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sinnohmax
July 29th, 2009, 01:55 PM
At first i was curious on how they would be,
i got my very first pokemon now i could see.
they were very freindly, kind and loving too,
surely it cant be true.

Proffesor rowan was so kind for that helpful hand,
i couldnt do less than get him out the sand.
i got a pokedex my journey has begun,
travelling round the region in the sinnoh sun.

1st badge was easy too easy to believe,
that i got one badge already another 7 to recieve.
scurrying through the grass to get to another city,
i dont have time stop and play, Oh what a pity.


2nd badge is better more fun to desire,
im whizzing through the game like im on fire.
catching more for my party my carerr if kicking off,
got to heal my geodude hes got a nasty cough.

3rd and 4th badge its harder but more pokemon for my boss,
i shant disappoint as it will be a great loss.
keep winning all the way,
until that last day.

next up is the 5th no need to be scared,
as this gym leader is weak ive heard.
i battle like im last alive,
i finally win now i have five.

i capture the legendary giratina second best on my team,
hes got brilliant moves better than infernapes so it would seem.
hes a key pokemon now lets go to the next gym,
i think i might have to swim.

6th and 7th were the hardest one more to try,
all i know that its win or die.
god help me with courage i need more,
cause my very last gym is in sunny shore.

finally to the pokemon league no where else to go,
other than to proffesor rowan my pokemon i will show.
them four people ahead of me the hardest to beat,
thats why theyre the elite.

im not to done with the pokemon league still cynthia remains,
will i be beat or will she smash to little grains.
i fought, i won, to the hall of fame,
i have won my DS game.

team galatic annoyed me right through the game,
when i beat the champion i thought they were tame.
up in stark mountian a devious plan has hatched,
to take the legendary magma stone and leave heatran uncatched.

defeating the new cyron to get heatran i must,
scavaging through the mountain and all its dust.
i think its all over no-one else to see,
time to rest in my new villa no-one else but me.

by: ciaran
aged: 13

Vie
July 31st, 2009, 01:28 AM
Hi there. :D

I really like the 4-lines-per-verse-structure, and its also nice that you have a rhyme scheme in there. Plus, the poem has a red line and tells a story which is also quite good. The only thing that I do not really like is that the lines sometimes don't match because they have a difference in the number of syllables.Thats difficult to manage, but with a little bit practise possible. Good job and keep it up. =]

Misheard Whisper
July 31st, 2009, 03:29 PM
Really, this is somewhat painful. I see about three capital letters in the whole thing, and your grammar is awful. Seriously, i capture the legendary giratina second best on my team,
hes got brilliant moves better than infernapes so it would seem.
hes a key pokemon now lets go to the next gym,
i think i might have to swim. What? This verse is shocking. You should be trying to keep the rhythm going, but you just don't seem to care. Either that, or you don't know how to write poetry.

Really, there's something called an apostrophe. Here you go, I'll give you one -> ' See, it's all yours! Have another -> '

And since when does 'scared' rhyme with 'heard'? o_O

I highly recommend you revise and edit this heavily before trying again.

Vigilante
July 31st, 2009, 05:07 PM
Lots of these lines seemed forced. Poetry is supposed to flow naturally.