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Legendarian Mistress
October 13th, 2009, 04:34 PM
The Resurrection’s Beginning (one-shot)

A/N: This is the prequel to “Apocalyptic Dawn”. It leads up to Rowan, Josephine’s older brother, being revealed as TR’s new leader in the sequel. “The Resurrection’s Beginning” is brought to life a series of events that happens before Josephine became a trainer.

Disclaimer: This one-shot, “The Resurrection’s Beginning”, is admittedly the first one-shot I’ve attempted in a long time, so I’m hoping this goes well. Pokémon is © Game Freak and Nintendo, 1995-2009. All other characters are © Kyuu-chan.

The Resurrection’s Beginning

2007

“Tara wouldn’t have wanted you to be upset.” My brother’s voice spoke to me that day. It had been two weeks after the accident which claimed her life, and here we all were at Pallet’s Memorial Cemetery. I was furious at him, for the blame lay squarely on him. If only he hadn’t invited Tara to come with him and a friend, then neither my sister nor his friend would have died.

“Shut up, Rowan,” I muttered. “This is your fault.” As it was, his friend’s car had been totalled. A report from the Viridian Police Station said the driver, my brother’s friend, had been speeding. This resulted in two unnecessary deaths, deaths which could have been prevented.

Still overwhelmed by the loss of my sister, I turned and walked away a small distance as I felt the tears start. I closed my hazel eyes and knelt down on one knee. My younger, five-year-old sister approached me quietly. “Big Sis, are you okay?” she asked.

Despite all of the pain I felt right now, I smiled inwardly. That’s Natalie for ya, I thought. My nine-year-old eyes looked into hers, which were showing just as much pain and suffering. We had both loved our fourteen-year-old sibling a lot, and for her to be taken from us in so much as a second really hurt our close-knit family.

But it seemed that one of us did not care in the slightest, that one of us had been distant to the rest of us for a while. Rowan, you might ask? Spot on. Our twelve-year-old brother had been seen mingling with figures exuding malevolent auras. As to whom these figures were, I had no intention of finding out.

A rustle overhead alerted me to the fact that someone was spying on us. I shielded Natalie as I quickly turned around. One, two, thr-... My eyes widened in shock. Whoever had been spying on us had taken Rowan, and left Mum and Dad unharmed. I then narrowed my eyes. It must’ve been a Psychic with teleporting abilities. But who has those sort of powers? I asked myself.

I knew of Sabrina, the Psychic type Gym Leader of Saffron City, but immediately ruled her out. She would no doubt be in the middle of a Gym battle right now, thus rendering her unable to leave the Gym. This gave me no other clues and I was left in the dark.

*****

“Seek out the boy and return with him. Those were your instructions. You have done well. You may stand down.” The intimidating voice with a distinct Italian accent came from a tall, mysterious man with neat black hair. Dressed formally in a black suit, he had a smirk on his clean-cut face.

The woman who had brought Rowan to her boss was a psychic. But she was no normal psychic; she had been able to hide her spiritual powers, preventing her from being discovered. Upon hearing the order to fall back, she nodded once and knelt down.

“Boy, come here.” The Italian man ordered. The twelve-year-old hesitated, but hurried forward when the man frowned. “You seek power, do you not?”

“... I...” Rowan stammered.

“Speak up, boy!” Another voice snapped. This was the voice of Ross, the second-in-command.

“Yes, I do.” The boy responded.

“Ask, and you shall receive.” The Italian man countered. He then clicked his fingers. “Boy, do me a favour and in time you shall have all the power you want.”

“What sort of favour?” Rowan asked.

“Become a trainer, and then go to the land of Sinnoh. Stay there for a few years and then come back. Once you’ve returned, you will have what you want.”

“Okay, I will do that,” came the answer.

“Johanna! Take him back now!” The Italian man commanded.

“As you wish, boss,” she replied. The Psychic stood up and grabbed Rowan with both hands. Before the twelve-year-old knew what was happening, he had been teleported away from these beings of power and was more than likely being taken back to the Cemetery.

*****

Back at the Cemetery, a red-haired figure who looked very similar to my deceased older sister was watching the grieving family, while keeping hidden in the shadows. Unbeknownst to even herself, she was a product of Giovanni’s cloning tests. Her growth rate had been accelerated, however. Therefore, she had reached the age of fourteen in just under ten years.

Her purpose, in Giovanni’s scheme, was to serve as second-in-command to Rowan when he came back from Sinnoh. By then, Giovanni would be long gone. Just then, she felt a wave of psychic power and withdrew back into the cedar tree as Johanna appeared with Rowan. The Psychic dematerialized a split second later, not wanting anyone to see her.

