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Soph
January 19th, 2005, 07:45 PM
Final Fantasy-Pokmon Crossover

Okay here is my Final Fantasy/Pokmon Crossover fan fiction I have started writing. I dont know if it actually counts as a fanific because I have mixed together Pokmon and Final Fantasy and made a storyline that incorporates both. This is only the first part of the fic, since I only just started typing it up (I write it first on paper.) It leaves a few things to be explained but Ill get to them later with the rest of the fic when I post it bit by bit. Okay its based on Final Fantasy X and anyone who has played that game will see a heck of a lot of similarity to the story of that game in this. Dont worry, a few more parts into the fic and it will start taking its own course that differs from FFX, but for now its very close to the game. My two main characters are taken from FFX, melded with a Pokmon each and given a new name each. The rest of my characters are made up by me (so far) and named after real people I know. As I said, the fic has similarities to FFX and to other things too. It will show the differences further into the story. Ill post it in bits as I do it; if everyone thinks its crap then Ill take it down. Thats if anyone reads it.

However, please note that my characters, while derived partly from FF and Pokmon, are my own and so are copyright to me. Please dont take or use any part of this fic without my permission and do not claim it or any part of it as your own. Also, I will be posting pics here and there in the fic, pics of my characters or aspects of my story (call them illustrations) that I do myself. Please do not take these pictures without my permission and do NOT claim them as your own. Thanks.

There. I think I covered everything. Here goes (I hope it doesnt suck. Usually I keep my stories and fics to myself)

Note: I had to attach the story as a Word.doc because when I copy and paste things onto posts at PC it double-spaces everything. I havent time to go through 13 pages of story and take out the double spacing, so I have attached it as a document. It shouldnt be very large to download. Sorry if this is inconvenient to anyone X_X. attachment below.

Lily
January 19th, 2005, 08:12 PM
lol...

Andy...Jake...now I wonder why those names sound SO familiar? ^o^

I'm not the biggest fan of crossovers, but I think you managed this well with final fantasy, despite the fact I'm not the biggest fan of FF either...come to think of it...never even played the games except once and saw the posters of it. Beginning was quite interesting, the way Andy wakes up with PAWS. Oooooh. And the cute clothing style for Mewna. More Ooh's. X3~

The plot was fine, and I enjoyed reading the emotions portrayed through dialogues. Only problem I found was the beginning. Somehow- I felt absolutely no feelings from Jake, as if he was emotionless, but that might be a good thing, considering I guess your goal is to portray Andy's feelings only at the beginning?

Grammar was good too...only the few minor ones. For example, conjunctions. It's confusing to identify 'It's' and 'Its'...but they both are so different with different meanings. (Possesive and 'it is') Same with 'Your' and 'You're.' (Possesive and you are) Dialogues were perfectly fine, if it weren't for the comma misusage at times, but I don't even know the complete set of rules for them either, they're the things that throw me off. >.>;

I loooooooove your details. The character description was nicely put into words, as well as Andy's physical contact with both pain and surprise. Descriptions was also great, and I like some of your word uses. Like when Andy first looks at Jake, with the 'water streaming down from the dunk' part, I was instantly reminded of FF. I don't know why. @_@; But excellent job with details- I liked how you wrote out the fight.

Length wasn't that long. I mean, it's divided into parts, so...

Nice job, Soph! Good luck with Part 2. ^~

Soph
January 19th, 2005, 08:24 PM
WOW, thanks ^_^ that was a great job at being a critic. I havent got into developing Jake's personality yet, but I probably should start with that as soon as posisble. Yes, Andy's feelings are waht im working on just now. Thanks for the criticism, its always welcome...and yeah, I have some trouble with the punctuation, always have.

Working on part two now *delighted that some one likes her work*

Hiroshi Sotomura
January 19th, 2005, 08:28 PM
I enjoyed the first part. I can't wait to read more. The way Andy's mind loss was portrayed nicely. Otherwise, *what Lily said*.

SBaby
January 22nd, 2005, 10:11 AM
I liked it. My only gripe, and it's a small one, is that I would have used FFVI or FFVII characters instead. But it was still really enjoyable.

Soph
January 23rd, 2005, 10:15 PM
I liked it. My only gripe, and it's a small one, is that I would have used FFVI or FFVII characters instead. But it was still really enjoyable.Uh. I understand that gripe...however, I have never played those games, so that would have been a little hard. XD.

By the way, for LilyPikachu, who said you didnt feel any emotion from Jake, I thought over what you said. I usually only develop the main character and any character really close to them (as Mewna will come to be to Andy) but I have difficulty developing everyone. To rectify this I decided to add something to the fic, which i'll dub the Journey Sphere. Basically like a diary kept by the characters, who will record their thoughts and opinions on certain events over the story. Each entry will be in first person, and written as though the character is speaking to the sphere. It will add some depth to each of them as they reord their opinions regularly. Hope it makes the story better (I'll start it in part 2. Im working on that still.)

Lily
January 24th, 2005, 06:13 PM
Now, I don't criticize comments...but...

Uh. I understand that gripe...however, I have never played those games, so that would have been a little hard. XD.

By the way, for LilyPikachu, who said you didnt feel any emotion from Jake, I thought over what you said. I usually only develop the main character and any character really close to them (as Mewna will come to be to Andy) but I have difficulty developing everyone. To rectify this I decided to add something to the fic, which i'll dub the Journey Sphere. Basically like a diary kept by the characters, who will record their thoughts and opinions on certain events over the story. Each entry will be in first person, and written as though the character is speaking to the sphere. It will add some depth to each of them as they reord their opinions regularly. Hope it makes the story better (I'll start it in part 2. Im working on that still.)

