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oni flygon
January 20th, 2005, 08:38 PM
Uh...yeah...

Thanks for at least clicking on my thread...
Another poem from yours trully. Hope you people would enjoy it... ^^

Losing Her Love and Her Friendship

Sometimes when I write
I wonder what shes thinking
It occurs in my mind
Not even knowing what Im doing

She was beautiful today
But she couldnt realize it
I wanted to tell her that she was
But I was afraid to admit

I felt fear within me
That she might just look away
I wanted to tell her with my heart
That she made my day

I couldnt bring myself
To tell her because I was scared
After all, even though she didnt know
It was in my heart that I cared

My stomach ties in knots
My heart rages and pounds
Her eyes were so distant
And my mind just goes out of bounds

She hates me, yes
But how could I hate that girl?
Her long dark brown hair
All ending in soft curls

I already told her what I felt
But in turn, she just looked away
Now I just want my friend back
And that is all that I can pray

It was foolish of me
To take up a strangers advice
If only I didnt tell her how I felt
If only I thought it up twice

I wish I just listened to myself
If only I listened to my best friend
I couldve done so many things
And not for a friendship to end

From this moment on
Never confuse love with infatuation
Just be a man and leave her be
Rise up from your own devastation

My best friend told me that
And I promised another one
That I would not look back
I did, but it couldnt be undone

Once in a while
I think of her and just hope
That she would move next to me
And talk to this dope

Its hard to take her off my mind
Especially when she was close to my heart
But theres nothing I can do
But just make a new start

So I see her over my shoulder
Shes so happy and so cheerful
I wish that she would be like that
And never be tearful

Its because even though
I could never have her as a friend
I know that someone in her heart
Would be with her to the end

I wish I could say something more
In this poem of mine
But all I can say is this
One thing last in line

To the person who wins the heart of this girl:
Take care of her and please make her glad
Shes the weight and guide of this poor mans heart
And of all things that make me happy and sad

Demonic Angel
January 21st, 2005, 01:24 AM
Wow, that's very emotional and sad. ._.
I don't have any crits to make. You're really an amazing poet.

Kylie-chan
January 21st, 2005, 02:03 AM
Very nice, Oni, you have true talent.

Claire
January 21st, 2005, 03:06 AM
awws, such a sad poem ._.
if it is based on real-life, i hope that it is purely the case that she is just feeling a little awkward for now, and not that she really hates you/them..if it's the latter then she shouldn't really be called a close friend for showing such little sensitivity.. ._.

Mandi
January 21st, 2005, 10:58 AM
It makes me so filled with emotions. ;_;

So beautiful. You're a great poet. Write more poems. ^^

Dignity
January 21st, 2005, 11:14 AM
<3 a really good poem <3 i like it alot

oni flygon
January 21st, 2005, 12:48 PM
Thank you, everyone...

Yes, it is from a real event... just a bit hard to explain on how it went...

MegaDitto
January 21st, 2005, 01:02 PM
That poem is very emotional.Great job.

Kyosuke
January 21st, 2005, 02:44 PM
I have the same feelings for a girl that I like so much, and we're friends, but we can't be in a relationship unfortunatly...

Its hard to say much when, alot was said about it already ^^. But great job, it seemed like you put "everything on the line" so to speak, while writing this poem with all this emotion, that relates to so many people everyday.

Great job hard to critique with the emotions and feeling, but enjoyable to read for anyone in a situation like this, or anyone in general looking for a good poem.

I have the same feelings for a girl that I like so much, and we're friends, but we can't be in a relationship unfortunatly...

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 07:34 PM
Awwwwwwwwws, that poem was so sad! It made me picture a young boy and girl who were great friends. The two would go anywhere and do anything together.

The boy soon fell in love with his long-time friend. He then asked the advice of a male point of view, who told him to tell her how he felt about her.

So, assuming that all would go well, considering their strong bond already, the boy tells the girls his feelings, pouring his heart out to her. Yet she turns away, and leaves the boy taken aback at this outcome.

Then, what I found to be the saddest part, was the very last stanza. It seems as though the boy is now reaching out to whoever gets to claim this girl's heart. He's telling them to always care for her and never let her down. While at the same time, somewhere hidden in his speach, he is saying to the girl: I love you.

Awsome poem once again Oni, this one really inspires me. I can't wait for more poetry by you. ^______^

~Kelsey