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Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 05:53 AM
Getting married at 16, 18, younger? Preposterous! I believe that the age should be raised to at least 25, for maturity reasons. What do you think about this subject?

Zet
April 22nd, 2010, 05:55 AM
While I'm fine with 18 being a good age for people to get married since they're deemed an "adult" in society, I don't think the laws should enforce any rules on two people loving each other.

inb4religiousdebate

Signomi
April 22nd, 2010, 05:56 AM
I do think the minimum age limit should be somewhere mid twenties. As it has already been said, it is because younger people do tend to be rather hasty in their decision making and it does take a great deal of maturity and understanding of one another for two people to go into holy matrimony.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:04 AM
While I'm fine with 18 being a good age for people to get married since they're deemed an "adult" in society, I don't think the laws should enforce any rules on two people loving each other.

inb4religiousdebate

18 is a great age; most people won't marry at 18, though. They generally wait until 21+ for that, and might get engaged before that.

I'd like to have married at 16 my fiance (since we were just going to get married at 18 anyway, and it would have avoided a lot of issues with his over-religious parents), but you need parental permission at that age. I'll be 18 this year so it's all good :] Getting married in October, just after our 3rd-year anniversary in August. I'll have known him for almost four years by that time, and lived with him for two without issues, so for those deeming 18 too young in this case, I think you're crazy since you won't find a couple as loving and loyal as us :<

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 06:09 AM
But marriage is still a big step, not everyone knows what they're getting themselves into with marriage. It's like speeding your childhood ahead, in a way. Next thing it'll be a house, kids, all by 20 or so? D:

Zet
April 22nd, 2010, 06:11 AM
But your childhood dies at 14 when people start telling you to grow up and stop acting like a kid.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:11 AM
But marriage is still a big step, not everyone knows what they're getting themselves into with marriage. It's like speeding your childhood ahead, in a way. Next thing it'll be a house, kids, all by 20 or so? D:

Marriage =\= Kids; it's just a status to avoid issues / to obtain certain legal rights. It doesn't even prove love. It's just some papers you fill out to allow the government to see you as an actual couple. That's how it is today, anyway. I much prefer the religious view on it, though (where marriage is for love and is only done between a woman and a man who are loyal, respectful, and over-their-heels in love), and that's what I go by.

There's no set age for us for kids, either. It's merely "when we're financially capable". I'm assuming that'll be in around eight years :<

Icu Zettu

Signomi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:14 AM
18 is a great age; most people won't marry at 18, though. They generally wait until 21+ for that, and might get engaged before that.

I'd like to have married at 16 my fiance (since we were just going to get married at 18 anyway, and it would have avoided a lot of issues with his over-religious parents), but you need parental permission at that age. I'll be 18 this year so it's all good :] Getting married in October, just after our 3rd-year anniversary in August. I'll have known him for almost four years by that time, and lived with him for two without issues, so for those deeming 18 too young in this case, I think you're crazy since you won't find a couple as loving and loyal as us :<

Ahaha, if I had a penny for every time some lovey-dovey couple said that to me, I'd be one heck of a millionaire.

Incidentally, marriage is no topic one can juggle lightly. Remember, if you agree to marrying one another, you must take into mind that you will be waking up to the very same person every single day for the rest of your life. You've tied the knot, things can change. It's just as much as a risk for younger people as it is for those who make the decision much later because of the amount of experience they're unlikely to have at such at age, and how difficult it is more likely to be for them to keep up a steady lifestyle because they are at that age, and it isn't only just about conveniences such as living and dealing with accommodation, it's about making sure this is not some fly by night Broadway romance. Granted, love shouldn't have many boundaries, but it's better to think more deeply about what you're going to get into and assure with your partner whether or not it's the right thing to do.

Zet
April 22nd, 2010, 06:16 AM
Ahaha, if I had a penny for every time some lovey-dovey couple said that to me, I'd be one heck of a millionaire.

Incidentally, marriage is no topic one can juggle lightly. Remember, if you agree to marrying one another, you must take into mind that you will be waking up to the very same person every single day for the rest of your life. You've tied the knot, things can change. It's just as much as a risk for younger people as it is for those who make the decision much later because of the amount of experience they're unlikely to have at such at age, and how difficult it is more likely to be for them to keep up a steady lifestyle because they are at that age. Granted, love shouldn't have many boundaries, but it's better to think more deeply about what you're going to get into and assure with your partner whether or not it's the right thing to do.

And then women created the divorce system to take everything away from their husband.... I mean ex-husband

Izanagi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:18 AM
Also, for someone so over-religious, why are you living together?

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:25 AM
Ahaha, if I had a penny for every time some lovey-dovey couple said that to me, I'd be one heck of a millionaire.

Incidentally, marriage is no topic one can juggle lightly. Remember, if you agree to marrying one another, you must take into mind that you will be waking up to the very same person every single night for the rest of your life. You've tied the knot, things can change. It's just as much as a risk for younger people as it is for those who make the decision much later because of the amount of experience they're unlikely to have at such at age, and how difficult it is more likely to be for them to keep up a steady lifestyle because they are at that age. Granted, love shouldn't have many boundaries, but it's better to think more deeply about what you're going to get into and assure with your partner whether or not it's the right thing to do.

I'd be rich, too, since people don't take marriage seriously anymore. It's merely something you "throw yourself into" after knowing each other for less than a year.

In this case, we met in January 2007, got together in August 2007, and this year will be our 3rd anniversary. We're a "rare" find, if you want, since we both don't believe in strip clubs, bars, drinking, drugs, disloyalty, looking at others of the opposite sex "in that way", going out with friends without the other partner tagging along... Loyalty, respect, and honesty are the top things that found our relationship. Sure, we get into misunderstandings sometimes, but we never sleep or go out or do stupid things when it happens. We calm down and fix it. Simple as that. No drama, no phoning up friends to bish about it "for fun". Nothing like that. After living with each other for over a year, it was great, regardless financial difficulties since I didn't have a SIN Card and my fiance was the only one capable of working. Two peas in a pod are we :] We don't even separate money; what we make is "ours" and is located in a joint bank account.

In our case, I do believe it's fine that we marry when I'm 18 and he's 25, since we've never run into any problems, and we always have each other's back. Never once have we threatened to "leave one another" if something bad occurs, and never once have we ever said "I wish I was with someone else" or something silly like that. I don't mind waking up to him everyday for the rest of my life; he's my sweetpea who cuddles with me and sings me to sleep.

For people who don't share such a type of relationship, though, I do believe they should wait :s Marriage is, like we've all confirmed so far, not something you toy with. It's a very holy, intimate thing, and I firmly believe once you marry a single time, it's not good to marry after a divorce. It'll just end up being a silly cycle.

Izanagi:

In the time of the Qu'ran, merely living together was a signification of being married. We look at it as already being married, but being incapable of acquiring the legal papers for it. In religion, though, we're technically married. It's only fanatics that demand for papers and whatnaught, unless the couple living together aren't as loyal and true as a couple is supposed to be (i.e. one's bound to cheat on the other). Then that's a problem; however, in this case, it's permissible.

Izanagi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:27 AM
Wait, you've been living together for 2 years, and he's 25 right now? Pedophillia much?

FreakyLocz14
April 22nd, 2010, 06:30 AM
No. 18 is the age people turn into adults where I live and they should enjoy the full rights of adulthood then.

Hyper Voice
April 22nd, 2010, 06:30 AM
I think the age is fine as it is. I've been with my Significant other for 4 years. I didn't propose to her until last month, I know it is a huge step. She's 22 and people say we're too young. We have our own house and are fairly stable with money (who is nowadays?) And I couldn't ever imagine my life without her. I'll give that 16 is a little young to be thinking about marriage, there are definitaly more important things to think about than that. You have to really sit and think about things. Can you honestly deal with living with that person forever? Can you protect them? Can you provide for them? Are you two able to actually exist together and make a family without fighting everyday?

xJordan360
April 22nd, 2010, 06:31 AM
Make it the same as drinking. 21 to get drank and get hitched. Sounds good to me.

Also, I'll just pretend I have the time to type up something as long and truthful as Signomi before I leave for school.


going out with friends without the other partner tagging along


-I have to say, it sounded fine until you said that. You give the impression you never go out with friends without him tagging along, and vice versa. Am I correct?

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:31 AM
Wait, you've been living together for 2 years, and he's 25 right now? Pedophillia much?

Uhm, pedophilia is the sexual attraction to children. He would be a pedophile if I were 11, even 12. I'm almost 18. A 32-year-old attracted to a 17-year-old would be disgusting, but in this case, it's perfectly fine. After all, when he's 40, I'll be 33. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

xJordan360:

Normally, yes, we go everywhere together, since we find it more fun to always be beside each other. It's not a "trust" issue. We don't have friends of the opposite sex after all. Sometimes he'll go out with a male friend of his, but generally I go with him. It's a mutual thing.

