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Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 07:46 AM
I have returned, cuz I found some poems I totally forgot about *blink* XD

Lets get it started then shall we? XD

I will start with this one,since its dedicated to all those who died in Asia due to the Tsunami...


If Only Tears Could Bring you Back

These endless tears roll down my face,
Mourning for you, for endless days,
But I cant move on, and face the facts,
If only tears could bring you back.
Please watch us from above,
Send us peace, light as a dove.
If only I could change the past,
If only tears could bring you back.
Life goes on, never stops,
I'm gratfeul for what I've got,
I wait for you, through rolling grass,
If only tears could bring you back.

Now....
I'l post one more for now, I just found it. I'm gonna edit it later...

Why

I've always wondered- why is the world so cold?
Fighting, Lying, Crying, Dying, its getting old.
I wish it would all go away,
To another Place,
Away from me, its all waste.
I dream of a land, far away, of hills of green.
Why? why cant the world be this way?
Must it be dry, like a drought ravaged ground?
I wonder...
Even nature fights, these ways,
Lightning and thunder, clashing together,
But there is some hope, a far away rainbow,
Shedding light on the darkest of places.
For I miss those Ruby lights, high in the sky.
They would light up my face, so I wouldnt cry.
But now I'm alone, away from home.
I miss those days, long ago,
But now...I'm alone.

I've always wondered- why is the world so cold?
Fighting, Lying, Dying… it’s getting old.
I wish it would go far, far away.
Away from me, and all its waste.
Where did the peaceful silence go?
Why did we end up this way?
Must the world be arid like a drought ravaged ground?
I wonder...
Even nature fights these deadly ways,
Lightning and thunder clashing together,
But there is some hope, a far away rainbow,
Shedding light in the darkest of places.
For I miss those Ruby lights, high in the sky.
They would light my face, so I wouldn’t cry.
But now I'm alone, away from home.
I miss those days, so long ago,
But now...I’m all alone.


I capitalized Ruby, because this poem is dedicated to Israel and my dog Ruby, and I just realized that I put "ruby" in the poem cuz it was in honor of her...Shes in Israel now...

This is the beginning of song that I may or may not write:

Your nothin', you always were,
It went by in a blur,
It was just a dream,
Now your nothin' to me,
It was all lies, what you've been sayin'
Cuz you never existed, you were always nothin'

*sits down* Comments are always accepted! XD

Spectrum
January 5th, 2005, 07:57 AM
They sound more like songs than poems. Either way, I like 'em!

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 08:06 AM
Meh, I made some of em songs ^^

Kelsey
January 5th, 2005, 09:21 AM
Wow, Eli, those poems are awsome!! First, the one dedicated to the people of Asia...this one has a really great flow it, and the words are also used in a great format. I see no spelling errors too, so that's wonderful! XD

Now on to Why...this one ish soo kawaii Eli! I didn't notice any spelling errors, and the flow to your poem is very well put together. I think the overall message of your poem really sticks out, and that's good. ^_____^

Now to the song...this song is good considering you;ve only started it, I likez teh song very much.

Awsome job Eli, they're all very great. *glomps Eli*

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 09:51 AM
0_0;;; Thank you! XD that was very insightful! XD
I hate spelling errors, though I do make typos from typing so fast...
I'l put another up. 'twas my first, so it has many verions...I'l put up the first one I can find XD
This is the oldest version, I'l find the newer ones later XD

Oh here it is XD

Life

Life is but sorrow and tears,
Where darkness looms and chaos leers,
If Hope shall fail, Light will cease to shine,
If Light will be forgotten, Hope shall die.
When shall the sun, come out again?
Will the clouds clear up, will the wars end?
Will the blue bird sing, once again at dawn?
Instead of the crow, with its evil caw?
Life is but sorrow and tears,
Fear not, for peace is near.

Kelsey
January 5th, 2005, 09:58 AM
Awwwwws, Eli, that last one was so cute! ^o^ There was only one spelling error. I think you meant Come instead of some. XD But other than that little thing, your poem is very good. Lately, everyone's been writing poems about hopelessness. ;-; It was very good though, Eli dear. ^_____^

~Kelsey

DarkPegasus
January 5th, 2005, 10:16 AM
Nice,poems/songs,they are very touching,my fav is the one about peace.

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 10:18 AM
Thanks! ^^
Kelsey, thanks, I was typing to fast XD

Kelsey
January 5th, 2005, 10:20 AM
That's OK! I've made plenty of spelling errors in my time. XD No need to worry about it too much. ^o^

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 10:45 AM
Allright! XD I think I'l post The Curse of Hate soon...@_@ its really long

Shana
January 5th, 2005, 02:36 PM
Woah Eli, they are wonderful! You have great inspiration!

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 02:37 PM
Yeah! actually, I did! XD!
Life was because these kids were teasing me about pokemon xD;;

Angel Tabitha
January 5th, 2005, 02:39 PM
you poems/songs are awesome,Eli!they're very great.I like them very much.

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 06:03 PM
^^ thanks so much Tabitha! greatly appreciated! ^^

Roxas
January 5th, 2005, 06:11 PM
Eli, you rawk. XD Those are great. I really like he second poem cause it kinda shows how bad the world is XD

Eliana
January 5th, 2005, 06:27 PM
Yeah, thats the point, Kev thankies! ^^

Pincushion
January 6th, 2005, 05:27 AM
I hate them, there awfully bad, ekk hell know to them!









<3 em really

Lizzie
January 6th, 2005, 05:31 AM
:'( eli....they're so beautiul, they go right to the heart, *coughthatoneabouttearsisfamilier* you should make a book with these, they're so skillfully made :'( ^^

Eliana
January 6th, 2005, 05:34 AM
Thanks! XD when I get depressed I write my best poems ^^

~Dragonair~
January 6th, 2005, 11:36 AM
Nice poems. Theyre quite sad too *gives rep*.

Eliana
January 6th, 2005, 11:45 AM
Thanks!
I'm only good at writing depressing poems XD

Kyosuke
January 7th, 2005, 10:47 AM
To follow what everyone said..... they're really good XD. I know how it is to write poetry while depressed (for some reason they seem to be my best work when I feel that way), so I can relate.

Nicely done all around, my only complaint is that you should post more ^^'.

Eliana
January 9th, 2005, 07:27 PM
Thankies! I have another ^^

The Curse of Hate

For all my life Ive been pursued,
By something which should have not been heard,
My life has been sealed, with this fate,
I posses the curse, the curse of hate.
I try to run, I try to hide,
But it always finds me,
And burns me inside.
I want to cry, to fade away
But hate hasnt taught me to feel pain
Why cant people respect me the way I am,
For I cannot lift the curse, of which I have.
But maybe one day they will see,
The person I am, and always will be.
I dream of a place, where I belong,
Where I can finally get along.
But I wonder if this vision can be made real,
This place where I can finally heal
But if it cant, I want to make,
This world I live in, a better place,
But how can I help, with my unheard voice,
I wish I could finally, make a choice,
But for now I live on, behind this blackened gate,
I posses the curse, the curse of hate.

Geometric-sama
January 9th, 2005, 07:37 PM
You should write music for that last "song-bit" in the first post. It sounds cool~

Eliana
January 9th, 2005, 07:39 PM
Thankies JA! I Hope to, but I need a bit of help in how long the Stanzas should be ^^

Geometric-sama
January 9th, 2005, 07:43 PM
You don't need advice! Just go with the flow. :P

Eliana
January 9th, 2005, 07:46 PM
Okay, I'l think about it in math ^^ XD

Legendary_Pokegirl
January 12th, 2005, 09:33 AM
Wow, Eli. ^___________^ Those are really good.

I agree with JA. ^_~ You should make a song out of the last piece on your first post. I love it. I'm hoping to read some more of your work some time soon!

