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Kishijoten
September 27th, 2009, 07:04 AM
I hate her with all my heart
I hate her with all my strength
I hate her with every word
that is no lie.

I have no feeling amoung her
I have no kind words towards her
I have nothing to say to her.

My mind says "hate her"
my heart says "love her"
My mounth says "............"

My moments say nothing
My friends doe's nothing
My teacher hardly says anything.
and me? I say I don't know
why I say I hate her.

My feelings become sore
my head feels wrong
my hate list is messed up
and my life doesn't get what
I want and why she and I
don't connect like the
rest of PC.
.

aurevesque
October 3rd, 2009, 05:01 PM
cute! only what does amoung mean? and lye? or is it just misspellings?

Kishijoten
October 3rd, 2009, 05:05 PM
cute! only what does amoung mean? and lye? or is it just misspellings?

thanks for the compliment.
and amoung means like upon i believe.

aurevesque
October 3rd, 2009, 05:08 PM
okay! i'll try and get to your other poems too!^^

Dr Gregory House
October 3rd, 2009, 11:06 PM
Wow, is this a deep story of... broken friendship or something? 'Cause it moved me. :3

Kishijoten
October 4th, 2009, 05:55 AM
Wow, is this a deep story of... broken friendship or something? 'Cause it moved me. :3

really? Thank you for the compliment. If the poem is deep that means it has some anger in it.

Alexithymia~
October 4th, 2009, 10:08 AM
This part here is contradictory.

I have no feeling amoung her

You say you have no feelings about her.. but all through the poem you say you hate her. That's a feeling. A very strong one, infact.

Something to chew on.

Kishijoten
October 4th, 2009, 10:15 AM
This part here is contradictory.



You say you have no feelings about her.. but all through the poem you say you hate her. That's a feeling. A very strong one, infact.

Something to chew on.


Hm, do I take this as a compliment or just a opinion?. Well thanks for pointing that out anyways.

aurevesque
October 4th, 2009, 10:22 AM
This part here is contradictory.



You say you have no feelings about her.. but all through the poem you say you hate her. That's a feeling. A very strong one, infact.

Something to chew on.
but wouldn't that be the whole point? the inner conflict or whatever?

Zorua
October 4th, 2009, 10:32 AM
This poem has no flow. The repetition is bad, and nothing fits at all. I mean, the whole point of inner hatred is clearly shown, but in a poor manner. You're just jumping from one thing to another. o_o;

You have lots of room to improve.

Alexithymia~
October 4th, 2009, 11:08 AM
Hm, do I take this as a compliment or just a opinion?. Well thanks for pointing that out anyways.
You take that as an opinion and constructive crit.

----

but wouldn't that be the whole point? the inner conflict or whatever?
.. This poem is about hatred. She says 'hate' in about every line. [yeah, that's something to work on..]
She's not confused about it.

I hate her with all my heart.
Yeah, she hates her with all her heart, and all her strength and every word. This doesn't imply conflict. This implies all out hatred.