Zet
April 22nd, 2010, 06:34 AM
Wait, you've been living together for 2 years, and he's 25 right now? Pedophillia much?
When she turned 16 it became cradle snatching.

But if I was to be in a long relationship like yours Yusshin, it would be the care free kind, we can hang out with who we want to hang out and still make time for each other. So you and your fiance really need to ease up on some stuff and not believing in strip clubs, drinking, etc won't make them go away any time soon XP

Izanagi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:34 AM
Legally, it's pedofillia for a 16 year old to have relations with a 23 year old.

xJordan360
April 22nd, 2010, 06:36 AM
I think the age is fine as it is. I've been with my Significant other for 4 years. I didn't propose to her until last month, I know it is a huge step. She's 22 and people say we're too young. We have our own house and are fairly stable with money (who is nowadays?) And I couldn't ever imagine my life without her. I'll give that 16 is a little young to be thinking about marriage, there are definitaly more important things to think about than that. You have to really sit and think about things. Can you honestly deal with living with that person forever? Can you protect them? Can you provide for them? Are you two able to actually exist together and make a family without fighting everyday?


She's 22. You're 16.

You've been with her for four years...?

brb, math

When you started dating, you were 12, and she was 18 WUT?


Sidenote, on pedophilia, incorrect. It is not pedophilia, it is ephebophilia.

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 06:37 AM
..Either way, I still think Yusshin should wait a few years before marriage. The age difference just doesn't seem right in this case. Shouldn't need to rush.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:37 AM
Legally, it's pedofillia for a 16 year old to have relations with a 23 year old.

Unless the parents are fine with it.

My parents were fine with it. A 16-year-old and a 23-year-old doesn't happen often, but in this case, anyone under 19 I deemed immature and disgusting. I don't believe in dating in highschool. I don't believe in sexual affairs with more than one person in a lifetime. It's very sacred; age is but a number, unless it becomes extreme, like 25 and 12. That's just wrong. 16 and 23 is fine, though, and although a lot of people would disagree, many would agree, too.

I'm 17 currently; he's 24. He'll be 25 in June, and I, 18 in October. There's certainly nothing wrong with that.

Zettu:

It's a serious relationship; we don't find strip clubs or bars "thrilling" or "fun". Our values are against it. A nice movie or a walk is much more fun :]

Forever:

I don't see why one should wait; we'll get married eventually, and that's a fact. Why wait until 22 when we can just do it when I turn 18? It's not "rushing"; it's merely getting something that's inevitable out of the way.

I think you're under-estimating the perfection of our togetherness :< but it's to be expected, since not many couples like us exist anymore. We're very "old-fashioned" with our values and morals, and that's what really helps to perfect us.

xJordan360
April 22nd, 2010, 06:39 AM
..Either way, I still think Yusshin should wait a few years before marriage. The age difference just doesn't seem right in this case. Shouldn't need to rush.

You're signature discredits the validity of your post ;]

Sotto Voce
April 22nd, 2010, 06:41 AM
That's an interesting concept--I never really put much thought into it until I read this.
It's hard for me to say whether it would be good or not to raise the age...
I am inclined to say "yes" for obvious maturity reasons, although I do know people who were married very very young (at 18) and have had stayed married and have had good marriages, but that's exceedingly rare (the rest don't end as well--foolishness, I say) as far as I know, so I see no harm in raising the limit.

I think it would be a good thing, in fact--maybe it would lower the divorce rate in the U.S. And it would do no harm--if a couple truly are in love, then what's the harm in waiting? They can move in together and all the rest...

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 06:42 AM
Forever:

I don't see why one should wait; we'll get married eventually, and that's a fact. Why wait until 22 when we can just do it when I turn 18? It's not "rushing"; it's merely getting something that's inevitable out of the way.

I think you're under-estimating the perfection of our togetherness :< but it's to be expected, since not many couples like us exist anymore.

I understand what you mean, but still. That'll equal society judging you, if you really care, waiting a few years, so that people can appreciate how in love you two are is good.

You're signature discredits the validity of your post ;]

..Those are lyrics.

Izanagi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:42 AM
If you're having sex, it's illegal.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:45 AM
I understand what you mean, but still. That'll equal society judging you, if you really care, waiting a few years, so that people can appreciate how in love you two are is good.

I don't really bother to see how others view us, though. If they like us together, that's great; if not, oh well. My parents, for example, are fine with the matter, but they don't like my fiance at all. They wouldn't do anything to him, though, since they respect my decision. All of our friends are awe-struck as well by the fact that we're very, very different from the "standard" couple of today. It's apparent that we have something special that only exists in one in a million people. I don't care if people judge me or him. Their judging is just a way for them to feel at ease with the situation; I could really care less about what they have to say about it, unless I'm in danger in some way and I don't see it. In this case, there's absolutely no harm. We have goals and we have each other. That's all that really matters in the end - not what others have to say about it.

Izanagi:

Actually, it's not, unless the parents object. Maybe in American Law, but not Canadian - and I live in Canada.

15 and 22 is 100% illegal; 16 and 23 is not, unless the parents object. At 18, there is no limit, although more than 12 years difference is what I call "icky".

I do believe you need to stop referring to age, though. A 16-year-old girl is maturer than a 19-year-old boy, if the girl is at least somewhat intelligent and not brainwashed by clothing fads. Age is only a number; it does not rate maturity level.

Speaking of maturity level, marriage should be based on that and not age. There are some 18-year-old quackjobs out there, and some really, really mature 17-year-olds. Although it would be difficult to go by maturity (and thus why age is used instead), that would definitely be a better way of determining when someone is mentally "ready" for marriage.

Izanagi
April 22nd, 2010, 06:53 AM
I just realized you're from Canadia. Legally, my mistake, but I still disagree with your opinion. Including the 16 year old girls being more mature than 19 year old boys. I'm more mature than alot of people I know, especially teenage girls.

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 06:54 AM
Good points, but still, if the age were raised, then those, such as yourself, who wish to be married now... can be better reassured that the decision is right?

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 06:55 AM
It applies to men as well, not just girls - although it is a fact that girls mature faster than boys do, and not just physically (that's why you always see little 10-year-olds with "crushes" and boys don't reach that until around 14 or 15).

It really depends on the individual.

Forever:

I don't understand :s Can you rephrase that?

Jubilation
April 22nd, 2010, 06:59 AM
Nica, that's the chance you take with love, my parents have only dated each other, no one else and they've been married for 27 happy years.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 07:02 AM
Nica, that's the chance you take with love, my parents have only dated each other, no one else and they've been married for 27 happy years.

That's really awesome. You don't see that often, really. I'm in the same boat as them, though (the "love" boat? lol!)

[Edit]

I took the time to edit this because that joke up there ^ was really corny.

You know what? I completely spaced on something!

I had this question in my law homework last week! You know what I answered?

People should know each other for at least three years and be living together everyday for at least two years in order to be valid for marriage. This allows couples to experience tough situations and view how their partner would respond, and it would also determine whether or not they remain stable and non-abusive, loyal, respectful, etc. in such a living condition.

I don't really mind age; like said, maturity is moreso the factor here and it ranges dramatically from person to person. I'm moreso concerned with those who jump into a marriage thinking they love each other to death, and then six months later, they divorce. I'd prefer to prevent those divorces due to "surprises" and unseen situations by putting people in such testing, tough situations before any papers are signed. Guaranteed that less divorces would occur if that were to exist :|

Ryoutarou
April 22nd, 2010, 07:45 AM
Yusshin, I don't quite think I agree with everything you've said, though I do agree with a good deal of it, I really do like how you're able to stick to your guns on what you believe when it comes to something so out there.

I've never been a fan of mandating ages to when a person can do something or is legally considered an adult. In the U.S., if you're 18, you're old enough to sign up for armed services and face death, yet you aren't quite old enough to drink an alcoholic beverage. Now, does that actually make sense? Maturity comes with experience, not age, and different people will take in experiences in vastly different ways. So if there really must be an age to where person is considered an adult, they should be legally within their rights to do whatever they want with their lives, marriage included.

16/17 is...a little young, I would say, but again, people view certain experiences in different manners, so it's very likely to have a 16 year old who is more stable than someone twice the age. If you feel that you're truly ready to get married, then go for it, nothing should stand in the way of your happiness, certainly not what society thinks of you. Of course...this also means that if you believe you're ready for marriage, you're ready to live on your own as a couple, pay your own bills, and generally take care of yourselves. Wording this part is a little tricky, but I...generally think one doesn't need to live a materially comfortable life in that aspect. If you have somewhere to live, that's really all that should matter in my opinion. I've always found it odd when people say a person's financial status is...not so much of a reason as to why they would marry, but an indicator that the person is mature and responsible. It most certainly is not and should have no play in your decision to get married, one of the most common wedding vows out there is that you promise to love your partner within richness and poorness. You strive to provide each other a good life because you want your partner to be comfortable, but it isn't the reason you marry one another, you do that because you want to be there next to that person, spending every moment you can with them, because you love them.