~Karli

Eliana
January 12th, 2005, 09:44 AM
^^ Thanks! I've been spending math classes on it xD yet I'm a bit stuck >>;;
heres one:

(Unamed)

Clouds of violet, streak the golden sky,
For the sun is setting, nights on the rise.
The stars come out, dancing through the night,
The moon glows, with all her might.
Dawn appears, for day is close,
The sun is creeping out, as the river flows.
And the clouds, so far away,
To reach them, would take countless days,
But just to watch them, passing by,
Passing by, until the end of time.

Then I had one for the play 2 nights ago, which the director promptly said no to. xD lesse if I can remember it:

The Storm

I walked upon, the dampened path,
And then I saw the wonders of natures wrath.
Rain shot down, the winds roar,
Lightning and thunder, in an eternal war.
I thought the sun had vanished, into a black abyss,
Her light, warmth, and glorious bliss.
I looked up, full of dread,
I saw blue skies, with clouds scattering overhead.
And at the end of the road,
I saw a glowing rainbow.
Colors of every hue and shade,
Could be seen in that rainbow that day.
I learnt a lesson, as I walked by,
That things could turn bright again, even in the darkest time.

Thats how I remember it. The end is different, I'l bring it home from school tommorow ^^

Jolty-kun
January 12th, 2005, 09:50 AM
They are really cool, eli ^^, i like the new unmamed one, i should post some of my poetry soon xD

Eliana
January 12th, 2005, 09:52 AM
Thanks! ^^ yeah, you really should! I'l go look for the rest of mine,but unfortunately, since I write in a ton of spiral notebooks, they get lost xD

Jolty-kun
January 12th, 2005, 10:13 AM
XD!, i need to find some out, but ok, ill be looking forward to the rest of ya poetry ^^; XD

Eliana
January 12th, 2005, 10:16 AM
Heres the start of one:
The moon shines, across the emerald glade,
Reflecting of the silver lake,
In this place, a myth is told,
Of a dragon with a crown of gold..

----
>< what I want to do with it is describe the dragon with precious gems (For Example- Wings of crystal etc.) But I'm having trouble getting it to rhyme ><

Kelsey
January 12th, 2005, 01:44 PM
Heres the start of one:
The moon shines, across the emerald glade,
Reflecting of the silver lake,
In this place, a myth is told,
Of a dragon with a crown of gold..

----
>< what I want to do with it is describe the dragon with precious gems (For Example- Wings of crystal etc.) But I'm having trouble getting it to rhyme ><

I think it's a very good start, Eli. ^^
But the second line...it bothers me..."Reflecting of the silver lake", unless you meant 'of' to be 'off', then I can see your reasoning. ^^

"Of a dragon with a crown of gold..." is a really good piece to this stanza. It seems like this poem will be a very descriptive and captivating poem.

Narrative poems are very wonderful, for they are the ones that tell stories (my personal favorite). ^___^ So I do hope you keep working with this one, I'd love to see this finished product. ^^

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 13th, 2005, 07:10 PM
Oh dear I didnt mean write across XP If ya could give me ideas, I'd be really appriciative ^^

Kelsey
January 15th, 2005, 10:40 AM
OK, maybe tell of how the dragon is like a king over an ancient empire. Then have him in some epic battle to fight for his life, or to keep the rule over his land or something. ^^ A narrative poem can be as long as you'd like. In fact, The Lay of the Lake, by Sir Walter Scott is about 300 stanzas. ^^;

But I don't expect you to make yours that long, Eli. XDXD

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 15th, 2005, 03:11 PM
XD I made more! XD

The moon shines, across the emerald glade,
Reflecting off the silver lake,
In this place, a myth is told,
Of a dragon with a crown of gold.
Wings of crystal, smooth as glass,
Which stretch across the dewy grass.
Bearing fire, with a ruby glow,
Scales of sapphire, blue as the water below.
Eyes of jade, cold as ice,
Roar like thunder, in the skies.

>.< I suck at making endings....xD well, I found the poem I was looking for...I was inspired by a really horrid sight I saw:

Bus 13

I saw that bus, a horrid sight,
Of death, of chaos, and great fright.
Its colors, green and white,
Which once shone bright,
Now peeled of from the blast,
And with it, from the window panes, shattered glass.
The only thing left, a rusted shell,
And I realized that these people never came out of this burning hell.
The people, innocent lives,
Taken by evil, with its knives.
I cry for them, tears of blood.
They didnt have to die, but evil should.
But now I sit and think empty thoughts,
And think about what life really costs.
I will never forget that scene,
That bombed bus, bus 13.

Kelsey
January 15th, 2005, 03:31 PM
XD I made more! XD

The moon shines, across the emerald glade,
Reflecting off the silver lake,
In this place, a myth is told,
Of a dragon with a crown of gold.
Wings of crystal, smooth as glass,
Which stretch across the dewy grass.
Bearing fire, with a ruby glow,
Scales of sapphire, blue as the water below.
Eyes of jade, cold as ice,
Roar like thunder, in the skies.

>.< I suck at making endings....xD well, I found the poem I was looking for...I was inspired by a really horrid sight I saw:

Bus 13

I saw that bus, a horrid sight,
Of death, of chaos, and great fright.
Its colors, green and white,
Which once shone bright,
Now peeled of from the blast,
And with it, from the window panes, shattered glass.
The only thing left, a rusted shell,
And I realized that these people never came out of this burning hell
The people, innocent lives,
Taken by evil, with its knives.
I cry for them, tears of blood.
They didnt have to die, the terrorists should.
But now I sit and think empty thoughts,
And think about what life really costs.
I will never forget that scene,
That bombed bus, bus 13.

OK, for the first poem, I have one suggestion first. ^o^
Roar like thunder, in the skies. You may want to try "With a roar like thunder in the skies." It just flows a bit better. ^________^

I really liked that part of the poem. Are you finished with it already Eli? =3 Anyways, the poem gives you a great picture of a mighty and even malevolent dragon. It kind of makes me think of Lugia. <3 I really like the descriptions, Eli, and the flow to your poem is done neatly. ^^

Now, onto Bus 13. This poem was so sad! It makes one think of a green and white bus, casually striding down the highway, when all of a suden the bus is up in flames. All the people have died, it would truly be a horrifying sight. ;-;

It really shows how precious life is, and it could end in a second. That's why it's improtant to live every moment of life to its fullest. ^___^

Awsome poems Eli, they were of pure shweetness. XD *glomps*

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 15th, 2005, 03:35 PM
Naw, I said its gonna take me a while to finish it. XD actually, I do have a poem about Lugia, I can post it but its a different rhyming scheme, and it didnt work xD

Well, I didnt see it blow up itself. They were bringing the bus after it was blown up all around the world, in attempt to stop anti-semetism...

Stevo-kun
January 22nd, 2005, 03:33 PM
Wow I really like these XD *snivels*. They are well written and make alot of sense ^^. I love them XD.

Pokemon_Veteran

Youko Kurama
January 22nd, 2005, 03:39 PM
Wow, you are a really talented poet Eli!
I was particularly drawn into The Curse of Hate.
Great job!
Keep it up!
*gives Silver Taco of Poetic Excellence*

Eliana
January 22nd, 2005, 03:48 PM
XD! I am so touched...XD
Thanks guys ^^ I got another done:

Footprints

I saw some footprints, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Thoughts arose in my head,
Who is this person? what life has he led?
I began to follow them, at steady pace,
Past winding roads, a seeming maze.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
I couldn't give up, for I've reached this far,
The sun is setting, 'tis turning dark.
I walked ahead, in full speed,
Wondering where these marks could lead.
For if they end, I shall meet,
The one who left them, in the street.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Full of hope, I turned right,
And saw a road, dark as night.
I knew that moment, I had to leave,
For I would never know where these prints would lead.
But the prints still lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.

