PDA

View Full Version : I'll Be Mrs...


Shining Raichu
September 18th, 2011, 01:28 AM
http://i55.tinypic.com/25tz21z.png
http://i51.tinypic.com/2u8i0rd.jpg


[css-div=width:800px;background-color:#ffffff;padding:10px;border-radius:10px;border-style:double;border-color:#DEDEDE;]Yes, I CSS'd this within an inch of its life. Why? Because I felt like it.

It has long been a tradition that when a man and a woman get married, the woman will take the man’s surname as her own. This is of course by no means legally mandatory, but in some sub-cultures even within the Western world a woman is looked down upon if she chooses not to take her husband’s name.

Times are changing, and we find ourselves living in a world where we are slowly throwing away our old customs to match our new values. So my questions to you are these:



Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?
Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?
If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married? If you are male, would you want your wife to change her name?
Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way?



When posting, please remember: When you list-answer each question, you make the baby Jesus cry. But if you're comfortable with that, then so am I.

[/css-div]

Truality
September 18th, 2011, 03:02 AM
Hm.

First of all, this doesn't happen in Greece. The wife always keeps her surname, it's just the kids that take after the father's surname. However, even if we assumed that your case happened here, too, I'd be confident on my wife's decision. That should be entirely up to her. And I doubt that people would look down upon her for such a petty reason, once again, around these parts.

Though, getting to the big point, I believe that we ought to treasure our traditions but only up to the personal point. Meaning, if I, as a person, would allow traditions to influent me normally, I shouldn't influent others with them myself. That is all.

Mew~
September 18th, 2011, 03:38 AM
Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?
I honestly don't see why a woman should have to. If she wants to keep her name she should be able to. That's not what marriage is about, it's they want to own the woman. :x

Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?
Probably in most countries that are still held up by Theocracy.

If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married? If you are male, would you want your wife to change her name?
Well, if I did marry a woman, but I wouldn't care if she wanted to keep her name. That wouldn't be why I would marry her.

Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way?
This is the 21st century. :x Idk what else to say.

Hermione Granger
September 18th, 2011, 03:53 AM
Here in our country, the wife is expected to change their surname. If not, they may choose to add their husband's surname to their own family by the use of a hyphen. But that rarely happens, and the people who usually does that are celebrities.

No one really questions this tradition here, however. There's no point really, it's not like women will feel inferior when they change their surname. Besides, the woman's family name will still be a part of their name and that's what we Filipinos call "middle name", or mother's maiden name.

Gold warehouse
September 18th, 2011, 04:04 AM
in some sub-cultures even within the Western world a woman is looked down upon if she chooses not to take her husband’s name.Her own fault for marrying a closed minded man?

It's just up to the couple to come to a shared decision. Even after her divorce, my mum kept her surname from marriage just because she thought it sounded better than her maiden name, and wanted the same surname as her children. It is just a name after all. But I do think it's nice to have your surnames the same when you're a married couple, it's not all about being a sign of oppression, it's a sign of bonding.

If I got married I wouldn't care which one of us changed our names, but I would want us to both share the same surname.

Ivysaur
September 18th, 2011, 04:12 AM
Here in Spain it doesn't happen since the midnineties, and I honestly see that as a way to remove the woman's identity. Marrying shouldn't mean you have to drop your family name. It's a sexist leftover that should be forgotten at this point of the world.

Alley Cat
September 18th, 2011, 07:17 AM
I honestly don't think they should have to change their last name. It's stupid, pointless. It takes a way a piece of who they are. If they want to, then by all means, let them. But it shouldn't be something so pressured to happen. i'm not female, but if i got married(when it gets legalized) then i might change my name to my husbands aha. if that's what we agree upon, of course. it'd be something to bring us closer together, you know?

wcdaily
September 18th, 2011, 07:23 AM
I personally don't really care if my wife changes her surname or not, and I wouldn't try to force it on her. (If I end up in a heterosexual relationship.)

