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Fxcking Tatertots
April 24th, 2010, 08:16 PM
I don't understand why people are considered losers just because they don't socialize.

Approximately 2 days ago on Facebook, I commented on a "friend's" [more like *******] status, and one of the people said "no friends = loser". And I said that the world must be a warped place if they think the only way a person can have a life is by socializing. Then they said *my* views were skewed, and then general trolling, which I retorted to saying that at least I don't have to deal with other people's dramas. So in the end, sick and tired of being around ignorant people, I've disabled my Facebook.

I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?


NB: Any trolling , and you will be reported.

Forever
April 24th, 2010, 08:18 PM
There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.

Fxcking Tatertots
April 24th, 2010, 08:31 PM
There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.

I have to disagree. I've met more areseholes online than IRL. They get worse everyday, I swear. :[

Forever
April 24th, 2010, 08:34 PM
I guess it depends on who you choose to talk to...

I probably think that way just because overall, the nice people on PC outweigh the bad and the friendships made here are stronger on any other forum. Juuust after a while on PC you'll probably make good friends here. Then again, that's only my view, so yeah.

I HEART MEGA HITT
April 24th, 2010, 08:41 PM
I know how you feel there but you're always going to have jerks. We live in a world of idiots who criticize those for different reasons. I've dealt with it pretty much my whole life and it;s NOT fun. Still, that doesn't make it bad to socialize. You can't shut yourself off from it just because of the bad people you meet. It only makes things worse for you.

I have problems socalizing for reasons I'm not going to mention. You don't see me locking myself up just because of the jerks, do you? I have great friends and even a boyfriend who loves me more than anything. D: You just have to find the people that have the same interests you do and I'm sure you'll have some great friends.

loliwin
April 24th, 2010, 08:49 PM
I think socializing is important becuase you can get more friends and be less shy when you see people you dont know. xD

Fxcking Tatertots
April 24th, 2010, 08:50 PM
I think it's too late for that, because I barely have any interest in anything anymore. I just wanna be on my laptop, playing games all day... =/

.Gamer
April 24th, 2010, 08:52 PM
I think it's too late for that, because I barely have any interest in anything anymore. I just wanna be on my laptop, playing games all day... =/

I think I just found your problem. Go outside. Meet people. Talk to people, do things. Being a hermit will get you nowhere. You can't give up on something if you don't put effort into it. :|

Esper
April 24th, 2010, 08:58 PM
It's a rhetorical question, but I feel like answering it anyway.

It's probably also to do with what people who don't socialize actually do. Not every recluse is a genius artist working on the next masterpiece or finding the cure for cancer. Lots just sit at home, absorbed in some hobby. Maybe it's that people feel slighted that you'd rather do anything else than socialize with them (it hurts their pride), or maybe it just is that you're different from them and that's enough for them not to like you. Most people do want to socialize and think socializing is normal. Therefore anyone who isn't normal = loser. Humans are social creatures and someone might feel that not wanting to socialize makes you somehow defective.

Kinarii
April 24th, 2010, 09:08 PM
I know this has nothing to do with Facebook, but it does relate to the topic in general. When I was a little kid I couldn't make any friends for years. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't social so much as I was terrible at it so everyone kind of shunned me. My question is why are people (especially girls, from my experience) so apt to shut out those who are less skilled with socializing? It sure as heck doesn't help the person in question develop their skill or allow them to keep a grip on self-confidence. Makes 'em torment themself trying to figure out why they keep failing, and after a long time, begin to think of themself as inherently a failure or develop strong negative connotations with things like 'socializing'. I was pretty much in this boat but college has helped me recover quite a lot, and continues to do so.

Over time (especially in the past year or so) I have met and befriended more and more folks. Thankfully I've learned that the world is nothing like middle/high school. Yeah, it's full of pricks and ignoramuses, but the real friends you do have, no matter how few or how many, are the ones that make it better in the end. Always stick with the people that make you feel good, not the ones that treat you like poo or drag you through the mud.

Good lord, I went off on a tangent ._.

Timbjerr
April 24th, 2010, 09:35 PM
I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?


omg, you're like my female counterpart in every single way...right down to being socially jaded and distrustful of people in general. :O

People are a pitiable creature...always too dependent on others to achieve their own ends and disposing of their "friends" when they no longer need them for social networking. From my experience, there's no such thing as true friendship. It's just something made up by the writers of Saturday morning cartoons to teach kids that the only way to get through life is by depending on others instead of themselves. >_>

Cassino
April 24th, 2010, 10:24 PM
A friend is someone for both parties to mutually shoulder doubts and troubles, as well as share joyous feelings and whatnot... A friend puts one in perspective with another being, and thus defines one's own bounds and reasons; something like that. To paraphrase one of Neon Genesis Evangelion's later episodes "with total freedom you are alone, but uneasy; here's a restriction, you are now more sure about everything, but one aspect of freedom has been removed". As we follow this logic, of course, the more confident one can feel, because one's world is defined, yet the less free for the same reason — a sort of bliss in ignorance, I suppose, which most people will actively seek for their own comfort, forming groups... nations. Everything is, ultimately, for the benefit of the individuals involved, and since this is mutual, the benefit of all and thus we have a greater good.

