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Zizi
March 23rd, 2010, 08:09 AM
Hey sorry guys, I just need some advice.. It's hard to explain but basically i've had a really bad childhood and most of my teen years were horrible due to a family alcoholic problem which I had to deal with alone.. Just new years eve gone I made the choice to get out and start living my life and i'm now living with my other family and it's like this whole new stable security i've never really known.. even though i'm so happy now being here, i'm finding it so much harder than i thought to just let go of the mindset of my old life.. just the littlest things will trigger bad memories.. i'm lucky to now have a supportive family who understand but i can't stop the memories from coming back whilst i'm trying to move on.. do I need to speak to someone? is it normal to feel like this after finally moving on?..

zhfac
March 23rd, 2010, 08:49 AM
Had somewhat of a similar experience; yes, sometimes, when I have nothing to think about, or to keep me occupied, I start thinking about the past, and all the emotions associated with the past also start coming out. I think speaking to someone would really help; I wrote an essay about my experiences in the past, as a school assignment, and also, whenever people ask me about my past, I just tell them plainly how "bad" it was. It's better to be transparent than to hide it.

Melody
March 23rd, 2010, 09:03 AM
Zizi, I think if it bothers you this badly, you should sit down with the family members whom you live with, and talk to them about how you feel. If you have to, grab the one you trust the most. Talk it out with someone, a close friend, a family member or whatever. If none of that helps, or if you simply cannot summon the courage to talk to someone, and cant find the courage to talk it out soon enough, then perhaps you could see a couselor or a professional about it.

It will take time for you to shrug off the old mindset, so don't rush yourself. I know this from experience.

Sometimes, adapting to a new life can be stressful or hard. This I also know from experience. x3

With that being said, I suggest you stick around on this forum and make some friends here because, who knows? ...you could find the one friend you trust the most, and can talk to about your traumatic experiences, and bad memories right here on PC.

robobbiebob
March 23rd, 2010, 09:07 AM
it will take a while to forget things. but eventually they will. if you ever need someone to talk to im here. :> its sometimes easyer talking to a stranger then someone you know

Aureol
March 23rd, 2010, 09:11 AM
Wow. I feel pretty stupid for going through 3 years of depression when compared to your troubles.

Yes, the absolute best thing you can do is talk to someone that will listen. That makes a world of difference. It is so much easier to deal with things when you have someone to share it with, even if they never have anything to say, and they just listen. During the last 6 months or so of my depression, I went to a counselor because I didn't have the nerve to talk about it to my family, but if you're close enough to your family, I think that they would be better. While you're not going through depression (well, the same kind anyways), I'd imagine that having someone there for you is one of the best things you can do.

And like others said, the person you talk to doesn't have to be someone you know. Online communites, like this one, or maybe special websites for people with similar issues can also be of great value.

Also, I wouldn't try dropping your old life all of a sudden. Yes, it sucked, but you can't just suddenly abandon the majority of your life (or, I'm assuming it was a pretty big part). If you keep trying to leave it suddenly, it'll keep coming back because of the little things. It's too big a part of your life to simply "move on." I think that the second thing you need to do is learn to accept your past, not forget it. Accept that it has happened, that there's nothing you can do now, and maybe you won't be so haunted by it. You'll be in pain when you dwell on it, but the little things will be easier as you are reminded quickly, then just as quickly change your mental subject.

Maybe I'm failing at understanding the real issues here though. So, if none of this applies to you, don't do anything with it.

Throat
March 23rd, 2010, 09:25 AM
Sometimes talking to friends and close people doesn't work because they are as young and unexperienced as you. Try on profissional help, it surely doesn't seem so appealing, but I'm sure it's the best way to go over such problems.

