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lex
January 1st, 2005, 10:28 AM
She meticulously wove the thread,
with her bold colors of brown and red,
the thread was becoming alive in her sort of way,
with the intricate pattern that she would lay,
every single strand contained emotion,
as her tears dropped with a swaying motion,
she was lonely, speachless, with only her threads,
and a torn picture that layed on her cold wooden bed,
of the faces she once knew and loved in her heart,
their bonded love was broken apart,
because of the cruel, lifless Nazi group,
who gave her a meager bowl of tasteless soup,
she layed down on the stiff bed,
and she leisurely layed down her head,
she closed her eyes in despair,
she gripped her threads helplessly,
whispering to herself "my life is unfair.",
she went into a deep sleep and her body stiffened and she lost the grip of her threads...


how do u like it?
it was an assignment ^^!

Kyosuke
January 1st, 2005, 03:32 PM
That was great, from what I can tell from, its from the holocaust period of the nazis'? But if it is, it really captured the feeling of how life was like back then, and how unfair it was for the Jewish people.

Nicely done ^^.

lex
January 1st, 2005, 04:19 PM
Thankyou very much! yes, it is from the holocaust. what do u rate it from 1 - 10? just curious?

MegaDitto
January 1st, 2005, 04:23 PM
That was wonderful.That poem tells how the some of how the Holocaust was.

Kyosuke
January 1st, 2005, 04:24 PM
I would rate it a 9/10, it was very well written, but I think it could have been longer to get a 10 ^^'.

MegaDitto
January 1st, 2005, 04:31 PM
I agree with Liquid Thunder too 9/10 good poem.

lex
January 1st, 2005, 04:40 PM
jeez thankz, I was'nt expecting such a high rating! I was expecting a 7 or 8! look at this one...


Shadows

My shadow is a replay of what I do,
they replay the actions as if they knew,

A shadow dose not lurk in darkness at all,
but once you step in light your shadow will fall,

A shadow is a misterious thing,
which goes along with you wandering,

It follows, it stalks, it's after you,
it shows yourself without giving a clue,

A shadow is suspicious, and suddle and dark,
It follows you along without leaving a mark,

I look at my shadow and it does what I do,
shadows act the same way to no matter with who...


How about that one?

Kelsey
January 1st, 2005, 05:09 PM
Lex, that poem was so beautiful! It made me think of when the Nazis were taking over the Jews, and how horrible it must've been for them. It made me picture a young woman who had been mortally wounded both physically and spiritually; losing all that she loved...but her threads. ^_______^ I absolutely love it, I see no problems with this one. ^^

~Kelsey

EDIT: Shadows

My shadow is a replay of what I do,
they replay the actions as if they knew,

A shadow dose not lurk in darkness at all,
but once you step in light your shadow will fall,

A shadow is a misterious thing,
which goes along with you wandering,

It follows, it stalks, it's after you,
it shows yourself without giving a clue,

A shadow is suspicious, and suddle and dark,
It follows you along without leaving a mark,

I look at my shadow and it does what I do,
shadows act the same way to no matter with who...

This one was pretty good. There were a few spelling errors:
dose=does
misterious=mysterious
suddle=subtle

Other than that, your poem seems fine. Keep up the good work lex. ^_~

lex
January 1st, 2005, 05:12 PM
Thankz!!! so, no feedback. And the other one? Is it kinda lame?

lex
January 2nd, 2005, 01:05 PM
oh thanks kelsey!! But, When I spelled suddle It was meant to be suddle not subtle!^^

thankz very much ur kinda inspiring me to write even more poems!!

Kelsey
January 3rd, 2005, 02:42 PM
^_____^ Sounds cool, there are double meanings for many words, but the one you used does fit very well too. ^_~ I think you're doing an awsome job with these poems, keep it up! ^o^

~Kelsey

lex
January 3rd, 2005, 04:04 PM
^^ ur so sweet awwww! thanks!! ^^

Kelsey
January 7th, 2005, 12:12 PM
No problem! I try my best at reviewing poems, so if you make any more, you can feel free to PM me about them and I'd be more than happy to check them out for you. ^o^

~Kelsey