PDA

View Full Version : Pяєραяє Fσя Tяσυвℓє Pg-13


Cнαяcнιc
August 7th, 2009, 04:19 PM
Prepare For Trouble - Make It Double.
This is actually the sequal to my popular sprite comic however you do not need to read the sprite comic to understand the story as all will be revealed within the tale.

Genre.
This Fan-Fiction will contain: Drama - Heartbreak - Romance - Action and Horror. I hope you enjoy this.

Warning:
This Fan-Fiction is a PG:13 as it will contain some swearing and bloody violence. This warning is here to inform members who may find some content offensive.

Prologue:
Serenity

Serenity sat alone in her bedroom, facing a large mirror which held the reflection of a young pretty girl with tanned skin and bright purple eyes. She shuddered, she was born with bright sea blue eyes and as the years passed they grew increasingly pink. Day by day she would wonder what was happening to her, as her once golden hair had now turned to a pale white.

A single diamond tear rolled down her face and her heart began to ache with sorrow, one year ago, back when she was a proud employee of Team Rocket. The now nineteen year old girl was introduced to her siblings, Silon and Michael, by their Grandfather, Giovanni Rocket. Not longer after, the trio split, in search of their parents whom apparently joined two rivalling gangs, Team Magma and Aqua. It was six months later when Serenity found her mother Jacqueline. And from that day on, she decided she would stay with Team Aqua, stay with her mother. But it was then when she found out that her mother was not as welcoming as she expected.

Six days after Serenity agreed to join Team Aqua, her mother sent her on an errand, to sneak into a volcanic mountain which currently was home to the Snag Machine which was a device capable of capturing Pokémon from their trainers illegally, and bring it back to Archie, the leader of Team Aqua. Serenity agreed, anything to help her mother, anything to make her mother proud of her. Archie and Jacqueline then took Serenity to the mountain, which she entered. Upon arrival, gunshots were fired, barely missing her head, in fear she ran out, her heart racing, and dashed to her mother in panic, when she then informed Jacqueline that she had not obtained the Snag Machine, in a split second, a fist flew at her, smashing into her face and knocking her to the ground, but it was the not the fist of her mother, but of the leader of Team Aqua, Archie himself. He towered over her, dressed in the pirate-like uniform of Team Aqua, glancing down at her menacingly. She turned to her mother, in hope that she would defend her, but her mother looked down at her in utter disgust, “Get up off the ground and head back into the mountain. Now I understand Team Magma reside in their, but if you are quiet. You might just be able to sneak in without them noticing you, now hurry up back inside, and do not leave there empty handed!” With a firm push, she directed her daughter back to the fierce and deadly destination.

Serenity turned around, and whispered to her mother, “Please.” But the only reply she received was a cold stare from Jacqueline and Archie, “Why…” Serenity said, wiping crystal tears from her tanned cheeks before searching in her small black bag which hung over her shoulder and grabbing a round red and white ball with a pearl white button in the middle, “…Wigglytuff. Come out.” She said quietly, a clicking noise was heard and the ball grew almost twice in size before sliding open, in a flash of pure brilliant light a small pink and white creature emerged, it had long pointed ears and huge round, bright blue eyes.

The creature turned to Serenity and gasped, placing a large pink paw over it’s mouth in shock as it saw the huge bruise at the side of her face, “Wiggly?” It said softly, in a cheerful voice, pointing at Archie who watched them anxiously.

Serenity walked towards the mountain and nodded, “Yeah…” She said, her voice trembling. “Come on.” The pair then headed towards the mountain once more, which was filled with thick black smoke, it may be easy to sneak into as long as she does not make a noise. As she took her first step inside another gun shot was fired which connected directly with her hand, Serenity screamed out with pain, and Jacqueline rushed towards the cave, a purple aura then surrounded the screaming teenager and her eyes began to glow with a bright pink colour which lit up the mountain around her. Rocks then began to fall and shouting could be heard as the inside of the mountain began to shake slightly, the louder she screamed the more violent the shaking seemed to be, as she cried out in pain, her mother raced by her side and leant over, she then grabbed her daughter by the hand and pulled her out the mountain. Wigglytuff followed alerted, Serenity then opened her eyes, the aura fading around her.