Lizzie
January 22nd, 2005, 04:34 PM
oooh that was so cool! how you can tell these stories and make the words ryme in the most peotic ways! ^^ it's an awsome tallent! you're amazing!
so-who did the foot prints belong to? XD

Eliana
January 22nd, 2005, 04:38 PM
Actually, this happened in real life. XD I was walking back to my grandmothers house, and I saw these footprints which "Appeared to be trodden not long ago". So I followed them...and then they turned right, and I couldnt follow them, because I had to keep walking forward...I found another poem (similar to the rainbow one)

The Storm

Lightning lights the clouded sky,
Followed by rain, hail, and the thunders cry.
This is natures power, a wondrous wrath,
Yet we know not, the strength it hath,
The rain beats down, hard and fast,
The wind shrieks, like falling shards of broken glass,
Then the hail, pounds endlessly,
And on top, fighting in the night,
Light and Sound clash, with all their might.
And then, as if it never came,
All is quiet, Just the noise, of pounding of rain.

Stevo-kun
January 22nd, 2005, 04:40 PM
Yeah that is a great poem ^^> Plus Lizzie, at the end she said dhe had to leave so. So she never knew who the footprints belong to, atleast I think I am right XD. Anway great job ^^.

Pokemon_Veteran

Eliana
January 22nd, 2005, 04:41 PM
Yeah XD I actually wanted to meet the person IRL XD

Lizzie
January 22nd, 2005, 04:49 PM
right...>_<;; lol okay sry 'bout that XD they're really cool! you make poems seem so easy to write! it's a real tallent! you should collect them and send them to a contest somehwere...

Eliana
January 22nd, 2005, 04:50 PM
I tried, but they were all scams...XD I need an idea, anyone wanna inspire me? =3

Dignity
January 22nd, 2005, 04:52 PM
thats a good poem, eli ^^
no spelling errors, which is awesome

Eliana
January 22nd, 2005, 04:57 PM
^o^ Thanks! I make sure not to make any spelling errors...

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 12:00 PM
XD! I am so touched...XD
Thanks guys ^^ I got another done:

Footprints

I saw some footprints, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Thoughts arose in my head,
Who is this person? what life has he led?
I began to follow them, at steady pace,
Past winding roads, a seeming maze.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
I couldn't give up, for I've reached this far,
The sun is setting, 'tis turning dark.
I walked ahead, in full speed,
Wondering where these marks could lead.
For if they end, I shall meet,
The one who left them, in the street.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Full of hope, I turned right,
And saw a road, dark as night.
I knew that moment, I had to leave,
For I would never know where these prints would lead.
But the prints still lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.

Weeeee, I just read this one, and I wuved it! <3

This poem seems to symbolize how you can see a trace left by someone, and you wonder about it, and the person who left the trace. It's like when you're in a crowded shopping mall and you see a certain person and you begin to wonder what their life's like.

Do they have a family? Are they happy or sad? Do they live in a house or in an apartment? A lot of these different questions arise and you hope to find out some more information about the person.

In your poem's case, you are curious as to who left the footprints, so you begin to follow them to find out who had left them. Soon you begin to wonder more about the person, making you ever more eager to find the person.

I absolutely loved this poem Eli, it was very nicely written. *glomps* Keep it up! =3

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 30th, 2005, 01:17 PM
Aww thanks! ^_^
I need an idea, I just cant think of one....

NiNGi
January 30th, 2005, 02:50 PM
XD! I am so touched...XD
Thanks guys ^^ I got another done:

Footprints

I saw some footprints, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Thoughts arose in my head,
Who is this person? what life has he led?
I began to follow them, at steady pace,
Past winding roads, a seeming maze.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
I couldn't give up, for I've reached this far,
The sun is setting, 'tis turning dark.
I walked ahead, in full speed,
Wondering where these marks could lead.
For if they end, I shall meet,
The one who left them, in the street.
But there they lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
Full of hope, I turned right,
And saw a road, dark as night.
I knew that moment, I had to leave,
For I would never know where these prints would lead.
But the prints still lay, in the snow,
Appearing to be trodden, not long ago.
This is so nice eli!!! I have never read a poem by you!!! I guess its time I start reading them xD

Good job with all of them though! ^_^

Eliana
January 30th, 2005, 02:51 PM
Thanks!

I'm planning on trying to do another Lugia poem again ^^

Kelsey
January 30th, 2005, 02:55 PM
!!! I would love to read another poem from you, Eli. You have a true gift in poetry, I adore reading all your poems. *glomps* I can't wait for the next one. ^^

~Kelsey

Eliana
January 30th, 2005, 03:02 PM
Hopefully I'l finish it soon XD I tend to work rather slowly sometimes

Kelsey
January 31st, 2005, 04:07 PM
That's all right Eli. ^_______________^ You should always take your time when writing a poem, because then you really put a lot of effort into it. ^^ There's no rush, we can hold out until you've got a new masterpiece set for us. *glomps*

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 2nd, 2005, 04:34 PM
^_^ I just got one done...its short but whatever XD

Falling

Falling, falling, from the trees,
Leaves of red, leaves of green.
Falling, falling, to the ground,
They fall in silence, with no sound.
Falling, falling, forever light,
Falling, falling, into the night.

Dark Sora
February 2nd, 2005, 04:41 PM
^_^ I just got one done...its short but whatever XD

Falling

Falling, falling, from the trees,
Leaves of red, leaves of green.
Falling, falling, to the ground,
They fall in silence, without sound.
Falling, falling, forever light,
Falling, falling, into the night.

Really great, Eli. Hard to explain why, but it's awesome XD

Kelsey
February 2nd, 2005, 04:42 PM
^_^ I just got one done...its short but whatever XD

Falling

Falling, falling, from the trees,
Leaves of red, leaves of green.
Falling, falling, to the ground,
They fall in silence, without sound.
Falling, falling, forever light,
Falling, falling, into the night.

Don't worry about length. If you read the Poetry FAQ, you'll see that it states how a poem can be of any length and still be full of meaning. ^^ Your poem, had plenty of meaning.

I adored how it's symbolizing the autumn leaves, as they fall from their tree host to the earth below. In a way, it's somewhat of an adventure for them. They have to make a perilous journey from their home they once knew, to an all new world below.

Yet there are many dangers, for the seemingly carefree leaf can be swept off course by the howling wind or struck down by some other outside force. ^^

I saw no spelling errors which ish awsome. ^_____^ I did, however, have trouble with one line:
"They fall in silence, without sound."
The part "without sound" kind of threw off the flow for me. I might recommend changing it to "without a sound" instead, but it's really your decision. ^o^

Yet another awsome poem Eli, keep 'em comin'! ^_~

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 2nd, 2005, 04:46 PM
Omg, everything you said there I was thinking XD
Especiall the "Without sound" part... I was thinking I could change it to "With no sound" whatcha think? ^_^

Kelsey
February 2nd, 2005, 04:54 PM
Awwwwws. <3 *glomps*

Let's have a look see, shall we?
"Falling, falling, with no sound."

Well, I think it sounds better than "without sound", and either way, whether you have it be "with no sound" or "without a sound" shall sound wonderful once you read it through. ^________^

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 2nd, 2005, 04:55 PM
Naw your right...I had to change it your right it does sound better ^__^ Thanks Kels!

Eliana
February 4th, 2005, 10:57 AM
^_^ I got another one done today! I hope you enjoy it!

Solitary Rebel

I am the one, left in the dark,
The one forgotten, from the start.
This is my life, a lonesome one,
Without color, without a sun.
I am a rebel, left behind,
Rejected from human-kind.
But I won't give in, I'm gonna' keep fighting,
I won't stop running, I won't start crying.
No one controls me, 'cuz I'm alone,
Don't care if its dark, or if its cold.
But I'll still be here, haunting your mind.
And there's nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
And then you'll see how things can be,
When you cannot escape, these dead dreams.
An empty world, is where I stand,
Of dried oceans, and arid land.
There is nothing here, only me,
A downed rebel with a doomed destiny.

