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Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 03:43 AM
http://img36.imageshack.us/img36/8893/raltspokeball.png Introduction -

Hello, I am Kozoi. I have decided to write a fanfiction since I don't have much to do over the summer holidays. It will probably have about 30 chapters and will be fairly long, other than the first chapter which will be quite short. If this prooves to be a success then we will do series two, based upon another region.

http://img36.imageshack.us/img36/8893/raltspokeball.png Chapter 1: Where’s Professor Oak? White of Viridian City!

White of Viridian City has reached the age of ten. Like all ten year olds who wish to become Pokémon Trainers, he has applied to receive a starter Pokémon from Professor Samuel Oak who is considered a genius in the Kanto Region. Professor Oak reluctantly accepted, knowing he would have to make his way up to Viridian City which was quite far away from his home town of Pallet.

Back in Viridian City, White had just woke up, he wasn’t on time for Professor Oaks visit which was scheduled to happen at 1.30 PM. It was already 1.00 PM, White had stayed up most of the night, not in anticipation of his journey through the Kanto Region but simply because he was playing video games. He didn’t have long to get ready so he decided to get to it.

He quickly jumped out of bed, almost tripping over a pile of dirty clothing that was sprawled out on the floor. White was rather lazy and would much rather sleep in then train Pokémon, like most children he just wants to relax and do little of anything. He quickly pulled a white tee-shirt over his neck and grabbed his grey jacket and slipped it over the shirt. He then proceeded to stumble over to his night lamp and grab his trousers which he slothfully put on.

He walked out of his bedroom, slamming the door behind him and quickly made his way downstairs while rubbing his eyes. Downstairs was fairly simple, there were two sofas in either corner of the room and a television on the other side. Next to the television was a bookshelf with all sorts of books about Pokémon which his Mother had bought him but White had neglected to read most of them.

It was now 1.15 PM and White didn’t have much time left. He walked over to one of the leather sofas and lifted up one of the cushions. There was a secret compartment, it contained a large black rucksack which had many different pouches for storing various things. The main compartment contained his clothing, food and a hand-held gaming console which he had slipped in without his Mother noticing the night before.

His Mother was out, she had to go to work early. He was on his own and Professor Oak was due. He was hardly ready. He pulled out a comb from his backpack and began to comb his hair back. His hair was a light grey colour and was quite long, his eyes were a sort of mint green colour and his skin complexion was fairly light. He was as ready to meet Professor Oak and so he grabbed his backpack and waited.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty and eventually thirty minutes passed. Professor Oak didn’t come. White was starting to get impatient. Not thinking, he grabbed his black rucksack, tossed it over his shoulders and quickly ran outside, slamming the door behind him.

He quickly made his way through Viridian City, it was fairly quiet as usual but there were a few people here and there. Nobody really paid much attention to White who was walking swiftly down the street, muttering to himself about Professor Oaks whereabouts.

He eventually made his way to Route 01, the weather was fairly sunny and yet there weren’t any visible Pokémon in sight. Usually there would be a flock of Pidgey or at least an odd Rattata scurrying about the place but there was not. This disappointed White who wanted to see some Pokémon, he was even more annoyed now with the Professor who had promised to be in Viridian City at 1:30 PM. It was now reaching 2.15 PM and the Professor couldn’t be seen anywhere.

White had made it through part of Route 01. He was walking when suddenly, he tripped over something and dropped to the ground, head first. Slamming his head on the pathway would of hurt but luckily he threw his arms forward and stopped that from happening. He quickly pulled himself back up onto his knees, looking down at what he had tripped up over.

It was Professor Oak! He was lay unconscious in the middle of the pathway, his lip left bloody and there was no backpack or briefcase with him. It was obvious, he had been robbed. Who would of done such a thing? Team Rocket? A gang of sorts? There was only one way to find out.

---
Chapter Two will be posted at: 16:00, GMT time.
Comment on the fanfiction, tell me how you would like me to improve it and if you see any mistakes then please tell me!
Oh yeah, this one is only 'a page' long but the next one is around 'two and a half' pages long. They'll be longer in future, I was just struggling to think of an opening.