Callandor
March 23rd, 2010, 10:48 AM
I say, if you only need to get it off your chest, and don't really need any feed back, then a friend is perfect. Of corase, if you don't feel like being so open with someone like that, then you might just want to start a journal. One of my friends does that, and says it's a great stress reliever. Let's say you feel bad, and your thinking about the past. You don't feel like going to anybody, or mabey it's just the middle of the night. You pull out your journal, or mabey just turn on your computer, and you just start writing, or typing, for a few minutes to an hour. It may make you feel better, or my idea might be a total dud. All that matters is what works for you.

Zizi
March 24th, 2010, 12:43 PM
Hey I just want to thank everybody so much who took the time to reply to me, I really do appreciate it, it means a lot to me :)

Had somewhat of a similar experience; yes, sometimes, when I have nothing to think about, or to keep me occupied, I start thinking about the past, and all the emotions associated with the past also start coming out. I think speaking to someone would really help; I wrote an essay about my experiences in the past, as a school assignment, and also, whenever people ask me about my past, I just tell them plainly how "bad" it was. It's better to be transparent than to hide it.

I'll deffo have to start being more transparent with people, I always hid things before, how I truly felt and I guess i'm doing it again.. I took youe tip about the essay and I wrote a massive one to my boyfriend explaining everything that's happened because I've never told him things and his support and the fact I was able it all down is a major help so thank you :)

Zizi, I think if it bothers you this badly, you should sit down with the family members whom you live with, and talk to them about how you feel. If you have to, grab the one you trust the most. Talk it out with someone, a close friend, a family member or whatever. If none of that helps, or if you simply cannot summon the courage to talk to someone, and cant find the courage to talk it out soon enough, then perhaps you could see a couselor or a professional about it.

It will take time for you to shrug off the old mindset, so don't rush yourself. I know this from experience.

Sometimes, adapting to a new life can be stressful or hard. This I also know from experience. x3

With that being said, I suggest you stick around on this forum and make some friends here because, who knows? ...you could find the one friend you trust the most, and can talk to about your traumatic experiences, and bad memories right here on PC.

I'm luckily close to my cousin so I can sit down with him and tell him things then maybe I'll have the courage to tell more of my family my feelings and I guess I have been trying to rush myself.. and I will deffo stick on this forum, already it's been a major help! :D thank you

it will take a while to forget things. but eventually they will. if you ever need someone to talk to im here. :> its sometimes easyer talking to a stranger then someone you know

Yeah I know what you mean and I'd be happy to chat sometime if you're okies with that :) ty

Wow. I feel pretty stupid for going through 3 years of depression when compared to your troubles.

Yes, the absolute best thing you can do is talk to someone that will listen. That makes a world of difference. It is so much easier to deal with things when you have someone to share it with, even if they never have anything to say, and they just listen. During the last 6 months or so of my depression, I went to a counselor because I didn't have the nerve to talk about it to my family, but if you're close enough to your family, I think that they would be better. While you're not going through depression (well, the same kind anyways), I'd imagine that having someone there for you is one of the best things you can do.

And like others said, the person you talk to doesn't have to be someone you know. Online communites, like this one, or maybe special websites for people with similar issues can also be of great value.

Also, I wouldn't try dropping your old life all of a sudden. Yes, it sucked, but you can't just suddenly abandon the majority of your life (or, I'm assuming it was a pretty big part). If you keep trying to leave it suddenly, it'll keep coming back because of the little things. It's too big a part of your life to simply "move on." I think that the second thing you need to do is learn to accept your past, not forget it. Accept that it has happened, that there's nothing you can do now, and maybe you won't be so haunted by it. You'll be in pain when you dwell on it, but the little things will be easier as you are reminded quickly, then just as quickly change your mental subject.

Maybe I'm failing at understanding the real issues here though. So, if none of this applies to you, don't do anything with it.

