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SerenceGrace
September 14th, 2009, 11:15 AM
This is my first fan fiction, though it's been on my home page for over a year. Anyway, a lot of people have said good things about it, so I thought that (hopefully!) some of you guys would like it too. If you like it, PLEASE write a review! Your praise keeps me alive!

Disclaimer : I do not own Pokémon, nor anything related to it. The only thing I own are my OCs

The gentle sound of rain hitting a window pane filled the room. The soft red walls of the room were decorated with art. The girl who resided in this room was curled into a ball on her white bed decorated with red hearted sheets. She was softly sobbing, her head cradled in the sleeves of her soft pink sweater. She was so lonely.
The girl's name was Mandy Serence, a 13-year-old who was far beyond her years. Though she was so young, she was already in her Junior year in high school. Because of this, Mandy was put under a lot of pressure. Her teachers were very hard on her, and other kids were jealous and would always find something to tease her about. She couldn't even eat lunch in the cafeteria like the other kids. Instead, she had to eat in the nurse's office, so as to avoid it.

Mandy wanted so badly to have a friend, but she had none. Sure, some people would say they were her 'friends', but they too would tease her. She would invite people to her birthday, but no one ever came. She wished she knew if she would ever have a friend. It didn't seem like it would be anytime soon.

Mandy's parents were never really around. When she would come home after a hard day at school, she would find a note saying that they would be working late and that there was a microwave dinner in the microwave for her to eat. No one to hug her, no one to hold her when she cried, no one to listen to her problems. Just silence.

Slowly, she lifted herself from her curled position. She shifted her bare feet to the floor, lifted her head up from her sleeves and into an upright position. She still had tears streaming from her beautiful hazel eyes and her brown hair was sticking to her tear stained cheeks. She took a calming deep breath, and wiped her tears away.

"Why am I so alone? Does no one want me?" Mandy said softly, curling her knees up to her chest. "Well... if no one wants me... I'll go and find where I do belong." Mandy reached for something on her nightstand. A wooden, hollow poke ball. She had made it in wood shop and received her worst teasing yet. The object she cradled in her hands brought new tears to her eyes and a single wish to her heart.

"I... I wish," Mandy said, looking down at the object in her hands," I wish I could go to the Pokémon world, or whatever world I belong. Where I could have a new start and have fun, adventures and friends." The thought of a true home made Mandy shed tears joy. But her tears of joy soon turned to sorrow. How could she go to another world? She was trapped here, in a world she was growing to hate. Her soft tears soon turned to sobs.

As her tears cascaded down her delicate face, they fell off her chin, and thus, onto the wooden Poke Ball in her hands. As tear after tear fell onto the object, it began to give off a light glow, though the sad girl was crying too hard to notice. She only noticed when the poke ball in her hands' texture changed. When she looked down at the object in her hands was no longer a crudely painted wooden poke ball, but a well made, real, metal poke ball!

Mandy held up the poke ball closer to her eyes, to make sure she wasn't hallucinating, As she inspected the object, it began to open, and poured forth a white light. Before she could do or say a thing, the bright light enveloped her and everything around her. When the light faded, Mandy was gone and the once more wooden Poke Ball was in her place.

Synthrâx
September 14th, 2009, 04:50 PM
Great job! The character emotions are so vivid when you write, they feel real. I see slight similarities in our writing style; the only tip I would have is try to be more descriptive of the setting and character actions...

Check out my fanfic, too, the links in the sig! :D *cough* shameless advertising *cough*

-Alex...

Dagzar
September 14th, 2009, 06:15 PM
Alright-y then, let’s see what we have here.

The girl who resided in this room was curlled into a ball- Curled.

Slowly, she lifted heself from her curled position Herself.

She had made it in wood shop and recived her worst teasing yet. Received.

She only noticed whn the pokeball in her hands' texture changed. When and Poke Ball.

As she inspected the object, it began to open, and poored forth a white light. I think you mean ‘pored’ here.

Your spelling mistakes suggest that you don’t use spell-check and I suggest you do so to catch these errors.

