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TheOnlyAoA
October 3rd, 2009, 06:18 AM
Hey guys! :D
This is only my first fan fic, and I am terrible, but I'd like to get a few reviews if possible. Thanks, this is my story, Ace's Story!

Ace's Story!

Chapter 1

Ace was fast asleep in his warm, cosy bed. It was 9am, and the sun was already shining brightly into his room, passing through his curtains. The beam of sun hit him in his eyes, making him shoot up from his sleep. Sitting up, he yawned.

"Oh man, I shouldn't of stayed up so late playing with Angel last night."

Yawning again, Ace went to the corner of his room, where Angel, his Vulpix, was curled up asleep on her bed. Ace and Angel had a very special connection, they had been together two years.

Ace's father, Tom, had given Ace his Vulpix on his 10th Birthday. Two years later, and Ace and Angel were best friends. They done everything together. From eating, to watching the television, playing together.

Ace quickly dressed, before waking Angel up and then heading downstairs. Ace went into the kitchen, where his father was sat down on the kitchen table eating eggs. His mother placed a plate of eggs on the other side of the table. Ace sat down as quickly as he could, and started to gobble up the eggs.

His father laughed, sort of a deep chuckle.

"How do the eggs taste, Ace?"

"Mhm... they're good..." Ace replied, bits of egg spitting from his mouth as he spoke.

After finishing his eggs, Tom decided it was time to leave for the gym. Tom was the gym leader of Lavaridge Town, the fire gym. After Flannery had left a few years back, Tom was voted the new leader.

All of his life, Tom had a love for fire types. Right now, his party consisted of Magmar, Houndoom and Charizard. Three very strong fire types. However, he also had others, but he didn't use them often.

Scoffing his eggs down, Ace quickly asked his father if he could join him today.

"Well, if you want to. You can watch me battle a challenger I planned to fight today."

Calling Vulpix, Ace and Tom said goodbye to Ace's mother (Janet) and left towards the gym.

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Ok, that was Chapter 1. If I get enough good feedback, I'll probably make a few more chapters. :D

Sgt Shock
October 3rd, 2009, 06:47 AM
Hello. I'm Sgt Shock and I've decided to give you some feed back about your story. Please do not take offense to what I say because I am not the best of writers either. Let's go on with feedback shall we.

Okay, the first thing that I will like to see you improve on is the general meat of the storyline. At this point it seems a bit cliche. Remember this is your fan fiction and how you view Pokemon. It doesn't have to be a reflection of the show or the game. Take what you think pokemon can be and make it into the fan fiction. Just a get a general idea in where you storyline is going to be headed. It can change, but have something in mine.

With that over, I would wish to see you grow on detailing your story. Tell me more what is happening. I feel like a prologue should be this first chapter. We need to know some background about Ace, his personality, his appearance, his general character. An example would be like "Character A" has shoulder length red hair the curled whimsically down the side of her face. Get invovled in how your character looks, imagine them. They are your creations, make them who they want to be.

Next point. Scenery. I know. I hate too. People know how Lavaridge Town looks like, why explain it? Your character might look at Lavaridge town a bit different than we do. Remember he lived there all of his life. Explain in detail. His favorite spot, what he likes or dislikes in the town, ect.

Overall, just work on the idea just a bit more. Think of a catchy title. Read other fan fiction on this forums. I will recommend He who is Merely a Rumor from Citrinin, Anima Ex Machina from Valentine, and Absolute from Eliminator Jr. See how they incorporate the pokemon world in a different way.

Hope that I wasn't too bad. I try not to be too bad on things that I myself have to work on. Keep at it and improve. You want people to review, don't ya as well as you having fun.