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View Full Version : Do two people dating have to be similar in a relationship?


Cariad
July 3rd, 2011, 02:56 AM
((My first thread, don't shoot me.))

Well, as the title says, do a boy and a girl dating have to have similar intrests, hobbies, jobs or music tastes to be perfect for eachother?
I've seen couples which are complete oppisites but have ended up living a happy life together, but i've also seen people who are so similar they could be clones living a life. What is your opinion?

JimJams
July 3rd, 2011, 03:18 AM
Well first of all, it could also be a boy and a boy, a girl and a girl, or one (if not both) of the people in the relationship could identify with non-binary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer) gender identities. But I'll get back on topic here. xD

I think that the main thing in a relationship is that the couple loves each other and can get along well.
It's up to the people involved; if they don't think they can handle dating someone with very different interests, then they can't. If they can, they can. People are all very different. :)

My boyfriend loves history and I love art and cartoons, but we are similar in a lot of other areas while being vastly different in others.

Zet
July 3rd, 2011, 03:22 AM
They don't have to like the same stuff to be compatible, opposites usually attract each other(just like magnets(science is fun!)) but some couples can have a lot in common, it just comes down to liking/loving the other person and vice versa. Well that's in my opinion anyway.

Forever
July 3rd, 2011, 03:29 AM
Personally, I feel that if you don't share any interests with them, then it's more likely that you'll get bored, aka, have nothing to relate to. I mean sure that'd be fine for physical/emotional attachment and all, but imo, I don't think it's a good idea if you can't really discuss anything with the person due to your interests being so different and neither being able to relate. Being similar in everything, probably wouldn't wouldn't work either, because instead of learning about what the person likes for a few things, it's like you'll auto know, so it'd kinda skip a process there? Idk that's just imo.

~*!*~Tatsujin Gosuto~*!*~
July 3rd, 2011, 10:00 AM
I think the best way to think of this is having a neutral set of interest. I've been in relationships before that either I had nothing in common with my boyfriend (which did not work out) or having too much in common (which got me so sick of doing all the things I liked to do like Pokemon), pretty much it does not work out. The relationship I'm in now, both me and my boyfriend have some things we both like, and some we don't and its working out great. I would get him into certain things and he would get me into certain things and these things will bring me and him closer because we are doing new things and learning more things about each other.


:t354:TG

Oryx
July 3rd, 2011, 10:10 AM
I have to agree with Forever. While it's nice to say like "love has no bounds", etc., if you can't stand anything that your S.O. loves and vice versa, it probably won't turn out well. Of course, you don't have to like the exact same things. But there should be at least 1 or 2 shared interests, because in the end, what are you going to even do together if you have completely opposite interests? If the only time you spend time together, one of you is miserable because they hate what they're doing, it'll just cause resentment within the couple.

However, if the couple likes all the same things, then there's no challenge in the relationship whatsoever. My boyfriend has introduced me to plenty of things that I wouldn't have dreamed of trying, which would never be the case in an identical partner situation. Even just personality-wise, if both people are completely shy, who will ever challenge them to break out of their box? One of the biggest things that people say about the person they love is that that person makes them a better person. That means that they're challenged to be a better person by their love, which is part of the greatness of a relationship.

Kyoko
July 3rd, 2011, 12:04 PM
I actually prefer it when guys don't have too many things in common with me. While yes, it's nice to like the same bands and movies and books, I like learning about new things too. It's always cool to learn about something a guy is passionate about even when I don't know too much about it. It's nice to have your own interests too.

So some stuff in interest is nice, but opposites attract is something I agree with a lot.

Signomi
July 3rd, 2011, 12:37 PM
I personally prefer a mix of both. It's nice enough to have various similarities with your other half, but at the same time I'm sure there are differences that they have that can actually prove to be very interesting to learn about. It gives you a slice of life that you're actually unfamiliar with, but in learning more about it...you learn more about them, and you become more aware of how they tick.

I've always believed that similarity can make company, but that should only be one of many aspects of why your relationship should work. Primarily, there should be a strong understanding between the both of you, and finding similar ground whilst also being keen to learn about things you've never ventured into much in the past ought play a part of that.

TRIFORCE89
July 3rd, 2011, 03:38 PM
They don't need to have the same interests. It's probably helpful, but I wouldn't think mandatory. Instead, at least... respecting their partner's interests is probably enough.

Oranje
July 3rd, 2011, 03:42 PM
The biggest thing in a relationship is if the other person puts your needs above theres and you do the same. Interests are not needed just change what you talk about.

Mr. X
July 12th, 2011, 09:57 PM
Completely? No. Somewhat? Yes.

Every couple has SOME similarities between them.

Cricco
July 13th, 2011, 01:21 AM
Until now all the girls I've had there has always been an excellent relationship based on the fact that we were very similar, I have not ever been with someone that generally did not have a character similar to my D:

Alinthea
July 13th, 2011, 04:22 AM
I believe so.
If you date a girl/guy that doesn't have the same interests as you, it is going to get awkward at some point; there are only so many times you can talk about what you did in the day and the weather. Yes that dreaded subject.