Pokestick, good times.
August 4th, 2009, 07:21 AM
Hm...

Not that bad, but I just think it feels a little empty when I read it, it's just info here and info there, it's just text rolling by and you just don't find that much interest in it. It's not the deepest story I've ever read...
...But it's pretty good for something done out of boredom. I have nothing against reading it, and I'm surprised of how much story I can get out of that little text...
The title "Pokémon Chronicles" doesn't seem to be that original, and if you want more readers, the originality matters. Actually "Pokémon Chronicles" is a good title, but there's just so many people using those two words as titles in their stories...
The same with the name White, it's good, but everyone is using it.
Also, I'm getting tired of every story having "I'm ten yrs old, and I'm gonna go on a Pokémon Adventure and get my first Pokémon from Professor Oak"... For me, it shows that you don't care to think outside of the Anime-created wonderbox featuring that very line. Everywhere.
Still, you've managed to change that little piece of pure cliché into something to me better: Oak comes to Viridian, White doesn't come to Oak. Oak gets by some reason robbed and is knocked unconscious on the fields of Route 1. That's the spirit ^^.
I hope to see the story advance, and see what things and personalities you can make up to make this a really good story!

-Pokey out!

Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 07:22 AM
Sorry for the delay, I didn't see the time.

http://img36.imageshack.us/img36/8893/raltspokeball.png Chapter 2 - The dark hand revealed. Who is Scarlet?

White shook Professor Oak briefly, attempting to wake him up. He looked pretty beat up. He had a blooded lip and looked like he had been knocked over by a rampaging Tyranitar. Eventually, Professor Oak came to his senses. Looking up to White, and then looking around for his briefcase briefly before realising that he had been robbed.

“So you’re awake… Do you remember what happened?” said White.

“Ah, you must be… White? I’ll explain it all in my Lab in Pallet Town.” replied Professor Oak, rather shook that he had been mugged.

Professor Oak quickly got up and made his way to Pallet Town with White, eventually they found themselves on the outskirts of Pallet Town. There was a rather large hill with a fenced off forest, a windmill and a large red cottage which was at the top of the hill. They made their way up to the cottage slowly, getting inside and shutting the door behind themselves.

“Tracey!” yelled Professor Oak over to another room.

A fairly tall boy came out. He was about thirteen to fifteen and had dark hair and was wearing a light green tee-shirt and a pair of scarlet shorts. Professor Oak stumbled over to him, holding his ribs and beckoned White to come inside.

They made their way to the living room, it was fairly simple room. There was a few machines on a desk with a computer monitor next to them and three sofas with a dining table placed in the middle of them. Random papers and letters were sprawled along the dining table, half of which were neatly placed in a pile and the other half were randomly muddled up.

Sitting on the sofas, Professor Oak decided that now would be a good time to explain what happened. He knew it was too late for him to get his briefcase back, the thief was obviously long gone.

“So, Professor. What happened to you? What happened to the briefcase?” asked Tracey.

“Well, I was making my way to Viridian City when a Tangrowth came out of nowhere, it hit me in the face with its Power Whip attack… and I flew backwards and dropped my briefcase. The blast was intense, I was beginning to lose my vision when I saw a person, reaching over to my briefcase.” replied Professor Oak.

“Who did it? I may be a new Pokémon Trainer but I’ll catch him!” said White, fairly confident of his skills.

“Him? The thief… was a girl. She swiped my Pokémon and ran off towards Viridian City. She had maroon brown hair and was wearing a red jacket and a pair of black jeans. That’s all I remember.” said Professor Oak, trying to remember what happened. He wasn’t fairly certain himself.

“A girl? It doesn’t matter! I’ll stop her! One of those Pokémon were suppose to be mine, remember?” replied White in a stern voice, slightly angry at the fact that his starter Pokémon had been snatched from his grasp.

“Tracey, please go alert the proper authorities. I’ll deal with White.” said Professor Oak.

“Yes Professor, I left everything under the dining table.” replied Tracey as he walked off into the other room.

“Right, White… I am going to have to give you a slightly different Pokémon than what is typically given out. I’ve not had to do something like this for four years. I guess you’re an exception, though.” said Professor Oak.