“WHERE have you been?!” Fiona screamed hysterically. A fraction of a smirk appeared on my face. Ever since the death of Tara, my mother was always worrying about things that shouldn’t be worried about. I found the situation funny, because my brother always seemed to be getting into trouble.

Charles, my wheelchair-bound father, wheeled himself over to them. “Settle down, Fi,” he said quietly, calling his wife by a nickname. With my father being the only brown-haired person in the family, I had always thought it strange that none of my siblings, not even myself, had managed to carry over the slightest amount of same coloured hair. All of us, even the now deceased Tara, had been redheads.

“I want to become a trainer.” That was all Rowan said, for he did not want to reveal the reason why or his lust for power which had just been born.

Fiona blinked a few times, then... “OH MY GOD! My son wants to be a trainer! Oh Rowan, good on you!”

Meanwhile, I was experiencing a vision. In it, everything was removed from my surroundings so that only I could see the figure in front of me. A pale ghostly figure, completely see-through, stood there in front of me.

“Josephine,” the ghost began, compassion showing in its ethereal eyes.

I silently gasped when I realized who the ghost was. It was my sister, Tara!

“I see you’ve recognized me. But this isn’t exactly a good time. I’ve come to warn you about the one who will defect. Beware your brother! For the one whom defects will cause more trouble than you can possibly imagine!”

Tara’s ghostly outline began to fade, satisfied that she had done her job.

“Wait!” I cried out. “I miss you!”

Tara’s last words were brief as the last of her spirit faded. “As I you.”

As Tara’s ghostly figure vanished, so had the vision.

“Okay everyone, we’re going home now!” Fiona said to her family. As the group left the Cemetery, I kept shooting glances at my brother. Was he really going to defect like Tara had foretold?

*****

“I know what you’re up to, Rowan. I don’t think you should go ahead with this,” I began casually, leaning against the hallway wall the next morning.

Having already gone past me, he simply turned his head and replied to my statement. “What I do is none of your concern. Be a good nine-year-old and mind your own business.”

My eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Rowan, I’m warning you. Don’t do this!” I hissed.

He faced me slightly and tilted his head, as if amused. “Or what, little sister?”

As my anger level rose, a tremor ran through my body. “This!” I said loudly, as my frame became enveloped in a bright pink aura. I stood breathing heavily as my hazel-coloured eyes turned cerise in accordance with the aura I now exuded.

He faced me properly and in one brief moment I saw that he, too, was radiating an aura. His manifestation was of a lightning yellow. In that instant, I realized that both of us had been chosen, however indirectly to begin with, by Kanto Legendaries.

“Mew...” My brother’s voice was static due to Zapdos’ Electric abilities.

“Zapdos...” Mine was telepathic.

“So... It... Has... Come... To... This...” We spoke in unison.

“ARE YOU TWO ARGUING AGAIN?! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ARGUMENTS BEFORE ROWAN LEAVES, JOSEPHINE?!” Fiona shouted up the staircase.

The auras dissipated and we returned to normal. We glanced at each other before Rowan continued down the hallway. “This won’t be forgotten, sis.” By putting emphasis on the last word, he further reinforced that he intended to head down his current path.

*****

Five years had passed since my brother left Kanto bound for the Sinnoh region. He was adamant that Sinnoh would somehow give him what he needed. He has now come back, determined to wreak havoc on his homeland. When I learned that Zapdos had well and truly sided with him, that the Titan of Lightning’s lust for power had caused a split in the Bird Trio, I shook my head in sorrow.

There is some good in all of this chaos, however. In those five years, I graduated from Pallet’s Magnet School at the age of ten, but refused to go anywhere because I wanted to learn more about all of the different types of Pokémon. I also made friends with Pewterian-born Rachel Savina, who shares a fair few of my traits – like impatience and hyperness – and Pallet-born Paul Johnson, who quickly turned into my rival.

Fuyu
October 13th, 2009, 05:09 PM
Nice additions to the story. You don't seem to rusty to me. Well at the moment I feel like crap, so forgive me if I don't put up a good review like I did the other day. Well. keep up the good work!

Citrinin
October 15th, 2009, 06:37 PM
Ah, now this is the first of three fics that I really ought to have reviewed earlier. @_@; [/lazy]

I really enjoyed this. ^^ I loved the sense of mystery you built up, but I felt the emotion of losing a sibling could have been stronger at the beginning.

Bay Alexison
October 16th, 2009, 08:21 PM
Sorry if I sound ranty here, but in all honesty, I’m not feeling this story for many reasons. However, I tried to be as firm as possible. First off, you seemed to tell and not show emotions, like Citirinin. For instance:

I was furious at him, for the blame lay squarely on him.
Show that she’s furious. Mention how her blood boiled, how she clenched her teeth, etc.