The last ex that I had was a lovely girl, but a few weeks down the line, I just didn't have anything interesting to talk to her about, because she didn't like anything to do with games, or my music, or what I enjoyed.

Asrossk
July 13th, 2011, 06:31 AM
As everyone is saying, it's good to have similar interests so you have something to talk about, but it is also important to have a few different perspectives and interests. That way each partner can bring something to the table for the other that they may have not tried otherwise.

Esper
July 13th, 2011, 11:04 AM
Two people who want to be in a relationship probably need to have similar outlooks on life or have similar goals. Something kind of broad which can keep them together. You need to have a certain level of comfort around someone and depending on what kind of person you are you might only need a little similarity or you might need more. I know that I would have a hard time in a relationship with someone who had very different morals than I do no matter how much I loved them.

Differences in taste, style, music, and things like that aren't going to keep two people apart if they have something else keeping them together. It's even important in your non-romantic relationships. My best friend and I are similar in a lot of ways, but when you look at our tastes and styles and hobbies we're almost on opposite ends of the... hobby spectrum. Or something. The point is, we're friends and we're different in a lot of ways, but if you stripped away a lot of things we'd be pretty similar and that similarity is what's kept us friends.

Alley Cat
July 13th, 2011, 12:21 PM
Two people need to have some similar interests in life. They can't be so complete opposites that they end up butting heads every day. Unless of course, they share an interest in debating and that's what got them together in the first place. But a relationship can get pretty bland if you are uninterested in what your partner is trying to talk about/explain to you. But part of relationship also comes to making sacrifices, and maybe going 4-wheeling through mountains, or on go-carts and camping at the top isn't exactly your favorite thing to do(I can't see why you would dislike this though...) but you should make the sacrifice to do something your significant other(SO) likes. Let loose a little, and you can have fun doing whatever it is that they like.

I know that me and my boyfriend.. er ex-boyfriend, don't have all the same interests. He is more into that Scene/Pop/Hipster type music. Skinny Jeans, v-necks, band tees. That type of stuff. I think he really rocks that look and is SUPER cute in it. His favorite bands are Sleeping with Sirens, A Rocket to the Moon etc. Where as I'm more into that Punk rock category, listening to Green Day, Minor Threat, Hinder, etcetc and I honestly just wear clothes to wear clothes, you know? Sometimes I dress up to look nice, but it honestly doesn't matter as long as I'm dressed. I wont put on these horribly clashing things, but yeah, I'm not super fashion-conscious. But that isn't to say that I also don't enjoy the hipster/skinny jean/v-neck scene that he does, because honestly, I do. I'm just really up for putting all that effort into everything =/. Maybe some time though, hah. If he helps me(:

So, some common points on interest are good to have. You need something to draw you together. Something that despite all your odds and ends, fits up perfectly.

Guy
July 13th, 2011, 01:47 PM
When it comes to someone you share a relationship with, there has to be something there that attracts the two together, and it doesn't necessarily have to be similar hobbies, taste in music, style, or anything similar to that nature. You also have to put into effect that a person's personality, their views on life are all things that can attract two people together. It's like what Scarf said in her post, different interests aren't going to keep two people apart if they have something else keeping them together.

That aside, I kind of like a mix of the two. You share some commonalities, but you also have your differences. I like how Toujours put it when it comes to challenging each other here, especially the example of two shy people being together. Sharing similar interests are great, but when you have someone who opens you up to new possibilities and interests you've probably never thought of venturing yourself into, it gives the relationship a bit of flavor. It allows each person to explore outside of their comfort zone and challenge one another to be a better person for each other and themselves.

Livewire
July 13th, 2011, 02:07 PM
Relationships are compromises and agreements between two people. So, you need some similar charachteristics, as well as unique traits that define an individual. Every relationship is different, so It's kinda hard to apply finite terms here.

RetardRaichu
July 13th, 2011, 07:05 PM
Not at all, but it helps.

Mr. X
July 13th, 2011, 07:25 PM
I just totally made this up btw.

Its the opposites that attract, but the similarities that keep them together.

Cruelty And The Beast
July 14th, 2011, 08:48 AM
If two people are good together they will naturally feel interested in what each other are doing. If you feel disinterested, then it's not going to happen. But these things are complicated, the best thing to do is just to go with it and see how it turns out.

Black Ice
July 14th, 2011, 09:44 AM
I've seen couples which are complete oppisites
You aren't really one to judge this type of stuff.

I think a relationship based solely on emotion is not going to last. If the two share a passion, at least the two can relate to each other more easily, which includes things to do other than sex all the time. But that doesn't mean sharing all the typical things in common like musical taste or whatever. You have to go deeper...into inception. Playing the same sport is a pretty good bonus, I think.

