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Dignity
January 22nd, 2005, 11:58 AM
The Piano Is Still Playing

Dagger on the table,
Next to the candle
Her tears are frozen
On her cold face.
She is lying still
The piano in the corner
Is still playing

Blood and tears,
Not a good mix.
But the candle is still glowing,
On the table with the dagger
The dagger rusty,
The color of blood
And the piano is still playing

Tears like icicles on her face,
Blood the color of rusted hinges.
A piece of paper on the table,
Written in her blood.
No one will ever no what happened
See the dagger on the table?
The piano is still playing
1/21/05 ~ origin

Well, guys, go ahead and tell me what you think!! (i never like my work)

MegaDitto
January 22nd, 2005, 12:37 PM
I liked it.The name of the poem is good too.

Kelsey
January 22nd, 2005, 01:08 PM
The Piano Is Still Playing

Dagger on the table
Next to the candle
Her tears are frozen
On her cold face
She is lying still
The piano in the corner
Is still playing

Blood and tears
Not a good mix
But the candle is still glowing
On the table with the dagger
The dagger rusty
The color of blood
And the piano is still playing

Tears like icicles on her face
Blood the color of rusted hinges
A piece of paper on the table
Written in her blood
No one will ever no what happened
See the dagger on the table?
The piano is still playing
1/21/05 ~ origin

Well, guys, go ahead and tell me what you think!! (i never like my work)

Well, this poem was quite intersting. ^_______^ I think the flow could have a bit more effort put into it, but I think that shouldn't be too hard of a problem to fix. ^^

I only saw one spelling error. In the third line from the bottom, 'no' should be 'know'. ^________^ I am just curious about the poem's plot.

It seems as though a murder has occured, and in between all of the chaos, the piano is still playing, still going on as though the world were at peace. I do find it a bit confusing, but I still like the poem a lot. ^_^

Awsome job Julia, and be confident in your writing, that's the only way you can make true pieces of art is if you believe in your talent. ^_~

~Kelsey

Dignity
January 22nd, 2005, 01:59 PM
hey kelsey thanks! ^^ well, the girl in my poem wasnt murdered. She killed herself, and i know that isnt very clear in the poem. It isnt supposed to be. But thanks for the suggestions!.. the piano, dagger, candle and girl both kind of set the mood because of music i was listening to last night, there was a piano playing in the background and i thought that kind of fitted in with the poem...There also was supposed to be a rose somewhere there but i never put that.. look for more poems with these elements in the future! MegaDitto: thanks! ^^ XD ~origin

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 12:19 PM
Yes, I often write my poems that go with the current mood of me or my surroundings. That is often how one can create the best poetry of their abilities too. ^______^ Great poem again, Julia, keep up the great work. ^^

~Kelsey

Miyu-chan
January 29th, 2005, 12:32 PM
No one will ever no what happened Is the no supposed to be a know? xD;;;

*ahem* Anyways, I loved it. =3 I love the mood you set for the poem, and the adjectives you used to describe the girl. n_n Even though it wasn't really clear that she killed herself the first time, but the second time... It was beautiful. =3

I <3 it. =3

~Dragonair~
January 29th, 2005, 01:16 PM
Nice poem and as MegaDitto said you gave it a good name, I agree.