Of course I certainly don't think every person who looks at their relationship lightly and says "Yup, I'm ready!" is ready, they do need to examine every aspect of the relationship carefully before they do anything else. If after all of that, they truly do believe marriage is for them, then I say go for it.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 07:59 AM
I completely agree with you Ryoutarou; I'm sure you'd approve if you saw a video of everything we've already been through as a couple and still are as fine and dandy as ever o-o (i.e. eviction, being suddenly jobless, parents that really don't approve (mine because he's arab; his because I'm not 18 yet - my dad likes to refer to him as "that terrorist guy" ><), hunger, separation for a year, etc.)

<3 He's still mah sweetpea.

Totally 100% agree with the maturity thing, and the army vs. alcohol ordeal is dumb :s although in Canada, you can drink at 18/19 pending the province.

Reginaldvonburger
April 22nd, 2010, 10:09 AM
Didn't read the other posts because there's a lot and I just wanted to get straight to the main points.
No, I don't think it should be raised. There's nothing wrong with two people loving each other and wanting to share that love with their closest family and friends. In the UK the legal age for sex is 16, and the legal age for marriage (With parental consent) is 16. My cousin got married at 17/18, and his wife was pregnant at the time and they have no problems and love each other a lot.

To be honest, if my boyfriend proposed to me, I would say yes right now because we're in the sort of relationship where you know you're going to be together for life, or at least a very long time.
Age plays no part in love, maturity is what it's about. You can be 30 and still as immature as a teenager, or 14 and as mature as an adult. It's all about different personalities and the way different peoples mind works. I don't think anything like this should be changed, it just doesn't seem fair that people should wait till their in their 20's to get married. I mean, my parents were together at 16/17, had their first child at 18/19 and got married around 20. They're still together nearly 20 years later. I see no reason why it should be increased, as many people do not get married so young.

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 10:13 AM
I'm too lazy to read the other points, but I just wanted to say that perhaps raising it to 21 might be a good thing. 18 might be good to some others, but think about it. It's almost saying 'I'M AN ADULT OKAY TIME TO GET MARRIED', when you should probably learn how to be an adult (taxes, being able to keep up with money) before getting married, eventually having kids, and such. I don't want to marry at 18, and then be in big trouble money wise because I wasn't money-stable or anything.

Reginaldvonburger
April 22nd, 2010, 10:20 AM
I'm too lazy to read the other points, but I just wanted to say that perhaps raising it to 21 might be a good thing. 18 might be good to some others, but think about it. It's almost saying 'I'M AN ADULT OKAY TIME TO GET MARRIED', when you should probably learn how to be an adult (taxes, being able to keep up with money) before getting married, eventually having kids, and such. I don't want to marry at 18, and then be in big trouble money wise because I wasn't money-stable or anything.

My boyfriend is 17, 18 next month, and has already been dealing with Tax, money issues and rent to his parents, so he's pretty good with money.

It depends on the people entirely.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 10:37 AM
I'm too lazy to read the other points, but I just wanted to say that perhaps raising it to 21 might be a good thing. 18 might be good to some others, but think about it. It's almost saying 'I'M AN ADULT OKAY TIME TO GET MARRIED', when you should probably learn how to be an adult (taxes, being able to keep up with money) before getting married, eventually having kids, and such. I don't want to marry at 18, and then be in big trouble money wise because I wasn't money-stable or anything.

If someone experienced that first-hand for over a year while living with their partner, you'd approve, correct? For example, if you're 16 living with "that person" until 18 and supporting yourselves for two years, how would you feel about that?

Just wanting to see if we're on the same page :P

Esper
April 22nd, 2010, 10:41 AM
I'd say generally when you (hypothetical you - not singling anyone out) are legally an adult you should be free to do anything adults can do legally. If you get married too soon and it doesn't work out then that's what divorce is for. Hopefully you haven't brought children into the mix, but if you think you're ready for marriage then you have to be willing to take on any responsibilities that might come your way.

Personally I'd like to see people waiting to get married, but I'm not going to tell them they shouldn't solely because of their age.

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 10:51 AM
If someone experienced that first-hand for over a year while living with their partner, you'd approve, correct? For example, if you're 16 living with "that person" until 18 and supporting yourselves for two years, how would you feel about that?

Just wanting to see if we're on the same page :P

If you've already been financially stable for a few years, and have already been in doing taxes, and all other things that adults must do for several years, then I don't see a problem with it. The problem I have is people entering '18' the adult world and getting married before getting financially stable and knowing the adult responsibilities you now have.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 10:54 AM
If you've already been financially stable for a few years, and have already been in doing taxes, and all other things that adults must do for several years, then I don't see a problem with it. The problem I have is people entering '18' the adult world and getting married before getting financially stable and knowing the adult responsibilities you now have.

Yeah, exactly why I answered in my law homework that the minimum amount of time together in the same household before allowing to become married should be two years xD so you experience this stuff and know how your partner is going to react to certain situations.

Someone you know might react shockingly to pressure and other bad situations :s They might also be terrible with cash. Who knows? Ya need to be together a long time in the same place first to know.

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 11:03 AM
Yeah, exactly why I answered in my law homework that the minimum amount of time together in the same household before allowing to become married should be two years xD so you experience this stuff and know how your partner is going to react to certain situations.

Someone you know might react shockingly to pressure and other bad situations :s They might also be terrible with cash. Who knows? Ya need to be together a long time in the same place first to know.

Exactly. Even if you may know that person for years. Being with them 'together' is not the same as actually living together. You can be with someone for years, but the moment you live with them things so downhill. I'll agree that there should be some minimum amount living together before considering such an important step.

/is not a romantic person, so would want to make sure if her partner can handle not being romantic every single second before even thinking on something such a serious as marriage.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 11:14 AM
Not always, though. Sometimes, living together goes really smoothly. There are some issues here and there, but they're generally small and resolved quickly - if not, there's some problems with the relationship :\

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 11:17 AM
Not always, though. Sometimes, living together goes really smoothly. There are some issues here and there, but they're generally small and resolved quickly - if not, there's some problems with the relationship :\

And that is when it's safe to take the next step. But if you start living together and nothing happens but constant whining, arguments, and other such things, then it's time to quit. Living together is... kind of like a test as to see if you really should get together 'forever'.

Timbjerr
April 22nd, 2010, 11:17 AM
I'm a 22-year-old loner and am seeking neither love or sex at this time in my life, so take my post with a grain of salt if you will due to lack of any experience whatsoever in the field. XD

I have a couple of friends who fell in love in high school and proceeded to marry at the young age of 18-21. I rarely keep in touch with them, but whenever I do hear from them, it's obvious that they're still deeply in love and happy together.

I have a cousin who is the same age as me who just got married last weekend to her long-time boyfriend and the love they showed for eachother in their eyes was about as genuine as you can get, even though they've been through a lot...having a kid, him losing his job, her having to drop out of school...etc...

The point is, when marriage is done out of love, regardless of age, it is sure to be everlasting. A more tragic example would be my parents. They married rather young (my mom was 23 and my dad was 26), but they loved eachother. Fast-forward twenty-four years, and they've divorced for their own personal reasons and my mother moved to California and my father is in jail, but whenever I communicate with either of them, they will tell me that they've "found themselves" and realized how much they still love the other...fully intending to resume married life after this situation is behind them. Even though they divorced two years ago, they will still refer to the other as their spouse. XD

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 11:22 AM
That's nice Timbjerr :D It's nice to see happy couples everywhere. I don't see'em often enough; my small city of birth is filled with teenaged mothers and junkies :\ and tons of drama. Tons. My mother's side of the family is famous in-town for being troublemakers and druggies.

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 11:24 AM
My parents seem to have a good relation until a few years ago, but after hearing their backstory they never really loved eachother - they only married for the sake of [coughmecough]. It's probably where I'm getting half of what I think now, because I don't want to make the same mistake.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 11:26 AM
My parents seem to have a good relation until a few years ago, but after hearing their backstory they never really loved eachother - they only married for the sake of [coughmecough]. It's probably where I'm getting half of what I think now, because I don't want to make the same mistake.

No offence to you xD since you seem like a good addition to society, but why did they have a kid if they didn't love each other o0 Perhaps that's my "sexual affairs with only one person in a life-time since it's very, very important and sacred" value talking, but I don't get it o-o

ILoveDragonite
April 22nd, 2010, 12:29 PM
Everyone talking about yusshin and her bf are just jealous they didn't get to her first =D
Screw raised it should be lowered. =)

Reginaldvonburger
April 22nd, 2010, 12:36 PM
I know I want Yusshin. And this is only my second day here!
I think love shouldn't have an age tbh.