The gentle sound of rain hitting a window pane filled the room tap-tap-tap. This part didn’t make much sense. You seem to be missing something between the words ‘room’ and ‘tap’.

So, the main problem I have with this fic (and a lot of other person-goes-to-Pokemon-world stories) is that the way Mandy gets to the Pokemon world. If crying and wishing from the deepest part of your heart that you could go to the Pokemon world worked, then a lot of people would be able to get there. Why can Mandy activate some type of portal and other people who have also wished to, can’t?

… Sorry if I’m being kind of harsh. It’s hard to word stuff like this. <_<

Anyways, agreeing with Alex7 here, you write character emotions really well and I can almost feel how sad Mandy is.

In your author note, you said that you wrote this about a year ago and are just posting it here. It makes me wonder, but are you going to continue this? I hope you do, I’m really curious how Mandy will fair in the world she’s entered.

SerenceGrace
September 15th, 2009, 03:51 AM
Alright-y then, let’s see what we have here.

Curled.

Herself.

Received.

When and Poke Ball.

I think you mean ‘pored’ here.

Your spelling mistakes suggest that you don’t use spell-check and I suggest you do so to catch these errors.

This part didn’t make much sense. You seem to be missing something between the words ‘room’ and ‘tap’.

So, the main problem I have with this fic (and a lot of other person-goes-to-Pokémon-world stories) is that the way Mandy gets to the Pokémon world. If crying and wishing from the deepest part of your heart that you could go to the Pokémon world worked, then a lot of people would be able to get there. Why can Mandy activate some type of portal and other people who have also wished to, can’t?

… Sorry if I’m being kind of harsh. It’s hard to word stuff like this. <_<

Anyways, agreeing with Alex7 here, you write character emotions really well and I can almost feel how sad Mandy is.

In your author note, you said that you wrote this about a year ago and are just posting it here. It makes me wonder, but are you going to continue this? I hope you do, I’m really curious how Mandy will fair in the world she’s entered.

Sorry about the bad grammar. The software for spell check was not installed at the time I posted it, so I was unable to use it. Mandy was able to enter the Pokémon world for a specific reason, not just from a wish. The reason will be revealed as the story progresses

SerenceGrace
September 16th, 2009, 05:32 AM
Alright here's the first real chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon, nor any relating to it. The only thing I own is my OCs.

Chapter 1: Through the Gate!

Mandy awoke to the feeling of cold. As her sight was regained, she saw that she was in a frozen field. This was also when the brunt force of the cold hit her. Her teeth immediately began chattering. Rising quickly to her feet, she mapped out her plan of action. She needed to find shelter, and fast.

For what felt like hours, the young teenager ran through the icy field. Her bare feet burned from the coldness of the snow and the icy wind pieced the weave of her sweater. Eventually loosing all feeling in her feet, she stumbled and fell to the ground, face first. Pulling herself up quickly, Mandy tucked her hands, legs, and feet as best she could into her sweater, though it did not do much good.

"So this is how I'm going to die. I'll die from hypothermia in an icy wasteland. Great." Her sad thoughts were soon interrupted by a shrill cry. Her hazel eyes eyes scanned her surroundings, eventually resting on a figure in the sky.

It was that of a large bird. It's body was covered in a blue plumage, save for it's white chest feathers. It had a head crest made up of three rhombus-shaped feathers. It's eyes were a shade of crimson, and had a small gray beak. It had large wings and their shape gave the appearance that they were made of ice. It's legs were thin and were the same shade of gray as it's beak. The flying creature was immediately recognized by Mandy.

'Articuno!?' Her mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour. Pokemon were only bits of data in her video games. How could this be real?

A blue glow soon spread across the legendary bird of ice's body. While at first puzzled by this, once the glow centered in on it's now open beak and formed a sphere, she knew what was happening; Articuno was launching an attack.

'Blizzard!' Mandy thought in horror. Sharp, icy winds picked picked up, the blue glow becoming all the brighter. She curled up into a ball and prepared for the figid impact of the attack.
But it never came.

