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Yetsu
December 20th, 2004, 11:35 PM
NOTE: Okay, I wrote this to try and get my inspiration back, and I think it's worked a little. Why? Because this is the first time in about a year that I'm PROUD of what I've written. I was so much better at it when I was suicidal and depressed...

I Just Wanted You to Know...

By: Chibi

*

When the world will leave you falling
And your loved ones leave you calling
Who will be there for you, but me?

And when you cannot find the strength to laugh
Yet you try so hard to create your path
I will be there for you, only me

You see I am the blood-colored rose that is watching from my home
And I am that blade of grass that swings in the wind of old
And I am all around you, I just wanted to let you know...

I just wanted you to know...

When you can barely contemplate your existance
And someone leaves you bending, and you have no resistance
Who will be there for you, but me?

And when the thoughts of one way out devour
And you settle more and more closely each hour
I will be there for you, only me

You see, I am that cloud above your head, who prevents the storm
And I am that warm shelter you stand in when you have nowhere else to go
And I am all around you, I just wanted to let you know...

I just wanted you to know...

And where will I be?
Always around you
I know you can't see me, yet I'm there

You feel that gentle brush
And that arm around your shoulders,
That is me... I am there

You see, I am that destiny calling you, telling you to move
And I am that childhood memory that makes the smile wanna show
And I am that message that found it's way slowly to your heart
And I am that sweet melody that tears us all apart
And I am that pair of arms that will hold you, whenever you want to let go
And I am all around you, I just wanted to let you know...

I just wanted you to know...

*

Welp, there ya go. I know it didn't rhyme the whole way through, but wasn't is so sweet?

Kylie-chan
December 21st, 2004, 01:19 AM
Hmm... the last stanza is slightly irregular in length... it does not fit with your consistent flow and length. It didn't rhyme in some places, like you said, but it was sweet... and - so - sweet! I like it a lot.
~DP

Yetsu
December 21st, 2004, 03:16 AM
Well, to tell you the truth, the above piece is a song; not a poem... so the stanza's are sometimes chorus' and sometimes bridges and verses. Hopefully I didn't do something illegal by posting it, and hopefully that makes the differences in the stanza's okay...

otakugirl14
December 22nd, 2004, 02:46 PM
It's very beautifully written, and I love the text. I like it when it rhymes some of the times and isn't rhyming at other times, as it makes it more interesting to listen to. Wonderful job.

Midori Chi
December 22nd, 2004, 03:05 PM
wow.....it's kinda sad....but it's wonderfull! Keep up the good work!

Yetsu
December 24th, 2004, 12:51 AM
Thanks so much for the [positive] comments! I've been writing free-lance poetry/lyrical work since I was... Thirteen... So I'm glad that I've gotten so far as to use simple lines, and yet make it all sound so great, elaborate, and graceful! (Or so some of my friends say...!)

Midori Chi
December 24th, 2004, 09:44 AM
Yep! Your friends are right!! ...tee hee!

Yetsu
May 18th, 2005, 09:58 AM
Heh heh... I always try to hypnotize them in order to get the replies I want; I'm just that good.

Anyway, check out some of my other work!

Shuko
May 18th, 2005, 10:41 AM
I don't read poetry very often, so it was odd that I came in here and read this. :D Anyway, I was thinkin' the whole time I was reading it, "Y'know, this would make a killer song!" Can you sing? If so, wanna make a recording and post it for us so'se we can hear how it sounds as a melody? :D All who wanna hear the musical rendition, say aye!

AYE!

Yetsu
May 18th, 2005, 11:03 AM
Eh... I DO sing... In my spare time... Not as a profession... And, anyway, I can't make a track cause my comp is dead. I'm at the library now and, unfortunately, singing is one of the established distractions.

Anyway, this thing IS a song. That I wrote. Cause I'm so special. =3

Natsuki
May 18th, 2005, 01:07 PM
Ooooh, this is quite a nice song! ^______^ I can feel that the feeling you put into it is strong, which is wonderful - the perfect song to get yourself going with poetry and songwriting again. ^.~

I do agree with Kylie that your last stanza could use a bit of work, it's just a tad bit choppy when you read it. o.< Also don't forget about your punctuation at the end of each line. ^^;

Well, nice work Yetsu! Keep it up! ^^

~Kelsey

Yetsu
May 18th, 2005, 01:32 PM
Okay, for the first and last time, STOP commenting on my lack of punctuation; please. I just can't think of ANY poem/song with a ton of punctuation in it. It's just not made for that type of thing. I used comma's and question marks in their designated places. I think that's all I need.