Kelsey
February 4th, 2005, 12:10 PM
^_^ I got another one done today! I hope you enjoy it!

Solitary Rebel

I am the one, left in the dark,
The one forgotten, from the start.
This is my life, a lonesome one,
Without color, without a sun.
I am a rebel, left behind,
Rejected from human-kind.
But I won't give in, I'm gonna' keep fighting,
I won't stop running, I won't start crying.
No one controls me, 'cuz I'm alone,
Don't care if its dark, or if its cold.
But I'l(I'll) still be here, haunting your mind.
And there's nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
And then you'll see how things can be,
When you cannot escape, these dead dreams.
An empty world, is where I stand,
Of dried oceans, and arid land.
There is nothing here, only me,
A downed rebel, with a doomed destiny.

Ooh, this one's cool. ^_____^ I have a problem with one line however:
"A downed rebel, with a doomed destiny." Did you possibly mean for 'downed' to be 'drowned'? ^o^

Also, in this line:
"When you cannot escape, these dead dreams." The comma you have in this line tends to throw off the flow, making the rest of the poem kinda disoriented. ^^; So, I'd just recommend taking this out and see how it runs through then. ^___^

This poem had a lot of meaning to it. It made me think of a soldier, who feels that his fate has been sealed, yet doesn't seem to give up on the rest of his troops. He knows they can pull through. Even though he feels this is the end for him, he keeps on fighting until his very last breath.

Awsome poem yet again Eli! Wootness, go you! XD *glomps*

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 4th, 2005, 12:13 PM
^_^
Kels, I put 'downed' because its like a "fallen rebel"
I was considering putting in "drowned" though. ^^ Yeah it is kinda like a soldier! thanks!

Kelsey
February 4th, 2005, 01:05 PM
I figured you meant 'downed' but I wasn't sure. It makes sense either way, I'm just making sure I'm not already having malfunctions. XD I can't wait for teh next poem Eli. ^o^

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 4th, 2005, 01:13 PM
^_^ I just need to be inspired XD

Eliana
February 6th, 2005, 03:11 PM
Allright, I have a new one! Enjoy!

Time

Summer dies, winters born,
Empires built, countries torn.
Unknown fates, and broken doors,
All results of time and war.
Time is merciless, unforgiving,
Always moving, continues killing.
Time never pauses, never ends,
Creator of life, bringer of dread.
Both angel and devil, dark and light,
Fire and water, day and night.
I learn to live, with this plight,
Which is eternally bound, to my life.

mew42003
February 6th, 2005, 04:49 PM
^_^ I just got one done...its short but whatever XD

Falling

Falling, falling, from the trees,
Leaves of red, leaves of green.
Falling, falling, to the ground,
They fall in silence, with no sound.
Falling, falling, forever light,
Falling, falling, into the night.
Great Poem Eli!10/10

~James

Eliana
February 6th, 2005, 04:50 PM
xD thanks! any feedback, comments...? XD

mew42003
February 6th, 2005, 05:01 PM
Good Rymeing and Good Wrighting!Pat's :7 Eagles:7 Super Bowl Update.

~James

Eliana
February 8th, 2005, 08:56 AM
Allright...I have a new poem.. ^_^

Two Roses

In a garden, late one night,
Two roses grew, one red one white.
Always together, side by side,
For years and years, they never died.
Through dark through light,
One red one white.
They never left the others side.
But then one day, a gardner came,
And picked the white, and went away.
No longer do two roses stand,
One white one red, hand in hand.
The red rose stands, all alone,
Without its beloved, the one white rose.

MeLoVeGhOsTs
February 8th, 2005, 09:03 AM
I loved it, I kinda got it all metaforic ^^" (or was that the intention?)

It was brilliant! I hope I could write such great poems one day =D

Nice, you can actually feel the lonesome-ness. How the red rose must have feeled. *sigh*

Thumbs up! ^_^

Eliana
February 8th, 2005, 09:05 AM
Well, I believe thats how it is supposed to be...
I got this from a Hebrew Song, called 2 Roses( xD)
Its a long song, but I summed it up in English...

Thanks! ^^

Kelsey
February 8th, 2005, 04:30 PM
Allright...I have a new poem.. ^_^

Two Roses

In a garden, late one night,
Two roses grew, one red one white.
Always together, side by side,
For years and years, they never died.
Through dark through light,
One red one white.
They never left the others side.
But then one day, a gardner came,
And picked the white, and went away.
No longer do two roses stand,
One white one red, hand in hand.
The red rose stands, all alone,
Without its beloved, the one white rose.

Awwwwwwwwwwwws, this poem is magnificent, Eli! ^_________^

I love this picture you get from it: two beautiful, seemingly carefree roses (lovers) who never left each others' side. ^^ Through each day they saw the other through it, and never seemed to have any worries.

But then, one lover is swept away, and the two part, not even getting to share a final kiss goodbye. Awwwws, it makes me sad! ;0; But it's so very good. ^^

Great work yet again Eli my dear, keep it up! ^o^

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 8th, 2005, 04:34 PM
Yeah! Thats exactly it! ^0^ thanks Kels! did ya read the other one? =3

Kelsey
February 8th, 2005, 06:00 PM
Allright, I have a new one! Enjoy!

Time

Summer dies, winters born,
Empires built, countries torn.
Unknown fates, and broken doors,
All results of time and war.
Time is merciless, unforgiving,
Always moving, continues killing.
Time never pauses, never ends,
Creator of life, bringer of dread.
Both angel and devil, dark and light,
Fire and water, day and night.
I learn to live, with this plight,
Which is eternally bound, to my life.

Ooooh, this one's really good too, Eli. ^o^ It shows how time keeps moving, it never stops, nor does it wait for anyone who need more time to catch up.

Time does bring life, but as time passes on you are one step closer to death. But in spite of that, people have learned to live and make do with what little time they have here on earth, which is, perhaps, life's greatest gift of all. <3<3

Nicely done once again Eli! *huggles*

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 8th, 2005, 06:04 PM
=3 thanks....*has another idea brewing in her mind*

Eliana
February 9th, 2005, 02:02 PM
^^ Got another done...

Poison of Love

There's a reason why I choose stay,
Away from love, and its terrible ways.
I've seen it good, but mostly bad,
It wreaks destruction, in its path.
It turns people into monsters, and tears them apart,
Leaves them alone, with broken hearts.
But why must love leave them so fast?
Shouldn't love forever last?
Why can't they think about the good times they had?
And just move on, forget the past.
And I could have stopped tragedy,
But I failed in agony,
And I started it all,
And I watched them fall.
I should have been there, to stop the fight.
And I should have been there, to show them the light.
And trickling down, drops of blood,
'Tis the poison, the poison of love.

Eliana
February 11th, 2005, 05:38 AM
Better Off Than Me

I don't understand why you think,
Your life sucks, along with everything.
Because it's all untrue,
You and your stupid views,
'Cuz You're better off than me,
So stop pretending not to see,
'Cuz you have a fate, and you're meant to be.
You're not the one who's goin' down,
And you're not the one, who falls with no sound.
Don't think you're unloved, you've got friends,
They'll be there for you, 'till the very end.
People are worse off than you,
In the streets without food.
People dying of disease, so why can't you see,
That you're better off than me.

Kelsey
February 12th, 2005, 06:35 PM
^^ Got another done...

Poison of Love

There's a reason why I choose stay,
Away from love, and its terrible ways.
I've seen it good, but mostly bad,
It wreaks destruction, in its path.
It turns people into monsters, and tears them apart,
Leaves them alone, with broken hearts.
But why must love leave them so fast?
Shouldn't love forever last?
Why can't they think about the good times they had?
And just move on, forget the past.
And I could have stopped tragedy,
But I failed in agony,
And I started it all,
And I watched them fall.
I should have been there, to stop the fight.
And I should have been there, to show them the light.
And trickling down, drops of blood,
'Tis the poison, the poison of love.

