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shenanigans
September 30th, 2011, 11:34 AM
whoooooops bad title.

When you're in a relationship, how far out of your way will you go to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you ever find that you, intentionally or not, neglect your other friends and responsibilities for the person you're with? Do you often feel that people do this sort of thing, and does it irritate you? Do you think that people should prioritise their boyfriend or girlfriend over the rest of their lives giving them lots of quality time together as a pair, or should they work on integrating their partner into their life instead?

If you've never been in a relationship, then just say what you think you'd do.

Oryx
September 30th, 2011, 11:54 AM
My boyfriend and I didn't really have much to integrate, because I sent most of my time in my room not doing much before I met him, and he did the same. So instead of doing nothing in our rooms, we ended up doing nothing together, or with our friends that we met at the same time as us meeting each other. xD did that make sense

But I do go out of my way and put him first before other events. For example, there was a poetry event yesterday that I wanted to go to but instead he came to see me and so I didn't go at all. I skipped an OK Go concert to nap with him last year, loool. I'm honestly not sure if he does the same, but I would guess he does, because we spend pretty much all the time we're not in classes/at meals with each other. :3;

-Jared-
September 30th, 2011, 11:57 AM
I personally think, even though I've never been in a relationship, that as a partner in a relationship, you shouldn't expect your partner to give up the rest of their friends, family, and hobbies to be with you. I definitely wouldn't expect that of my partner, so I wouldn't want them to do that to me.

But, if two people choose to spend the rest of their life together, they should prioritize each other somewhat. It also isn't fair to say "Hey I love you more than anything in th-hold on my poker buddies are calling." You have to balance each other into your lives.

PlatinumDude
September 30th, 2011, 01:35 PM
I think I'd balance my time between schoolwork and my girlfriend. *isn't in a relationship yet*

Gold warehouse
September 30th, 2011, 01:44 PM
Depends how far it gets. I wouldn't ever put someone else before my own priorities. If it came to a decision where it was something I valued over time with a partner, I'd go with my priority. The most important person in your life is yourself.

But when it comes to friends, then yeah. I don't care about friends as much as a partner, why would I put them first? It's just a simple comparison of which is more important to me; no sense of guilt, duty, obligation etc.

Harley Quinn
September 30th, 2011, 09:36 PM
With my last/only boyfriend, before we were dating, we were casual and didn't put each other higher above our other friends. We had no reason to at the time. But when we started dating, I subconsciously put him ahead all of my other friends and sometimes exclusively talked to him, because I thoughts that what you were supposed to do. But after about a month, I calmed down and returned to normal, though we were still dating. I never neglected my responsibilities though, my life comes before my relationship.

Alli
September 30th, 2011, 10:02 PM
When you're in a relationship, how far out of your way will you go to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
I'm not gonna like, go way out of the water usually. Most of the time though, I do like spending time with my significant other, so I'll make time if need be.

Do you ever find that you, intentionally or not, neglect your other friends and responsibilities for the person you're with?
I don't really have a lot of friends to neglect, haha. My best friends are no where near me, so if I was dating someone, I don't think they'd feel too neglected by me.

Do you often feel that people do this sort of thing, and does it irritate you?
Kinda, but it's their business, not mine. :(

Do you think that people should prioritise their boyfriend or girlfriend over the rest of their lives giving them lots of quality time together as a pair, or should they work on integrating their partner into their life instead?
That's a lot of big words, I'm tired, I don't understand, you need to give me a dictionary. I guess integrating their partner into their life, but I mean, not like at the beginning of the relationship. More further down the line when you can see a future with that person. I don't think you need to be putting your bf/gf ahead of the other aspects of your life though...but the terms bf/gf make me think of like teenagers that most likely won't last that long, so lol idk I need to go to bed and quit thinking on this.

Alley Cat
September 30th, 2011, 10:22 PM
When you're in a relationship, how far out of your way will you go to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
I went over 100 miles out of my way just to see him. Plus like 120 bucks on gas too. I'd like being with my s/o(after a relationship has developed.) If they wanted to see me, I'd do just about anything I could to see them. I would go on a 3 hour jog to see 'em if I had too, ride a bike, it doesn't matter. I WOULDN'T drop other priorities/plans to be with them, as I believe in sticking to the plans I make, regardless of anything. If they invited me to something, and I had other plans, I MIGHT cancel on them ahead of time, but I wouldn't just ditch out on these plans. This is, of course, assuming it is something serious.

As for something casual, I can't really say I'd invest too much effort into it. Nothing casual really seems too appealing to me anyway. But love won't just appear, I got to work at it. So, it'd start as something casual, and could(maybe) develop into something serious.

Do you ever find that you, intentionally or not, neglect your other friends and responsibilities for the person you're with?
When I was visiting my ex, my friend phoned me. I forwarded the call. Mainly because we were... busy. But also partly because she bugs me a lot. She just called my mom anyway, so it doesn't really matter. But other than that, I don't have a lot of friends, and I have only really been with one person, so I have no other examples.

Do you often feel that people do this sort of thing, and does it irritate you?
If their s/o is their life, that's their choice. Should they hold their s/o in high regard? If it's a serious relationship, then most likely, yeah. Should they make that person their everything? No. That's just excessive. For one, it isn't healthy to just associate with one person like that, and for two, when/if they leave(and if you've become obsessive like this, it shouldn't be too far off) you, then you'll be left with nothing. It doesn't irritate me if they value their s/o over everyone else, but if they go so far as to block everyone else out of their life, then yeah, it bothers me.

Do you think that people should prioritise their boyfriend or girlfriend over the rest of their lives giving them lots of quality time together as a pair, or should they work on integrating their partner into their life instead?
Integrate their partner into their life. Duh. Then they integrate you into theirs. They should NEVER become your life. You can spend quality time alone whenever you want, but this doesn't have to be every day. You can go out with friends, family, whatever. You can hang out with your s/o AND your friends, whaddayaknow. It isn't healthy to associate with one person like that.

Esper
October 1st, 2011, 09:23 AM
When I first started dating I'd want to spend every moment with the person I was with. Nowadays I'm more okay with having my own time and my other having her own time. I don't like the thought of being clingy and don't want to be a burden on someone I care about. Plus I've kind of concluded that if the relationship is a good one I won't need to do this (most of the time anyway - there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish every now and then).

I don't think two people have to integrate their personal lives or their circles of friends. A little would be good, but if they want to have a portion of their own lives that's separate then that's fine.