My eyes widened in shock. Whoever had been spying on us had taken Rowan, and left Mum and Dad unharmed. I then narrowed my eyes.
You didn’t mention Mum and Dad until much later in the one shot, which I found weird. Also, there seems to be no emotions on them when Rowan disappeared. Show it.

There are a few other problems I have with this one shot, mainly that the plot is going wayyyyyyy too fast. First, I thought you could have expand Rowan wanting power and such. Look at this quote:

“Become a trainer, and then go to the land of Sinnoh. Stay there for a few years and then come back. Once you’ve returned, you will have what you want.”

“Okay, I will do that,” came the answer.
He decided to become a trainer just like that? It seems you just make Rowan evil for evil. Really no motivation, or at least the motivation isn’t expanded upon.

Another problem is how come Josephine is able to see Johanna, but her parents. Don’t tell me because she’s special and has Mew powers. :< If so, then she’s considered Mary Sue because it seems she’s the only one that is able to see Johanna’s powers and such and not her family. Heck, not even Giovanni is able to see it, at least her spiritual powers.

Lastly…why Zapdos and Mew choose Rowan and Josephine all of a sudden like that? What did they do to deserve that? She’s special, huh? Again, Mary-Sue territory because right in that scene it seems everything is revolving around those two just by having Zapdos and Mew coming to them.

In short, you need to work more on emotions and also your characters. Already this one shot is showing them as Gary/Mary Sues because they either are able to see something no one else does or already chosen without deserving it or some explanation (and please don't say prophecy :< ).

Usually I find something good in every story I read, but here I don’t. I really, really tried, but in all honesty, I feel you need to redo this. Actually, go for a different story all together.

I read your works before and it always seems to be with Josaphine being Chosen, due to you always closing and rewriting your stories with that premise. I don’t do this because I know this offends to some writers, but you need this. Go for a totally different plot, different characters, different premise. No Josephine being a Chosen One. If you do that, you’ll actually grow as a writer instead of using the same plot and characters over and over. Also, you’ll be more respected as a writer as you’re actually challenging yourself instead of just staying in your comfort zone, and readers love different materials from the same author. Seriously, I’m actually tired of your stories basically the same thing.

ShinjisLover
October 18th, 2009, 06:39 PM
I don't know who you think you are, Misheard Whisper, but half of your review was just snarky and unnecessary remarks. You really have no room to talk, either, because your stories are the most boring stories I've ever forced myself to read.


Now, Kyuu-chan, I'm going to give you a nice review that I hope will help you. Before I begin, I agree with Citrus Ninja Citrinin. You seem more inclined to tell the reviewers the emotions of characters, rather than describing them with things like 'clenched teeth' or the like.


Things like this is what we're talking about:
Still overwhelmed by the loss of my sister, I turned and walked away a small distance as I felt the tears start.

You should say something like 'The tears burned at the back of my eyes. Losing my sister made my head spin around and around, as if I were dizzied by the loss. She was my sister, after all; my flesh and blood. My heart ached; the tears slipped out of my eyes.' Or something along those lines.


I also agree with Bay, as I told you. You should write about some other characters. Hopefully what I sent you is helpful.


As for this:
I knew of Sabrina, the Psychic type Gym Leader of Saffron City, but immediately ruled her out. She would no doubt be in the middle of a Gym battle right now, thus rendering her unable to leave the Gym. This gave me no other clues and I was left in the dark.
That wasn't good. . It's like saying Gym Leaders have no time on there hands. Crasher Wake in the anime even left the Gym completely to participate in the Croagunk festival. Whitney of Johto left the Gym because she didn't want to be a Gym Leader. They all have a considerable amount of time on their hands.


I disliked how this was worded:
Meanwhile, I was experiencing a vision.
You should've put in way more detail and not have been so straight-forward about it.


For the plot, it seemed rushed in most parts and there were somethings that were given no explanation. However, this can be easily fixed by taking more time to think about a plot. If it helps, write down the basics. Then write down how those things have happened. Like so:


Mew comes to the city.

Now think. . Why would Mew come to the city?

Mew comes to the city to help a girl in need.

Why would this girl need help?

Mew comes to the city to help a girl who is trapped by Team Rocket because they want her to join, but she refuses because she doesn't like Team Rocket since they steal Pokémon.

Sounds better, right? Just do something like that and you'll have a much better and more in-depth plot.


I also feel I should tell you this: Don't stop writing. You have promise in you as a writer and I don't want to see someone of your caliber leave the fanfiction section. Just work at it and you'll be great.


Hopefully this helped you!