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Burne Starcofski
January 9th, 2005, 09:02 PM
Well, I only got Part 1 typed up and polished. plus it would be hours for me to get it all in, so I'll dothings the simple way.

Linkedy! (http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1790784)

Once again, I'm sorry about the link, but I'm just plain lazy.

Kyosuke
January 9th, 2005, 10:05 PM
From what I read, this war type fan-fic is generally good plotwise, but the descriptions in it need a bit of work. At the beginning of it, there was a small battle taking place, it would have been a lot nicer if you added a bit more to have a more sence of realism.

So far the characters are great, from the small descriptions that you gave, its easy to tell what kind of personality they have. I would like to know more about Jade though XD.

But all and all, descriptions aren't everything its the story it self what really counts, and so far its good.

Kelsey
January 10th, 2005, 03:14 PM
Ooooh, I really like the plot of this fanfic. ^o^ It has a nice sense of the future and past to it once you read it. ^_______________^ I do, however, think that you could pronounce the characters a bit more, to let who they really are be known. Maybe describe what they look like a bit more, or their personality and such. Then the reader really has a good insight onto who they're reading about. ^^

I didn't see any spelling malfunctions or anything, which is good. XD You were quite descriptive, but you can never go too far when describing the surroundings and the characters. ;D Overall nice job, I hope to see more chapters to this fic. ^^

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 11th, 2005, 07:34 PM
Well thanks. This is just primitive because:

1.) I made up the battle scene just recently since it was a bit too short, and most people were a bit questioning about it.
2.) I have more, but I need another break to type it all in.
3.) This is actually semi-modern, taking place only a few years in the future. (Part two will help explain a bit on that.)

Liquid: Thanks for the honesty, I'll read more Clancys, then maybe do a re-write of that scene (If it was confusing, that's because it was in third person for the whole part.) As for Jade, I have a few plans about what will happen to the ENTIRE crew... *devilish ideas*

Kelsey: Wow, that's pretty descriptive right there. As for chapters, this is posted in Parts. In terms of chapters, this is 1-6.

Kelsey
January 12th, 2005, 01:59 PM
^^;; Sowwy, I try to point out everything I can, I only wish to help you excel in your writing. ^____^ Like I said, the plot is wonderful, it's just a few things you could fix up on. ^^ I hope you write even more chapters to this fic, I'd love to read even more. ^^

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 12th, 2005, 09:00 PM
I did. Sorry for it sounding so harsh though.
There is two more chapters, but I hid them elsewhere, since they're pretty rough.
(I spent an hour polishing each chapter because it was like a piece of coal.)

Kelsey
January 14th, 2005, 03:40 PM
I did. Sorry for it sounding so harsh though.
There is two more chapters, but I hid them elsewhere, since they're pretty rough.
(I spent an hour polishing each chapter because it was like a piece of coal.)

It's all right. I didn't mean to sound so picky either. ^____^ And that's very good that you're taking your time by fixing them up first. You can never have too much detail. And remember, you can always go back and edit your fan fics, even ig they've been read already. The more time you spend trying to make your writng better, the better writer you shall become. ^_~

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 15th, 2005, 10:42 AM
Well, since I still need more time for the AS, I decided to show my possible ones that I'm working on.
(Plus, it also has the original texts for the AS too.)

My homepage (Disregard the domain, it belongs to a friend.) (http://home.san.rr.com/zampell/Burne_Home.mht)

Check them out!

Kelsey
January 15th, 2005, 10:47 AM
Ooooh, that's a lot of fics. O___O I read the preview for Innocence in Destiny and I am liking it so far. I am favoring Will too. He has a quaint yet sarcastic personality. XD Your descriptions are very good as well. ^^

I have read through chapter three in The Ardarial Skies, so I shall read some more chapters and report back. ^_~

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 15th, 2005, 09:29 PM
Well, IiD is the most recent. (I wrote it just like, yesterday after school.)
And it's not even interesting yet. I just put it there to start building the story.
(You have no idea how hard it is. First, I get hundreds of ideas, then when I get home, I only have like, one or two left, which I write out in a short note and description. The HARDEST part, other than getting it all in, is keeping things from going out-of order.)

But hey, I'd like to thank your interest.
(Most people got lost after chapter two. I kinda feel sorry for them...somehow...maybe....they're just not ready for it...Or it's too hard for them...)
Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing!

Kelsey
January 16th, 2005, 09:54 AM
Aws, don't worry about it! You wanna know what I do? Whenever I get really good ideas, be it at school or wherever, I always have a small pad of paper with me in my bookbag or something. That way I can quickly jot down my ideas before I lose them. =3

And if some people don't understand your fics, that's OK. It's the same with poetry, sometimes people don't get your meaning, but find their own, or sometimes they have no clue at all as what to make of it.

Writing is pure, and as long as you get it, then that's wonderful. ^____^

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 17th, 2005, 09:20 PM
Wow, you sound like one of those professional Autor people...

Kelsey
January 19th, 2005, 05:58 PM
^^;;; Well, that's very sweet of you to say. I just try my best to help out the good people of PC. ^_~

And really, anyone and everyone is a great writer, they just need to find their voice. Once you are able to light that spark in your imagination, you can do anything. And it's plain to see that you have found your voice, BS, I have adored all of your fics so far. ^_~

~Kelsey

Burne Starcofski
January 20th, 2005, 05:39 AM
Thank you, I will keep working on them.

Burne Starcofski
February 8th, 2005, 08:20 PM
OK, since I have to leave next week, I'll be churning hard to post my four new story Previews. Thwy should be up by the 20th...