T.T;;;

Other than that- I've seen fics that had different POVs everytime...got a bit confusing, but I'm sure it'll work, since it can help dive into each character's emotions more. ^_^

Soph
January 24th, 2005, 11:45 PM
Now, I don't criticize comments...but...



T.T;;;

Other than that- I've seen fics that had different POVs everytime...got a bit confusing, but I'm sure it'll work, since it can help dive into each character's emotions more. ^_^

When I do the Journey Sphere part it wont be confusing. All entries will be in Italics and it will have "Journer Sphere" in clear, large font before any entries to define that its seperate. It will also only be done at the end of any given chapter. As well as taht, the person who is speaking in each entry will be clearly specified at the start. So dont worry ^_^

Soph
January 26th, 2005, 07:09 PM
Okay I have part 2. Its not as long as I planned, I have to go away today and i'll be out for a week or more, so I decided to post this now.

Before anyone reads: help! When you open the doc, you will see that there are a few thick black lines across the page in places, one of which appears halfway down a page for no reason. Please ignore them, and if ANYONE can tell me how the heck to delete them, PLEASE HELP! I tried everything, they wont go away!!!!!

ANYWAY, here. Doc attached.

Geometric-sama
January 31st, 2005, 03:39 AM
I think I know what happened. Did you type something like

---

or

___

and then press enter? If you did, it applies a border to that paragraph which turns it into a line... anyway, go to Borders and Shading and turn it off, then turn it off in AutoCorrect - if that's what happened.

Lily
February 3rd, 2005, 02:24 PM
13 pages...how do people do it. @_@

It's a good chapter, although I would've preferred some spacing between paragraphs. X_x;

I like some of your descriptions. They were portrayed nicely, especially during one of those action scenes, and delivering out the FF/Pokemon concept was good. =)

Some grammar improvements, but contractions can always be a bother~ As in possessive..etc etc. If you have MS word, check the mistakes so you don't make them again. ^^; Same with the story's coherence and the confusion I had when reading some of your word choices. Nonetheless, some parts of the descriptions are still well put out. =)

The Journey Spheres...hm. They portray emotions nicely and all, but it's too...too...non implied. o_o; I would've preferred it if they were shown some other way, as in through dialogues or IN the story, rather then just saying it...if you get what I mean. >.>

I still like the originality for it. =) My fave char is Mew. (Duh...it's pink XP) Keep it up with the next chap! =D

Sorry for late review.. o.o;

Frostweaver
February 3rd, 2005, 02:47 PM
The concept of spheres is a FF-X2 thing and really can't be done too much about it unless you're modifying the basics of FF-X2 itself ^^; so Lily it's not Soph's fault that FF-X2 is such a faulty plot-wise disappointing game.

Like what I suggested before, the best you can do about the spheres is just to change them into a "fancy" term for diary... and certainly, don't have all 4 characters "logging in" at the same time to prevent the boring factor from the 4 repetition of the same old events only in slightly different POV.

Soph
February 4th, 2005, 08:07 PM
The concept of spheres is a FF-X2 thing and really can't be done too much about it unless you're modifying the basics of FF-X2 itself ^^; so Lily it's not Soph's fault that FF-X2 is such a faulty plot-wise disappointing game.

Like what I suggested before, the best you can do about the spheres is just to change them into a "fancy" term for diary... and certainly, don't have all 4 characters "logging in" at the same time to prevent the boring factor from the 4 repetition of the same old events only in slightly different POV.Im not always going to have them all at the same time entering in the sphere, frosty. Its just that way for the first time, dont worry :P

Soph
February 11th, 2005, 08:34 PM
Just something I wanted to make clear (sorry for the double post here but no one has replied for some time and I want to say this now.)

With my characters, most of you who know me on PC will know I named my characters mostly after real people. Andy is obviously named after Arcanine here, and Jake after Satoshi-Kun. Carmen is the name of my best friend IRL, and Mewna is me, though with a different name. I like to model three of those characters after their real personal selves; I try to make Andy like the real Andy, and to make Carmen like my best friend. Mewna I make in some ways like myself, and in some ways like the person I would like to be but am not. There is one exception though and that is with Jake. I decided to make one of my characters dislike Andy and to cause conflict throughout the story, I had my own reasons to do it, and the character Jake ended up being that person. While he is named after a staff member here, I want you all to be aware that Jake in the story is NOT, repeat NOT modelled after the real Jake. The real Jake is actually called Anthony, anyway, which is why I chose his nickname instead of his real name to give to the character to make it less personal. I dont want people to read Jakes character and associate his behaviour and actions with the real Jake. A lot of events that will occur ARE based on things that have happened to me or to my friends and I, but please dont associate wrong actions or bad attitudes to the real people the characters are named after. I didn't really think until recently that Jake from the story might cast a bad light on Jake of PC. So please none of you read fictional-Jake into the real Jake.

Just needed to clarify that.

Soph
March 29th, 2005, 12:16 AM
I have not abandoned this., I have been away and will be awy for a further month, PLEASE NO ONE LOCK THIS chapter 3 is half done but with work and stuff I cant work as fast, but it WILL be up as soon as its done!

Eevee Trainer
April 22nd, 2005, 02:30 PM
Great stuff! This fan fiction was awesome. I don't know why you where dissapionted with it not being long enough. Keep it up!

Soph
May 2nd, 2005, 08:25 PM
I....am leaving PC today, guys. However, I love my fic....and some day, when its complete (I wont end it) I will post the entire thing here. If anyone badly wasnts regular updates, PM me with your email adress, I'll get a freind to send you each chapter.