ILoveDragonite
April 22nd, 2010, 12:39 PM
I know I want Yusshin. And this is only my second day here!
I think love shouldn't have an age tbh.
11 and a 68 year old.....ohhh such ripe summer romance.....bleh

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 12:52 PM
11 and a 68 year old.....ohhh such ripe summer romance.....bleh

Well, that's just abused lol I think Reginal was speaking a bit more... less than 12-years apart after age 30... y...

>>;

and I'm nothin' special :P no one lost out.

Reginaldvonburger
April 22nd, 2010, 12:58 PM
Yeah, I mean my boyfriend's parents have like, a 15 year age gap, and they're fine. They've been married for like 20 years or something, and their in their 50's and 60's.

I see no problem with marriage at any age really as long as the couple are smart about it, actually in love and DO want to be together forever. Plus, I don't see people as genders or ages really, so I don't see the problem with an 18 year old marrying or gay marriage or anything.

Dakota
April 22nd, 2010, 12:59 PM
My answer might be biased, since I'm with the girl of my dreams, just so you know.


No, I think 18 is perfectly fine. 25 is a long while if your sure that your with that special someone, and I personally would hate to wait.

Deokishisu
April 22nd, 2010, 03:00 PM
Regarding Yusshin, one must also take into account her religion before calling "pedo" and "too young to marry." I'm assuming that from the mentioning of Allah in her signature that she's Muslim, or some denomination of the Islamic religion. I'm almost certain that their are several occasions where men would marry and divorce girls who were not yet at the age of sexual maturity in the Qur'an (And this is an extreme, making her relationship much more "normal" by comparison). Before you judge her relationship, understand that her religious values are slightly different than the generic Christian American values many of us were taught. Many wouldn't bat an eyelash at the age difference in traditional Muslim societies.

And my comment wasn't intended as offensive. I know people get touchy when religion is thrown into a conversation. I myself am Roman Catholic, but I make it a point to research other faiths in depth. I'm not a blind follower, and it's nice to get a different perspective every once in a while.

ヴェントゥス
April 22nd, 2010, 03:06 PM
I think 18 isn't the right age. It's too young, it's the age of actually stepping out into the world. I'm 19, and I'm not even close to being ready to take that step, sure I want to get married, but when i feel like I'm ready, and the girl is ready. 18 seems too young for my book.

Throat
April 22nd, 2010, 03:44 PM
Unless the parents are fine with it.

My parents were fine with it. A 16-year-old and a 23-year-old doesn't happen often, but in this case, anyone under 19 I deemed immature and disgusting. I don't believe in dating in highschool. I don't believe in sexual affairs with more than one person in a lifetime. It's very sacred; age is but a number, unless it becomes extreme, like 25 and 12. That's just wrong. 16 and 23 is fine, though, and although a lot of people would disagree, many would agree, too.

I'm 17 currently; he's 24. He'll be 25 in June, and I, 18 in October. There's certainly nothing wrong with that.

Zettu:

It's a serious relationship; we don't find strip clubs or bars "thrilling" or "fun". Our values are against it. A nice movie or a walk is much more fun :]

Forever:

I don't see why one should wait; we'll get married eventually, and that's a fact. Why wait until 22 when we can just do it when I turn 18? It's not "rushing"; it's merely getting something that's inevitable out of the way.

I think you're under-estimating the perfection of our togetherness :< but it's to be expected, since not many couples like us exist anymore. We're very "old-fashioned" with our values and morals, and that's what really helps to perfect us.
I'm sorry to say, but you're still a girl. So many things may change in your mind as you grow up.


I'm not against the RIGHT of getting married once you are older than 18, but I would highly suggest anyone not to.

Pazuru
April 22nd, 2010, 03:55 PM
No offence to you xD since you seem like a good addition to society, but why did they have a kid if they didn't love each other o0 Perhaps that's my "sexual affairs with only one person in a life-time since it's very, very important and sacred" value talking, but I don't get it o-o

Oh, they loved eachother, but I don't think they both loved eachother enough to actually get married other than for my sake. (let's say I was an accident? XD ). In fact my parents had an argument right before I was born, so my dad isn't even listed as my dad on my Birth Certificate.

Le Krome
April 22nd, 2010, 05:06 PM
Either 18 or 21. Either one is fine, nothing younger than 18, but nothing over 21. Just my three cents.

DragonRush
April 22nd, 2010, 05:09 PM
Getting married young is fine if your prepared to get married financially and mentally but lets face it, what 18 year old owns his/her own company, or is starting a career and can support there spouse and kids if need be. It just wouldn't make sense for some people to get married so young. Would an 18 year old really want to spend the rest of their living years with one person. This is probably why divorce is almost certain these days. It's like people now get married with the expectation of getting divorced it's ridiculous.

Hyper Voice
April 22nd, 2010, 05:17 PM
She's 22. You're 16.

You've been with her for four years...?

brb, math

When you started dating, you were 12, and she was 18 WUT?


Sidenote, on pedophilia, incorrect. It is not pedophilia, it is ephebophilia.

What? I'm 20, I'll be 21 saturday. I was saying 16 is too young to be thinking about marrage

Stairmaster
April 22nd, 2010, 05:29 PM
No, I think many marriages fail between older couples, too, so raising an age limit wouldn't benefit anyone... especially not to 25. That's a little over the top, don't you think?

Besides, minors have to get parental consent, don't they?

Patchisou Yutohru
April 22nd, 2010, 05:45 PM
I don't like how one is considered an adult in the United States at the age of 18. In other parts of the world, one is considered an adult at a younger age than that. 18 years old seems too young to become an adult, and I disagree with some rights be given to someone when they turn 18 and the other rights given to them three years later. I think all legal rights, and the classification of being an adult should be granted to someone on their 21st birthday. But that's just my opinion on the matter.

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 08:07 PM
...I have no clue whether I multiquoted in the right order buuut...

Also; people mentioned 21, which seems also reasonable imo.

If someone experienced that first-hand for over a year while living with their partner, you'd approve, correct? For example, if you're 16 living with "that person" until 18 and supporting yourselves for two years, how would you feel about that?

Living together for two years shouldn't express an entire future together.

Exactly. Even if you may know that person for years. Being with them 'together' is not the same as actually living together. You can be with someone for years, but the moment you live with them things so downhill. I'll agree that there should be some minimum amount living together before considering such an important step.

So that could somehow be brought into the marriage laws?

Not always, though. Sometimes, living together goes really smoothly. There are some issues here and there, but they're generally small and resolved quickly - if not, there's some problems with the relationship :\

Question, what do you classify as "small"?

No offence to you xD since you seem like a good addition to society, but why did they have a kid if they didn't love each other o0 Perhaps that's my "sexual affairs with only one person in a life-time since it's very, very important and sacred" value talking, but I don't get it o-o

People have kids for all sorts of reasons now, really. :(


I think love shouldn't have an age tbh.

This isn't directly love we're talking about, it's marriage. You can still love someone at any age.

No, I think 18 is perfectly fine. 25 is a long while if your sure that your with that special someone, and I personally would hate to wait.

Waiting makes it more enjoyable?

Getting married young is fine if your prepared to get married financially and mentally but lets face it, what 18 year old owns his/her own company, or is starting a career and can support there spouse and kids if need be. It just wouldn't make sense for some people to get married so young. Would an 18 year old really want to spend the rest of their living years with one person. This is probably why divorce is almost certain these days. It's like people now get married with the expectation of getting divorced it's ridiculous.

Wait, 18 year olds owning companies? But I agree with the other points, which is why... when it comes to marriage, I guess children can feel emotion for the opposite sex at five or six or something, then decide they want to be together then... and grow up and it all just ends up weird. Idk why I brought in children, but really, 18 is still a child/teenager imo.

And yeah, doesn't divorce cost a lot too? Better to wait a few years than waste all that money in the long run.

No, I think many marriages fail between older couples, too, so raising an age limit wouldn't benefit anyone... especially not to 25. That's a little over the top, don't you think?

It's not over the top, it's just allowing younger couples to get their priorities straight.

donavannj
April 22nd, 2010, 08:51 PM
I don't think anything should be changed... some people are ready at 18, while others wouldn't be ready until well into their 50s.

Cherrim
April 22nd, 2010, 09:34 PM
I agree with everyone who says rights should come at the same time. It makes no sense to me that I can get married at 18 but I can't drink until 19. (It's even worse in the States. :s) Now, I don't necessarily agree that people should be married that early. Society has changed enough that I don't think people are quite ready for something like marriage right out of high school (and most people are around 17/18 when they get out of secondary education). Something so legally binding like marriage should be something you get into once you're older, more mature, and ready to take on the responsibilities associated with it.