One question I do have is what should happen if we end up in a homosexual relationship?

Tapioca
September 18th, 2011, 07:57 AM
Uh wow, this is a thing?

I had no idea people were angry with women who didn't choose to take their husbands name. I know I probably will because my last name sucks and anything would be better but. Wow. Wow, world. Just calm down :|

No, I don't think a woman should be expected to take on her husbands name. But reality is that it's tradition, and some people are old fashioned like that. I can imagine a lot of those people don't even know they're being sexist.

Yoshikko
September 18th, 2011, 08:56 AM
Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?
I don't think that they should be expected to do that, however in some cultures it is. I think she should be able to choose, a name isn't just a tag, it's special.

Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?
I think so, yes. Look at it from the other side; a male taking a female's name upon marriage. Many people will find that strange, because they view the male as higher in the hierarchy, even though that might be subconscious.

If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married? If you are male, would you want your wife to change her name?
I have no idea. It really depends I think, my opinion on this might change when I get older.

Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way?
I don't agree, but traditions are very important and looked up to in a lot of cultures, and for a good reason. I think that traditions are important, it's part of the culture of a country. But I agree with you on that it shouldn't be the thing that decides our future.

Black Ice
September 18th, 2011, 09:06 AM
I'd rather have my wife keep her own name, but ultimately it's whatever she wants I guess. I can't imagine too many people wanting my last name though.

Stormbringer
September 18th, 2011, 09:21 AM
My mom didn't change her name, it's just Hyphenated now. Adopting the husbands name is a very old tradition, so people will still do it. But i don't think the woman should be forced to take her hubby's name. I won't make my wife take mine, unless I change it to something really cool. XD

Oryx
September 18th, 2011, 09:28 AM
I intend to take my husband's name for my own reasons outside of tradition, but I still like the idea of the couple sharing a last name. To me, it doesn't matter if it's the woman's or the man's, but I like the unity of two people having a shared bond of their last name, something that you can see even in the most basic of things.

I don't know, it just sounds really nice to me.

Noah Ridgewood
September 18th, 2011, 09:50 AM
Is it unnatural for, in a heterosexual relationship, the husband to take the last name of their wife? I think I'm the only person I know who intends to do that. I'm generally very traditional in most standard relationship kinds of things (asking someone to marry them, weddings, etc.) so it's kind of weird for me to admit that. I just don't like my last name and wouldn't wish it upon the one I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I also think it's a very nice dedication to the relationship. I would prefer us to share a surname, however.

Ayselipera
September 18th, 2011, 10:04 AM
Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?
No, you might as well do whatever you think sounds nicer with your first name. Seems like the best way to decide!

Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?
I think it's just one of those tradition things that have been going on for so long that you get used to it and when someone doesn't do it it seems odd.

If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married?
If I got married I would only change my last name if it sounded nicer when put with my first name. I dislike my last name as it is already so I see myself changing it unless my future husband's last name is something horrible.

Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way
Nah just do what you want. Traditions get boring after a while anyways.

Guy
September 18th, 2011, 11:05 AM
To me sharing a surname is a way of showing unity between a married couple. It's a nice thought, but if a woman wishes to keep her initial surname, then I hold nothing against her choice. It's a very old tradition for a woman to carry on her husband's surname after marriage. However, tradition or not, we're living in the twenty-first century and I personally believe that a person shouldn't have to carry on a name that they wish not to have.

Personally, if I were a woman and I was to carry on my husband's last name, then I'd want to make sure it has a nice ring to it with the rest of my name. If not, then I'd prefer to keep my own surname thank you very much. And this isn't a sign of disrespect or shame of my spouse, which is sometimes a reason why something like this can be looked down upon, but a preferable choice. A name does not make a relationship nor does it signify the level of two's compassion for one another.

As for tradition, I consider it something important and of value, but like it's been said before, it shouldn't dictate the shape of our future. If we always followed tradition and didn't stray from the path, then we'd never have made the changes or discoveries we have today.