Instead, her surroundings changed. The frigid grass beneath her feet had vanished along with the icy winds. The air was now warmer, though not comfortably so, and the ground was cool and metallic. Slowly uncurling herself and lifting her head, her eyes observed her new location.

It appeared she was in a large broken down building. The floor was made of metallic sheets, most of them were rusted. The roof was similar to the floor. It was made of old sheets of metal welded together. There were holes in the series of sheets, allowing rain into the old building. The walls were decorated with old, broken down machines. Sparks flew from old wires that were still charged with electricity, casting shadows around everything. This brought up an unsettling fear in her.

With teeth still chattering, Mandy began to walk across the old metal floor, hoping to find a way out. Her footsteps echoed as the metal creaked and groaned beneath the pressure of her footsteps. The path seemed to go on forever with still no end in sight. Eventually, a light was spotted, just around the corner of a turn. Thinking it was a way out, she ran as fast she could toward the glow. However, her excitement soon turned into disappointment and frustration. That light was coming from two wires spurting out electricity, in a dead end. She was trapped.

With a sigh, the teenager sat down, curled her knees to her chest, and thought about the recent events she lived through. 'I can't believe it' she thought, still awe struck, 'I saw an Articuno. A real Articuno! But, why did I see it? Does it mean something?' Another thought then sprung into her mind.

"If that snowy field was where Articuno lived," Mandy thought aloud, "Then maybe, this old electrical building houses-" Another shrill cry cut Mandy off before she could finish her thoughts. Though at first the source was not visable, the answer soon crashed through the rusted roof and perched on a large metal rod.

It was another bird. It was a little smaller that the one before it, but not by a lot. It's body was covered in spiky, yellow and black feathers, giving off the illusion it was hit by lightning. It had a large crown of spiky yellow feathers around it's head, making the black rings around it's eyes stand out. It had a long, thin, orange beak, the same shade as its clawed feet. An aura of electrical sparks was visible around it's body. It was not very hard to identify this unique creature.

'Zapdos!' By the time she had cataloged all it's features, the legendary bird of electricity had noticed her presence. Zapdos' black eyes locked onto Mandy's hazel. After holding this for a few seconds, the large bird closed it's eyes and it's electric aura grew brighter. Sparks started going everywhere, metal rods, wires, wires and the like were coursing with electricity. She soon saw the yellow electrical glow grow brighter and the sparks became more intense. It was launching an attack.

'Thunder!!' The crackling of the sparks coming from Zapdos' attack grew louder and faster, along with the attacks glow. Doing her best, the teen curled up into a ball, trying to shield her face from the light and brace herself for the painful shock of electricity.

But, as before, the attack did not come and her surroundings changed.

The yellow glow before her slowly faded away. The cool, metallic floor disappeared along with the cold air and the sound of rain hitting metal. The floor was now hard and smooth, like stone. It was also slightly warm. The air was now warm and was filled with a quiet sound of a flowing liquid. Slowly, Mandy uncurled herself and lifted her head.

She was in a small cave, slightly lighted by a faint glow. A small tunnel was ahead of her, a bright light at the end. This tunnel also seemed to be where the warm air was coming from. Finding no other way to go, Mandy started her way down the long pathway.

The farther down the tunnel she went, the warmer her surroundings became. This was at first welcome, as her body was still cold form her past experiences. But soon the heat became overpowering. She began to sweat heavily and the scorching hot stone floor began to burn the tender bottoms of her feet.

Picking up her pace from walking to running, she did her best to keep her feet off the ground as long as possible. It was not long before she reached the central chamber and the source of the extreme heat.

There was a large pool of magma in the center of the room, a stone ring around the walls. The roof was shaped like a dome, a circle in the very center and highest point in it. The realization and shock of where exactly she was was enough to override the burning feeling of her body.

She was inside a volcano!

Panic quickly set in. Mandy's eyes frantically searched the chamber for a way to climb out before her eyes finally rested on a few dozen rocks stacked on top of each other, forming somewhat of a ladder out of the room. Wasting no time, she quickly began the long climb up.

The rocks were extremly hot, burning her palms and worsening the burns on her feet.