That's not to say that there will be some people "ahead of their time" who are more than ready to take marriage seriously at a young age, but honestly, they're few and far between. (And I feel that since so few are "ready" at that age, those who are should have to wait for the majority to catch up in maturity.) When I think of the people I graduated high school with, I'm not even sure I can think of any who, in my eyes, would be ready for marriage--and that's pretty much the legal age we're looking at here. I just think nowadays, people take a bit longer to enter the "real world" and need more time to adjust to how adult life works before they strike out on their own with a partner. The divorce rate is ridiculous now compared to before. I actually know a fair few people who have seriously considered marriage and when I bring up the fact that it might be "too soon" to judge whether it'd be successful or not, it's surprising how many say "well, if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce!" I'm not a romantic person in the least but I really don't think divorce should be a way to cop out if you make a bunch of bad decisions earlier in life. I'd rather people take their time and be absolutely sure of their decisions before making them but I know that'll never happen. 9_9

Er, I think I'm losing my point. Basically, while I do think 18 is too young to be married, it's the age of adulthood and so long as other adult rights are conferred at that point, marriage should be granted too. I wouldn't mind bumping all that stuff up to 19, but that doesn't seem much better in my eyes so I don't think it would make enough of a difference to bother with. 21 sounds like a better age for it but I couldn't stick to supporting it as the "adult" age because waiting until 21 to drink and whatnot sounds really annoying. :s So might as well just leave it as-is.

Vyro
April 22nd, 2010, 09:55 PM
I don't care. I wouldn't get married anyway. I have not ever met a girl who does not look and act like a swine.

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 10:09 PM
Er, I think I'm losing my point. Basically, while I do think 18 is too young to be married, it's the age of adulthood and so long as other adult rights are conferred at that point, marriage should be granted too. I wouldn't mind bumping all that stuff up to 19, but that doesn't seem much better in my eyes so I don't think it would make enough of a difference to bother with. 21 sounds like a better age for it but I couldn't stick to supporting it as the "adult" age because waiting until 21 to drink and whatnot sounds really annoying. :s So might as well just leave it as-is.

19... one year wouldn't really make a difference. XD;

I don't care. I wouldn't get married anyway. I have not ever met a girl who does not look and act like a swine.

What the hell? Your view of females is terrible. You should really change that.

loliwin
April 22nd, 2010, 10:34 PM
I dont really care about the legal age for marriage, as long as they can handle the challenges of being married. :D

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 11:24 PM
Living together for two years shouldn't express an entire future together.

It does give an all-right idea beforehand, though, so you can see how it goes. The only way to mess the results of that would be to never become angry or just completely avoid each other during that two-year period. I think in two years, though, you would confront a decent amount of situations that would be important to experience before marriage. It really depends on what happens to the couple, since it can be different from one person to the next. The goal of two years isn't to determine that the future will always be rainbow and sunshines, but it is to determine compatibility in the same living environment. I've known happy couples who get married and, three months living together, one of them becomes abusive. No one saw it coming. I'm talking about the two-year requirement determining those kinds of factors - not happiness.

Question, what do you classify as "small"?

Small disputes, like if one were to wear something that the other didn't like, and the victim gets angry about it and an argument starts. Another example would be if you spend too much time on something else and you don't acknowledge the other enough. Easy things that can be resolved and shouldn't break out in name-calling or anything like that.

"Big" would be going to a place or out with someone when you know that the other person doesn't like it, yet you disrespect them and do it anyway. That would be not acknowleging that sacrifices come with being together, and merely getting caught up in your selfish desires.

Not a lot of people jump into marriage at 18 anyway, unless a baby's on the line. I see most people getting married around 22.

Regarding Yusshin, one must also take into account her religion before calling "pedo" and "too young to marry." I'm assuming that from the mentioning of Allah in her signature that she's Muslim, or some denomination of the Islamic religion. I'm almost certain that their are several occasions where men would marry and divorce girls who were not yet at the age of sexual maturity in the Qur'an (And this is an extreme, making her relationship much more "normal" by comparison). Before you judge her relationship, understand that her religious values are slightly different than the generic Christian American values many of us were taught. Many wouldn't bat an eyelash at the age difference in traditional Muslim societies.

I can't remember who said this, but most people marry over 16 in Islam, too. It's generally in the Middle-East (i.e. Saudi Arabia) that children are married under that age, and it's still rare.

I was raised a Christian and became Muslim earlier this year, so the fact I'm a Muslim now has no effect whatsoever on the relationship I'm currently in. I was Christian when I got together with that person, and I converted three years after knowing him. His parents don't approve of the age difference, and they're hardcore Muslims, so mentioning Islam having some sort of "influence" on the situation is really off-topic. As a Christian, I believed that the age difference was fine. Both his and my parents didn't approve, and that's from both a Christian (me) and a Muslim (him) background. They found it too much of a gap, and I always fought with my parents and him with his that it's fine because maturity-wise, we're at the same level. They, of course, are pretty set on the calculation that age = everything, when it's really not.

And I'd like to throw in that it was normal for 40-year-old Christian males to marry 13-year-olds in the 1800s. It's not just in Muslim places that that occured. People like to omit that fact and use it to bash on Islam, and I don't like that very much. On a side-note, in the time of the Qu'ran and the Bible, it was normal to marry girls once they became mature (menstruation). A girl was never married before she hit that age of maturity. Generally, in this time, girls menstruated around the age of 14. It's just nowadays that it's dropped to around 10, because of all the fatty foods and whatnaught that tricks the female body into thinking they have the right amount of fat and height ratio to produce offspring.

A 23-year-old with a 12-year-old is a pedophile. A 17-year-old and a 24-year-old doesn't classify by Canadian Law. Nothing to do with Islam. At all.

Forever
April 22nd, 2010, 11:33 PM
Not a lot of people jump into marriage at 18 anyway, unless a baby's on the line. I see most people getting married around 22.

...Wait what I thought you were getting married at 18?

And I dunno, I think other people get married at 18 just because they can, rather than because of a baby. :(

SalemGreen
April 22nd, 2010, 11:36 PM
Uhm, pedophilia is the sexual attraction to children. He would be a pedophile if I were 11, even 12. I'm almost 18. A 32-year-old attracted to a 17-year-old would be disgusting, but in this case, it's perfectly fine. After all, when he's 40, I'll be 33. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

xJordan360:

Normally, yes, we go everywhere together, since we find it more fun to always be beside each other. It's not a "trust" issue. We don't have friends of the opposite sex after all. Sometimes he'll go out with a male friend of his, but generally I go with him. It's a mutual thing.

That's hebephilia and it's still generally not accepted. Also, with the age difference it is very borderline pedophilia. Let me put it this way, I'm assuming he's seven years older than you as you said when he is 40 you will be 33. When he was 15 you were 8. Eight. Fifteen to eight. Do you remember when you were 15? Can you imagine having a commitment based relationship with someone who is eight? Seven year age difference is very high, and outside of the wealthy is generally frowned upon, more-so if the two are both under the age of 21 when the two start the relationship. In the United States it is very common for any male over the age of 18 who is seeing anyone 16 and younger publicly to be placed on Child Molestation watches. He most likely is.

This isn't really my business, but I felt it'd be nice to share some of the things I've learned in my line of work.

Yusshin
April 22nd, 2010, 11:43 PM
That's very insulting, SalemGreen. I'd like to point out that 15 and 8 is entirely different than 24 and 17, and you're on the boarderline of ignorance (or stupidity, I'm not sure) to even compare the two. Obviously a 15-year-old isn't going to do anything with an 8-year-old, but a 17-year-old and a 24-year-old is an entirely different page, just as a 40-year-old and a 33-year-old are different, too.

How can you even compare 15-8 with 25-18? That's absolutely ridiculous and extreme. 25-18 is entirely different than 15-8 in terms of maturity and many other things. Seriously.

I'm surprised anyone would even mention that. It seems really, really obvious that those ages are entirely different :\ Not to mention, I'd have found that cute if I was a baby and my fiance held me when he was seven. It never happened, no, because he lived 600km away, but I'd have found that adorable.

SalemGreen
April 22nd, 2010, 11:58 PM
That's very insulting, SalemGreen. I'd like to point out that 15 and 8 is entirely different than 24 and 17, and you're on the boarderline of ignorance (or stupidity, I'm not sure) to even compare the two. Obviously a 15-year-old isn't going to do anything with an 8-year-old, but a 17-year-old and a 24-year-old is an entirely different page, just as a 40-year-old and a 33-year-old are different, too.

How can you even compare 15-8 with 25-18? That's absolutely ridiculous and extreme. 25-18 is entirely different than 15-8 in terms of maturity and many other things. Seriously.

I'm surprised anyone would even mention that. It seems really, really obvious that those ages are entirely different :\ Not to mention, I'd have found that cute if I was a baby and my fiance held me when he was seven. It never happened, no, because he lived 600km away, but I'd have found that adorable.

Careful with the attacks there, miss. No need to be so rude or violent. Everything I stated was simply fact in the eyes of law for the sake of education and your guys argument. I'm not taking any sides here. Although, numerically the difference between the age I mentioned and the age you mentioned are literally identical. As far as maturity, I think your last post speaks loads on if you're mature enough to get married.