Melody
September 18th, 2011, 02:11 PM
My feelings align with the prevailing winds of opinion within this thread. The choice is purely a woman's to make, and anyone who would dare look down upon her is mired in antiquity and deserves to be roundly ignored and shunned.

Taking on the same name (The man's) obviously has it's purposes, this is true...however there are also reasons one might not want to take on the same name. There may be reasons why you want to use a hyphenated name or even the woman's maiden name alone. That is a legal detail that the couple should discuss before getting married and it concerns no one else really.

Alli
September 18th, 2011, 02:29 PM
Having the same last name is, in my opinion, a part of the ceremony and joining of the couple. I mean, if the girl has like, a kick ass last name and would like to keep it, then okay. But I don't know, I think it's nice to take on the man's last name. If she doesn't want to though, then that's fine. But then it just looks a bit odd when they have two different last names. But ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide that. It's not like it's illegal for the woman to keep her last name. I have a family friend that kept hers. So eh.

Edit: I, personally, would like to move up in the alphabetical order. School was a pain in the butt being in nearly dead last. And don't get me started about graduation. So let me find me an A surname man!

Kyoko
September 18th, 2011, 02:41 PM
I don't think it's needed, and I've actually had a hard time deciding what I would want to do with my last name. For me, it's more of a heritage thing because I already feel separated enough from my roots and heritage and I'm the only female (aside from my mom) over here in America with my last name in my family and I would feel weird changing it. However, I also think it's nice to take your husband's name if you marry him. So, I'll probably end up hyphenating my name.

FalconsDrummer
September 18th, 2011, 03:08 PM
My fiancée and I never actually had a conversation about whether she is going to take my name, but she already told me she is going to. I had always planned to make it entirely her choice anyway. She says her reason is that she likes the tradition. I agree, because having the same name is one way in which the two people are joined to become one family, in my opinion. But it's certainly not a requirement in order to be a family.

Bluerang1
September 18th, 2011, 03:42 PM
It's the unity, having a family united by one name. I want my future wife to take my last name even though its ethnic and she may oppose though I hope not. If she doesn't want to, what can I do heh? It's their choice. But it's mean they won't really be a Mrs. Xxxxx always Ms.

wcdaily
September 18th, 2011, 05:45 PM
A big problem with that a lot of people probably overlooked is once your married and have completely different names is how are you going to decide on what to name the kids?

Alli
September 18th, 2011, 05:52 PM
A big problem with that a lot of people probably overlooked is once your married and have completely different names is how are you going to decide on what to name the kids?

Hyphenated names or choose one of the last names. Though in cases I've seen, it's mostly the former.

Esper
September 18th, 2011, 08:22 PM
A big problem with that a lot of people probably overlooked is once your married and have completely different names is how are you going to decide on what to name the kids?
The couple make up a name together and use that. I think it would be kind of romantic for a couple to both change their last names to something they both like. I guess that might defeat the purpose of having last names - the whole family line thing - but that's not something that matters to me.

I hope no one assumes that if you take someone else's name it means you're being subservient. I mean, that's what it is in some cases and it's mostly unconscious when it happens, I hope. I wouldn't mind changing my name if it meant I had a better, more meaningful one to me. The one my parents have isn't all that special to me.

-ty-
September 18th, 2011, 10:49 PM
It's the unity, having a family united by one name. I want my future wife to take my last name even though its ethnic and she may oppose though I hope not. If she doesn't want to, what can I do heh? It's their choice. But it's mean they won't really be a Mrs. Xxxxx always Ms.

Unity is important in a family; however, it is just a title or name and has little to do with qualitative unity. Also, if it does create unity to some degree, then would you consider taking your wife's last name in order to preserve unity?
I think that neither partner should pressure the other into accepting the other's last name - that would be mean, haha.