;0; Awwwwwwwws, such a sweet poem! This poem really depicts love and how it always is. I doubt there's ever been a loving relationship without it's horrible ups and downs. It brings back bad memories, but atill, this poem helps me to realize what love truly is.

You cannot always be so naive to think that love shall always last forever. But in truth, love can and does withstand all obstacles. <3<3


Better Off Than Me

I don't understand why you think,
Your life sucks, along with everything.
Because it's all untrue,
You and your stupid views,
'Cuz You're better off than me,
So stop pretending not to see,
'Cuz you have a fate, and you're meant to be.
You're not the one who's goin' down,
And you're not the one, who falls with no sound.
Don't think you're unloved, you've got friends,
They'll be there for you, 'till the very end.
People are worse off than you,
In the streets without food.
People dying of disease, so why can't you see,
That you're better off than me.

Awwwws, your poems are always so truthful, Eli! ^o^ This is a poem that is really saying 'count your blessings'. For you make think that world is against you, and that no one could ever have it as bad as you do. Even if you feel as though your life is a blistering Hell...there's always someone who's worse off.

Awsome poems Eli, me loves them allllllllllllllllllllllllllll as usual! <3<3<3 *huggles and snuggles*

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 12th, 2005, 06:37 PM
Thankis! ^o^ I was waiting for you to post XD You give wonderful insight!!!

*walks around blindly, unknowing of what to write next* @_@

Eliana
February 17th, 2005, 12:29 PM
Okay, I've got one done...I sorta rushed to get it done, but I also put effort into it....@_@

The Child

Today I met a child,
One I would not forget for a while.
Sunken eyes, staring into space,
He walked slowly, without grace.
I asked him what was wrong,
And he told a story, rather long;
"I had a twin, my very best friend,
My father was drunk, my mother dead.
Everything we did, my father would anger,
And beat us hard, like we were strangers.
We suffered long hard nights,
Wondering if we should fight,
But we held back,
Our bones cracked.
So then we said, we'd run away,
He went too far, and it's just too late.
No we can't go back, so we ran and ran.
Father chased us, and grasped my brothers hand.
I held onto him, I couldn't let go,
I couldn't give into this man, crippled and old.
My brother cried "Run, please hide!"
And I did as he told, I left him behind.
I ran in tears, and cowering fear.
And here I've been, for many years"
I heard his tale, began to cry,
I yelled aloud, and screamed out "Why!?"
But he merely smiled, and said to me;
"I am alive, and proud to be."
When I see a father hurt a son with his hand,
I cry out loud "Why don't you understand..."

Kelsey
February 17th, 2005, 01:39 PM
Okay, I've got one done...I sorta rushed to get it done, but I also put effort into it....@_@

The Child

Today I met a child,
One I would not forget for a while.
Sunken eyes, staring into space,
He walked slowly, without grace.
I asked him what was wrong,
And he told a story, rather long;
"I had a twin, my very best friend,
My father was drunk, my mother dead.
Everything we did, my father would anger,
And beat us hard, like we were strangers.
We suffered long hard nights,
Wondering if we should fight,
But we held back,
Our bones cracked.
So then we said, we'd run away,
He went too far, and it's just too late.
No we can't go back, so we ran and ran.
Father chased us, and grasped my brothers hand.
I held onto him, I couldn't let go,
I couldn't give into this man, crippled and old.
My brother cried "Run, please hide!"
And I did as he told, I left him behind.
I ran in tears, and cowering fear.
And here I've been, for many years"
I heard his tale, began to cry,
I yelled aloud, and screamed out "Why!?"
But he merely smiled, and said to me;
"I am alive, and proud to be."
When I see a father hurt a son with his hand,
I cry out loud "Why don't you understand..."

Awwwwwwwws! ;o; This one ish sooooo sad! It shows how people abuse their own children, it's such a sad thing. ;-; I can't even begin to comprehend why a parent would take the life of a child they themselves brought into the world...

You poem showed what torture children all around the world go through. Being abused is such a horrible thing, and no child deserves to be haunted and paranoid that someone might be waiting around the corner to beat them. o.o;

Well, the flow I think could use a bit of touch-ups. For example, "No we can't go back, so we ran and ran." This line's flow is kinda choppy, but a good way to fix it would just be to add a comma after "No". (No, we can't go back, so we ran and ran.)

Awsome job Eli, dear! <3 I can't wait for teh next poem. ^o^

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 17th, 2005, 01:52 PM
Yeah, I noticed the flow was terrible...@_@ I was trying to make it sound better....


Thanks ^__^

Kelsey
February 19th, 2005, 10:48 AM
That's OK, Eli dear! ^^ Just keep working with it, and it shall come out to be even more wonderful than it already is. <3 You can also PM some of your works to me and I shall be happy to take a look at 'em. ^.~

~Kelsey

Eliana
February 20th, 2005, 07:09 AM
I will don't worry ^____^ I'll start writing again...after today XD

C.O.H
February 23rd, 2005, 10:39 AM
Okay, I've got one done...I sorta rushed to get it done, but I also put effort into it....@_@

The Child

Today I met a child,
One I would not forget for a while.
Sunken eyes, staring into space,
He walked slowly, without grace.
I asked him what was wrong,
And he told a story, rather long;
"I had a twin, my very best friend,
My father was drunk, my mother dead.
Everything we did, my father would anger,
And beat us hard, like we were strangers.
We suffered long hard nights,
Wondering if we should fight,
But we held back,
Our bones cracked.
So then we said, we'd run away,
He went too far, and it's just too late.
No we can't go back, so we ran and ran.
Father chased us, and grasped my brothers hand.
I held onto him, I couldn't let go,
I couldn't give into this man, crippled and old.
My brother cried "Run, please hide!"
And I did as he told, I left him behind.
I ran in tears, and cowering fear.
And here I've been, for many years"
I heard his tale, began to cry,
I yelled aloud, and screamed out "Why!?"
But he merely smiled, and said to me;
"I am alive, and proud to be."
When I see a father hurt a son with his hand,
I cry out loud "Why don't you understand..."


It really makes you think about the truth, really great poem!

<[HaZaRdOuS_EnIgMa]>
February 24th, 2005, 09:42 AM
been reading your poems, eli, great job on all of them. my favorite is 'better off than me' it's really well written ^ ^

Eliana
February 24th, 2005, 12:14 PM
C.O.H- Thanks!

Matt-Well ya get to see more ^____^ I'm starting to write a song based on it:

Better Off Than Me

Lost in my misery again,
Does this road even have an end?
Drifting down this path to hell,
As much as you scream and yell,
No ones out there to help,
'Cuz it's every man to himself,
No one's gonna listen to you,
Or care about what you do...
But keep in mind-


You have a life,
You're meant to be,
Stop complaining about untrue things.
And I won't take this any longer,
And I know that you're stronger,
So wake up, and see,
You're better off than me.

You wanna go the path less taken,
Then go ahead, just try and make it.
You'll be back before tommorow,
Drenched in the same old sorrow,
It's what I deal with every day,
And the darkness never really goes away...
So make up your friggin' mind...