Jacqueline leant down, and raised her eyebrows, “What…” She said turning her head as Archie approached her, “What was that?”

Serenity looked puzzled, “What was what?”

Archie then pushed Jacqueline away from her daughter, as she fell to the rocky ground her tanned hair covered with golden hair hit the ground, she raised her head in anger and turned to her boss who looked at her curiously, “What are you doing to do? Nothing! So don’t look at me like that! As for you.” He squeezed her bloody hand and she screamed in agony, “This is what carelessness does to you! You pathetic little girl. If you fail to complete a simple task without getting shot in the hand, well what is the point of having you as an employee of my highly respected gang?”

Serenity pulled her hand from his grasp, “Simple? Simpl--” She then paused as she turned to her mother who was covering her mouth and shaking her head, as if telling her daughter to stop speaking. Serenity gulped, but knew her mother was only trying to help her, and glanced as Archie stood up, wiping the mud from his blue jeans.

Jacqueline followed, running her fingers through her golden hair and smiling sweetly at her daughter, Archie watched as to two glanced at each other then walked towards the stolen boat which Team Aqua had been using as their base of operations, it was lying weightlessly on the crystal seas next to the golden beach which was home to the huge mountain which happened to be the base of operations for the opposing team, “About what I asked you before, what happened in the mountain, forget about it, okay? Do not breathe a word of it to Archie.”

Serenity glanced at her mother, puzzled, with Wigglytuff walking by her side, holding her hand which was not hurt, “But I don’t even know what happened, all I remember is screaming, then there was shaking and then I opened my eyes and you had helped me out…But wait, why did you let him punch me? And then send me back in?”

Jacqueline sighed, “What else could I do? If you refused to go in, you would have been left on the island. And then Team Magma would have surely had you killed. Archie is a cold bastard, and I despise him Serenity, I despise that man so much. But once you join Team Aqua, there is no leaving. The only way you can leave this gang is if you leave the base in a body bag. Other than that, they will find you, you run away, they will find you. Why do you think your father and I wanted you to stay in Team Rocket? Giovanni is a good man, if you are his family, that is. He has power in that gang, he can give you, Silon and Michael, brilliant lives, with thousands of opportunities, but your father and I have no power in our gangs. We are nothing. Okay? Nothing! Archie would happily dispose of me if I became a liability as would Maxie with your father. For failing this task, you will get one strike. Three strikes and you are fired. And once you are fired, he will throw you into the harsh seas and leave you to be killed by a Pokémon or drown. I‘m sorry Serenity, truly I am, but you‘re stuck here now. I just pray to God that Silon and Michael never found your father.”

And from that day on. Serenity found herself an employee of Team Aqua. And not just an employee, a disposable employee. There was nowhere for her to run or hide. Because just as her mother had warned her, Team Aqua would find her. This was her life now, in servitude to Archie. And there was no going back. She could only pray that one of her brothers would find her, but was that likely? Her heart ached, as the cold reality of her new life began to sink in.

Citrinin
August 7th, 2009, 05:09 PM
Upon arrival , gunshots were fired,Should be "Upon arrival, gunshots were fired,"

Get up off the ground and head back into the mountain, now I understand Team Magma reside in their, but if you are quiet. You might just be able to sneak in without them noticing you, now hurry up back inside, and do not leave there empty handed!!Should be "Get up off the ground and head back into the mountain. Now I understand Team Magma reside in there, but if you are quiet, you might just be able to sneak in without them noticing you. Now hurry up back inside, and do not leave there empty handed!!"

Your prologue is very good, and your characters are beginning to take shape just nicely. :) Well done. ^^

Cнαяcнιc
August 7th, 2009, 05:37 PM
Oh thank you for informing me of that. I have fixed it anyway.

