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Belong
October 17th, 2009, 11:41 AM
This is chapter 1 of my story, Elementals. I didnt have much time to correct the errors, so you might notice some throughout this chapter.I will post a new chapter whenever i can. please tell me what you think.


Elementals


Chapter 1


The history behind it all

“Dash, wait up!” said shadow dashing through the empty streets of Jellion Avenue. Dash’s golden coat glistened in the morning sun. It was breakfast time for the pack. “I don’t want to be late again like last time!” he said, heavily panting. Suddenly, Dash skidded to a stop which caused shadow and dash to collide. “Ouch, why did you do that?” shadow said furiously.

Dash just sat there speechless, staring at the sky. “w-w-what is that?” said shadow as he looked up and tilted his head. “I don’t know, but it looks like its heading straight at us!” he yelled. “look at your fur, shadow!” Shadow glanced at his dark black fur, then his eyes widened. “my fur is glowing!” Dash chuckled then gave a loud yawn. “your fur is glowing to dash!” Dash’s face expression changed dramatically and slowly began to look frightened. “what’s going on?”said dash frantically, with his own tail in between his legs.
“I don’t know, lets hurry over to the pack’s head quarters. Maybe they will know.” Without waiting for a reply, shadow began to run in the direction of the HQ. Dash signed and followed close behind.

“hey, shadow. I think a storm is coming our way, we better hurry before it reaches us.”. Shadow replied with a nod. Little sprinkles of water could be heard clashing quietly against the streets. When they reached the HQ, their boss, Fang was awaiting right in front of the entrance. The HQ was just a old little deserted farm house the pack found one day hunting. “your finally here!

We have been waiting for your arrival for quite some time now. Come on in.”said Fang in an emotionless tone. Shadow smiled, then him and dash followed Fang into the warm house. Flower, Dash’s girl friend, came over to the front door and greeted us with a pleasant smile.

She had white fur, and wore a hot pink bow on her head. Dash loved Flower so much, he’d do just about anything for her. “ Dash, I missed you so much! I was thinking about you the whole time on my vacation to Hawaii.” “ I missed you to baby. You know I am always thinking about you, I love you!” “I love you to” Shadow walked over to the next room to avoid their conversation and see his friends.

As he walked on the room’s brown soft carpet which held a radio, couch, small T.V., and a fireplace, he saw Sniper sitting alone on the couch watching T.V. Sniper has been shadow’s best friend since they were pups. Shadow began to walk up to Sniper wagging his tail. Sniper looked over at shadow and jumped off the couch in excitement. “Shadow! I missed ya buddy! I have been so busy stocking up food for the winter, I haven’t been able to hang out with you.”

“ I know! Its okay though, I have been busy myself as well.” Shadow replied as they shook paws. Dash, Daisy, and Fang came in. “the rest of the pack is awaiting in the Conference room, meet me there immediately!” announced Fang as he joined the room. Dash and daisy went in together and shadow and sniper followed. As soon as everyone was in there black cotton chairs, Fang began with the meeting.

“There is something you must know” said fang, as he closed his eyes and lowered his head. Everyone was speechless, they knew never to interrupt the leader. “Your fur is glowing, because we are gaining our elemental powers back. Now, you must know our history.” “While the story is being told, please hold any further questions you may have after.” He said with a stern look on his face.

“ A long time ago, A star crashed against earth’s surface. It dug into the earth and years later, became a huge tree that could talk. We gave him the name, Mycin. He spoke wise words and tought us how to fight.

One day, he summoned all the wolves. He told us that evil is coming our way and that if we don’t act soon, the world would be doomed. He then spoke these enchanted words. Then our fur began to glow. When he was finished the glowing stopped and we felt different.

Then he told us about these elemental powers and he tought us how to use and control them. Each consisted of fire, ice, storm, life, and water. But there was one more power we were not aware of, Darkness.

There was this one wolf, he had the darkness elemental. Wolves were making fun of him because he was the only one of his kind. He grew with anger in his eyes and evil in his heart. His name was Zero, and he wanted to be the best, and to have all the elemental powers. So he began to destroy, not only his enemies, but his own
kind as well.

We tried and tried to reason with him, but he just ignored us and kept picking fights. One day, he set off to find and destroy Mycin. Mycin sensed something more evil and powerful ahead, so he summoned ten of his greatest warriors.

When zero came, the ten wolves warned him and told him to go no further but he ignored them and went closer and closer. They growled and began their attack. It was a bloody battle but in the end, zero won the fight with cuts and missing patches of fur.

Zero told Mycin that he will destroy him if he doesn’t give him all the elemental powers. Mycin told him that his heart is evil and full of darkness, there was no way he could give him all the powers.

Zero was furious at what he had told him. Mycin then added that the more he fights, the more powerful he will become, but he must not kill his own kind. Zero was still angry at Mycin. Mycin knew that if Zero become even more stronger, it would only live to certain doom and that zero was the enemie.

Mycin knew what he had to do, he had to fight zero and kill him. Mycin transformed into his real form, a dark red, gold eyed wolf. He challenged Zero, and zero accepted. They went to the fiery arena and all the wolves watched from above. They fought and fought until one of them was dead. When the match was almost over, Mycin grabbed zero with his mouth and he threw zero across the arena into a wall.

That ended it all. Peace was restored to Cypher once again. Years later, Mycin grew weaker, and so did our powers. One day, Mycin couldn’t live on any longer. He slowly died and we put him in Crevice cave, hoping that one day he would rise once again. When he died we also lost our powers.”

“you may ask me whatever it is that you are still confused about.”. “How are we getting our powers back now?” asked shadow curiously. “Well, the word is that Mycin is alive again, for reasons unknown. And that all wolves in Cypher must attend a meeting held by mycin at silver lake today at 3:00pm.” Replied Fang. “any more questions? I am pretty sure Mycin will explain further at the meeting.”