And that is why, or at least what I believe is why, we as humans are social creatures to whom the concept of friendship is generally held dear.
Please do ask questions if you have any.

Erin
April 24th, 2010, 10:32 PM
Judging by what you said, I'd say I'm quite a polar opposite to you in this particular aspect. I prioritize socialization. I see it as important to my life, and when I'm feeling socially isolated, it has a lasting effect on my demeanor && ability to function in a regular mental state. When I'm going through difficulties, having people around me (particularly those few I can trust to vent with) helps me to cope.

That being said, I think there's two reasons people like myself && the people you were talking to feel socialization is important. As with any opinion one has about life, 50% of it has to do with genetics (one being naturally extroverted or introverted) and 50% has to do with environment. You'd stated you'd had rough experiences with people in the past. The more time that passes since those unfortunate events, the more the exception of isolation becomes the norm.

Inversely, I had the luck of having someone there for me in the most difficult period of my life, someone I could rely on, someone I loved. My trust && dependence on one person branched off as I began inviting more people into my life, thus the presence of others in my life grew && grew.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that people who consider socialization important are those who have been interdependent && have willingly accepted people into their lives for a while. Over time, one's surroundings can shape who they are. They shaped me.

I'm not condoning your agitator's butthole-ness. One's circumstances in life are beyond their control, && those they do have control of are personal perojatives, && no one has the right to judge.

Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?

I have to disagree with this, personally. When I'm alone, the longer I think about a problem, the more I begin playing the "what-if" game, && the more my thoughts become counterproductive. Having a friend I can trust && vent to who can offer advice && comfort keeps me grounded in contentment && sanity.

But that's just me offering an alternate way of looking at it, the way the others involved in your dilemma may be looking at it.

donavannj
April 24th, 2010, 11:08 PM
I think I just found your problem. Go outside. Meet people. Talk to people, do things. Being a hermit will get you nowhere. You can't give up on something if you don't put effort into it. :|

This. I'm on a computer all the time (between home, work, and school), but I still get out and interact with people, be it at work, at school, or in my free time. Finding groups of people in your area who share a common interest with you is a great way to make people. And not acting aloof helps quite a bit when meeting new people. (b'-')b

In your case, find a hobby shop that does LAN gaming nights or something like that, since you seem interested in computer games, unless it's not those kind of computer games you enjoy.

Erin
April 24th, 2010, 11:17 PM
Finding groups of people in your area who share a common interest with you is a great way to make people. And not acting aloof helps quite a bit when meeting new people. (b'-')b

Agreed entirely.

Judging by the way the people you were talking to responded, they aren't quite the kind of people who'd be open to your side of the story. Responding to their trolling wouldn'tve made them change their views on the matter, regardless of how much sensible logic you used. Disabling your facebook for the time being, or at least ignoring them, was probably the best thing to do.

piece of something
April 25th, 2010, 12:52 AM
what if you're not interested in socializing simply because it's not as fun as say, playing a video game, for example? :P

Ninja Caterpie
April 25th, 2010, 01:15 AM
what if you're not interested in socializing simply because it's not as fun as say, playing a video game, for example? :P

Not everything in life is fun.

piece of something
April 25th, 2010, 01:30 AM
Not everything in life is fun.

true, but if something is not fun, and it's not necessary, why bother with it?

Erin
April 25th, 2010, 01:35 AM
true, but if something is not fun, and it's not necessary, why bother with it?

Well... "necessary" is a somewhat subjective term...

piece of something
April 25th, 2010, 01:46 AM
Well... "necessary" is a somewhat subjective term...

exactly. and it certainly isn't necessary for me to go out and party and drink and have a great time out with people...i haven't got a problem if that's people's thing, but it's not mine. i just don't find any of that stuff fun...i don't find sitting around and socializing just for the sake of socializing fun either...totally unnecessary~

i guess it's hard for ppl to understand but i like being hermit and i see no problem with it :P

Erin
April 25th, 2010, 02:07 AM
exactly. and it certainly isn't necessary for me to go out and party and drink and have a great time out with people...i haven't got a problem if that's people's thing, but it's not mine. i just don't find any of that stuff fun...i don't find sitting around and socializing just for the sake of socializing fun either...totally unnecessary~

that's not the route i was taking.
the point i'm trying to make is, what do you define as "necessary"? necessary for life, or necessary for a sustainable lifestyle?

it isn't necessary for anyone to go out to parties. fun? yes. necessary? certainly not.