“Really? Wow, thank you!” said White, relieved that he could still get a Pokémon.
Professor Oak pulled out a briefcase from under the dining table. Placing it on the desk and turning it so White could see the contents. Opening the briefcase revealed that there was one Pokéball, this Pokéball was green on the top and white on the bottom with a grey stripe going through it. This was nothing like a standard Pokéball and was obviously special in some way or another.

“Take it, it’s yours.” said Professor Oak, with a slight serious look on his face.

White nodded and took the Pokéball out of the briefcase, he expanded it in his hand and tossed it into the air. In a flash of red light, a small Pokémon formed. It looked somewhat like a child, it was rather short and seemed to have a green helmet on its head with a red horn sticking out and looked like it was wearing a white robe of sorts.

“This Pokémon is a Ralts, they’re typically found in the Hoenn Region but in this case I guess it’ll do as your first Pokémon.” said Professor Oak.

The Ralts looked around the room, stood on the dining table where White had directed the Pokéball. She stared at White for a second then muttered the first syllable of her name in a rather timid voice. She stepped back a few steps on the dining table from White before noticing Professor Oak behind her and immediately stopping.

“Don’t be scared, Ralts. We’re your friends.” said White, smiling at the puzzling little Pokémon.

Ralts didn’t look too compliant with what White had said. She quickly ran over to the Pokéball and practically dived back inside, wanting to keep away from White and Professor Oak.

“Well, that’s typical.” chuckled Professor Oak.

“What do you mean, Professor?” asked White.

“Ralts, the feeling Pokémon. Most Ralts tend to feel safe around Humans with positive auras but this one seems to be scared of practically everything. Even her own shadow, she’s always kept to herself so you might have a little trouble raising this Pokémon.” replied Professor Oak.

“Oh, right… I guess that’s fine. She’s a grass type, isn’t she?” questioned White.

“Oh goodness, no. Ralts is a psychic type Pokémon.” said Professor Oak.

“A psychic type? Wow, not a lot of people have psychic type Pokémon and I have never seen a new trainer having one as their first Pokémon…” said White, picking the Pokéball up off the table and clipping it onto a convenient belt which he had bought a few nights back.

“Yes, people say that psychic types are one of the hardest types of Pokémon to raise. It is said that the only more difficult type would be the Dragon type, which are extremely rare. Even more so than psychic types.” replied Professor Oak.

White was amazed, he had scored an extremely rare and seemingly awesome Pokémon. He thought that Ralts were now mega powerful but this one didn’t seem all that great to him. After all, who would want to use a Pokémon that’s scared of everything that moves?

“Well, before you go I must urge you to be careful. With girls like that thief around you need to be. I’m starting to worry about Bulbasaur, Squirtle and Charmander now. They say a Pokémon brought up by a bad person will turn bad itself. I hope that they’re all right…” said Professor Oak.

“Yeah, don’t worry Professor. I’ll find her and I will get them back in no time! She can’t of gotten past Viridian Forest that quickly!” replied White confidently.

“One last thing. I’d recommend that you take these with you. Five Pokéballs and a Pokédex. You’ll need the Pokéballs to capture as many Pokémon as you can get hold of. The Pokédex is an electronic encyclopaedia. You can use it to read up on Pokémon that you’re close to or to check up on your own Pokémon!” said Professor Oak in a clear voice, not wanting White to forget this important information.

“Okay Professor. Thanks and I will call you once when I reach Pewter City or if I see that girl along the way.” replied White, exiting the red cottage to begin his journey.

--

Meanwhile, in Viridian forest.

“Heh, that old man didn’t know what hit him.” chuckled a feminine voice.

She wasn’t a member of Team Rocket but just seemed to be a regular child. On her belt was five Pokéballs, including all three of the starter Pokémon that she had stolen. Her name was Scarlet, she was from Saffron City. She had came specifically for stealing the Pokémon from Professor Oak. She originally planned to raid his laboratory but him leaving the confines of his home just made it all that much easier for her.