Also, thank you for the compliments.

Charchic.

Feign
August 9th, 2009, 08:05 PM
Prepare For Trouble - Make It Double.
This is actually the sequal to my popular sprite comic however you do not need to read the sprite comic to understand the story as all will be revealed within the tale.

Genre.
This Fan-Fiction will contain: Drama - Heartbreak - Romance - Action and Horror. I hope you enjoy this.

Warning:
This Fan-Fiction is a PG:13 as it will contain some swearing and bloody violence. This warning is here to inform members who may find some content offensive.

Prologue:
Serenity

Serenity sat alone in her bedroom, facing a large mirror which held the reflection of a young pretty girl with tanned skin and bright purple eyes. She shuddered, she was born with bright sea blue eyes and as the years passed they grew increasingly pink. Day by day she would wonder what was happening to her, as her once golden hair had now turned to a pale white.

A single diamond tear rolled down her face and her heart began to ache with sorrow. One year ago, back when she was a proud employee of Team Rocket, the now nineteen year old girl was introduced to her siblings, Silon and Michael, by their Grandfather Giovanni Rocket. Not longer after, the trio split in search of their parents whom apparently joined two rivaling gangs, Team Magma and Aqua.(Why were they introduced then suddenly split?) It was six months later when Serenity found her mother Jacqueline. And from that day on, she decided she would stay with Team Aqua, stay with her mother. But it was then when she found out that her mother was not as welcoming as she expected.

Six days after Serenity agreed to join Team Aqua, her mother sent her on an errand, to sneak into a volcanic mountain which currently was home to the Snag Machine, which was a device capable of capturing Pokémon from their trainers illegally, and bring it back to Archie, the leader of Team Aqua. Serenity agreed; anything to help her mother, anything to make her mother proud of her. Archie and Jacqueline then took Serenity to the mountain, which she entered. Upon arrival, gunshots were fired, barely missing her head, in fear she ran out, her heart racing, and dashed to her mother in panic, when she then informed Jacqueline that she had not obtained the Snag Machine, in a split second a fist flew at her, smashing into her face and knocking her to the ground, but it was the not the fist of her mother, but of the leader of Team Aqua, Archie himself. He towered over her, dressed in the pirate-like uniform of Team Aqua, glancing down at her menacingly. She turned to her mother, in hope that she would defend her, but her mother looked down at her in utter disgust.

“Get up off the ground and head back into the mountain. Now, I understand Team Magma resides in there, but if you are quiet, you might just be able to sneak in without them noticing you. Now hurry up back inside, and do not leave there empty handed!” With a firm push, she directed her daughter back to the fierce and deadly destination. (would not those with the guns have followed her out of the cave?)

Serenity turned around, and whispered to her mother, “Please.” But the only reply she received was a cold stare from Jacqueline and Archie. “Why…” Serenity said, wiping crystal tears from her tanned cheeks, before searching in her small black bag which hung over her shoulder and grabbing a round red and white ball with a pearl white button in the middle, “…Wigglytuff. Come out.” She said quietly, a clicking noise was heard and the ball grew almost twice in size before sliding open, in a flash of pure brilliant light a small pink and white creature emerged, it had long pointed ears and huge round, bright blue eyes.

The creature turned to Serenity and gasped, placing a large pink paw over it’s mouth in shock as it saw the huge bruise at the side of her face, “Wiggly?” It said softly, in a cheerful voice, pointing at Archie who watched them anxiously.

Serenity walked towards the mountain and nodded, “Yeah…” She said, her voice trembling. “Come on.”