For myself, I think I would want to take my future spouse's last name or hyphenate it, unless it is god-awful! lol

TRIFORCE89
September 19th, 2011, 06:30 AM
I like surname change, it's a nice little bit of tradition. If she has a career or something going on that's very name dependent, I don't see a problem with them keeping their name. There are some celebrities who keep their name as their "screen name" but change their legal name when they marry, so that's another option too.

I hate the hyphened name though. It just spells trouble down the road when your hyphenated last name kid marries another person with a hyphenated last name. And so on.

I think you should have the same last name though. Someone should change their name. Or both go *shutter* go the hyphen option. It just shows you're a unit and not so much two people who live in a house together.

In the end, whatever she wants to do

Pokemon Trainer Touko
September 19th, 2011, 06:49 AM
I find it unfair how women change their name but men doesn't. I wouldn't EVER change my last name if I married someone unless if their last name is better than mine..? xD; And women here in hk aren't expected to change their names. >w<;

Saryka
September 19th, 2011, 07:38 AM
When I was a little kid, I made the decision that I would never change my last name if I were to get married and I still very firmly stand by that decision now. I won't even hyphenate. Personally, I was never for changing my last name, which I consider a part of my identity and just... I dunno. I want to be able to keep my last name for life, haha.

For the most part, it's a traditional thing now to change the last name and not at all a symbol of a woman being subservient to a man (although I've never been one to stick to tradition, haha). That said, it is the 21st century after all, and even though it's traditional, it should not be expected. It's a personal decision.

And hypothetically, if I were to have children, I am absolutely fine with them taking my husband's last name since I don't want to burden them with a hyphenated surname and the names I like for children don't go too well with my own.

2Cool4Mewtwo
September 19th, 2011, 01:37 PM
I'm not a girl so I can't speak for them, but personally I want leave it to my future wife to think about it (except trying to change my last name :paranoid:)

I'm against the idea of hyphenated last names though. Like triforce89 said, it would be weird to have multiple hyphenated names.

Shiny Celebi
September 19th, 2011, 01:41 PM
If I ever get married I want to keep my last name, I dont see why I should have to give it up, so I wont.

Centiflora X
September 23rd, 2011, 07:53 PM
Why go the bother to change something that's perfectly fine? There's the costs of changing the name on passports, IDs etc.

If I am female, I would not change my surname; no logic or reason to change what I was called since I was born. If I am male, I would advise against my wife-to-be not to change her surname to avoid replacements due to name changes, but I will respect her decision.

Well, if we are going to be so close-minded about how to do something, chances are pretty good that many things would not be invented, and that we would still live in caves.

Jorah
September 24th, 2011, 04:29 AM
I have heard of couples making up an entirely new surname for them both so they can have the unity of one surname. Good because it means not only one has to change their name and there isn't the awkwardness of a long double-barrelled name.

Kura
September 24th, 2011, 04:39 PM
I was actually talking to mom today about those kind of conventions and stuff about Western culture and marriage. I even said "What if I got married in red instead of white?" she was absolutely fine with it.. and honestly.. why not? (I'm not of Asian descent.) As long as you keep to your vows and everything.. I don't see a problem with the traditions of the actual ceremony..

Regarding the name though.. I'm not sure if I'd change it. I'm an established artist under my own name.. so if I change my name legally I may make my middle name my husband's name and keep my last name or something.. I dunno. I guess neither of us (my boyfriend and I) see it as a big deal but we'd need to talk about it more seriously after engagement obviously. :3

aruchan
September 24th, 2011, 06:18 PM
Should women be expected to change their name in marriage?

I don't think most people care that much, and even if they shouldn't, it's such a societally-inscribed custom that not changing would attract attention. I personally don't view it as that important; the only benefit I see for changing surname is for genealogical purposes (but that only works patrilineally anyway). And hyphenated names are hard to write out and look pretty silly.


Is this expectation, or indeed the practice itself, a symbol of female inferiority that no longer applies in our society?

I don't think it shows female inferiority per se, but it is obviously an artifact of the old, male-dominated society.