“The three Kanto starters, adored by many all over Kanto. These could make a pretty penny on the Black Market in Saffron City. Then again…”

--
More to be expained in the next Chapter which will be posted around 21:00 GMT time.

Pokestick, good times.
August 4th, 2009, 07:38 AM
Oh, crap, it IS Anime-based -_-'
Well, as much as I'm starting to doubt that this is gonna turn the other way, it's still a fairly OK story. The way you write it seems a bit better than chapter 1 aswell ^^
The girl Scarlet seems to me like a combination of Silver and Blue (the girl) in PokeSpe, but I guess every story needs one of those, so it doesn't matter.
Ralts = Me like. Hope to see a Gardevoir soon enough.
Keep on coming, this is working on pretty good.

Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 07:42 AM
Oh, crap, it IS Anime-based -_-'
Well, as much as I'm starting to doubt that this is gonna turn the other way, it's still a fairly OK story. The way you write it seems a bit better than chapter 1 aswell ^^
The girl Scarlet seems to me like a combination of Silver and Blue (the girl) in PokeSpe, but I guess every story needs one of those, so it doesn't matter.
Ralts = Me like. Hope to see a Gardevoir soon enough.
Keep on coming, this is working on pretty good.

Nah, the only anime character that is going to be included is Tracey. I'm not going to introduce Ash or any of the other characters but I will leave side plots on for them. I don't plan on having some huge battle to the death against Ash. Other than Tracey, it is going to be Manga based. I just used Tracey because I love his Pokémon. The scenes may be described how seen in the anime, but that's pretty much all.

The main rival is sort of like Silver, she's nothing like Blue really. I'll introduce more of her backstory in the next chapter, possibly. I'm thinking right now. ^_^

Akeraz
August 4th, 2009, 07:44 AM
He had a blooded lip and looked like he had been knocked over by a rampaging Tyrannitar.

Tyrannitar has two n's in it's name.

“Ah, you must be… White? I’ll explain it all in my Lab in Pallet Town.” replied Professor Oak, rather shook that he had been stolen.

Oh noes.. Professor Oak has been stolen!?
It would make more sense if this said
"rather shook that he had been mugged"
or a similar phrase.

“Right, White… I am going to have to give you a slightly different Pokémon than what is typically given out. I’ve not had to do something like this for four years. I guess you’re an exception, though.” said Professor Oak.

Wrong word choice, here.



It's looking quite interesting so far.
These are the mistakes that I picked out, though.

Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 07:49 AM
It's looking quite interesting so far.
These are the mistakes that I picked out, though.

I fixed all the mistakes you noticed. I'm doing this on Microsoft Works Word Processor so it doesn't really recognise anything Pokémon related. I guess the worst mistake I made was the stolen thing. HURR HURR, SOMEONE HAS STOLEN PROFESSOR OAK.

Pokestick, good times.
August 4th, 2009, 07:52 AM
Nah, the only anime character that is going to be included is Tracey. I'm not going to introduce Ash or any of the other characters but I will leave side plots on for them. I don't plan on having some huge battle to the death against Ash. Other than Tracey, it is going to be Manga based. I just used Tracey because I love his Pokémon. :D The scenes may be described how seen in the anime, but that's pretty much all.

Scarlet is sort of like Silver, she's nothing like Blue really. I'll introduce more of her backstory in the next chapter, possibly. I'm thinking right now. ^_^
*Puuuh*

Good to hear. You've earned my respect ^^
First I thought you were another of those noobish Anime Freaks blinded to the rest of the Pokémon world, to be honest...

Now, a tip: Don't make White walk the same way as the Player/Ash/Red does, vary and take Gym challenges and routes in different orders, the idea of doing that in Kanto is a winning strategy, if you ask me! It seems like you've thought of that, but I got worried when White says "She can't have gotten far through Viridian Forest yet" or Whatever he said there, because in real life, there would be other ways to get from one place to another, am I right? Besides, maybe Scarlet had Viridian or even Indigo Plateu as destination, how could White know? But apperently, he was right, so it doesn't really matter...

Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 08:55 AM
*Puuuh*

Good to hear. You've earned my respect ^^
First I thought you were another of those noobish Anime Freaks blinded to the rest of the Pokémon world, to be honest...