[Chorus]

That's what I have so far, it's far from perfection~

~Eli

<[HaZaRdOuS_EnIgMa]>
February 24th, 2005, 12:22 PM
well it looks good to me ^ ^ yay, eli wrote a song ^0^

Eliana
February 24th, 2005, 12:30 PM
Lol, I've written before...sadly it didnt work too well but thanks! ^___^

Eliana
March 3rd, 2005, 09:32 AM
Omg, help writers block!!! @_@ XD I got something started but I dunno what it is XD
I added a bit, and there are some swears so I put "-" instead of "*" XD

[TO BE NAMED]

This is the CITY OF LONG LOST SOULS,
The ones who DIED with HELPLESS goals.
A WAR WAS FOUGHT TODAY.
The HYPOCRITES against the BRAVE.
The CORPSES never reached the GRAVE.
And the BODIES were the SAME.
PITY SEEKERS and F---ING LIARS,
Now they BURN in BLOODY FIRES.
I didn't FALL with these F-GS.
I won't DIE under their FLAGS

No I'm not done with it yet =P

~Black Moonlight~
March 3rd, 2005, 02:21 PM
Thats great Eliana! thats a great job you did there!!

Eliana
March 3rd, 2005, 02:22 PM
Thanks!!! XD I put swears in because a boy in my class kept bugging me to...XD

~Black Moonlight~
March 3rd, 2005, 02:41 PM
eh still it's good! I have made a few poems but their not even close to being as good as yours yours are WAY better than mine!

Eliana
March 4th, 2005, 10:49 AM
...

Love Is Gone

Dawn brought emptiness and confusion
And I dont know whyam I in delusion?
The light is now nowhere to be seen.

Because your bright green eyes no longer hypnotize me,
I am lost in the dark.
Left alone, with an empty heart.
Love has gone another path,
Is it gone forever? Will it come back?
Everything is grey, drenched by rain
Just return love, and stop the pain.
October skies are getting old,
Everything seems so dark and cold
And the light is gone
Rain has been falling far too long.
My heart is crying,
Severed and dying.
Tomorrow will never come again,
Rage and hate will come instead.
On top of it all, I stand and watch,
Now wondering about those bright green eyes,
Green eyes by which I was once mesmerized

And I want to fall into them, once again,
And I dont want the light to leave, ever again...


BTW- If you know codes, look for certain letters in the main part of the poem~

<[HaZaRdOuS_EnIgMa]>
March 4th, 2005, 11:03 AM
whoa...that's really sad...i hope it's not about...well anyway, it's really well written, good job..

Eliana
March 4th, 2005, 02:17 PM
Thanks =3
I had uber major writers block so...@_@;;;

Narnia's_Witch
March 4th, 2005, 09:51 PM
This is great! I think you are a very talented writer and that you should continue with this thread. I just have one suggestion. If you do not use so many abbreviations than your poems would have a something more to it. It would be more structural like and have not exactly have more meaning to it but it would be more formal like. I am not saying you should, as these poems have excellent meaning and have a great flow to them.

C.O.H
March 5th, 2005, 03:16 AM
Whoah! Great poems, I liked them all, The war poem really got you thinking ^^

Eliana
March 5th, 2005, 04:20 PM
Narnia- Well, I abbreviate because otherwise the flow would'nt really work...thanks!!!

COH- Well it's not exactly a poem...I dunno what it is xD;;; thanks!
---

@_@ Sorry for the delay...I just got a really bad writers block...so....=/

Biohazard Girl
March 10th, 2005, 04:22 PM
OKay okay! I'll say something innocent!

I really like 'em! But I've told you that before. Keep me updated for future add ons will you? I can't wait till you write more ^^ I hope your writers block ends soon!

Shining Mew
March 10th, 2005, 04:22 PM
...

Love Is Gone

Dawn brought emptiness and confusion
And I dont know whyam I in delusion?
The light is now nowhere to be seen.

Because your bright green eyes no longer hypnotize me,
I am lost in the dark.
Left alone, with an empty heart.
Love has gone another path,
Is it gone forever? Will it come back?
Everything is grey, drenched by rain
Just return love, and stop the pain.
October skies are getting old,
Everything seems so dark and cold
And the light is gone
Rain has been falling far too long.
My heart is crying,
Severed and dying.
Tomorrow will never come again,
Rage and hate will come instead.
On top of it all, I stand and watch,
Now wondering about those bright green eyes,
Green eyes by which I was once mesmerized

And I want to fall into them, once again,
And I dont want the light to leave, ever again...


BTW- If you know codes, look for certain letters in the main part of the poem~

I see the code...it says.... Biwwie :O

I remember reading this... great poem Eli. You have a lot of talent.. I cant write for my life xD Its very touching and meaningful, excellent. I hope you write more ^^

Eliana
March 10th, 2005, 04:24 PM
Thanks both of you ^^;;; sadly, I am experiencing a terrible writers block...

Natsuki
March 12th, 2005, 11:01 AM
Come on Eli!! XD All your poems are fantastic! ^o^ I don't care if you have writer's block, write some more! XD *huggles and snuggles Eli*

~Kelsey

Eliana
March 12th, 2005, 04:11 PM
Actually I was gonna ask you about that...WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?! XD I'm dying here XD

Natsuki
March 12th, 2005, 06:31 PM
What do you mean what do you do? XD Just write a pwetty poem. <3<3 I best write a poem too. It's beena looooong time since I last wrote one. OO; Well, good luck to you Eli! ^^

~Kelsey

Eliana
March 12th, 2005, 06:35 PM
Well I have writers block, I dont know what to do about it @_@

----
Okay, good news people ^___^ I got an idea, and I think it will probably work...I'll work on it soon, but I'm a but busy at the moment @_@
I think I'm gonna try a poem that doesn't rhyme, because I never actually tried that...

Eliana
March 14th, 2005, 03:31 PM
OKAY I GOT SOMETHING!!! XD it's not complete, but here:

(Unamed for now)

Is it snowing?
Or is it just dropping from the trees...
Is it raining?
Or is it the falling tears of children...
Is that the sun?
Or is it a mere illusion of our blinded minds, which have ceased to see light for eternity...

I think it sucks but...XD!

Seto7Kaiba
March 14th, 2005, 04:07 PM
Not too bad but not the best. I can't wait to here the rest ;)

EDIT: I just relised I rhymed :O XO

Eliana
March 14th, 2005, 04:20 PM
Well, I'd appreciate if you gave me feedback...^^; I'm recovering from writers block so @_@

Eliana
March 15th, 2005, 03:23 PM
YES! XD I GOT IT

Questions of the Unknown

Is it snowing?
Or is just dropping from the branches of the trees
Is it raining?
Or is it the falling tears of children
Is that the sun?
Or is it a mere illusion of our blinded minds, which have ceased to see Light For eternity
What are they?
We may never know, for these are just mysteries, floating across the Plane Of Thought
Is the question Who are you?
Or Who do you wish to be?
Is it What is your fate?
Or is it What was your past?
Is there an answer?
Or are they doomed to be forgotten
If there is an answer,
Do we wait for it, or do we seek it out?
Are those stars in the sky?
Or are they remnants of those who died?
Is this hatred?
Or is it simply a way to conceal our own failure?
And does God exist?
He must, for someone must have created these questions, the Questions of the Unknown

Natsuki
March 17th, 2005, 06:09 PM
YES! XD I GOT IT

Questions of the Unknown

Is it snowing?
Or is just dropping from the branches of the trees
Is it raining?
Or is it the falling tears of children
Is that the sun?
Or is it a mere illusion of our blinded minds, which have ceased to see light(Light) for eternity
What are they?
We may never know, for these are just mysteries, floating across the Plain(Plane) of Thought
Is the question Who are you??
Or Who do you wish to be??
Is it What is your fate??
Or is it What was your past??
Is there an answer?
Or are they doomed to be forgotten
If there is an answer,
Do we wait for it, or do we seek it out?
Are those stars in the sky?
Or are they remnants of those who died?
Is this hatred?
Or is it simply the way to conceal failure?
And does God exist?
He must, for someone must have created these questions, the Questions of the Unknown

Weeeeeeee, Eli's finally done it!! XD This poem was really good, as all of your works are. ^.~

Now, I've corrected the little spelling and grammar arrors for you. ^____^ They're nothing big, but I've fixed them so you know of some areas to improve on. ^^

This poem tells of many questions we as humans have about our world. We wonder about things and ask questions in hopes of seeking out the answers. It never ceases to amaze me on how observent us humans are. ^^

We're constantly wondering and thinking, for it is one of the few things we humans do best, in my opinion. Your poem shows how one person can concoct so many questions and hope for the answer of them all even if they believe it is not possible for that to happen.