Aorio
July 15th, 2011, 01:27 PM
I'd say that there are some things that, if two people have entirely different views on the subject, will set the relationship up for failure. For example, I am a vegetarian and an animal-rights activist. I could NEVER be with someone who was into hunting or didn't respect animals. I would not respect someone like this at all. In fact, I'd probably hate their guts. Because for me, moral aspects of someone's character like that shows what kind of person they are. Something that my grandma always tells me is that, when I'm looking for a guy, observe how he treats his mother/parents/siblings, and that's directly related to how he'll treat you one day.
On the other hand, however, I think being similar on too many levels or in too many ways can be bad as well. Having different opinions and interests, to me, keeps conversations interesting. I love debating with my boyfriend over things we don't see eye-to-eye on. It shows me a different point of view, and him as well. If we both liked the exact same bands, were both interested in the exact same hobbies.. I'd just get soo.. BORED. Plus, it gives me a chance to hang out with girlfriends and him a change to hang out with his guyfriends.

Freedom Fighter N
July 20th, 2011, 07:55 AM
This can answer the question quite well:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_attraction

Interesting stuff, I'll add.

-ty-
July 20th, 2011, 09:17 AM
Two people who want to be in a relationship probably need to have similar outlooks on life or have similar goals. Something kind of broad which can keep them together. You need to have a certain level of comfort around someone and depending on what kind of person you are you might only need a little similarity or you might need more. I know that I would have a hard time in a relationship with someone who had very different morals than I do no matter how much I loved them.

Differences in taste, style, music, and things like that aren't going to keep two people apart if they have something else keeping them together. It's even important in your non-romantic relationships. My best friend and I are similar in a lot of ways, but when you look at our tastes and styles and hobbies we're almost on opposite ends of the... hobby spectrum. Or something. The point is, we're friends and we're different in a lot of ways, but if you stripped away a lot of things we'd be pretty similar and that similarity is what's kept us friends.


This pretty much sums up my opinion. Similarities are vital in life goals, but as far as petty interests, like music and movies, it is not very important to the relationship.

PKMN Trainer Rose
July 20th, 2011, 05:12 PM
I don't think a couple have to have everything or even anything in common to be compatible :) My boyfriend and I guess we're kind of in between. We have some stuff in common but at the same time we're total opposites. To put it in Pokemon terms xD He's a grass type and I'm water ha ha. Totally opposite huh? But! We get along rather well and are madly in love with each other and can get through anything together. Also once your together long enough one person can you into something you thought you would totally ever even go near. :bandit: Hope that helps :)

Musician of Literature
July 20th, 2011, 05:33 PM
Well, I think if the passion's there, and if both people like each other, you can have similar or different hobbies, tastes, etc. Just depends on the people involved. Maybe someone cant stand a person with the same exact hobbies or whatever. Maybe another person says "Like in chemistry, opposites attract." I don't know, I'm neutral here.

hellojazzii
July 20th, 2011, 06:20 PM
as long as they have SOME sort of common ground, i think a relationship can last.

Snow Phoenix
July 20th, 2011, 09:25 PM
It looks like it's fairly safe to say that a good mix is ideal x3

I usually tend to end up with those with more opposite personalities, but there's usually some mix of common ground in ideology. It's wierd that I have a pattern.

Syphr
July 21st, 2011, 11:15 PM
I usually like to have a personality match, otherwise no matter how hard you try, you're going to run into some trouble down the road.
I don't believe you need the same hobbies, etc. though. Personality is key ^^

Flareen
July 21st, 2011, 11:38 PM
I think its important to have some intrests as the other as well.
But if it were all the same it would most likely not be good either @.@ Even if you want to spend a lot of time together.. i think its also important to do things on your own now and then.

Mew~
July 23rd, 2011, 08:20 AM
Well, I can understand how similarities can help in a relationship, and people with different interests can get bored of each other. I think there is the possibility of dating someone with different interests, I mean that can even somewhat be attractive in some ways, that whole good girl gone bad scheme n' what not. I could also see it as a somewhat experience, and you'd learn and get into new stuff this way. I mean, come on though, people with the same interests and similarities can get bored of each other too, seeing as the persons interests would be nothing new to you.

Although, it's a big difference with agreeing with the stuff the person your dating belives, rather than just different interests.

But yeah, I think I'd be all for different interests, just for the experience.

Melody
July 23rd, 2011, 04:42 PM
It's a delicate balance. You must have enough in common so that you don't lose interest in one another, or fall victim to awkward silences and such. You must also have enough differences so that you constantly stimulate each other intellectually and such so that you don't "get sick of yourself" so to speak.

The biggest problem is that everyone's different; no couple has the same tolerances, so it very much differs from person to person. One partner might require lots in common to bond with you, while others might require very little in common. It's really quite a tricky thing to figure out unless you've known the person for a while and can attest to their preferences through experience. It's really a learning experience.

But once you and your partner find yourselves comfortable with the other, it's really easy to establish a relationship. The trick is just knowing when you've both reached that point isn't it?