on the other hand though, for many people, myself included, socialization && continuous communication is important. social isolation for me is unbearable, as i'm a natural pessimist && my thoughts spiral out of control as i play out impossible yet convincing mental scenarios in an endless game of "what if". having people in life, having a friend, having someone to trust && take advice from prevents me from what one could call neurotic thought.

i, for one, see that as "necessary".

piece of something
April 25th, 2010, 02:18 AM
that's not the route i was taking.
the point i'm trying to make is, what do you define as "necessary"? necessary for life, or necessary for a sustainable lifestyle?

it isn't necessary for anyone to go out to parties. fun? yes. necessary? certainly not.

on the other hand though, for many people, myself included, socialization && continuous communication is important. social isolation for me is unbearable, as i'm a natural pessimist && my thoughts spiral out of control as i play out impossible yet convincing mental scenarios in an endless game of "what if". having people in life, having a friend, having someone to trust && take advice from prevents me from what one could call neurotic thought.

i, for one, see that as "necessary".

oh. i understand what you're saying...well its obviously not necessary for life, and in my case not necessary for sustainable lifestyle...eh maybe i'm in denial? though i've never been anything remotely close to social and it doesn't really bug me...it actually bugs me more being around people who wanna make small talk, which usually turns out to be an unnecessary and awkward experience lolz it's not my fault awkward silences get to them!!

going out to parties is not fun, nor is it necessary for me - there ya go, subjective again.

lol i see why people value socialization, and i'm not so lost as to struggle to imagine why they find it fun and valuable...the case is simply that it's not for me...i do a lot of thinking, easily get caught up in my thoughts and imagination, and people's voices just disrupt my whole flow you know what i mean? XD

i guess another thing is i really don't have much to say to begin with...i usually have little or no insight or interest in the topics ppl bring up and discuss...i'm definitely ignorant, but i can't force myself to be interested in things that i'm naturally not :P

Erin
April 25th, 2010, 02:22 AM
respectable standpoint. that's why it's subjective.
by continuing the conversation though, you're technically being social =D.
not that i have a problem with it. most recognition i've gotten here thus far... =P

piece of something
April 25th, 2010, 02:26 AM
respectable standpoint. that's why it's subjective.
by continuing the conversation though, you're technically being social =D.
not that i have a problem with it. most recognition i've gotten here thus far... =P

lol the irony of it all!!!
you were baiting me the whole time weren't you? and i took it. well played~

Erin
April 25th, 2010, 02:33 AM
lol the irony of it all!!!
you were baiting me the whole time weren't you? and i took it. well played~

Quite. =))
Just wait, sooner or later i'll have you partyin' like a rock star.

Sneeze
April 25th, 2010, 04:09 AM
There's actually been medical tests proving that being social leads to a healthier life, both mentally and phsyically.

Don't let a few bad experiences ruin it for you, get out there and make some real friends and you'll feel much better for it...

Yusshin
April 25th, 2010, 04:35 AM
I'm in a similar boat, OP.

When I was a child, I never had any friends. From age four to ten, the only "friends" I had were the people who threw tennis balls at me and called me various names, such as "fat" and "ugly". They also distorted my first name because someone in my class had a similar name with the same pronunciation, but it was spelt in a way that they found more suitable. I was therefore called "Tay-Lore" instead of "Tay-lure" for four years, regardless my telling them not to call me as such.

When I was seven, I was molested by an aunt who got away with it. The same aunt also tried to make me smoke as well as steal from my grandmother. My mother was out of the picture; my father was neglectful. My father, siblings, cousins, and aunts resorted to calling me names like my peers, only it went far worse generally by extending to "*******", "♥♥♥♥face", and other hurtful comments. I had cable until age six; my father than removed it, saying it's crud. At the time, I was angry, but presently I'm thankful he did that since television is, indeed, crap.

When I was entering fifth grade (ten/eleven), I saw the world clearly for how monstrous it is. I still give people way too many chances, since I like to think that the world is a good place, but I'm just lying to myself. I started writing novels at this age because it was the only kind of "company" I could actually get that would let me control it and say how it feels. I found a few friends after changing schools at this time, but most of them didn't like me (perhaps I was too hyper-active?), and one even purposefully destroyed the first novelette that I wrote by dropping it in a bucket of water. Fortunately, her mother saved it for me by blowing it down with a hairdryer, but I'll always remember that.

Around thirteen was when I discovered my father was happy I was bullied my life. His reasoning? He believed it was because I was bullied that I wrote novels, my IQ shot up, and I became gifted in linguistics. I believe that the fact I was isolated from everyone my entire life perhaps allowed for these skills to develop, but I wouldn't agree with the method that my gifts became evident.

It is because of my tyrant peers and terrible family history that I have absolutely no social skills, and sometimes, I can't communicate properly and I insult people without meaning to. I also come off as obnoxious and arrogant, but really, I'm just extremely shy and friendly.