Fweeeeee, shweet job Eli. <3 The only things you should fix are the spelling errors and those questions mark things. You see, when you state a question within a question like this line:

Is the question Who are you?

You see, there's already a question mark in there, so you don't have to double the effect by putting a question mark on the outside of the quotations too. ^^

Well done Eli...even if it took me a while to get here, I still lurved it! <3 *hugs*

~Kelsey

Eliana
March 17th, 2005, 06:15 PM
^___^ Ah yes, we are stupid humans XD!!!!

Yes, the goal was to question life basically =3 Thanks so much ^___^

Natsuki
March 17th, 2005, 06:16 PM
Awwwwwwwwwws, you're welcome Eli dear. <3<3<3 I can't wait for teh next poem! ^o^ Write one now!!! *cracks whip* XD *pets*

~Kelsey

Eliana
March 17th, 2005, 06:20 PM
Oh God, well actually, I AM starting one...I think it was inspired by Green Day o.o;

Well sneak peek people- *almost wrote "peak"* XD anyways it's about someone who can't take pain, so basically hides in ones own daydreaming to hide from pain and reality...it may take a while though.

Eliana
March 22nd, 2005, 03:31 PM
Change of plans XD; I decided to write a song...the flow will probably not make sense to you, because I have a rythym for it:

The Winter Without An End

Just another cold dark day,
With just the colors of white and gray,
And it's,
No different than yesterday.
I think, that winter's here to stay...

(Chorus)
Spring is never coming back,
There's no future, just the past,
And it's repeating itself again...
Welcome to the Winter Without An End.
-----

No I recall the memories,
When the sun once shined
And misery,
Was just another word that meant nothing...
But those days are gone and summer's dead,
Replaced by falling snow and rain...

(Chorus)
---
No, there's no escape,
But no I'm not complaining
And I won't,
Listen to the words you say,
And I think it's time to run away...

(Chorus x2)

Okay, yeah I know it's terrible >>; I can't get the rythym right at ALL XD;;
I think I'm a lot better at poems right now o_o; Just give me time and don't kill me XD

Lizzie
March 25th, 2005, 10:46 AM
Eli that song is incredible! even if you didn't write down the little "chores"'s down it's really easy to tell that it's a song, and it's a good one too ;_; poor summer XD it's really good, I love the lyrics, ^_^ maybe make them longer, that way it'll seem more like a song, but you don't have to, great job!! =D

Eliana
March 25th, 2005, 10:48 AM
Well, it's my first...well written song XD thanks, I'll try and get a better one ^^

Merzbau
March 25th, 2005, 11:53 AM
Hey Eli! That song pwns. I THINK I got the rhythm. lol But I probably am not even close. XD

Eliana
March 27th, 2005, 05:24 AM
I think I forget the rythym == XD

Pincushion
March 29th, 2005, 09:48 AM
Your 'poems' & 'Lyrics', are alright, some don't really make much sence though...and don't mean to be picky *hides*, but theres quite alot of spelling and grammer mistakes that make it kinda hard to read XD

Eliana
April 4th, 2005, 08:14 AM
Poetry doesn't have to make sense, you know. ^.~
It's called Poetic License. That means you can defy the laws of Grammar, not capitilize, etc, and still have an amazing poem!
As for the spelling errors, I don't really know what you're talking about. I use spell check, and even then I don't even need the spell check, because I am a good speller, not that I'm trying to be not humble. If there are any spelling errors, then please do point them out to me.

~Eli

Eliana
April 6th, 2005, 06:02 PM
Ah, before I must go, I just wanted to show you all something I've been putting together. If you like music, I hope to God this is familiar to you XD
Yes, there is a swear, but I had to put it in...o.o;; You'll see XD!

Part One of Unamed

I walk these empty streets,
In the City of the Dead, bound in my dreams.
Where the city's motto is just a LIE from the past,
But the quote stands true, that "The innocent can never last."
There's no signs of hope, just the shame,
Now you've lost your dreams in the RAIN.
But there's a glow of light.
The Saint of Denial is the spark in the night.
But I run AWAY, and leave behind,
This hurricane of f-ing lies.
And the world is spinning OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,
And I leave this broken home, in the CITY OF THE DEAD.

PrinceOfDarkness
April 15th, 2005, 01:29 PM
Wow, these poems/songs are good. keep up the good work Eli.^_^

Miyu-chan
April 15th, 2005, 07:12 PM
Ah, before I must go, I just wanted to show you all something I've been putting together. If you like music, I hope to God this is familiar to you XD
Yes, there is a swear, but I had to put it in...o.o;; You'll see XD!

Part One of Unamed

I walk these empty streets,
In the City of the Dead, bound in my dreams.
Where the city's motto is just a LIE from the past,
But the quote stands true, that "The innocent can never last."
There's no signs of hope, just the shame,
Now you've lost your dreams in the RAIN.
But there's a glow of light.
The Saint of Denial is the spark in the night.
But I run AWAY, and leave behind,
This hurricane of f-ing lies.
And the world is spinning OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,
And I leave this broken home, in the CITY OF THE DEAD.
OMGosh 1!111!one I'm in Eli's poem thread! x3

*post dedicated to Eli*

Anyways, yup, this is very, very familiar. xD But I really like the style of this poem, especially the words you chose to CAP. =3 The swear was a nice touch also, keep it up! =)

Dignity
April 15th, 2005, 07:45 PM
XD Oooh Eli, that sounds like a Green Day song, hun. XD I bet that's just what you were trying to accomplish!

Shana
April 16th, 2005, 07:03 AM
Awesome, it's a mix of Green Day lyrics. =3

Eliana
April 16th, 2005, 04:46 PM
Thanks all! ^___^*hugs*
Good to see you aren't all that dense. XD
Indeed, they are all taken from Green Day songs <3 XD

Shana
April 17th, 2005, 04:36 AM
*hugs back*

Can't wait for any more. =3

Eliana
April 17th, 2005, 04:44 AM
Actually, =3 I wrote a song XD
I left it at school so I'll post it when I get back from school tommorow kays?

Shana
April 17th, 2005, 05:32 AM
Okay, sounds good to me. ^^

Eliana
April 26th, 2005, 04:57 AM
OKAY I REMEMBERED IT! XD

Failure

Here I am, I'm walking down the line,
Wonderin' why, I can't seem to do anything right.
But I just realized,
That I just wanna turn back time,
And go back to you, and apologize...


I'm sorry, I'm a failure,
I can't help it, it's my nature.
So stop shoving me into this wall,
I'm just the loser down the hall...


WHO AM I!?
AM I JUST AN F-ING LIE!?
Or am I,
Just another jerk, deserving to be pushed into the dirt!?
But now I think it's time,
To pack my bags and say goodbye,
And now I'm gone,
Because I DON'T BELONG!

[chorus]


Okay so the messed up coma's are the because of the rythym which most of you probably didn't get XD
Also, this is from a boy's point of view in case you didn't figure it out XD

Porygon
April 26th, 2005, 06:43 AM
Mwar, very good, that ^_^

I could hear a song in there XD

Eliana
April 26th, 2005, 10:00 AM
XD Thanks! I sort of have...or HAD a tune, but I have this issues with beats and stuff o_O

Shana
April 27th, 2005, 04:16 PM
OKAY I REMEMBERED IT! XD

Failure

Here I am, I'm walking down the line,
Wonderin' why, I can't seem to do anything right.
But I just realized,
That I just wanna turn back time,
And go back to you, and apologize...