No, you've deffo understood most of my issues, thank you for such a detailed reply :) I'm going to pysch myself up to opening up to certain members of my family or at least try and find a professional if it comes to that.. I've always been hiding and bottling my feelings up that I guess it's just my mindset now and I have to try and break it preferably with my family. I've found that sites like this are also really helping me open up ^^
And I know what you mean, I keep trying to block out my old life so when I see something that triggers a memory, it makes the memory all the worse and more painful so I should maybe just let it in bit by bit then maybe it won't be as painful?.. if that makes any sense?.. lol =D ty

Sometimes talking to friends and close people doesn't work because they are as young and unexperienced as you. Try on profissional help, it surely doesn't seem so appealing, but I'm sure it's the best way to go over such problems.

I'm actually looking for it but I don't know where to look :S lol ty :)

I say, if you only need to get it off your chest, and don't really need any feed back, then a friend is perfect. Of corase, if you don't feel like being so open with someone like that, then you might just want to start a journal. One of my friends does that, and says it's a great stress reliever. Let's say you feel bad, and your thinking about the past. You don't feel like going to anybody, or mabey it's just the middle of the night. You pull out your journal, or mabey just turn on your computer, and you just start writing, or typing, for a few minutes to an hour. It may make you feel better, or my idea might be a total dud. All that matters is what works for you.

A journal, wow i've never actually thought of that lol ^^ I may have to give it a go because I did feel tons better when I wrote everything down for my boyfriend.. so yes I'll give that a shot too. Thank you ^^

Thank you all again for your replies =D

pauldan00b
March 29th, 2010, 02:09 PM
Zizi...I read your posts and I am unfortunate to say that I've had a far from perfect childhood as well... it just makes me sad to know there are others like me out there, people like you who lived through a nightmare... Like the others said on here, being on Pokecommunity will help you make some close friends who will be here to support you in any way we can, and you might just meet that someone who can help you overcome your demons... The way I see it, is us PokeCommunity goers are like a family in ourselves :) I just want you to know, that if ever you need someone to talk to about anything, I can help and would be more than happy to lend a friendly hand... I know all too well what having childhood trauma is like, and I know I can give advice that might help ease the burden on you... just drop me a message here or somewhere and I'll help *hugs*

ILoveDragonite
March 29th, 2010, 03:01 PM
A nice trip to disney land might help <_<

Slyfy
March 29th, 2010, 03:19 PM
A nice trip to disney land might help <_<
Everybody should have been there when they were little.

If not, you become me. DX

sgspacemonkey
March 30th, 2010, 04:28 AM
It’s ok to still feel down after having something bad happen in your past. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had a good family life and what I’ve been through is probably no-where near as bad as what you have, yet even now years later I still get moments when I’m affected by my past and I worry that I may be suffering from depression. Like a lot of people I had issues at school, got bullied really badly and even had a particular teacher show me up in front of the class, saying bad things about me and my family. During that time I played games, because they took my mind off of it and were a form of escapism – stopped me from going crazy. Then I left school and it felt like I was starting a new life. I decided I was going to change and I worked really hard at it. I also met other decent people who were like me, and went through similar things. It’s still hard because going through something like that kills your confidence off and whenever times get bad it’s hard not to revert your mind back to how it use to be back then. When you’re down for so long, you think and act different, more negatively, and it’s a hard habit to break. For some reason you can hurt yourself emotionally and keep doing it, yet if something hurts physically you won’t do it again. I changed by talking to people and forcing myself to think positively. Trying new hobbies and interests not linked to your past may also help to cheer you up and take your mind off of it.

Zizi
March 30th, 2010, 01:37 PM
Zizi...I read your posts and I am unfortunate to say that I've had a far from perfect childhood as well... it just makes me sad to know there are others like me out there, people like you who lived through a nightmare... Like the others said on here, being on Pokecommunity will help you make some close friends who will be here to support you in any way we can, and you might just meet that someone who can help you overcome your demons... The way I see it, is us PokeCommunity goers are like a family in ourselves :) I just want you to know, that if ever you need someone to talk to about anything, I can help and would be more than happy to lend a friendly hand... I know all too well what having childhood trauma is like, and I know I can give advice that might help ease the burden on you... just drop me a message here or somewhere and I'll help *hugs*

*Hugs* thank you so much, it really means a lot ^^ i've left a comment on your page, i'd love to chat. I'm sorry you've had a rough time too :( but to know somebody else feels the same way i do does help.. so thank you again :)

A nice trip to disney land might help <_<

Lol yes I guess it would..