Now, a tip: Don't make White walk the same way as the Player/Ash/Red does, vary and take Gym challenges and routes in different orders, the idea of doing that in Kanto is a winning strategy, if you ask me! It seems like you've thought of that, but I got worried when White says "She can't have gotten far through Viridian Forest yet" or Whatever he said there, because in real life, there would be other ways to get from one place to another, am I right? Besides, maybe Scarlet had Viridian or even Indigo Plateu as destination, how could White know? But apperently, he was right, so it doesn't really matter...

White didn't really know, he presumed. I was also considering that when I written it but I decided that it'd be fine as is. I've just finished writing Chapter 3 and it will be posted in about 3 hours. I'm probably going to do it in a pretty typical order until Cerulean City. Oh yeah, I never mentioned badges. :)

Kozoi
August 4th, 2009, 12:14 PM
http://img36.imageshack.us/img36/8893/raltspokeball.png Chapter 3 - White vs. Teddiursa.

White had just made his way out of Professor Oaks laboratory, he was back on Route 01. Everything seemed normal, there was a flock of Spearow soaring through the sky gracefully and there was a few Rattata visible, playing in the fields. None of these Pokémon particularly interested White, he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to attack an entire group of Pokémon so he decided to keep walking.

He eventually made his way to Viridian City, he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to go home since his Mother wouldn’t be home for hours and she wasn’t expecting him to return. His Mother knew he was going on a journey, just like his father did when he was young. He decided it would be a better idea to make his way to Viridian Forest, a natural maze which is surrounded by bug and flying type Pokémon.

Eventually he found himself on Route 02, Viridian Forest was nearby. Route 02 was mostly grass lands but a few trees could be seen in the distance. That was the entrance to Viridian Forest. Before he could get a step closer to Viridian Forest, he noticed something moving in the grasslands. The bushes began to shake and out popped a tiny-bear like Pokémon with a crescent moon on its forehead.

“Huh, what’s that Pokémon?” thought White to himself as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his Pokédex.

“Teddiursa, the tiny bear Pokémon. It soaks its paws in honey so it can lick them all the time. Every set of paws tastes unique.” said the Pokédex in a mono-toned voice.

White slammed the Pokédex shut and placed it back in his pocket. This Pokémon seemed like a great choice for Ralts to battle. The Teddiursa had only just noticed White, it looked at White with its big, brown eyes and then placed its paw in its mouth, striking a cute pose which obviously wasn’t going to affect White.

“Teddy…” muttered the Teddiursa in a cute pose, trying to throw White off guard.

“Hmm, now I just want to catch it even more.” grinned White as he unclipped Ralts’ Pokéball off his belt.

This wasn’t what Teddiursa had in mind. He thought he could just look cuddly and cute and that he would be left alone, he was dead wrong. White wasn’t going to change his mind on catching this one. He released Ralts from her Pokéball in a flash of red light. Ralts shuddered for a moment, looking at the Teddiursa. She didn’t particularly want to fight but she knew that she didn’t really have a choice.

“Okay Ralts, use… uh…” said White before remembering that he didn’t have clue about Ralts’ attacks.

The two Pokémon stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before Teddiursa decided to take things into his own hands. He suddenly ran at Ralts, slamming his claws into her chest and sending her flying backwards in the process. White noticed this but didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know any of Ralts attacks the situation seemed to be getting worse.

Ralts got back up, shaken but angry. She was no longer scared but was filled with utter rage, she was attacked for no reason after all. Focusing her mind onto Teddiursa and sending a psychic blast at him was easy, Teddiursa began to writhe in agony as the little psychic Pokémon gave off a smirk at Teddiursa. White was amazed, Ralts had managed to subdue the Teddiursa like it was nothing. Eventually Ralts’ attack loosened and Teddiursa was freed from the intense psychic blast.

“T-Teddy…” muttered the Teddiursa before falling onto his knees, letting out a large scream, and beginning to cry.

“Oh great, make sure you didn’t hurt it. Kay?” said White.