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 12:10 AM
Careful with the attacks there, miss. No need to be so rude or violent. Everything I stated was simply fact in the eyes of law for the sake of education and your guys argument. I'm not taking any sides here. Although, numerically the difference between the age I mentioned and the age you mentioned are literally identical. As far as maturity, I think your last post speaks loads on if you're mature enough to get married.

There's nothing wrong with getting defensive when someone tries to claim that another person's a child molestor without any basis. I'd be a bit concerned if a woman didn't defend her man if he was being attacked with hateful names.

As said, in Canadian Law, there's nothing wrong with it once you hit 16. At 18, you're free to do as you pleased. If someone is interested in 8-year-olds when they're 15, I'd be concerned, but in this case, my fiance wasn't interested in girls at all until his early 20s and that was with an older woman of whom he didn't stay with longer than a week because she was a bit crazy.

By the way, what does that make me? At fifteen, I refused to even consider secondary school-aged boys, and I still do. The majority are immature and only interested in a specific thing. At fourteen, twenty was a minimum for me. Where do I stand in this? Surely that's just as twisted as a man at 25 wanting to be with someone who's 18. That's a seven years difference in age; at fourteen, I was aiming for six years older. Where am I?

My current fiance is my first relationship, and it's a great one. I'm glad I didn't get some idiot as a first-guy. With compatible personalities and interests, I don't see what's the big issue overall. A lot of people are scornful of 24 and 17, but once it's 25 and 18, it becomes "normal" - wtf? Twisted.

Oh, and, as Reginal said, some people have 15 years difference. What do you have to say about a 22-year-old being attracted to a 7-year-old? Surely the fact that they're 45 and 30 now simply doesn't matter anymore. What matters is the intent that you're claiming they had at 22 and 7! 0-0 We should march over to their house and arrest them for being happily married for 10 years, regardless her having been 18 and her husband 33 at the age of marriage!

Right?

Exactly. Your logic is faulty. When I was eight, I didn't even know my fiance, and him at fifteen didn't even know me. Because he's going on twenty-five and interested in a girl going on eighteen doesn't mean at 15, he would have had sex with an 8-year-old. That is the most corrupt "logic" I've ever seen.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 12:17 AM
A lot of people are scornful of 24 and 17, but once it's 25 and 18, it becomes "normal" - wtf? Twisted.

We should march over to their house and arrest them for being happily married for 10 years, regardless her having been 18 and her husband 33 at the age of marriage!

I still don't see 18 as normal. XD; I dunno, 3 years max difference seems fine overall both ways, just marriage at 18 to 25 just seems kinda big. D: Though I guess that's probably because of different age brackets, not starting with the same number.

...and so does 18 + 133. :(

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 12:21 AM
I still don't see 18 as normal. XD; I dunno, 3 years max difference seems fine overall both ways, just marriage at 18 to 25 just seems kinda big. D: Though I guess that's probably because of different age brackets, not starting with the same number.

...and so does 18 + 33. :(

You know what I mean lol It's the same thing as 25 + 33. That happens often enough, right? That's the same age difference as 18 + 25, it just looks closer :< Psychology factors.

18 + 33 is pedophilia, since that's 17 + 32 without looking at the age of majority. That's disgusting.

At 24, you're still interested in video games and movies, and a lot of people are still in college. There's not a big difference, really. My fiance looks 19 when he shaves; he gets asked for ID whenever he buys his dad cigarettes, and he's 25 this year. It's kinda funny lol

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 12:24 AM
Well I guess looks are also a major thing in this too. I'd probably find it more acceptable if the two in question looked older than if they looked younger, just wouldn't seem as right.

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 12:27 AM
Well, I look 18, and he looks 19. No one could tell he's over 20 if he shaves :s He went to Walmart the other day for training, and there was a 30-year-old there who looked 22. He had like, five kids and is a volunteer firefighter. He thought Youssef was 18 lol

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 12:27 AM
Getting married at 16, 18, younger? Preposterous! I believe that the age should be raised to at least 25, for maturity reasons. What do you think about this subject?
Maturity reasons such as? Telling people when they can and cannot get married to the person they love is silly, especially at such a preposterous age like 25. You want to get married to someone because you love them immensely, but no, the Government tell you you're not allowed to for another 7 years. Besides, don't bring maturity into it. I know 13 year olds that are twice as intelligent and better decision makers than people that are in their thirties. Really, maturity shouldn't stop someone from marrying.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 12:50 AM
Maturity reasons such as? Telling people when they can and cannot get married to the person they love is silly, especially at such a preposterous age like 25. You want to get married to someone because you love them immensely, but no, the Government tell you you're not allowed to for another 7 years. Besides, don't bring maturity into it. I know 13 year olds that are twice as intelligent and better decision makers than people that are in their thirties. Really, maturity shouldn't stop someone from marrying.

You still might not know you want to be with someone when you're only 18, I mean, you'd think that then, but maturity in terms of thinking long term, I guess.

Well, I look 18, and he looks 19. No one could tell he's over 20 if he shaves :s He went to Walmart the other day for training, and there was a 30-year-old there who looked 22. He had like, five kids and is a volunteer firefighter. He thought Youssef was 18 lol

Hmm... I still dunno. Though then again, you can't really define who looks what age. D: Though if you two look around the same age, then yeah that's better.

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 12:54 AM
Hmm... I still dunno. Though then again, you can't really define who looks what age. D: Though if you two look around the same age, then yeah that's better.

Hrmmmm... I had a pic' of a guy who looked like him xD but I lost it.

In any case, we look similar in age. My parents thought he was 20 until I told them his real age :s shouldn't have done that; they started to harass us.

In any case, maturity is what we're looking for here when it comes to marriage. Age really doesn't mean anything; the time for marriage is completely different and unique pending the individuals and the couple together.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 12:59 AM
Age can mean something though in how society works now. Probably those at 18 with many life experiences are better prepared for marriage than those with very little.

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 01:02 AM
Age can mean something though in how society works now. Probably those at 18 with many life experiences are better prepared for marriage than those with very little.

Indeed. It really depends on the individuals and their personalities, experiences, etc.

I've had more bad experiences than good :s How I remain optimistic, I really don't know lol I'm glad I have someone to support me, though :] since my family doesn't know how to do anything but bring you down .-.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 01:05 AM
This'd probably spark having a sort of "test" for those who are younger, to make sure marriage really is what they want... I think those older can better judge who's prepared though, as they've been though those ages and can look back or something.

But yeah, maybe a marriage test. XD;

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 01:07 AM
The only place where a "test" would be kinda off would be when religious individuals want their 17-year-old child to marry their infant's 18-year-old father, as to "amend" for the sin of having done something with that person.

I'm not sure how a test would work around the Freedom of Religion and angry parent combination.

For the non-extreme version of that, though, the two year thing still appeals to me. I'm not sure how it would be done, but it would really help pass a lot of issues that one would usually confront in marriage and see how it works out / reactions / discover things the couple may not have known about each other before, whether positive or negative.

SalemGreen
April 23rd, 2010, 01:53 AM
There's nothing wrong with getting defensive when someone tries to claim that another person's a child molestor without any basis. I'd be a bit concerned if a woman didn't defend her man if he was being attacked with hateful names.

As said, in Canadian Law, there's nothing wrong with it once you hit 16. At 18, you're free to do as you pleased. If someone is interested in 8-year-olds when they're 15, I'd be concerned, but in this case, my fiance wasn't interested in girls at all until his early 20s and that was with an older woman of whom he didn't stay with longer than a week because she was a bit crazy.

By the way, what does that make me? At fifteen, I refused to even consider secondary school-aged boys, and I still do. The majority are immature and only interested in a specific thing. At fourteen, twenty was a minimum for me. Where do I stand in this? Surely that's just as twisted as a man at 25 wanting to be with someone who's 18. That's a seven years difference in age; at fourteen, I was aiming for six years older. Where am I?

My current fiance is my first relationship, and it's a great one. I'm glad I didn't get some idiot as a first-guy. With compatible personalities and interests, I don't see what's the big issue overall. A lot of people are scornful of 24 and 17, but once it's 25 and 18, it becomes "normal" - wtf? Twisted.

Oh, and, as Reginal said, some people have 15 years difference. What do you have to say about a 22-year-old being attracted to a 7-year-old? Surely the fact that they're 45 and 30 now simply doesn't matter anymore. What matters is the intent that you're claiming they had at 22 and 7! 0-0 We should march over to their house and arrest them for being happily married for 10 years, regardless her having been 18 and her husband 33 at the age of marriage!

Right?

Exactly. Your logic is faulty. When I was eight, I didn't even know my fiance, and him at fifteen didn't even know me. Because he's going on twenty-five and interested in a girl going on eighteen doesn't mean at 15, he would have had sex with an 8-year-old. That is the most corrupt "logic" I've ever seen.