Everybody should have been there when they were little.

If not, you become me. DX


I've never been :O lol

It’s ok to still feel down after having something bad happen in your past. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had a good family life and what I’ve been through is probably no-where near as bad as what you have, yet even now years later I still get moments when I’m affected by my past and I worry that I may be suffering from depression. Like a lot of people I had issues at school, got bullied really badly and even had a particular teacher show me up in front of the class, saying bad things about me and my family. During that time I played games, because they took my mind off of it and were a form of escapism – stopped me from going crazy. Then I left school and it felt like I was starting a new life. I decided I was going to change and I worked really hard at it. I also met other decent people who were like me, and went through similar things. It’s still hard because going through something like that kills your confidence off and whenever times get bad it’s hard not to revert your mind back to how it use to be back then. When you’re down for so long, you think and act different, more negatively, and it’s a hard habit to break. For some reason you can hurt yourself emotionally and keep doing it, yet if something hurts physically you won’t do it again. I changed by talking to people and forcing myself to think positively. Trying new hobbies and interests not linked to your past may also help to cheer you up and take your mind off of it.

Thank you for your comment, I do appreciate it ^^ I really do see where your coming from.. I understand. Luckily where I now live is far enough away that I can try something new and try to bond with people like me and try to make a new go of it.. I guess that's all i can do. Again, thank you for you help :)

Cold Fusion
March 30th, 2010, 02:10 PM
I've not been to Disney Land either. o:

This almost made me cry and I don't easily get tearful. ;; But, I have a friend who's got a dad who's an alcholic, so yeah, that's probably why...
Never mind that, Zizi's situtation. Focus Crissy. Heh.

I've had a nice childhood, the only thing I think has been bad is that I lost one of my closest friends ever and now I see him on the street and miss him so, I've had a good childhood in comparision. Well, as most people have said, give someone the 'ld talk to talk about how you feel, it's better to let it out than keep it inside, that's one thing that I do all the time, so it may seem silly comming from someone who does this all the time, but when you get rid of all of it, it really does help. I know that. If you can't do the whole talk to talk, write it, journal, stories, little paragraphs about it, some method that lets you release it. Being here on the forum will really help you. You can get attached to people and tell them aswell, and I'm sure they won't mind afterall, if you become close friends that what friends are for, right? I'll do that too, as many others have offered. For the memory thing, there is no surprise that you keep remembering after all, it was a dreadful time therefore it will stick in you're head, don't worry as time goes on, it will die down. It's a big change that you have gone through so you're still adapting to the new surroundings. Have as much fun as you possibly can, that helps you forget a lot. Don't rush yourself to dropping that old life though, take time, it's a big part of you're life it's not going to be easy to forget. Changing can be one of the hardest things in your life to do, but if you try, you can do it. :)

Sydian
March 30th, 2010, 02:10 PM
With that being said, I suggest you stick around on this forum and make some friends here because, who knows? ...you could find the one friend you trust the most, and can talk to about your traumatic experiences, and bad memories right here on PC.

This. My two best friends are both members here. And if you're close to your family, you can definitely talk to them. Just cause you've had a bad past doesn't mean you can't move on. I've had a bad past too, but I've learned from it. Sometimes things trigger bad memories, but when that happens, I just remember the great friends I have here, and the few I have at home, and I know I can talk to them about it.

Zizi
April 7th, 2010, 04:30 PM
Thank you soo much to everybody on here.. i appreciate all your advice and feedback and feel incredibly happy considering i'm quite new to this site. Thank you all so much for being understanding and a shoulder to cry on. It's helped me massive amounts to know there's people there for me :)