If you are female, do you intend to change your name when you get married? If you are male, would you want your wife to change her name?

I don't honestly care, but I would probably change my name (in the case I would get married, which as of now seems unlikely...)


Above all, should we allow tradition to dictate our future? Just because something has always been done one way, does that mean it should always be done that way?

It'll change or it won't. Most women really don't seem to care, so I don't think it'll change in the near future. Subscribing to tradition blindly is pretty silly, but it's relatively harmless.
There are a few cases where the husband actually changes his name (a fictional example that comes to mind is Gendo Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion).

Briar
September 24th, 2011, 09:52 PM
i don't think women should be expected to change their last name to their husband's. although, i do understand that it's suppose to symbolize that they are now "one flesh" as a married couple. some women actually change their surname because of that very reason.
personally, i'm not planning to change my last name if i end up in a heterosexual marriage. although it's probably going to be pretty confusing if my child will go to school and his teachers ask who his/her mother is, seeing as i won't share my husband's family name.

femtrooper
October 12th, 2011, 08:19 PM
Well, I'm from Canada, so these informal rules are the same as the United States, but for me personally, I will not be changing my last night. It means to much to me and my boyfriend and I have discussed that and his is okay with it. I think he was a little sad at first when I told him, but he's had lots of time to get over that! haha I love my last name, it's me! It's who I am. As far as our kids, they'll get his last name, that's okay to me.

I do think it's a silly tradition...plus the father "gives" away his daughter, like she is an object. Obviously, we don't think like that anymore, but it is still in the marriage ceremony. It's interesting to think of it like that. We all just do it, but when you think about it, it's a little weird, and VERY outdated. I totally don't mind my Dad giving me away, because it's that thing you do in the ceremony, but when you really think about it, it's totally dated and sexist. I think it should be a choice, as in, perhaps the Man can take the woman's last name, or you just keep your own last names, like my boyfriend and I will be doing.

PkMnTrainer Yellow
October 13th, 2011, 08:10 AM
I remember asking my parents this question when I was like, /really young/.

It has never been the case that women /have/ to change their last names if they don't want to. "/never/" It honestly appalls me that some people think that's an actual rule or more than a culturally accepted default of trivial importance.

Whether the woman changes her last name or the man changes his last name is ultimately up to the couple and not up to our petty tradition vs new age philosophy |D As far as I know it has been that way for as long as I've been alive.

However, it is heavily ingrained in our culture that both people share a last name. That is not something we should change.

Shining Raichu
October 13th, 2011, 03:34 PM
I remember asking my parents this question when I was like, /really young/.

It has never been the case that women /have/ to change their last names if they don't want to. "/never/" It honestly appalls me that some people think that's an actual rule or more than a culturally accepted default of trivial importance.

Whether the woman changes her last name or the man changes his last name is ultimately up to the couple and not up to our petty tradition vs new age philosophy |D As far as I know it has been that way for as long as I've been alive.

I disagree. What you say is technically true, it has always been the choice of the woman as to whether she wants to change her name. But a woman changing her name is a tradition that began somewhere and it has become the societal norm for her to do so. There are instances where a woman would face ridicule from her husband's family for the decision to keep her own maiden name. I've seen it on quite a few TV shows (which while fiction, do have roots in truth) as well as seeing it on occasions in my own family.

However, it is heavily ingrained in our culture that both people share a last name. That is not something we should change.

Why not? Does the fact that something has always been one way mean that it always should be?

lx_theo
October 13th, 2011, 07:08 PM
I have heard of couples making up an entirely new surname for them both so they can have the unity of one surname. Good because it means not only one has to change their name and there isn't the awkwardness of a long double-barrelled name.

Got to say I like this idea. May steal it (I'm a guy).

Personally, taking the surname seems more like tradition than anything. It shouldn't be expected, but isn't wrong in any form to be embraced. In the end, its up to how the couple feels about it and how important each option is to them.