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Kishijoten
October 4th, 2009, 10:34 AM
A thousand needles of death
A thousand needles of anger
A thousand needles of sorrow
A thousand needles of joy.

The list goe's on and on.
from day one to day none
I say a new needle shoots
at someone new from
daylight to dawn.

A thousand tears I cry
A thousands sobs I roll
A thousand years of death
to us apart.

A thousand lectures of
curses in life.
no cure what so ever
no matter how hard you try.

So let's say this again and
I'm only saying this once
At least I can survive through
a thousand needles of
death.

Zorua
October 4th, 2009, 10:38 AM
Again, the repetition makes the whole poem look bad. Only utilize repetition when you know that it'll mix and flow well with your current topic. In poetry, abusing repetition on every stanza is annoying and looked down upon.

Kishijoten
October 4th, 2009, 11:30 AM
Again, the repetition makes the whole poem look bad. Only utilize repetition when you know that it'll mix and flow well with your current topic. In poetry, abusing repetition on every stanza is annoying and looked down upon.

tch. Write a poem yourself and see. I know it's just your opinion but, still.

Zorua
October 4th, 2009, 11:37 AM
Go ahead and see. I got positive feedback because I actually did my poetry right. (http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=194530)

Now...




tch. Write a poem yourself and see. I know it's just your opinion but, still.


I've been writing poetry for four years, now. Don't think I don't know anything. It's criticism, and there for you so you could improve. If you want to write the same bad style, that's you. But know that you will recieve the same feedback, too.