I'm sorry, I'm a failure,
I can't help it, it's my nature.
So stop shoving me into this wall,
I'm just the loser down the hall...


WHO AM I!?
AM I JUST AN F-ING LIE!?
Or am I,
Just another jerk, deserving to be pushed into the dirt!?
But now I think it's time,
To pack my bags and say goodbye,
And now I'm gone,
Because I DON'T BELONG!

[chorus]


Okay so the messed up coma's are the because of the rythym which most of you probably didn't get XD
Also, this is from a boy's point of view in case you didn't figure it out XD
That was really good! I like all of the hatred in it. XD

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 03:32 AM
XD Of COURSE there's hatred in it! Thanks! =3

PrinceOfDarkness
April 28th, 2005, 03:36 AM
nice poems Eli, keep up the good work, I shall support ur next poems o.O XD

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 03:37 AM
Well I haven't had much time, but thanks so much! ^_^

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 05:57 AM
Mwar, if I could get a definate beat going in my head [and get my angry screaming-ness voice going] I may sing this ^_^

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 06:27 AM
Really? XD Thanks! I'm gonna try and get a tune eventually!

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 06:44 AM
Alright, mwar ^_^ I'll print 'em sometime and try to get something going.

Mwar, keep in mind I'm not exactly an expert vocalist, I just have alot of voices and can keep really good synchronization with something I'm hearing ^_^

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 06:48 AM
Woah, you seriously think you can make a tune to it? XD

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 06:54 AM
Mwar, I don't make music in the real world, it's generated completely in my head.

Unfortunately, mwar, my audio buffer isn't that great and I forget the first part of it and it just goes on creating XD

*downloads MIDI composer*
Maybe this'll help XD

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 07:09 AM
Thanks! I wish I could make my own tunes eventually o.o

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 07:13 AM
Mwar, I may just end up using an instrumental that sounds like the lyrics XD

I don't have much alone-time on the home comp, so it may be difficult to make a tune XD

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 07:24 AM
Well if you can get basic stuff I can probably fix it up =3 all I need is the instrumental

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 07:28 AM
Mwar, lol. Hey I may have something Ever hear of Castle in the Air by Eloy? No? Good, then you won't mind me using it XD

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 07:29 AM
o_o Wait you're taking a the tune from another song!? XD

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 07:32 AM
Either that or some MIDIs I picked up XD

Like I said, I don't have any alone time to compose my own stuff [maybe next week, though]

It's a good tune, I think it may go well, mwar XD

Besides, it's like... a 7 minute song and the lyrics are only a 30 second block max, mwar XD

I only need a tune to synchronise to.

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 07:33 AM
Hm well...I feel guilty if it already exists XD! (See, I have this issue...since I listen to music so much, if I ever make a tune it's too much like a real song that was already made)

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 07:36 AM
Mwar, I can understand that ^_^

When I get home I'll try to do something with it. I won't be able to do anything in the way of recording 'till next week, MAYBE, anyway, mwar.

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 07:38 AM
That's okay, at least you can. I'm pretty bad at it o_o

Porygon
April 28th, 2005, 07:40 AM
Mwar, singing? Composing? I never composed anything in my life XD

And singing, mwar, I'd have to hear ya to judge that ^_^

Eliana
April 28th, 2005, 11:41 AM
Well if you can make a tune for the song I'd really appreciate it...o.o


----
Okay just for all to know- I haven't had much time to work on anything o.o; I've been having writers block >> So you'll have to excuse me XD;

Eliana
May 15th, 2005, 06:10 AM
Okay I have the start of something....o.o

Unnamed

Can you hear the echo of death?
Or do you follow the path of the BLIND APATHETICS?
THIS DESOLATE WORLD IS MERE DELUSION.
TEARS OF ANGUISH, AND MASS CONFUSION.
Gray, emptiness, SHEER COLD VOID,
We have FALLEN into the very thing we WISHED TO AVOID.
DARKNESS FELL, AND IT'S TOO LATE.
Death surromds us, with PURE HATE...
...XD

Porygon
May 16th, 2005, 06:35 AM
Mwar, that's really good ^_^ Again, I heard a rough tune [it'd take a but of smoothing out later, but that'd require thinking XD]

I like it, mwar, sorta... illusionismistic ^_^

Eliana
May 16th, 2005, 07:55 AM
XD! Actually, my inspiration for that song was from a song by Green Day (It's called the Panic Song- it has a 2 minute guitar thing before the singing starts o_o it's really good)

I wish I could get tunes from my poems etc...XD

Porygon
May 16th, 2005, 08:29 AM
Mwar, I guess it's just a natural talent or something O_O;;

Thomas
May 16th, 2005, 12:50 PM
Eli, are you a member of allpoetry.com? if you are not you should really join!!!

Eliana
May 16th, 2005, 04:09 PM
XD Why? am I good? O_O XD!!! lol never heard of it I'll see=3

Thomas
May 16th, 2005, 05:30 PM
Yeah, I think you are a great poet! And you should enter some contests now that you joined! I won two "trophies" since I have been a member there...

Eliana
May 22nd, 2005, 01:37 PM
Okay well I just forgot the poem I wrote so I'm kinda mad...though let me try to remember it XD

Dearly Beloved,
I think I let you down again.
And nothing is going to change what I did...
And you're so close...but then again, so far away...
And we're separated by an invisible glass frame.
Have you ever acknowledged my existence in this world?
Because I'm screaming out your name, screaming, unheard.
Have you ever stopped and thought if there was someone on the outside?
Someone who is bleeding for you, wandering hopeless every single night?
Because I'm lying here, and these bloody Tears of Misery never seem to end,
They keep falling and falling into a Pool of Dread.
But it's all coming back to me,
And I think I'm back in the Depth of Reality.
Because...
I love you.
I'm not afraid anymore...
I never "I love you" to anyone before.
Because they were just meaningless, dead and grey,
And I never loved anyone until this very day.
But you changed that, and you showed me the Light.
Light which I thought I would never see for the rest of my dull and arid life.
I love you.
No, I wouldn't go back, if I had that one chance.
But if I could, I would break this wall of glass...
Because I'm reaching to you, only to fall into an Ocean of Confusion...
And I'm blinded by nothing, ceased with delusion...
But who am I to cower in fear?
No, these are the last of my falling tears.
So now My Love, this is the end...
Goodnight for now, until we meet again..

...*looks at it..*
...Well that is certainly NOT what it was before...O_O XD

Eliana
June 5th, 2005, 04:02 AM
...XD Okay I have something else going here...

Empty

Have you ever seen an empty being?
Whose ideas are pointless, and keep repeating?
Whose tries and attempts to get something right,
Are flattened by their redundant way of life?
Because Im a lost cause, and I could care less.
I cant be fixed, Im just another mess.
And hell is crashing down on me yet again,
But it doesnt make a difference in the very end.

^ XD

~Eli

Super Torchic
June 16th, 2005, 10:48 AM
O_O wow, those are GOOD!*falls over* but they sound kinda like songs:p Send them to Billie and see what he thinks:P

PrinceOfDarkness
June 16th, 2005, 10:51 AM
Eli's poems rock, I love her poems =3 *wants to read more poems*

Caroline
June 18th, 2005, 02:43 AM
Great poems, Eliana. I loved Empty. =)

Eliana
June 19th, 2005, 05:02 AM
Thanks guys! ^^ I still have a lot to fix up with it, but thanks!

Kira
June 19th, 2005, 05:48 AM
Nice Poem Eli, nice topic as well. Me Likie!

Hamster
June 19th, 2005, 07:20 AM
i like the poem, good job ^^

Eliana
June 27th, 2005, 09:21 AM
Thankies Kira! ^_^
Sadly I gotta go to camp but I hope to bring back a LOT of poems and such ^_^