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Kishijoten
September 3rd, 2009, 04:26 PM
let alone we cannot win but, when we have each other are pride is never given. Cherish your time it cannot be re bought not even the richest one on earth. Your happy moments are called your "past" but don't let anger end you with a shudder of atipatation.

aurevesque
September 3rd, 2009, 04:38 PM
ahhh.. so sad! although i'm not really one to talk, could next time sperate them into stanzas and verses? otherwise, really great!

Astinus
September 4th, 2009, 12:22 PM
One of the problems with your submissions into this section is that they aren't really poetry. They're just sentences not formed into stanzas, or even any form of free style.

Poetry has a form to follow, if you look at the sticky (http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=23406), you'll see how poems can be written. I've never seen any poem that runs across all the way like yours.

This happened with your other thread in this section. They aren't poems. They could be if you split them into lines, but right now they aren't.

Gymnotide
September 5th, 2009, 02:55 AM
One of the problems with your submissions into this section is that they aren't really poetry. They're just sentences not formed into stanzas, or even any form of free style.

Poetry has a form to follow, if you look at the sticky (http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=23406), you'll see how poems can be written. I've never seen any poem that runs across all the way like yours.

I resent this statement somewhat, though I agree that there may need to be more substance within each post (i.e. each post contains several poems instead of just one). You wouldn't like it if I just posted a single haiku in a thread, would you?

Astinus
September 5th, 2009, 09:11 PM
I resent this statement somewhat, though I agree that there may need to be more substance within each post (i.e. each post contains several poems instead of just one). You wouldn't like it if I just posted a single haiku in a thread, would you?
Yes I would, because a haiku is a poem. It fits into this section. Lots of people only post one poem in their thread, and you'll find that there hasn't been problems. (In fact, I can clearly remember someone recently posting one haiku in their first post of the thread with no other poetry included. It wasn't closed. Many many threads in this section have only one poem. Based on that, I'm not sure why you think I am saying that all threads should have more than just one poem.)

I'm not saying that this thread has a problem because it's one poem posted in the first post. (I'm really not even sure how you got that from my post, actually.) What I was saying was that this submission has a problem because it doesn't have line breaks at all. Even prose poetry (at least all the ones that I've looked at) have line breaks. This one is simply missing the line breaks, and needs that to be fixed.

Gymnotide
September 5th, 2009, 09:15 PM
Yes I would, because a haiku is a poem. It fits into this section. Lots of people only post one poem in their thread, and you'll find that there hasn't been problems. (In fact, I can clearly remember someone recently posting one haiku in their first post of the thread with no other poetry included. It wasn't closed. Many many threads in this section have only one poem. Based on that, I'm not sure why you think I am saying that all threads should have more than just one poem.)

I'm not saying that this thread has a problem because it's one poem posted in the first post. (I'm really not even sure how you got that from my post, actually.) What I was saying was that this submission has a problem because it doesn't have line breaks at all. Even prose poetry (at least all the ones that I've looked at) have line breaks. This one is simply missing the line breaks, and needs that to be fixed.

You misunderstood. I was commenting on the length of the poem. Er, "poem."

What you're implying is that if it was posted like this, it would count... Even though nothing significant changes:

let alone we cannot win
but, when we have each other are pride is never given.
Cherish your time
it cannot be re bought
not even the richest one on earth.
Your happy moments are called your "past"
but don't let anger end you with a
shudder of atipatation.

Midori Chi
September 7th, 2009, 10:51 AM
Just a little spelling correction..XD

are pride = our pride

atipatation = anticipation