On the Internet, I can express myself better, and after becoming depressed around the age of thirteen and becoming addicted to my Internet friends, my father used that against me, too. He would threaten if I didn't do pretty much every housework-related job in the house, that he'd remove the computer - my "safe haven" from the darkness of my home. I did pretty much everything my father asked me to do for if not, I'd be detached temporarily from the only people I felt cared about me even a little bit.

Present day, I still have no social skills, and it has caused me a lot of problems. Working and dealing with customers traumatizes me; I will need to find a job in the future that doesn't deal with people, because people scare me to death if they're a customer. I'm very self-conscious; I'm afraid what people will think of me, what they will say, and how they'll react. I'm prone to crying if anyone raises their tone. Therapy didn't help; the woman basically said that the Internet was my issue, and not anything else. How could this be, if the Internet friends are the only ones that make me feel nice about myself?

If you don't socialize with people, it'll cause a lot of problems job-wise in the future. Popularity isn't that important; you just need basic socialization skills, or you'll end up in a worse state that I'm in. If you don't socialize, you're not a "loser". You most likely have your reasons because by nature, humans are sociable creatures. If you're not sociable, it's not your "nature", but merely a trait brought on by something that's happened in the past, or by a preference, such as reading, writing, etc. The people who thinks that socialization is "everything" because of popularity-related reasons have skewed views of the world. The only real importance for socialization is so you don't feel alone, vulnerable, insecure... and so that you don't have issues working, and of those other issues, you'll have someone to talk to about them.

I don't believe you're a "loser" if you don't socialize. Not at all. The people based on popularity, fads, and the cheap, ****ty music of modern day are the losers.

インフェルノの津波
April 25th, 2010, 04:43 AM
Let me tell you something:

Without other people to keep us sane, our mind shall go into the depths of insanity, therefore we shall surely die. No sanity = not so healthy life by the way.

That I found out the hard way....

General Bravo
April 25th, 2010, 05:04 AM
Hmm. I'm sort of torn here. On the one hand, I've pushed everyone I've known in school away for various reasons, and I keep them away. One too many hard-learned lessons caused this. And so, during the school day, I am a black hole of rage and anti-socialization that no attempts to talk to me can have any affect. You would NOT wanna try and talk to me at school.

On the other hand I have a lot of good friends from my out of school activities. I think it all depends on whether or not they accept you for who you are and what the situation or crowd dictates.

Throat
April 25th, 2010, 05:59 AM
I don't have many friends in rl nor online. It's not that I am rude, I simply like a huge space to myself. Well, if you're happier on your own, don't let people make you feel excluded for not living within crowds.


@Yusshin
Your case is different, you went through many hardships and according to what you said, you're antisocial now. It's not like there's nothing about personality wether you are extravert or introvert. Anyway, you can always look for another professional for therapy if you feel the need, it's not because you've seen a bad one that every psychologist is like that.

Absinthe
April 25th, 2010, 06:28 AM
Despite having been "alone" since freshman year of college, I can't stand it at all, I need to be around people, and to talk to them, because for me, the socialization helps to keep me happy and being alone only amplifies my feelings that I can't belong, I can't fit in, no one cares and all those negative thoughts. I'm not the type of person who thinks x number of friends = social, but just having a group of close friends you can get in touch with and talk to regularly helps out a ton in self esteem.

In terms of online vs real life, I have to say that I met my better friends in person, but once college started, I made better friends online, but then it just struck me that I got tired of spending my time on the computer all day long and that I would rather go out and play frisbee or just hang out with my friends in person... only to realize I no longer really had them since everyone had moved on, went to other colleges and made new friends and somehow I got left behind.

I mean, you can say you're fine being online, but at some point, you'll come to realize that there's something about having closer friends that makes you feel better as a whole. Personally as I started drifting away from online communities and games a whole, and started focusing on things I wanted to do outdoors and trying to make friends, I started realizing how much I couldn't stand people online, especially those who took games and stuff too seriously.

Zeph.
April 25th, 2010, 07:41 AM
Socialising is just natural, aswell as healthy.

Please don't go saying things like you'd rather play games all day. Of course playing games a lot every few days is fine (and fun :P), a social life is worth so much more in the long run.

UndertakerFreak1127
April 25th, 2010, 08:07 AM
It's easy to be labeled an outcast in this country. So many people demean what doesn't appeal to them because it gives them a swelling of pride (for example, homophobes and racists). Shut-ins aren't safe from the radar of intolerance, either.

RuRuBell
April 25th, 2010, 12:14 PM
I can relate. My experiences throughout elementary school left me feeling down-trodden and distrusting of people. I'm a quiet, shy person to begin with, but after that I really withdrew myself.