No one is calling him any name other than what the law states. This includes Canadian law. In the United States (I'm not familiar if Canada also has this system) he is most likely on a Child Molestation watch. It doesn't mean he goes around molesting children, NO one said that. It's simply a watch, similar to crime watches in neighborhoods only on a federal scale. My friends in real life play a game called ****rhir which is a live action battle game simulator. They're on a watchlist as a "Trained militia". See what I'm saying?

What does that make you? Well, to be technical. A gerontophile. That's a somewhat common (more-so among girls who grew up with a single parent) mental disorder that creates an unusual or abnormal attraction to older people of the opposite gender.

The big issue here lies in the fact that you've not finished puberty yet. That's why many scoff and look at this as a very discerning situation. He has, and you have not. Your mind, and even body, are not finished growing and molding while his has (for the most part).

The drastic difference in 44 and 30 is that both are fully developed. Sure, I still view it as odd (As will many) but they're both matured by the time of the relationship starting. You're still in puberty and will be for a little while longer, you've not finished developing.

Understand? No one is trying to attack you. No one is even trying to insult you. I'm simply pointing out factual things in this argument that I feel were not considered. This is an issue and topic that I run across every day at work and I thought I could simply help you guys out with the technical stuff.

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 01:59 AM
This includes Canadian law. In the United States (I'm not familiar if Canada also has this system) he is most likely on a Child Molestation watch

We have that in Canada, but he's not on it :\ He has no reason to be. We've already talked to the authorities about that, and they said it's perfectly fine since I'm over 16 and my parents are fine with it. It's uncommon for 16-year-olds to be with 22-year-olds in Ontario, but it happens. I have another friend in that kind of relationship and they're perfectly fine. Neither the guy or my fiance has a criminal record or the police up his butt about anything :<

And it's still not good to place an accusation such as him being on this "watch" thing. Perhaps that's what happens in America, and I would understand if the younger one is fifteen and the older one is twenty-eight, but eighteen and twenty-five isn't a big deal. It happens often enough. Again, there's nothing abnormal with 25-33 either. It's just because 18-25 looks like a huge difference, when it's really not.

<< Sorry for getting touchy. I thought you were accusing him of being a child molestor :| In which, you can understand why I'd get worked up, I hope.

For the record, I started developing when I was ten, and being 18 now, I'm pretty much done with this puberty thing :s I've done my fair share of growing, and I'm fully developped physically. I might change a bit mentally, but my values, morals, personality, etc. will stay the same. I might just become a bit maturer than I already am, but it's only going to have a positive effect on me overall, and not a negative one.

Captain Fabio
April 23rd, 2010, 02:01 AM
Couldn't care less really.
Regardless of laws, people will still break them and go about it another way.

There is always a loop hole.

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:05 AM
You still might not know you want to be with someone when you're only 18, I mean, you'd think that then, but maturity in terms of thinking long term, I guess.

And you're going to stop someone from making their own decisions in life by not allowing them to marry until they're 25? People need to make mistakes in life to grow. If their marriage doesn't work out, then too bad. They'll move on and find someone else. Raising the age is a silly idea.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:24 AM
And you're going to stop someone from making their own decisions in life by not allowing them to marry until they're 25? People need to make mistakes in life to grow. If their marriage doesn't work out, then too bad. They'll move on and find someone else. Raising the age is a silly idea.

Well, either then or 21, by then they should have a better grasp of marriage than at age 18, not saying those who intend to marry then don't, but still, having a longer time period can help. Besides, divorce fees at 18 aren't exactly a good thing.

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:28 AM
Well, either then or 21, by then they should have a better grasp of marriage than at age 18, not saying those who intend to marry then don't, but still, having a longer time period can help. Besides, divorce fees at 18 aren't exactly a good thing.
Neither are marriage fees, but people do it anyway. Know why? They love each other. If you truly love someone, expense wouldn't mean anything to you. If you truly hated someone, you'd do everything in your power to get them out of your sight. If that means paying divorce fees, then so be it. If you can't afford divorce fees then that's their problem and they have to deal with it.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:35 AM
But then again, the person could move to rebound quickly and just kinda make the same mistakes over, and end up being in debt when they're barely an adult :(

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:37 AM
But then again, the person could move to rebound quickly and just kinda make the same mistakes over, and end up being in debt when they're barely an adult :(
Again, that's their problem. That can happen to a lot of people, and not just because of marriage. Car expenses, house expenses, etc.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:42 AM
It's worse if it's due to divorce - because a couple got married as soon as they could, rather than having the extra years in place to prevent mistakes being made. With other expenses there aren't really any rules enforced to stop someone from going in debt. With marriage, waiting allows a couple the time to really think about it.

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:48 AM
It's worse if it's due to divorce - because a couple got married as soon as they could, rather than having the extra years in place to prevent mistakes being made. With other expenses there aren't really any rules enforced to stop someone from going in debt. With marriage, waiting allows a couple the time to really think about it.
Yes, waiting is good, but forcing someone by law to wait until they're 25 is what I'm getting at. It seems silly.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:49 AM
Thennn how about just waiting until 21, which legally is okay for most other things?

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:50 AM
Thennn how about just waiting until 21, which legally is okay for most other things?
Yeah, 21 is a good age, I suppose. However, this all depends on how long said couple has been together, to be honest.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:52 AM
So really... a limit should be put in about how long the couple has been together. Basically, if they intend to marry at 18, then wait until 21 and that's a long enough period I guess. Aka a three year limit.

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:54 AM
So really... a limit should be put in about how long the couple has been together. Basically, if they intend to marry at 18, then wait until 21 and that's a long enough period I guess. Aka a three year limit.
A couple should marry when they feel that they're ready, not when the law tells them to. I think I rest my case with that line.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 03:56 AM
What if a couple feels they want to marry at let's say... 15?

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 03:57 AM
What if a couple feels they want to marry at let's say... 15?

I was like that, but I waited to see how living together would work out. It's a big step, living together. At 15, I don't think you've lived with that person yet :\ and that's one of the biggest things about marriage and being together "forever".

100th post!

Guillermo
April 23rd, 2010, 03:58 AM
What if a couple feels they want to marry at let's say... 15?
Did you say 15 because I'm 15? >:(

Doubt many couples want to marry at 15, Nica. :(

Code
April 23rd, 2010, 06:05 AM
If you're having sex, it's illegal.
Izanagi:

Actually, it's not, unless the parents object. Maybe in American Law, but not Canadian - and I live in Canada.I just realized you're from Canadia. Legally, my mistake, but I still disagree with your opinion. Including the 16 year old girls being more mature than 19 year old boys. I'm more mature than alot of people I know, especially teenage girls.
Wow, how mature of you going into the subject of sex, asking for a reply on someone's personal life, and then boasting about how mature you are. XD

Marriage should have at least 18 as an age limit. People go through crushes and rushes, and some of them don't last. Why marry someone if it is just going to last for a short time? There and then you might think that "This is different. This is gonna last forever" but there are couples beyond counting who have thought that. What makes you so special? Nothing. People should really give it more thought. I hate divorces.
18 is the age where you are an "adult", so then it should be legal. Anything higher would be crazy. There are people who truly love each other, so they should be allowed to marry. I just think people need to put more thought into it.
That's hebephilia and it's still generally not accepted. Also, with the age difference it is very borderline pedophilia. Let me put it this way, I'm assuming he's seven years older than you as you said when he is 40 you will be 33. When he was 15 you were 8. Eight. Fifteen to eight. Do you remember when you were 15? Can you imagine having a commitment based relationship with someone who is eight? Seven year age difference is very high, and outside of the wealthy is generally frowned upon, more-so if the two are both under the age of 21 when the two start the relationship. In the United States it is very common for any male over the age of 18 who is seeing anyone 16 and younger publicly to be placed on Child Molestation watches. He most likely is.

This isn't really my business, but I felt it'd be nice to share some of the things I've learned in my line of work.

Wow, that was the most insane comparison I have ever seen....XD
Although, numerically the difference between the age I mentioned and the age you mentioned are literally identical. As far as maturity, I think your last post speaks loads on if you're mature enough to get married.
Lol, that's crazy. Man, are you for real? XD
The age comparison is crazy because 8 and 16 are VERY different.
Me and my brother are many years apart. My mother and her sister were as well. They saw each other as child and grown up respectively. But as they grew up, the age difference seemed smaller and smaller. When you are older, the age difference doesn't seem as big as long as the love is genuine, and your thoughts are the same.
Hope my point didn't disappear somewhere in there.....
-.-
XD
And I'm happy for you, Yusshin!
Congrats on you going to get married! =D

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 06:28 AM
I'm glad we're on the same page xD 18-25 is entirely different from 8-15.

Thanks for the marriage congratulations :]

Captain Fabio
April 23rd, 2010, 06:36 AM
What if a couple feels they want to marry at let's say... 15?

Speaking from personal experience there?