“How do we know what powers we will have?” asked Dash. “you will find out when you get them. You just feel and sense you’re power within you.”Answered Fang. The room grew silent. “okay, that concludes our meeting for today. Be sure to attend Mycin’s meeting.” Everyone left the room and into the living room. Shadow jumped on the couch and sat next to sniper.

Fang left the room with Dash and Flower following. “You know what sounds fun right now?” said Shadow, wagging his tail. “No, what?” replied sniper. “We can go find a wolf to fight!” “I guess, where are we gonna find a wolf all alone?” “Occasionally, I find some in Tappa park. Come on, lets go!” said shadow beginning to leave the room.

Sniper followed. Shadow loves to pick fights, he just doesn’t know when to stop! When they walked out of the front door, they saw Dash and Flower making out under a nearby pine tree. “awe, they look so cute together!” said sniper chuckling. Dash and Flower ignored them and continued.

Shadow went on in the direction of their destination, and Sniper followed. It was no longer raining but the road was still wet, and rough against their sensitive paws. It was rare for anyone to come to Jellion Avenue, it was always empty because the area didn’t provide any food or anything that they could hunt which is why the wolves that live here have to go somewhere else.

“Sniper, do you smell that?” “Yes, lets go check it out!” they turned right and followed the scent.

As they got closer they could smell another scent, something more strong. When they got close enough to see what it was they saw a silver, red eyed wolf snacking on a fully grown deer. They didn’t know how powerful the wolf was so they kept their distance. The silver wolf looked up, lifted up its lip and growled.

“Stay back! I’m warning you!” said the silver wolf furiously. “Hey, we just want your food you have there!” said Shadow, trying to pick a fight with him. “shadow, what are you doing? This wolf looks tough!” whispered Sniper.

Shadow ignored Sniper and walked slowly to the silver wolf, growling. “Oh, so you want to fight? Well bring it!” yelled the silver wolf. “Come on Sniper, lets show this silver wolf who’s boss” Sniper thought for a second and joined Shadow. Shadow began the fight, he head butted the silver wolf to the ground.

He got up and pounced on shadow and bit shadows tail. Sniper Grabbed him with his mouth, piercing the wolf’s neck with his sharp teeth, then threw him across the open field.
The wolf got up quickly and sneered at Sniper. Then he ran up so fast, Sniper didn’t have a chance to react and he bit his neck and wouldn’t let go.

Sniper couldn’t breath with the wolf’s teeth piercing his neck. Shadow jumped on the wolf’s back trying to release the wolf’s grip. The wolf held on tightly but he was no match for shadow’s powerful jaws clenching on his head, he let go and was knocked to the ground with great force.

“Are you okay, Sniper?” asked Shadow as they both got up. “yeah, my neck hurts but I will be fine.” The wolf appeared to have passed out from Shadow’s jaws clenching on his head. Shadow had cuts and scars, and Sniper had deep teeth marks from the wolf, he was bleeding.

Sniper’s light red fur contained blood from his cuts, it was obvious that the silver wolf did some damage to the both of them. “well we better get this meat to the pack, before he wakes up.” Said shadow as he picked up the deer meat. “yeah, your right. Lets hurry!” they headed back to the HQ, as fast as they could.

When they were half way there, Sniper began to run slower and slower and complained that he didn’t feel good. “Do you think you can make it back?” asked Shadow concerned. “I don’t think so, I am having trouble brea—“ Sniper fell to the ground, he passed out.

Shadow didn’t know what to do, so he ran back to the HQ as fast as he could. Shadow ran up the wooden steps and opened the front door with his muzzle. “Sniper passed out on the sidewalk on the way back!” announced Shadow as he ran inside. “is he ok?” asked Dash.

“I didn’t know what to do so I came back here”. “I’ll go and bring him back” said Fang as he ran outside. “what happened?” asked Penny, a bright brown wolf with light green eyes. “it’s a long story. Basically, we got into a fight with a silver wolf at Tappa Park for his food.” He replied.

Shadow went into the kitchen that was attached to the living room, and laid the meat down. “The meat is in the kitchen guys!” Shadow wasn’t hungry, he was too worried about Sniper.

Shadow waited on the front porch for Fang. It was 1:34pm, they had some time before the meeting. He saw Fang dragging Sniper with his mouth by the neck. Shadow ran over and helped Fang. They managed to get him inside and on a bed in one of the bed rooms. “he will be ok as long as he stays in bed” said fang calmly.

“but he will miss the meeting” “Then so be it, his health is more important than attending a meeting. I’m sure Mycin will understand.” They walked out of the room. “go ahead and get ready everyone” said Fang. Shadow left the HQ along with the others.

Belong
October 17th, 2009, 03:39 PM
Ok, 19 views but no replies? thats sad! please reply people! comment, what do you think about my story, what would you improve? I need your comments, they mean a lot to me! :pink_smile:

Vigilante
October 17th, 2009, 06:05 PM
You have capitalization errors. You don't captialize some proper nouns. Like Shadow in the first paragraph. You used it as a proper noun, not a common one.

“Dash, wait up!” said shadow dashing through the empty streets of Jellion Avenue. Dash’s golden coat glistened in the morning sun. It was breakfast time for the pack. “I don’t want to be late again like last time!” he said, heavily panting. Suddenly, Dash skidded to a stop which caused shadow and dash to collide. “Ouch, why did you do that?” shadow said furiously.

You have lots of problems with it. Like there are some dashes, and some fangs, where as it should be Dash and Fang.

You also capitalize the first word when ever someone begins talking.