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aurevesque
September 3rd, 2009, 01:10 PM
Hmmm... this has been bugging me to post itself, so here we go...my first poem post on the internet...(if there is something wrong with this thread, like moderating reasons please tell me!)

Tennis
There's more to the game of tennis,
than hitting balls to win it.
Don't forget to slide
when they go passing by
and try keeping it inside
those thick white border lines.
Serving sucks
outside the service box,
cause they can call it
and you'll lose it;
that precious point
you need to win it.
There's more to the game
than being on team,
you gotta want
gotta go for it.
and hit back with all your might,
just try to keep it inside
those crazy important white lines.

Alpha King
September 7th, 2009, 04:44 PM
Okay, I like the poem over all, but 1 thing kinda bothers me:
cause they can call it
and you'll lose it;
that precious point
you need to win it.

using 2 it's in a row is one thing but then you skip a line and say it again. I would go for other words. Use the dictionary or thesaurus if you need to. But other than this, it is really good. Also, try using more lesser known adjectives besides "crazy" and "white" try synonyms for them.
Okay, my rant is done ;)
Good job
:2:

aurevesque
September 7th, 2009, 04:59 PM
thanks!:) yay! helpful support!