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aRedMoon
December 29th, 2004, 07:43 PM
PC A/N: I wrote this... ages ago. And it's one of my pieces that I don't mind all that much. So I thought I'd share it. Tell me whatcha think... I guess?

~~~

A/N: I'm gonna experiment here... the idea just came to me. So don't blame me if it sucks. o_O And yeah, the lyrics aren't mine. They come from Paulina Rubio's "Don't Say Good-bye" and this is like the exact opposite of what the song is really about. xD

Good-bye

Don't say good-bye
Don't turn away
It doesn't have to end today
Don't say good-bye
Til I will love you 'til
The end of time
Don't say good-bye

The words echoed in his head as he turned the keys in the ignition... they just didn't want to seem to leave his mind. He knew that she was inside, tears streaming down her face. But, for some odd reason, even through all his anger, he knew that she did still love him.

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he started the small truck and began to back out of the driveway... but still, the words seemed to float through his tired and sore mind. It was beginning to drive him crazy, and it had only been a matter of minutes since she had looked deep into his eyes and said them.

He didn't want to say good-bye, but he did anyways. He was tired of it, the hurt that she caused him even though deep down she "loved" him. It was a haunting feeling, knowing that even though she loved him to no end, she'd do what she did. It was a haunting and chilling and out right disturbing thought.

Don't say good-bye

"But I have to!" he screamed, slamming his fist into the steering wheel, sending his horn blasting. Her voice just didn't seem to want to leave his head. But he wanted it to, he wanted it gone. And for good this time, he wasn't about to just go back and prepare himself to be hurt yet again.

Don't turn away

As the words floated through his mind, he abrupted turned his head, just to make humor out of the tears his eyelids were showing him. He could imagine her sitting at the table... with genuine tears falling down her precious cheeks...

It doesn't have to end today

"And who's to say it won't end tomorrow?" he asked as this phrase floated through his mind. He was fearful to close his eyes, to blink away the tears now forming - he knew that if he closed his own eyes, her face would appear and he would have to go back, and give himself to her, prepare himself to be hurt for a third time...

Don't say good-bye

The spite was evident in his voice and he yelled the exact words she didn't want to hear. He knew that if she was there, tears would be freely falling from her eyes and she'd be looking at him asking for forgiveness without saying a single thing. But he didn't want that - he wanted away from her. "Good-bye my dear."

Til I will love you 'til
The end of time

He knew that she'd love him. She was a strange girl... she loved him to the end of time, it was evident as the fact that day was not night. But still, she felt the need to hurt him. He didn't know, he didn't want to know, how she did it. How could someone be truly in love, but still be so willing to hurt?

This was his final time saying good-bye to her. He wasn't gonna say it again. He knew that, simply for the reason that he wasn't gonna go back. He wasn't going to be hurt. He wasn't gonna feel that way again, knowing what she did.

Don't say good-bye

With a soft smile, he turned onto the interstate. "Fine, dear. I won't say it." He could just imagine the brightness appearing in her eyes, had he said those words to her. "I'll say farewell instead."

Kyosuke
December 29th, 2004, 07:52 PM
That was good, he seemed to be in a relationship that broke off, and he's battling himself, to try to keep the thoughts out that stay stuck in his head. It was pretty good, turned from a usual poem, to narritive poetry and you pulled it off nicely, great job.

I liked the way you used each line of the poem in his head to talk more about what happened, and in the end he sort of just gave up, and accepted that he still had feelings.

Greed
December 30th, 2004, 06:32 PM
I have to agree with LT. :3 This is nicely written, and very emotional. I like how he tries to find a loophole so that he won't feel horrible about leaving her. Very nice job. Good grammar, good plot. I'd give this a 100%! ^__^

I heard that song before, but I think it was in spanish. Me not sure >.<

*dies*

aRedMoon
December 31st, 2004, 01:27 AM
Thanks guys. ^^;

And there is an English and Spanish version of the song...

Greed
December 31st, 2004, 07:45 PM
Yesh! :D I knew I heard it somewhere. Wait..

Hablas espaol tu tambien? o.o Awww cool! Ahora ya tengo a alguien con quien hablar espaol con XD Siempre tengo que hablar en otro idioma --; Ay que estoy haciendo? I'm being retarded. XD

*dies*

aRedMoon
December 31st, 2004, 08:02 PM
Hablo un poco de espanol, solo estoy en el cuarto ano. :/

And I'm too lazy to go get the accent letters. XD

Greed
January 1st, 2005, 05:18 PM
Oh, learning? I've spoken spanish all my life XD And spoke english when I was seven >>

*dies*

Kelsey
January 8th, 2005, 08:57 AM
n_n I have to say I truly enjoyed reading this fic. To me, the fact that the words of his love now lost was driving him crazy. This made me think of the Story "Tell Tale Heart". For in that story, the beating of the old man's heart under the floorboards drove the killer insane. Your fic somewhat symbolizes that story. ^^

I can also relate to the theme of this story. That you may love someone, just enough that you still cause harm to them even if you don't mean it. Yet somehow you keep coming back for more. It's like the game of rebound. No matter how hard you bounce the ball of the wall, it will always come back.

I saw no spelling errors so that makes me super happy. ^_______^ Your story was a bit shorter than most, but length really isn't the main thing when the fic explains itself.

I did get your message, and the plot was pretty well done. I'd rate this fic a 4.9/5 ^_^

~Kelsey