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Miyu-chan
January 20th, 2005, 03:28 PM
Freestyle Poems

Here's a trio of poems that go together, and when I re-read it, it looked like maybe I was abused or something? x.o; But no, it's simply a matter of disobeying my mother and doing the wrong thing, going to a wrong place. It's kinda lame, but hey, it was written during PE. ;P

-[START]-

I open my mouth
Make a suggestion
I smile
I say
I know this is wrong,
Forbidden
They accept
We go
Went
Had forbidden fun
Got lost
I ran not knowing
This will affect me
Forever

---

I try to tell
But fear overwhelms me
Fear of rejection
Fear
I try to tell but shame overwhelms me
Shame of disobeying
Shame
The angel is gone
I lost to temptation
My mouth is closed
Forever

---

I pretend
Nothing happened
I pretend that
Our trust
Was not shattered
But still
I wonder
Did it happen?
Before I can
Wonder
I close
My eyes
Forever

MegaDitto
January 20th, 2005, 03:31 PM
Wow that was a good poem.I think the person in the poem is trying to forget about the past.Nice Job.

Kyosuke
January 20th, 2005, 04:00 PM
I like the poem and the idea, it looked like you put some serious effort into writing it great job on that. The structure that you have it in, is unique to how you're feeling, but sometimes it can be hard to really understand what the meaning behind certain parts of it are.

The big challenge with writing/poetry most of the time, is making sure its understandable to all the people who read it. Sometimes it can difficult to write something that you know is good, but others have a different view on it, and what you want them to know.

I know it might sound a little confusing ^^, but great job Miyu-Chan.

Miyu-chan
January 20th, 2005, 06:38 PM
Thanks! =3 I thought it was pretty weird though. x.o;

But thanks, and maybe you all will be seeing more poems from me. =]

Dignity
January 21st, 2005, 02:59 PM
Well, its good, but i thought the lines were kind of choppy..

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 12:16 PM
Wow Miyu, that poem was wonderful! It shows how many of us feel at times. We have a choice, and it ends up being a choice between right and wrong. The wrong choice is sometimes the more appealing one, so we end up making that mistake.

Then, when we realize what we've done, it becomes hard to admit it, for fear that you'll lose the trust of the ones you love, and you become so ashamed that you keep yourself shut, never to open.

I think you have a real talent Miyu, I'd love for you to keep writing poetry. ^____^

~Kelsey

Miyu-chan
January 29th, 2005, 12:19 PM
Whoa, you just saw right through me. xD;

Seriously. xD That was what I was trying to express through my poem~ Thank you~ ;_; <- Tears of Joy.

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 12:23 PM
Well, all it takes is for one to read the poem through the heart, not to just read lines of words and tell you it was good. But hey, I'm addicted to reviewing poems now. XD I'm not saying it was easy to figure out, for a true poet has his/her own meaning for a poem.

The fun part is seeing how others feel about your poetry. It's like a painting, actually. The artist may have had one specific meaning to the painting, but everyone who looks at it gets a different vibe from it.

*huggles* You are a great poet Miyu, keep it up. ^o^

~Kelsey

Miyu-chan
January 29th, 2005, 12:26 PM
Wow, that's such a nice comparision. xD I feel like I'm learning even though I'm not in school... lol. xD;

Thanks~ =3

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 06:24 PM
Awwwwwwwws, you are such a sweetie Miyu! *huggles* Well, I feel so good knowing that what I said got through to you. Some people just nod politely and didn't even take a look at what I had to say. XD *huggles some more* I hope to see more writings from you! ;D

~Kelsey