Ralts reluctantly walked over to the Teddiursa which was sobbing its eyes out while swinging its arms wildly. As Ralts got closer, Teddiursa stopped crying and let off a sudden grin. He jumped up and rammed his paw into Ralts’ skull, freezing the top of her helmet instantly. Shuffling back a few steps, the Teddiursa smiled right back at the Ralts which was shivering.

“Ralts, fight back! I don’t know what you can do but do something fast!” shouted White.

Ralts concentrated on Teddiursa yet again, sending another psychic attack at it. This attack was confusion, psychic waves were sent at Teddiursa, leaving it vulnerable and weakening it significantly. Now was the perfect time to toss a Pokéball. White unclipped an empty ball off his belt and tossed it at the Teddiursa.

The Pokéball hit right on the mark, shaking to the left, back to the right and then into the centre. The Pokéball gave off a clicking noise and locked inside, Teddiursa was caught and didn’t seem like as much of a threat now it was sealed in an air-tight ball.

“All right! Good work Ralts, return!” said White in a slightly happy voice.

“Rall, Raalts!” said Ralts in a happy voice before dodging the beam of red light that was sent at her from the Pokéball.

“Oh, you want to stay out of the Pokéball for a while? Okay.” chuckled White.

He walked over to Ralts and wiped the remaining ice off her helmet from the Teddiursas Ice Punch attack. He then picked Ralts up and placed her on his shoulders, holding her in a sort of piggy back position.

“Looks like someone has got out of their shell, eh Ralts?” laughed White, walking off towards the forest.

---

Further into Viridian Forest, the girl who had stolen the Pokémon was examining the Pokémon that she had stolen.

“Hmm, it’s all so perfect. Everything went according to plan and these beautiful Pokémon now belong to me. If I didn’t dawdle in this forest then I am sure that I would be near Mount Moon by now.” she muttered while walking through Viridian Forest.

She eventually made her way to the exit of Viridian Forest, in the distance houses were visible. She was home free, she had gotten away with stealing from one of the worlds most famous Pokémon researchers. She chuckled, walking off into Pewter City with her new Pokémon tucked inside her yellow backpack which was flung over her shoulder.

---
Chapter 4 will come tommorow around 1 PM GMT time. I didn't really have much time to do this so there's more of a chance of there being mistakes.

Pokestick, good times.
August 4th, 2009, 11:49 PM
I think I liked this one the best (except for more and more things (PokéDex, balls, Cries, and so on) working like in the Anime, but meh.), but there was one thing that annoyed me. You kept using the term "Viridian Forest" over and over again. That gets boring, try to change it to "the forest", "the maze of trees" sometimes, just to make it less boring to read. I think that will help a lot.

Misheard Whisper
August 4th, 2009, 11:56 PM
Just a tip - Tyranitar actually does only have one 'n' in it. Fact-check your reviews in the future n.n

Kozoi
August 5th, 2009, 12:03 AM
I think I liked this one the best (except for more and more things (PokéDex, balls, Cries, and so on) working like in the Anime, but meh.), but there was one thing that annoyed me. You kept using the term "Viridian Forest" over and over again. That gets boring, try to change it to "the forest", "the maze of trees" sometimes, just to make it less boring to read. I think that will help a lot.

Yeah, I decided Pokémon cries since I wasn't really sure what to go on with the manga. I guess Viridian Forest was used too much but meh. I tried changing it a little.

Just a tip - Tyranitar actually does only have one 'n' in it. Fact-check your reviews in the future n.n

That's what I thought originally, my friend said it had two n's so I fixed it. Read back to the posts. I did check the reviews, I have been replying to everyone. :S

Thanks for reading guys, almost forgot to say that. I'll upload the next part later, just gotta go out then review it and try keep errors to a minimum before I post it.

Misheard Whisper
August 5th, 2009, 12:20 AM
When I said fact-check your reviews, I was talking mainly to the person who gave you the review that said Tyranitar had two 'n's. But I was talking to you as well. Don't take for granted that every reviewer is right. They often are, but if there's something you're not sure about, go to a higher authority, like Serebii.net or Bulbapedia.

Kozoi
August 5th, 2009, 04:36 AM
Chapter unfortunately delayed, my computer is acting up.