PDA

View Full Version : Destiny MUST READ!!! MUST READ!!!


Dignity
January 22nd, 2005, 04:55 PM
hey guys, i hope you like this poem.. I just made it now.. ^^
please tell me what you think
...

Destiny
Destiny was calling her,
She reached out her hand.
She figured out it was the dark side,
But she was already sucked in.

She decided it wouldnt hurt
to try it just once.
Only a little bit,
wouldnt hurt right?

This isnt destiny,
this is cruel fate.
She loved him so much,
she trusted him.

But that one fateful day,
she started to fade away.
Everyday she needed some more,
he supplied her for a sick price.

He wouldnt stop,
no, that was the price she paid.
She loved him, too.
It was a shame how he treated her.

That was the day,
that she faded away.
He supplied,
and that poor girl died.
1/21/05 ~origin

MegaDitto
January 22nd, 2005, 05:43 PM
That was sad.It was trust and then beteryal for the girl .Good Poem.

Dignity
January 22nd, 2005, 05:48 PM
thanks ^^ your so trusty.. lol XD i knew you would post

Kyosuke
January 22nd, 2005, 06:28 PM
Its still sort of unclear of whats being delt with in this poem, just to guess is it something that is drug related or of "something else" if you know what I mean (can't say on these forums).

But nonetheless it was enjoyable read. Its easily seen that you put some thought into writing this, and it shows nicely with the whole flow of the poem and how it just comes together from beginning to end, great job!

Kelsey
January 22nd, 2005, 06:28 PM
hey guys, i hope you like this poem.. I just made it now.. ^^
please tell me what you think
...

Destiny
Destiny was calling her,
She reached out her hand.
She figured out it was the dark side,
But she was already sucked in.

She decided it wouldnt hurt
to try it just once.
Only a little bit,
wouldnt hurt right?

This isnt destiny,
this is cruel fate.
She loved him so much,
she trusted him.

But that one fateful day,
she started to fade away.
Everyday she needed some more,
he supplied her for a sick price.

He wouldnt stop,
no, that was the price she paid.
She loved him, too.
It was a shame how he treated her.

That was the day,
that she faded away.
He supplied,
and that poor girl died.
1/21/05 ~origin

Awwws, that's so sad. ;-;

I think it starts as many relationships do. You think you've fallen in love. You'd do anything for that special person. You think you'll be together forever, yet at a horrible price, you give up your soul to that person.

You're no longer free, but a prisoner of your own desire. You start to be forced into things you're not ready for yet, but you do them anyway for that one person you love.

Then you begin to be used, you are treated more like property instead of a lover. Then your body and soul are taken captive, and you eventually die. 'Tis a sad thing, and it truly happens too. ;-;

Awsome poem Julia, this one was great. The flow is just a bit scratchy, but you can fix it. Maybe add a bit more to the poem, or just flip some words around. ^_~

No spelling errors either, so you can only imagine how happy that makes me. XD

Shweet poem Julia, great work. ^^

~Kelsey

Dignity
January 26th, 2005, 01:46 PM
=D yay i must be getting better!! Kelsey and LT liked it =D *stares dreamily*

<[HaZaRdOuS_EnIgMa]>
January 26th, 2005, 02:42 PM
there goes my good day XD good job, julia-chan ^ ^ i liked it, reminds me that i have some stuff to post, oh well i'm too lazy -________________________-;

Kelsey
January 29th, 2005, 11:48 AM
=D yay i must be getting better!! Kelsey and LT liked it =D *stares dreamily*

Of course you're getting better Julia. ^______^ As long as you keep writing poetry and try your best, all you can do is improve. ^_~

~Kelsey

Miyu-chan
January 29th, 2005, 12:09 PM
Aww... it's a sad ending. But even though the ending was sad, I loved it. I loved how you ended it I mean. xD;

I also love your choice of words, it could be applied to almost every topic. (The 1st thing that went through my mind while reading this was drug dealing... o.o; )

But it's really beautifully written. =3

Dignity
January 29th, 2005, 06:59 PM
yAy kelsey thinks im getting better ^_^ and i am starting a poem collection ^_^ and miyu-chan, I'm really happy that you liked it!! you are right, it is about drugs, but it is something else as well, but im not sure i can really say on this forum so i wont, starts with 'r', and another with 's'... you get my point... ~origin XD

Kelsey
January 30th, 2005, 10:42 AM
I have to say, I love your poem writing style, Julia. ^^ You depict real-life situations in your poems, and that is quite inspiring. For you seem to be able to explain events that happen to people everyday.

What makes it even better is how you seem to show what the person is thinking during those events as well. Very nice job Julia. ^o^ *glomps*

~Kelsey

Dignity
January 30th, 2005, 11:00 AM
hey thanks kelsey, i really appreciate it ^__^ most of my poems seem to be that way... so look foward to more!! XD ~origin