In highschool, though, I was fortunate enough to open up a bit, and I found a great group of friends. Highschool was definitely a good time for me/

But now that I've moved to a different city and go to college, I've fallen into the same pit I was as a kid. I avoid people, often question why they talk to me, etc.

I must say that I too want nothing more that to stay at home all day and never have to deal with people. It's not healthy, though, I know it's not. I often feel angry, depressed, lethargic. I don't feel well physically, mentally, or emotionally. So I've been trying to go out more and talk to people.
It's hard, but as highschool has showed me, I definitely do feel better when I go out and socialize with my friends. Online friends are great to be around to have fun, but there's something 'extra' when you're around your real friends. I don't know how to describe it. You feel more...fullfilled, I guess.

Unfortunately, there always seem to be more bad people than good ones out there. :/
Best of luck in whatever you do.

NarutoActor
April 25th, 2010, 12:25 PM
humans are like that. We were made to build relationships, why live so isolated?

Melody
April 25th, 2010, 12:41 PM
I don't understand why people are considered losers just because they don't socialize.

Approximately 2 days ago on Facebook, I commented on a "friend's" [more like *******] status, and one of the people said "no friends = loser". And I said that the world must be a warped place if they think the only way a person can have a life is by socializing. Then they said *my* views were skewed, and then general trolling, which I retorted to saying that at least I don't have to deal with other people's dramas. So in the end, sick and tired of being around ignorant people, I've disabled my Facebook.

I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?


NB: Any trolling , and you will be reported.

I have to disagree. I've met more areseholes online than IRL. They get worse everyday, I swear. :[


Honestly, I sympathize with you. I do not even have a Facebook or a Myspace account. I have a LiveJournal account, which I feel is sufficiently off the beaten path...and even with that, you've got to register to LiveJournal and become my friend there to see anything interesting. I'm a very private person, to which self-reflection is a priority

I know how you feel there but you're always going to have jerks. We live in a world of idiots who criticize those for different reasons. I've dealt with it pretty much my whole life and it;s NOT fun. Still, that doesn't make it bad to socialize. You can't shut yourself off from it just because of the bad people you meet. It only makes things worse for you.

I have problems socalizing for reasons I'm not going to mention. You don't see me locking myself up just because of the jerks, do you? I have great friends and even a boyfriend who loves me more than anything. D: You just have to find the people that have the same interests you do and I'm sure you'll have some great friends.

I am that boyfriend. :3


I know this has nothing to do with Facebook, but it does relate to the topic in general. When I was a little kid I couldn't make any friends for years. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't social so much as I was terrible at it so everyone kind of shunned me. My question is why are people (especially girls, from my experience) so apt to shut out those who are less skilled with socializing? It sure as heck doesn't help the person in question develop their skill or allow them to keep a grip on self-confidence. Makes 'em torment themself trying to figure out why they keep failing, and after a long time, begin to think of themself as inherently a failure or develop strong negative connotations with things like 'socializing'. I was pretty much in this boat but college has helped me recover quite a lot, and continues to do so.

Over time (especially in the past year or so) I have met and befriended more and more folks. Thankfully I've learned that the world is nothing like middle/high school. Yeah, it's full of pricks and ignoramuses, but the real friends you do have, no matter how few or how many, are the ones that make it better in the end. Always stick with the people that make you feel good, not the ones that treat you like poo or drag you through the mud.

Good lord, I went off on a tangent ._.
Agreed. It's the people who are kind who you should be with, not the *******s who abuse you. No matter how you try to rationalize it, if someone is abusing you, then they clearly resent you for something and you should GET AWAY!

A friend is someone for both parties to mutually shoulder doubts and troubles, as well as share joyous feelings and whatnot... A friend puts one in perspective with another being, and thus defines one's own bounds and reasons; something like that. To paraphrase one of Neon Genesis Evangelion's later episodes "with total freedom you are alone, but uneasy; here's a restriction, you are now more sure about everything, but one aspect of freedom has been removed". As we follow this logic, of course, the more confident one can feel, because one's world is defined, yet the less free for the same reason — a sort of bliss in ignorance, I suppose, which most people will actively seek for their own comfort, forming groups... nations. Everything is, ultimately, for the benefit of the individuals involved, and since this is mutual, the benefit of all and thus we have a greater good.

And that is why, or at least what I believe is why, we as humans are social creatures to whom the concept of friendship is generally held dear.
Please do ask questions if you have any.

Indeed. Sometimes when there are matters which do not parse correctly, a close friend is always able to put it into perspective. Sometimes there are dilemmas which your personality cannot fathom or solve, and you must seek the answer from someone else. It doesn't mean you're stupid or any less independent...It just means you have the wisdom to seek help when you find yourself in need of it.