Finally, to Mandy's great relief, she had reached the much cooler top of the stack of rocks and the hole in the dome. Pulling herself up and out of the roof and slid over to a nearby ledge. The setting sun gave an reddish-orange glow to the surrounding area as well as to her figure. The wind gently blew a refreshing breeze. The tranquility was soothing to her after her past experiences. However, the calming feeling was shattered by a loud, shrill cry.

Searching the skies before her, soon revealed the sound's source. It was yet another large bird. It took on the form of a phoenix. It's wings along with a beautiful, elaborate head crest had red feathers that flowed like flames. The rest of it's plumage was a shade of fiery golden yellow. It's beak was brown and pointed and it's legs were a similar shade of brown. One look into it's black eyes told her it was not happy. These factors gave a clear identification.

"Moltres..." fear was obvious in her voice. The anger was extremely scary. The fire bird Pokémon was obviously dipleased to see a strange human girl at it's home. It's sharp beak started to glow a shade of redish-orange. It slowly opened, revealing growing flames. The flames soon took a single shape. The attack was unmistakable.

"Fire Blast!" Forgetting where she was, Mandy took a few steps back, and, in turn, off the ledge. She began a long fall, down to the ground hundreds of feet below her. She tightly closed her eyes shut, tears welling up in them.

'Is this the end!?'

No. The wind passing by her slowed to a stop, as well as it's sound. The light from the setting sun slowly faded, along with it's warmth. The air became cooler and the sky became dark. Slowly, the teenagers hazel eyes opened.

Stars. That was what filled her sight. Hundreds of stars, a crescent moon, too. Soft violet clouds surrounded her. She was floating in the night sky! A cool evening breeze blew, soothing her singed palms and heels. Mandy's eyes roamed the night sky, taking in the sheer beauty of the sight before her. Her eyes landed on two stars in particular. One was a shade of blue, the other was pink. Both were glowing brightly. But something struck her as odd. They seemed to keep getting bigger and brighter.

'Those are no stars.' the young girl soon realized. Try as she might, no matter what she tried to move herself out of the objects' path, she could not. As the spheres drew closer and closer to her, Mandy crossed her arms over her face in defence.

A few seconds after doing so the large objects quickly flew past Mandy's body, creating a strong burst of wind and blowing her hair in all directions. The objects then looped around from behind her and then stopped before her, the blue to her left, the pink to the right. Slowly, their glows faded, revealing the beings within.
The creature that was in the blue sphere had a humanoid posture. It's body color was a grayish-purple, while it's underside and long tail was a shade of deep purple. On each appendage, there were three digits, which were, along with it's head structure, cat-like in appearance.

The creature that was once in the pink bubble was extremely similar to the first being. The creature was smaller and less human in shape, though. It's body was covered in fine pink fur, and it's head was like that of a cat. It's hind legs were long, resembling a rabbit's and had a long cat-like tail. These two creatures were all too familiar to Mandy.
'Mew and Mewtwo!'

A soft blue glow came over the two brother Pokémon, then over the teenagers small frame, along with an intense pressure. As the pressure from their psychic attack grew, Mandy's consciousness began to slip away. and with one last moment of the growing pressure, she completely blacked out.
The soft sound of the lush green grass rustling in the evening breeze filled the air. in the middle of the lush field lay Mandy's slumbering body. As the grass tickled the bottoms of her bare feet, she began to stir.

'Was it all a dream?' She wondered as she awoke. As she sat up and observed her surroundings, she silently answered her own question. Feeling an unusual warmth near her arm, she turned her head and spotted a small floating ball of light.

As the little ball took notice of her gaze, it started to move, circling her body, seeming to take in her appearance. It paused for a moment in front of her, then dashed off. Mandy, having no idea where she was, and with no one else around, did her best to run after the sphere.

At first she sprinted, but soon slowed to a walking pace, running was one of her main weak points. As she went over a hill in her path through the field, she spied the little ball of light as well as a figure in a black cloak. The hood on it casted a shadow over the figures face, distorting their features. The figures head turned toward Mandy. The person looked at her with a blank expression at first, then it turned into a smile.