The pair then headed towards the mountain once more, which was filled with thick black smoke, it may be easy to sneak into as long as she does not make a noise. As she took her first step inside, another gun shot was fired which connected directly (redundant) with her hand, Serenity screamed out with pain, and Jacqueline rushed towards the cave, a purple aura then surrounded the screaming teenager and her eyes began to glow with a bright pink colour which lit up the mountain around her. Rocks then began to fall and shouting could be heard as the inside of the mountain began to shake slightly, the louder she screamed the more violent the shaking seemed to be, as she cried out in pain, her mother raced by her side and leant over, she then grabbed her daughter by the hand and pulled her out of the mountain. Wigglytuff followed alerted, Serenity then opened her eyes, the aura fading around her. (last sentence is confusing)

Jacqueline leant down, and raised her eyebrows, “What…” She said turning her head as Archie approached her, “What was that?”

Serenity looked puzzled, “What was what?”

Archie then pushed Jacqueline away from her daughter. As she fell to the rocky ground her tanned hair covered with golden hair hit the ground, she raised her head in anger and turned to her boss who looked at her curiously, “What are you going to do? Nothing! So don’t look at me like that! As for you.” He squeezed her bloody hand and she screamed in agony, “This is what carelessness does to you! You pathetic little girl. If you fail to complete a simple task without getting shot in the hand, well what is the point of having you as an employee of my highly respected gang?” (I'm thinking that no one could have passed through the same spot Serenity did, without getting shot)

Serenity pulled her hand from his grasp, “Simple? Simpl--” She then paused as she turned to her mother who was covering her mouth and shaking her head, as if telling her daughter to stop speaking. Serenity gulped, but knew her mother was only trying to help her, and glanced as Archie stood up, wiping the mud from his blue jeans.

Jacqueline followed, running her fingers through her golden hair and smiling sweetly at her daughter, Archie watched as to two glanced at each other then walked towards the stolen boat which Team Aqua had been using as their base of operations. It was lying weightlessly on the crystal seas next to the golden beach which was home to the huge mountain which happened to be the base of operations for the opposing team. (this would have been assumed by now I think)

“About what I asked you before, what happened in the mountain, forget about it, okay? Do not breathe a word of it to Archie.”

Serenity glanced at her mother, puzzled, with Wigglytuff walking by her side, holding her other hand which was not hurt.

“But I don’t even know what happened, all I remember is screaming, then there was shaking and then I opened my eyes and you had helped me out… But wait, why did you let him punch me? And then send me back in?”

Jacqueline sighed, “What else could I do? If you refused to go in, you would have been left on the island. And then Team Magma would have surely had you killed. Archie is a cold bastard, and I despise him Serenity, I despise that man so much. But once you join Team Aqua, there is no leaving. The only way you can leave this gang is if you leave the base in a body bag. Other than that, they will find you, if you run away, they will find you. Why do you think your father and I wanted you to stay in Team Rocket? Giovanni is a good man, if you are his family, that is. He has power in that gang, he can give you, Silon and Michael, brilliant lives, with thousands of opportunities, but your father and I have no power in our gangs. We are nothing. Okay? Nothing! Archie would happily dispose of me if I became a liability as would Maxie with your father. For failing this task, you will get one strike. Three strikes and you are fired. And once you are fired, he will throw you into the harsh seas and leave you to be killed by a Pokémon or drown. I‘m sorry Serenity, truly I am, but you‘re stuck here now. I just pray to God that Silon and Michael never found your father.”

And from that day on. Serenity found herself an employee of Team Aqua. And not just an employee, a disposable employee. There was nowhere for her to run or hide. Because just as her mother had warned her, Team Aqua would find her. This was her life now, in servitude to Archie. And there was no going back. She could only pray that one of her brothers would find her, but was that likely? Her heart ached, as the cold reality of her new life began to sink in.

Because it is a prologue it writes differently then the actual fic, and I believe you have met that. I fixed a few comma errors.

For the realism bit, would it not be a negative impact on the group as a whole, if all the employees had a dagger hanging over their head? An uprising could almost occur if that.

Otherwise I liked the prologue, I think you demonstrated Serenity's character in a good opening sort of way. Good job :)

Cнαяcнιc
August 13th, 2009, 07:48 AM
Thanks for the review.

I'll make sure to not include any small errors like the ones listed above in my next chapter. Thanks for the help though.

Charchic.