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Etherius
October 30th, 2009, 08:26 AM
Hello everyone, this is Etherius. Firstly, I want to thank you all for making me feel so welcome, I joined yesterday and I already feel so comfortable here. I also want to thank you for reading my story, in return, I'll make it as good as I possibly can, and I promise to post at least once every two days, if not every day. In particular, I'd like to thank Laden and Empty Streets for being so friendly towards me. I've had this idea for a Pokemon Story for quite a while but I haven't been able to find the right place to tell it, but I've found Pokecommunity, and it's more than good enough. Without any further ado, let's begin!!

Before we start, I would like to warn you it may get a bit gruesome/shocking/etc at points.

~~Chapter 1~~
~~The Rage of Giratina~~
We were all so happy once. There was no fighting, no war, no sadness... But that was a long time ago. Not even the oldest of us can remember a time when we smiled... A time when our souls truly smiled. No, it has been many generations since joy left our hearts. We have no hope now... No hope, no future. At least, no future which is worth living. All because of a bout of arrogance and the whisperings of the trickster Pokemon, the world has been handed to darkness and shadow.

It happened about a thousand years ago. A young hero, named Diamis, was one of the greatest trainers to ever have lived. He was loved wherever he went, by Pokemon and people alike, for he was noble, kind and generous. Whenever he went to a new town or city, he and his Pokemon would make life better for them. He would water the fields, build new houses, heal the sick and get rid of pests. There were great statues of him built all around the world, and parents often named their children after him. He was a worldwide celebrity.

But one day, at the height of his fame and glory, an old woman came to him, begging him for his help. Her village had been destroyed and all the people in it killed by a terrible demonic Pokemon who lived in a nearby cave. She begged for him to slay the demon, and Diamis, arrogantly sure of his success, accepted. With his most powerful Pokemon, he traveled to the far north of what was once known as the Orre region, where the Old Woman had said her village was. There was indeed a ruin, of what had looked to be a fertile and prosperous village, but was now a smoking heap of rubble and ashes. The Old Woman pointed Diamis in the direction of the cave, near the top of a small mountain. Taking a great sword in hand Diamis began to climb to the cave, where he knew a great battle awaited.

He finally reached the mouth of the cave, and it smelled of burning grasslands and rotting corpses. Diamis charged inside to find a colony of Dratini. Diamis laughed; How could a group of Dratini have caused so much destruction? He took his sword and began to kill every one of them. They screamed like newborn babies, but he was deaf to their cries; something had changed Diamis. When he had killed all but one of the Dratini, He stopped. Trembling, he lifted his blade, and saw it stained with the blood of hundreds of defenseless Dratini. With a cry of anguish he threw it to the floor. But it was too late. He ran out of the cave, leaving a Dratini, alone and afraid.

Many years passed, and Diamis slowly forgot. Eventually, he forgot all about the hundreds of lives he had taken. He went on being famous, but something gnawed at him. One day, he went to pray at the temple of Arceus, the God of Pokemon, for a blessing. As he kneeled at the altar, the temple began to shake. The statue of Arceus at the back of the temple glowed with a malevolent red light. A great and majestic yet fearsome and terrifying voice sounded throughout the temple. 'Your sins have not been forgotten by all. You caused the extinction of my Dragonite brethren, and you have not honored their pain. You will face what they have. I shall place on your world a divine curse; your overlord shall be cruel and heartless. You will know pain. You will know loss. You will know fear.'

With this, the statue crumbled and in it's place, a black and shadowy portal appeared. As Diamis and the priests of Arceus watched in horror, Giratina forced it's way out of the portal and stared at them. With a bloodcurdling scream it slaughtered them all. Soon, numberless scores of people were killed by Giratina, and it forced humanity to build it a colossal palace made of black marble. The people prayed to Arceus, but he had forsaken them. The three Pokemon of the lakes, in their sorrow for humanity, tried to overthrow Giratina, but it was too powerful, and locked them in three caves around the world. It now holds our world in a shadowy, iron fist, such is the Divine Curse of Arceus.



I hope you liked it; You really have to know this bit before you can understand the rest of the story, so instead of calling it Chapter 1, I'll call it the Prologue. I'll have Chapter 1 up tomorrow. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Saltare.
October 30th, 2009, 08:42 AM
I really liked it! A bit short though. I can't wait for Chapter 1!

Denali
October 30th, 2009, 08:53 AM
But one day, at the height of his fame and glory, and old woman came to him, begging him for his help.
And should be an. I also think a him should be added.




to their cries; Something had changed Diamis.
The S doesn't need to be capitalized.



A great and majestic, yet fearsome and terrifying voice sounded throughout the temple.
I think a comma should be put in after majestic.

Overall Review
Nice job! I really liked it! I like how you gave a historical view on the story, telling us the past and how it affects the future. I'll be keeping my eye on this thread!

The only criticism I can think of is the part where you said the shadow overcame the world the second time, after Giratina took it over. Because I thought the world was already in shadow? Or was the world just in ruins, then in shadow when Giratina came?

Etherius
October 30th, 2009, 09:18 AM
Thanks Denali, I've changed the grammatical errors and edited the end a tiny bit to make it slightly better.

It wasn't meant to be awfully long Hikari, but thanks anyway, I know to make my chapters longer than this in the future.