All-in-all I do happen to agree with the OP's feelings about society in general, it's occasionally flawed because there are jackasses who simply don't play by the rules as they're supposed to, and these people are truly toxic to all those around them. If you stop and analyze the group, you can usually tell if they're suffering from a toxic person in their group. More toxic people means more problems...and in the rare occasion, there will be a purely toxic group which you should avoid like the plague. You simply must be wise when choosing friends and confidantes. If you don't screen them carefully, you will be burned.

I HEART MEGA HITT
April 25th, 2010, 12:58 PM
I'm in a similar boat, OP.

When I was a child, I never had any friends. From age four to ten, the only "friends" I had were the people who threw tennis balls at me and called me various names, such as "fat" and "ugly". They also distorted my first name because someone in my class had a similar name with the same pronunciation, but it was spelt in a way that they found more suitable. I was therefore called "Tay-Lore" instead of "Tay-lure" for four years, regardless my telling them not to call me as such.

When I was seven, I was molested by an aunt who got away with it. The same aunt also tried to make me smoke as well as steal from my grandmother. My mother was out of the picture; my father was neglectful. My father, siblings, cousins, and aunts resorted to calling me names like my peers, only it went far worse generally by extending to "*******", "♥♥♥♥face", and other hurtful comments. I had cable until age six; my father than removed it, saying it's crud. At the time, I was angry, but presently I'm thankful he did that since television is, indeed, crap.

When I was entering fifth grade (ten/eleven), I saw the world clearly for how monstrous it is. I still give people way too many chances, since I like to think that the world is a good place, but I'm just lying to myself. I started writing novels at this age because it was the only kind of "company" I could actually get that would let me control it and say how it feels. I found a few friends after changing schools at this time, but most of them didn't like me (perhaps I was too hyper-active?), and one even purposefully destroyed the first novelette that I wrote by dropping it in a bucket of water. Fortunately, her mother saved it for me by blowing it down with a hairdryer, but I'll always remember that.

Around thirteen was when I discovered my father was happy I was bullied my life. His reasoning? He believed it was because I was bullied that I wrote novels, my IQ shot up, and I became gifted in linguistics. I believe that the fact I was isolated from everyone my entire life perhaps allowed for these skills to develop, but I wouldn't agree with the method that my gifts became evident.

It is because of my tyrant peers and terrible family history that I have absolutely no social skills, and sometimes, I can't communicate properly and I insult people without meaning to. I also come off as obnoxious and arrogant, but really, I'm just extremely shy and friendly.

On the Internet, I can express myself better, and after becoming depressed around the age of thirteen and becoming addicted to my Internet friends, my father used that against me, too. He would threaten if I didn't do pretty much every housework-related job in the house, that he'd remove the computer - my "safe haven" from the darkness of my home. I did pretty much everything my father asked me to do for if not, I'd be detached temporarily from the only people I felt cared about me even a little bit.

Present day, I still have no social skills, and it has caused me a lot of problems. Working and dealing with customers traumatizes me; I will need to find a job in the future that doesn't deal with people, because people scare me to death if they're a customer. I'm very self-conscious; I'm afraid what people will think of me, what they will say, and how they'll react. I'm prone to crying if anyone raises their tone. Therapy didn't help; the woman basically said that the Internet was my issue, and not anything else. How could this be, if the Internet friends are the only ones that make me feel nice about myself?

If you don't socialize with people, it'll cause a lot of problems job-wise in the future. Popularity isn't that important; you just need basic socialization skills, or you'll end up in a worse state that I'm in. If you don't socialize, you're not a "loser". You most likely have your reasons because by nature, humans are sociable creatures. If you're not sociable, it's not your "nature", but merely a trait brought on by something that's happened in the past, or by a preference, such as reading, writing, etc. The people who thinks that socialization is "everything" because of popularity-related reasons have skewed views of the world. The only real importance for socialization is so you don't feel alone, vulnerable, insecure... and so that you don't have issues working, and of those other issues, you'll have someone to talk to about them.

I don't believe you're a "loser" if you don't socialize. Not at all. The people based on popularity, fads, and the cheap, ****ty music of modern day are the losers.

You sound a lot like me. except for the whole gifted thing. I'm gifted in writing though so I guess it still counts. XD

Yusshin
April 25th, 2010, 01:05 PM
You sound a lot like me. except for the whole gifted thing. I'm gifted in writing though so I guess it still counts. XD

lol well, people like us need to support people like us, since we know how it feels ):

Kura
April 25th, 2010, 01:24 PM
There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.

I disagree, too. Although I've met some amazing people online, most of the reason that they do seem more amazing is that they don't actually have to put in any effort for anything. They can take a couple minutes to formulate what they're gonna say. They can't actually stay back and see if you'll be ok in a certain situation.. or go out with you when you need someone to be there with you if you need to go to an appointment or event.

