View Full Version : Swedish couple forced to return their adopted child

July 8th, 2011, 4:44 AM
A few minutes ago, Opposite Day and I were discussing a story he recently heard about regarding a mother taking back her child after having given it up for adoption (which happened 8 months after the adoption). What we were wondering was what you guys thought about it you can read about it here (http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=auto&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tv2.no%2Fnyheter%2Futenriks%2Fsvensk-par-maatte-levere-tilbake-adoptivsoenn-3517549.html) (which is badly translated due to google).

Also, some other questions:
Should there be a limit of how long it can take before an adoption process is concluded?
Could you see this happening where you live?
Should there be a reverse button at adoption at all?


July 8th, 2011, 7:22 AM
Eight months after? I think that's really wrong :/ I feel like if you dedicated to the adoption process all the way through to giving your baby to your family then that's it, it's done. It should be closed after that contact wise unless it's an open adoption. I feel pretty bad about this, to have the couple worry about the mother backing out the whole time and then having her do so EIGHT months after is so sad. They had to have been attached already.

Alley Cat
July 8th, 2011, 8:29 AM
This is just so wrong. I could understand maybe in like the first few days or something, but EIGHT MONTHS? That's just ridiculous. That's just short of year. The couple practically cared for the child it's first year of life. They've no doubt grown attatched to it, and it has no doubt grown attatched to them. Eight months is honestly just too long of a wait period. Both parties have grown attatched to one another. The mother obvioulsy had wanted to give up the child, that's why she wrote consent in the first place. If she is so fickle about even wanting a kid, what makes people believe that she'll be fit to care for one?

I honestly couldn't see this happening anywhere I live. For one, when people aroudn here lose their children/give them up for adoption, its usually because they were too loose and didn't want one in the first place, or can't quit their drug habits. So it's usually for good reasons if the child is given up/adopted.

As for the reverse button, I guess that one would be okay. But only if it was in the first few days and BOTH the biological and adoptive parents consented. Afterwards, it would just be too much for the child who had formed a bond with the adoptive parents, only to have it broken and have to form the bond with new ones.

July 8th, 2011, 9:13 AM
I feel that the people most deserving to be called a child's parents and care for it are the people who raise the child, whether they're the biological parents or not. I don't believe in a magical connection between parents and children solely based on shared genetics and I don't think it's a valid reason to take a child away from the child's real parents.

I'd give a month for someone to change their minds. People make mistakes, even big ones, but I think that's enough time to come to terms with it. In this story she went through with the adoption. That means she either thought really hard about it and still made the decision so she shouldn't have regrets, or she didn't think very hard about it which means she probably isn't all that suited to raise a child in the first place.

July 13th, 2011, 11:33 AM
Should there be a limit of how long it can take before an adoption process is concluded?

Completely. Obviously there should be a period which the mother can change her mind, but you can't be expected to flip-flop on the matter. Also, if children have been seized by the authorities, they shouldn't just think they can wander back into their children's lives and claim custody like nothing happened!

Could you see this happening where you live?

A limit? No, the courts seem to very sympathetic to biological parents. (see case I motioned below)

Should there be a reverse button at adoption at all?

No. A case like this DID happen in Ireland. The child's mother went to court to take the child back TWO YEARS later and succeeded. It was just horrible. The child was in a loving new family and (I think?) about 4 at the time and didn't even remember her mother.

Another case I remember was an British case where the children were being fostered with a family, but where told to be taken back to the parents (who the authorities had removed the children from in the first place!). The family decided to run away to the West of Ireland, but they were found, and children sent back home.

July 15th, 2011, 12:55 AM
not condoning the decision, but looking at it from the 'real' mothers perspective.. yeah, 8 months is a long time, but the decision to give up your child is incredibly hard and straining on her as well. its something everybody can recognize as hard even if they dont go through it. so if after 8 months the mother found herself in a position more suitable to raise the child, i can empathize with her logic. the strain on her mentally also makes me feel for her.

i still feel bad for the parents who took care of the baby for almost a year, i cant say its right what the mother did, but she didnt do it intent on hurting anybody and only wishes to have a relationship with the child she gave birth to. i dont think theres any right side in this case, only that its an unfortunate one. we can at least feel good for the baby. its impossible to remember that early so once it gets used to its mother, well thats it.

do we know if the mother is going to update them or anything? maybe she can tell the baby about its adoptive parents when its older?