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KLS
January 19th, 2005, 08:57 PM
The world...


Born in this world with the pure essence of innocence
Growing older; I see the sins of humanity
Heartbroken, I see that I live to see people suffer
Realizing there is no such thing as the good or the bad


Only power and those who strive to seek it
Death is coming around my every corner
My Last thoughts are of reminiscing over the past
Finally, eternal life, taking a step into reality.

Dignity
January 21st, 2005, 05:19 PM
well, its good, but.. the lines seem a little long ^^ forgive me if i am wrong but that is my opinion.. maybe you can try something like
"Realizing that there is no such thing
As the good and the bad" ya know, like, break the lines up a little bit ^^ but otherwise, good work!

Kyosuke
January 22nd, 2005, 06:33 AM
That was good, it gives a nice explaination of the way we are all born as young children not knowing much about the world, but as you get older you start to see the yields of society, and horrible things that are on this planet. Its so true in you're writing.

As for poem structure, it would be more presentable if you put it like:

The world...
Born in this world with the pure essence of innocence
growing older; I see the sins of humanity
heartbroken, I see that I live to see people suffer
realizing there is no such thing as the good or the bad.

Only power and those who strive to seek it
death is coming around my every corner.
My Last thoughts are of reminiscing over the past
finally, eternal life, taking a step into reality.

But it was still a good poem nonetheless, don't take my words so seriously as something should do when writing/posting poetry, its just recommended.

And xXxLaYdee0rIgInxXx, its ok if lines are a little long, when it coems to poetry they're really isn't any "rules" when writing it, just write what you feel anyway you want, but at the same time making sence to the person reading it ^^.

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 06:57 PM
The world...
Born in this world with the pure essence of innocence
Growing older; I see the sins of humanity
Heartbroken, I see that I live to see people suffer
Realizing there is no such thing as the good or the bad
Only power and those who strive to seek it
Death is coming around my every corner
My Last thoughts are of reminiscing over the past
Finally, eternal life, taking a step into reality.

This poem is really good. ^^ It kind of shows how one grows up, from birth to childhood to adulthood. You begin to realize the ways of the world. You are no longer so naive, and you notice that good may not come out of everything.

You begin to feel lost, everywhere you turn someone dies or gets hurt. Be it the heart or body.

Then you are old, and in your last few breaths you begin to remember your life, thinking of all those events both good and bad. Then, you pass on to the next realm of life.

Well, Lance did a good job of suggesting a proper poem structure. Usually, a formal poem is done in stanzas, which are split up into groups of four. So after every four lines of poetry, hit the enter key twice and have a space in between each stanza. ^^

I checked and saw no spelling errors. ^___^ This poem is very well done. It reminds of a poem a dear friend did once a long time ago. Great work KLS. ^_~

~Kelsey

KLS
January 30th, 2005, 10:37 AM
first of all, i must compliment you on decoding my message. I'm suprised you found out the inner meaning so quickly. Yes, i should put it in stanza form....

Kelsey
January 30th, 2005, 10:40 AM
^^; Yeah, I am getting a bit better at decoding hidden messages in poetry, I suppose you could say. But that's because I just love poetry so much. ;)

And yes, once you put your poem into stanza form, not only is it more appealing and smoother to read, but it gives your poem a more cleansed and polished look as well. ^o^

~Kelsey