It's so biased. Online, you only really deem that they're better according to how much you talk to each other and how well your interests mesh together.. there is no REAL trust or sacrifice unless they prove it to you in other means. (Send you snailmail if you're feeling down. Draw you a picture online. Call you if they haven't seen you in a little while and want to talk.)

I've noticed that online friends are completely meaningless if you basically don't hear from them if you wander to another forum/ don't go on MSN/ etc.

I do have a few online friends that I call/ text/ send snailmail to/ and basically make an effort to say hello and prove to them that I'm a real friend.

Just saying.






Also, social status means nothing if you genuinely enjoy having time to yourself. People like that on Facebook just want to feel like they're better than you (a shining freaking ego) or just get some sort of reaction from you (a shining ego + a crappy attitude/ personality + douchery.)

Either way, in my eyes, people with a negative attitude are deemed losers, and it has nothing to do with how many friends they have. A loser, to me, is someone who can't think things through properly and continuously proves that they are no good to society.


Also, you could've just blocked that guy from Facebook instead of disabling your account. He probably wanted to harass you like that and I think you should've just stood up to him by blocking/ reporting him so that HE gets kicked off or banned from Facebook :/

Just my two cents.

Melody
April 25th, 2010, 01:25 PM
lol well, people like us need to support people like us, since we know how it feels ):

Exactly! I was essentially in the same boat as you Yusshin, for a while and I still am. I'll admit, life has gotten better as of adulthood (18+) but that's because life in general isn't like school...and even High School was decent for me.

I didn't have bad parents perse, but my mom was a total loser and my dad ended up raising me and my brother. I was somewhat lucky in the respect that I had a little brother...it helped me loads, because I had to teach him things and help him come to terms with things, as he's helped me come to terms with things sometimes.

Yusshin
April 25th, 2010, 01:37 PM
Your case is different, you went through many hardships and according to what you said, you're antisocial now. It's not like there's nothing about personality wether you are extravert or introvert. Anyway, you can always look for another professional for therapy if you feel the need, it's not because you've seen a bad one that every psychologist is like that.

I was considering seeing a different one. Even my outreach teacher mentioned it to me. I'm very sociable with people I know well, though. It's hard for me to talk to people, make friends, and just plainly be myself. I'm different from other people, and I don't handle criticism very well. In fact, if I'm criticized gravely, I'm more likely not to improve, but to have my already next-to-nothing confidence extinguished completely. I was raised to believe that I wasn't allowed to make mistakes; even though now I believe different, it's very difficult to change what's been implanted into my mind for fifteen years. Heck, I would've committed suicide at fourteen following my having cut my arms with a random piece of beer bottle I found outside had it not been for a certain someone entering my life for good.



Exactly! I was essentially in the same boat as you Yusshin, for a while and I still am. I'll admit, life has gotten better as of adulthood (18+) but that's because life in general isn't like school...and even High School was decent for me.

I didn't have bad parents perse, but my mom was a total loser and my dad ended up raising me and my brother. I was somewhat lucky in the respect that I had a little brother...it helped me loads, because I had to teach him things and help him come to terms with things, as he's helped me come to terms with things sometimes.

Life has gotten better for me, too, but my psychology is broken completely. People scare me. Dealing with money scares me. Being in a group and not knowing anyone scares me. Working independently at a job where I can't ask questions if I'm in doubt scares me. Society scares me. People think I'm a wuss, but I can't help it. I try to mask it, though :| Some people actually believe I'm very sociable, but they're confusing that with my talking to people I know well. When it comes to meeting new people, introducing mysef, interviews, working, school, etc. I'm like a six-year-old with a gun capped at their head.

I've tried to change, too, but it's just too difficult .-.

I sound like a complainer now lol Wonderful >>;

Melody
April 25th, 2010, 01:50 PM
I was considering seeing a different one. Even my outreach teacher mentioned it to me. I'm very sociable with people I know well, though. It's hard for me to talk to people, make friends, and just plainly be myself. I'm different from other people, and I don't handle criticism very well. In fact, if I'm criticized gravely, I'm more likely not to improve, but to have my already next-to-nothing confidence extinguished completely. I was raised to believe that I wasn't allowed to make mistakes; even though now I believe different, it's very difficult to change what's been implanted into my mind for fifteen years. Heck, I would've committed suicide at fourteen following my having cut my arms with a random piece of beer bottle I found outside had it not been for a certain someone entering my life for good.



Life has gotten better for me, too, but my psychology is broken completely. People scare me. Dealing with money scares me. Being in a group and not knowing anyone scares me. Working independently at a job where I can't ask questions if I'm in doubt scares me. Society scares me. People think I'm a wuss, but I can't help it. I try to mask it, though :| Some people actually believe I'm very sociable, but they're confusing that with my talking to people I know well. When it comes to meeting new people, introducing mysef, interviews, working, school, etc. I'm like a six-year-old with a gun capped at their head.

I've tried to change, too, but it's just too difficult .-.

