever liked it but hey its pretty good

Omega-Brendan
January 12th, 2004, 01:26 AM
Another Offending Michael Jackson joke... dun read it if ur a fan of his...

Characters- Jack( a kid) Dad ( a dad)

Since I'm lazy, I'll type this joke as script.

Jack- Dad, is god a boy or a girl?
Dad- he's both
Jack- Is god black or white?
Dad- He's both
Jack- Does god like children?
Dad- yes
Jack- Is god Michael Jackson?

This contains swearing. it contains 3 swear words, the major one that begins with an f, one that begins with an s, and one that is a rude word. I will just use the first 2letters of each swear word to abbreviate it.

Once there was this man with a horrible accent in his english so one day...

He went to a restaurant and found out there was no fork.

" I wanna fu!" he said to the waiter.

"I'm sorry sir, but everyone wants to fu" the waiter said.

So the man just ate dinner without his fork.

He went to his hotel and went to his room, only to find no sheets on his bed. He went to the reception and said.

"I want sh on my bed!" he complained.

"I'm sorry sir, but we have to sh in our hotel."

The man went back and packed his stuff ready to go home.

"I'm leaving! Pi on to you!"

"What? pi onto ME!?" the receptionist said.

Another one... Has the word that is another word for Gender...
I will refer this word to Gender...

Once there was a dog called gender. Gender's owner was a girl called Mary and Mary had a boyfriend called Tom.

Mary- May I book rooms?

Reception- Yes, how many people are there?

Mary- 2 adults and one dog.

Reception- What's the dog called?

Mary- Gender

Rcptin- How long have you had Gender?

Mary- I had Gender when I was 9

Reception- So how many rooms would you like?

Mary- One for me and my boyfriend, and one for Gender...

:p

Greed
January 12th, 2004, 06:09 PM
XD!! The "gender" one I read in FunnyJunk!!! That is such a frigging funny joke!!! xD

This is Suicide card. If you think suicide is not a laughing thing, don't look at this joke @@;

http://media3.funnyjunk.com/pictures/0188.gif

The Overlord
January 12th, 2004, 11:45 PM
Funny joke CaRtOOn i have a joke but i dont think its really a joke

Your teeth are so yellow i cant believe its not butter

Kairyu
January 13th, 2004, 12:15 AM
Here's a funny list I think you'll all enjoy. I think many of us would qualify as a internet junkie.

You Know You An Internet Junkie When...
*Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch and sweat. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. ...And you succeed.
*You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
*You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
*You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
*All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML.
*You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
*You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't
have a clue when it happened.
*You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
*You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
*Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
*Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
*You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
*You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
*You laugh at people with 9600 baud modems.
*You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
*You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
*You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
*Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
*You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
*Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
*You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
*The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
*You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
*You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
*You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
*You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
*You start using smileys in your snail mail.
*As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

Greed
January 18th, 2004, 04:04 PM
Here's the footage of tiger attacking Roy ^____^ I just found this so darn funny

http://media3.funnyjunk.com/pictures/tigerattack.gif

The Vince Knight
January 19th, 2004, 02:24 AM
I got this joke from a cousin...
It got some rude stuff...
Father: Son? Can you get me a bun,a bucket and a ****en spanel?
Boy: Yes.
At the bakery
Boy: Can I have a bum?
Baker: A bum? Oh you mean a bun.
Boy: Yes....
At the tool shop
Boy: Can I get a ****it?
Shopkeeper: A ****it? Oh you mean a bucket.
Boy: Yes...
At the pet store
Boy: Can I have a **** and spank it?
Petkeeper: **** and spank it? Oh you mean a ****en spanel...
Boy: Yes...
He finds a Old person
Boy: Can you hold my Bum and my ****it while I get my **** and spank it?

Omega-Brendan
February 17th, 2004, 11:55 PM
Ok... I couldn't read that joke because it had to much censors! ****(I bet that was censored too) censors.
~
There was a couple, the boy was called Jon and the girl was called Sally. One day, Jon's friend came in and Sally greeted him. They chatted for a while and Jon's friend said "Oh Sally, you are so pretty, mind if I see one of your breasts? I'll pay you $100." and Sally decided this was worth it and showed her one of her breasts. They talked a bit more and the man said. "Oh Sally, your breast I saw was so pretty, can I see the other one? I'll pay you extra $100!" Sally agreed and showed him both of them."Well, I have to go now." said the man. Then, Jon came back. "Your friend came." Sally said. "Well, did he give back the $200 he owes me?" Jon asked.

Poke'gangster
May 2nd, 2004, 05:31 PM
:-D dude that is so funny Omega-Brendan!!!!!

I got one:
I will refer this word as w**d

Dear Santa,

I do not want any presents for Christmas I
just want joy and peace in the world.

Love,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,
Your parnts must have been smoking w**d when they had you

sincerely,
Santa

XD

Wing Zero
May 2nd, 2004, 05:40 PM
1) so theres this blond lady (its just a joke so bear with me please...) whos sick of being made fun of cuz shes blond. so one day she dies her hair brown and trades in her sports car for an average car. okay, so the following day she decides to drive through the valley. on her trip she sees a sheaperd and his sheep. deciding she wants to go home with a little something she asks the sheapard: "hey sheapard, if i can guess how many sheep you have in your flock can i have a sheep?" the sheapard, after considering what his chances are of losing, agrees. after thinking, the woman replys: "you have 67 sheep in your flock" awestruck the sheapard says: " thats correct..go head and take a sheep" so the blond bends down and picks up a little fluffy one. as shes leaving the sheapard asks: "hey, i ahve a deal for you. if i can guess your true hair color can i have my dog back?"

2) how are micheal jackson and mcdonalds dimilar?
A: 40 year old meat sanwitched between 12 yea old buns.

3)there are three women runing away from prison. they are being chased by cops.
the first woman, a brow hair, inorder to escape, eclaims: " hurricane!"
so the cops duck for cover...and she runs away
the second woman, a burnet, exclaims " tidal wave!" and the cops duck for cover and she runs away.
the third woman, a blond, suddenly getting the trend turns around and exclaims " FIRE!" so the cops soot her

4) santa clause, a smart blond, and a dumb blond jump off a mountain which is the first to land?
A: a dumb blond, cuz a smart one and santa clause dont exist.

5)how are micheal jackson and an X-box similar?
A: they both are made of plastic and turn on to little boys...

i hope none finds the blond ones offensive, i dont mean those jokes, i just said them for jokes. no, i dont beleive blonds are dumb so dont get mad...