Look, you guys are getting way too into this discussion.

Forever
April 23rd, 2010, 06:39 AM
Speaking from personal experience there?

Look, you guys are getting way too into this discussion.

What no.

I've always wanted to marry over 20, lol. :(

Cherrim
April 23rd, 2010, 08:57 AM
That's hebephilia and it's still generally not accepted. Also, with the age difference it is very borderline pedophilia. Let me put it this way, I'm assuming he's seven years older than you as you said when he is 40 you will be 33. When he was 15 you were 8. Eight. Fifteen to eight. Do you remember when you were 15? Can you imagine having a commitment based relationship with someone who is eight? Seven year age difference is very high, and outside of the wealthy is generally frowned upon, more-so if the two are both under the age of 21 when the two start the relationship. In the United States it is very common for any male over the age of 18 who is seeing anyone 16 and younger publicly to be placed on Child Molestation watches. He most likely is.

This isn't really my business, but I felt it'd be nice to share some of the things I've learned in my line of work.


While this thread has admittedly taken a bit of a turn toward both discussing Yusshin's relationship and discussing the actual topic, I'm afraid simply pointing out issues in the former is not on-topic enough. I'd suggest PMing her if you want to continue this tangent but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to hear it. :s I appreciate the concern but I'm not sure this is the time/place for that. (I do realize this part of the conversation happened pages ago but I still wanted to call it out.)

On that note, guys, remember that this thread IS about raising the legal age at which one can be married. This is NOT a thread about Yusshin's relationship. I realize it's fairly relevant because she's a prime example of someone who would be hurt by raising the age, so (assuming she's okay with it), it's fine to talk about it in regards to that but the age difference thing that everyone has latched on to is really irrelevant as far as changing the legal age of marriage, so let's call that part of the discussion off, okay?

SalemGreen
April 23rd, 2010, 09:37 AM
Wow, that was the most insane comparison I have ever seen....XD

Lol, that's crazy. Man, are you for real? XD
The age comparison is crazy because 8 and 16 are VERY different.
Me and my brother are many years apart. My mother and her sister were as well. They saw each other as child and grown up respectively. But as they grew up, the age difference seemed smaller and smaller. When you are older, the age difference doesn't seem as big as long as the love is genuine, and your thoughts are the same.
Hope my point didn't disappear somewhere in there.....

I think one of the real issues with this topic on this forum is the general age of the forum. This IS a pokemon forum. See, I remember when I was 18 or so and I thought I was invincible. I remember thinking how huge of a difference it was now that I was 18, how grown up I was. Looking back, I was wrong. I laugh a bit now at all of it, but whatever, it was the 90s. We were all ridiculous back then!

Again, the difference is if the person has finished puberty or not. Someone age the age of 18 is not done with puberty yet. Contrary to popular belief, just because you don't seem to be growing and changing anymore (like Yusshin had mentioned) does not mean you really are done with puberty. Not to mention that this is Yusshin's admitted first relationship. Who here remembers HOW IN LOVE we were with our first loves? Who here is at least over the age of 25 and can remind me how NOT in love we were? Not saying she doesn't love him, but I am saying that statistically first loves fail on at least a 99% ratio. If not more.




For the record, I started developing when I was ten, and being 18 now, I'm pretty much done with this puberty thing :s I've done my fair share of growing, and I'm fully developped physically. I might change a bit mentally, but my values, morals, personality, etc. will stay the same. I might just become a bit maturer than I already am, but it's only going to have a positive effect on me overall, and not a negative one.



Ten is an average age for a young woman to start developing. That is not odd at all. I'd say, if anything you were possibly a year late or so as the majority in my experience has shown that females start puberty around late into age 8 or early into age 9. And no, you're not fully developed and you've not finished puberty at 18. I know it looks it and feels it but you've not.

Your values, morals and personality WILL change. Again, asking for posters age 25 and up. Do you remember when you were 18? Do you still believe in everything you did then? The correct answer is no. You see, mentality is purely based on maturity. Which is purely based on age. Your views continuously are changing.


Personally? I think the age to marry should be around 25 most likely. I'd probably be happy a little higher because I know some immature 25 year olds but I think 25 would be a good age. Someone that young just doesn't need to marry and to this day I've not known one conceived that young that succeeded in the long run, so 25 would force entries to be successful or not even waste their time =)

Yusshin
April 23rd, 2010, 09:46 AM
Ten is an average age for a young woman to start developing. That is not odd at all. I'd say, if anything you were possibly a year late or so as the majority in my experience has shown that females start puberty around late into age 8 or early into age 9. And no, you're not fully developed and you've not finished puberty at 18. I know it looks it and feels it but you've not.

Your values, morals and personality WILL change. Again, asking for posters age 25 and up. Do you remember when you were 18? Do you still believe in everything you did then? The correct answer is no. You see, mentality is purely based on maturity. Which is purely based on age. Your views continuously are changing.

Ten is actually really young; the "average" is including all of the obese people who bring down the number. I was overweight my entire life. That's why I started menstruating when I was 10. Weight is one of the main factors. Normally, people start developing around 12 and menstruate around 14.

Also, you don't study human psychology professionally. Maybe your morals changed from bad to good (hopefully, and not the other way around), but when your morals start off good and you hang around with the right crowd, your morals will not change, and nei' will your values and personality. You might become less obnoxious or arrogant, but you aren't likely to turn into a downright bish if you hang around people with a good influence.

Maturity is not based on age. That's where you're wrong. Maturity is based on experiences and influences. Age has barely anything to do with it. You know what age measures? It measures how many experiences you've possibly had in your life that would form your maturity. It isn't maturity itself! Someone who's 22 who probably have experienced someone who's 15, simply because they've lived 7 years longer - however, someone who's 15 and has had a rough life and seen many things and experienced many different situations could be just as mature as someone who's 22 and took an extra 7 years to experience the same or similar situations.

That, my friend, is truth.

We are no longer discussing the spoiler'd topic, now that both opinions have been clearly expressing :D Thanks for sharing; topic change:

Again, to bring the topic subject back into this, I believe 18 is a fine age pending the individual.

SalemGreen
April 23rd, 2010, 09:48 AM
Ten is actually really young; the "average" is including all of the obese people who bring down the number. I was overweight my entire life. That's why I started menstruating when I was 10. Weight is one of the main factors. Normally, people start developing around 12 and menstruate around 14.

Also, you don't study human psychology professionally. Maybe your morals changed from bad to good (hopefully, and not the other way around), but when your morals start off good and you hang around with the right crowd, your morals will not change, and nei' will your values and personality. You might become less obnoxious or arrogant, but you aren't likely to turn into a downright bish if you hang around people with a good influence.

Maturity is not based on age. That's where you're wrong. Maturity is based on experiences and influences. Age has barely anything to do with it. You know what age measures? It measures how many experiences you've possibly had in your life that would form your maturity. It isn't maturity itself! Someone who's 22 who probably have experienced someone who's 15, simply because they've lived 7 years longer - however, someone who's 15 and has had a rough life and seen many things and experienced many different situations could be just as mature as someone who's 22 and took an extra 7 years to experience the same or similar situations.

That, my friend, is truth.

We are no longer discussing the spoiler'd topic, now that both opinions have been clearly expressing :D Thanks for sharing; topic change:

Again, to bring the topic subject back into this, I believe 18 is a fine age pending the individual.

I was in no way discussing your relationship. I was talking about OPs topic. Not sure why you'd quote me and suggest I was talking about anything other than OPs topic when my ENTIRE POST is about how 18 isn't physically developed and it's not old enough for marriage. Just because you were quoted =/= the post was about your specific relationship.

Trap-Eds
April 23rd, 2010, 05:07 PM
My dad is nine years older than my mom. He's in his early sixties, she's in her late fifties and they still love each other to bits. :3

As I'm sure everyone else has said a hundred times in this thread, marriage depends on maturity, not age. That being said, for a huge age gap like, 16 and 35, a loving relationship should be something like father/mother/daughter/son, and nothing more.

Fxcking Tatertots
April 23rd, 2010, 06:36 PM
Age is not the issue.
It's the people. People are always the problem. It's just that these days we have more ways to be unfaithful arse towards your boyfriend/girlfriend, or money.

So it should stay as-is. Yusshin is on the right track with the age, so I won't re-quote.

Arcanine1993
April 25th, 2010, 10:48 AM
But your childhood dies at 14 when people start telling you to grow up and stop acting like a kid.

I agree, as soon as you find out how the real world works, e.g. Jobs, Money, Society you really begin to feel more adult! unless you are an idiot XD But Marriage is a sacred bond you should only get married if both persons (yes I believe in gay marriage) really feel commited to sticking together and getting through problems together!

Misdreavus81
April 25th, 2010, 10:51 AM
Right, "maturity" reasons. The divorce rate for those married at 20 or older is still 36 percent. You'll have immature idiots no matter what age you are - get over it.