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Lady Pearl
January 23rd, 2005, 12:55 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/LadyPearlValentine/sorry.png
Hello, all! This is my first poem I took the time to write.
I'm not the greatest poet so please give me comments and criticism. ^^

I've just wrote this thirty minutes ago.
I like writing poetry; it's a great way to express myself.

So here is my shabby, little poem... Enjoy!

My Pessimist Eyes
My pessimist eyes,
Hold no golden memories,
Hold no hopes or tries.
These eyes hold nothing,
But loneliness and lies.

My life is complete,
Without an accomplishment done.
It all ends now,
By the shot of the gun.

If only, if only,
My dreams would come true.
The fantasies and wonders,
Of a colorful hue.

But the sight of the world,
Is gone as the cries,
Of pain and despair,
Ignore my diligent tries.
If only, if only,
I could exchange,
For a wonderful pair,
Of two optimist eyes...

Claire
January 23rd, 2005, 01:26 PM
awws, very sad poem ._. very good
One minor chnge "Holds no golden memories, Holds no hopes or tries." should be hold, but apart from that it's perfect ^^

Lady Pearl
January 23rd, 2005, 01:31 PM
Thank you so much, Claire! ^^ I'll go on and fix it. Next time, I'll try making a more cheerful poem. ^_~

Claire
January 23rd, 2005, 01:47 PM
^^ I look forward to it ^^

Kyosuke
January 25th, 2005, 01:14 PM
Nice poem Lady Pearl ^^, you really worded it nicely to express how you feel (if its based on you). Great job, and I hope to see more of your work ^^'.

Lady Pearl
January 25th, 2005, 01:49 PM
Yay! Two people like my poem. ^^ I was kind of depressed back then. Now, I'm cheerful and I'm going to change into a different, happy theme soon. I plan to make seven new poems about the great things in life. It'll include My Optimist Eyes, also. Yay! XD

Kelsey
January 25th, 2005, 03:33 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/LadyPearlValentine/sorry.png
Hello, all! This is my first poem I took the time to write.
I'm not the greatest poet so please give me comments and criticism. ^^

I've just wrote this thirty minutes ago.
I like writing poetry; it's a great way to express myself.

So here is my shabby, little poem... Enjoy!

My Pessimist Eyes
My pessimist eyes,
Hold no golden memories,
Hold no hopes or tries.
These eyes hold nothing,
But loneliness and lies.

My life is complete,
Without an accomplishment done.
It all ends now,
By the shot of the gun.

If only, if only,
My dreams would come true.
The fantasies and wonders,
Of a colorful hue.

But the sight of the world,
Is gone as the cries,
Of pain and despair,
Ignore my diligent tries.
If only, if only,
I could exchange,
For a wonderful pair,
Of two optimist eyes...

Awwwwwws, that was such a sad poem. ;-; But I really liked to read it. ^____^ It shows how someone who has done wrong in their lives, have caused or recieved pain from others, so it seems that one's own demise is the only solution.

It shows in the end, how the person seems somewhat willful that s/he can turn his/her future around, and possibly gain new 'eyes' to live out their lives in peace. ^_~

I saw no spelling errors so yaaaaaaay! ^__________^ Also, your flow ish excellent, I'm glad you took your time with it. Awsome poem LP, this is one of my top faves. ^^

~Kelsey

Dignity
January 26th, 2005, 04:32 PM
thats a nice poem, Lady. ^^ It shows emotion well and it was nicely rhymed XD
~ origin