With the ball of light cradled in her hands, the figure ran off, with Mandy, once more, giving chase. As the two kept running, the teenager saw they were approaching a forest that was thick with trees. The figure quickly disappeared into the cover of the tall trees.

Mandy did her best to find the person in the trees, but it was dark and almost impossible to see anything. After a good time spent, she was losing all hope. But just then, she saw a shadow pass her by. Quickly, she did as best she could to follow the person, she was soon led into a clearing in the think bunch of timbers.

The person was nowhere to be seen. However, right in the middle of the clearing, a sparkling vortex stood. Utterly entranced by it, Mandy slowly approached it, seeing if anything could be seen through it.

While the mesmerized young girl was looking at the portal, she had no idea of the appearance of the figure she had been chasing. The figure approached her silently, their feet seeming incapable of making noise. Stopping mere inches behind her, the figure gently gripped Mandy's small shoulders. Before the teenager had time to react, she was shoved through the portal.
A smile appeared on the figures face. "And so it begins." Then the figure walked through the portal, and it closed behind her

SerenceGrace
September 23rd, 2009, 04:26 AM
Disclaimer:I Don't own Pokemon, nor do I own anything related to it. The only thing I own are my OCs

Chapter 2: A New Beginning!
Mandy's head was spinning. One minute she was looking at a weird vortex, the next that mysterious figure pushed her through it. Who was that figure anyway?
She then took notice of the feeling of falling. As her sight came to her, she realized she was falling head first. Her eyes then darted to her surroundings. There was nothing but black emptiness around her.

However, this soon changed. Out of the corner of her eye, Mandy saw something coming at her. While unclear at first, she then could see that the object coming was a series of little balls of light they formed a ring, circling around. They kept coming closer, making her more and more nervous. when they were only a few inches away from her, they stopped spinning.
The objects then shot out in all different directions, and seemed to glow brighter, and grew into huge, bright columns. Soon images appeared in them. Were they images of the past? The future? She was falling too fast to tell.

A few seconds later, the columns returned to their original sphere form and their ring formation. The lights then drifter downwards, more so then before, until they were around Mandy's head. They began spinning fast, and a light glow surrounded her head. To her amazement, her body began to change.

Her dusty brown hair changed to a shade of deep chocolate brown. A red ribbon then appeared, and tied her hair into a ponytail. The circle of lights then moved from her head to her shoulders, split in two, and moved to her hands.

Under the glow, her hands, too, began to change. A pair of red, fingerless gloves appeared on them. A white heart was on top of them. The lights moved then from hands, and rejoined into a single ring once more around her torso.

Her red sweater was replaced with a red tee shirt that was tightly stretched across Mandy's new hourglass figure. Her pants had also changed. Her blue jeans had become a pair of red bell-bottoms. Small white hearts decorated the mouth of each leg. Once more, the lights moved to a different part of her body, this time to her ankles.
The glow not only covered them, but her feet too. Her bare feet now had red sneakers on them and a white heart was on the outside parts of them. The lights then faded from her sight completely.

After this, Mandy started losing her sight. The darkness grew and grew, until it had enveloped her completely.
The sun shone brightly over the small forest. Dew that had formed in the early morning sparkled in the bright rays of light. The light also shown on Mandy's sleeping form. A small drop of dew dripped off it's perch on a tree's leaf, and softly landed on her small nose.

She gently stirred from her sleep, hazel eyes gently fluttering open. As she rose too her feet and stretched her muscles, her odd dream came to mind. She looked down at herself, and saw the changes she had witnessed. It was no dream.

In a somewhat dazed and awed state, Mandy managed to stumble her way out of the small forest and onto a dirt road. In the distance, Mandy could see a small, rural town. Where was she?
A sign was caught out of the corner of her eye. Approaching it, she saw that it read: 'Pallet Town'

"Wow! I... I'm in the Pokemon world!" She said, tears of joy spilling down her face, quickly wiping them away. "Now, I can finally live my dream! I can be a Pokemon Master!!" Mandy then ran as fast as she could towards Pallet Town, Professor Oak's Lab, and her ultimate dream.

A/N: Sorry, I know it's a bit short.