I sound like a complainer now lol Wonderful >>;

Well, in your case, it is indeed wise to find a professional who can indeed help you with your problems. I know I was lucky, ultimately so, because my nature simply did not permit such damage to my psyche. I always sought second opinions, as it's my personality trait to do so. Now, I may not always take the second opinion so well, but I do analysis of it. Sometimes things which are shot down by the immediate analysis, get salvaged during the postmortem analysis. (I am always analyzing things which have been discussed and decided upon already, and I'm always analyzing memories which are still fresh in my mind. Such is the essence of my personality)

With all that being said, I understand fully how difficult it can be to recover from even minor psyche damage. It's truly difficult because fear is an inbuilt survival mechanism which tends to be a ***** to override. x3

Yusshin
April 25th, 2010, 02:02 PM
Well, in your case, it is indeed wise to find a professional who can indeed help you with your problems. I know I was lucky, ultimately so, because my nature simply did not permit such damage to my psyche. I always sought second opinions, as it's my personality trait to do so. Now, I may not always take the second opinion so well, but I do analysis of it. Sometimes things which are shot down by the immediate analysis, get salvaged during the postmortem analysis. (I am always analyzing things which have been discussed and decided upon already, and I'm always analyzing memories which are still fresh in my mind. Such is the essence of my personality)

With all that being said, I understand fully how difficult it can be to recover from even minor psyche damage. It's truly difficult because fear is an inbuilt survival mechanism which tends to be a ***** to override. x3

Sometimes, I value certain opinions above others. If my father tells me I'm a total idiot, ignorant, and retarded, and then turns around and calls me something nice, I'm more prone to ignore the nice and absorb the hate .-. It's very unhealthy. I also feel that if someone close to me compliments me, it's an "obligation", and not something they do by will. That's why sometimes I value what random people say to me over what close members tell me, unless it's hurtful. If it's hurtful, I give close people more importance.

I don't know why I developped into thinking like that, but it's really bad. I don't know how to change it, though. I've tried and tried, and I'm afraid that a psychologist will just try to tell me something that I know is wrong, like last time.

The only psychologist I know that would accept me freely has a huge waiting list. I don't know what to do @-@ I'm moving soon, too, and I don't know how I'm going to continue with a psychologist if I start over here in the first place...

Meh... Thus, I'm a prime example of the importance of socialization :| Don't socialize, and you'll become a fearful mouse like me ><

Melody
April 25th, 2010, 02:04 PM
Indeed you are. However, fear not, you'll be able to get professional help quickly I believe. It's a matter of faith really. If you have Hope, you cannot be quenched. :3

FaithInMe
April 25th, 2010, 04:02 PM
Having social interaction IS a necessary part of life.
It creates necessary social skills that are needed for survival.
Put it this way, if you're going for a job, particularly something team based, sales for example.
You could have the best sales record in the world, you could be so good you could sell rubbers to a monk, or ice to an eskimo, but if you dont have the skills to be able to interact with people, and someone else does, you have no hope.
No job, no money, no survival.

That is of course but one example. Just off the top of my head.

I personally have never had any of these problems, I was always one of the popular kids all through my schooling. I have tons of great friends, some I see more than others.
I go out, party and do things with groups of people all the time.
It helps that I happen to be overly extroverted though I guess.

Fxcking Tatertots
April 25th, 2010, 06:06 PM
Also, you could've just blocked that guy from Facebook instead of disabling your account. He probably wanted to harass you like that and I think you should've just stood up to him by blocking/ reporting him so that HE gets kicked off or banned from Facebook :/

Just my two cents.

I actually de-friended the guy first, then decided it won't work that way and just disabled the whole thing, as there is a bunch of bitter-tasting fish in the sea. I just didn't want to deal with **** anymore. I've been feeling a bit better since I've disabled it, so yeah.

To everyone else, thanks. Don't know what else to say, since it will probably some out wrong.

UndertakerFreak1127
April 25th, 2010, 07:33 PM
I can simplify this all - if you like being alone, it's not the duty of ANYONE to say you're going to turn out this way/that way. Leave these people alone.

helix
April 25th, 2010, 10:32 PM
Can anyone honestly say that there was not a point in their life when they were happy to make someone else happy? One socialises because they wish to connect themselves with the animated, living world around them, and perhaps they give the slightest darn about the people they talk to.

Either way, socialising has merit, allowing one to share knowledge, ideas and expressions with others. But chaining yourself to your social life until all you care about is your interconnection with it is like being in an abusive relationship with the entire world around you and letting them push you down. And those who do choose their social life over themselves as individuals until they lose touch with who they are.. I feel for them.

Not to say I'm so established and whole in myself as a person that I could be a hermit, that is. But I've already decided that if I was ever supposed to choose between my relationship with others and my personal individuality, I would choose myself.