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Lily
January 31st, 2005, 05:52 PM
If roses talk, they'd understand
The color red and life's demand
As petals die, they brush away
the fragments of just yesterday

To say I'm lost would be a lie
Falling from the endless sky
I sleep without the knowledge of
what's coming down from high above

Life's silhouette is vaguely seen,
seeking what is simple and clean
The path I chose so long ago
now barren, dusty, a foreign foe

Death may echo through the waves
but it cannot my hidden cave
it cannot my heart's last plea
it cannot - my sanctuary

Kelsey
January 31st, 2005, 06:05 PM
Only my third poem...they're quite fun to write. XD
If roses talk, they'd understand

The color red and lifes demand

As petals die, they brush away

The fragments of just yesterday

To say I'm lost would be a lie

The roads sustain my steps' demise

I sleep without the knowledge of

Whats coming down from high above

Life's silhouette is vaguely seen,

to keep it just - simple and clean

The way that I want things to be

The way that I need things to be

Death can echo through the waves

But it cannot my hidden cave

It cannot my hearts last plea

It cannot - my Sanctuary

Oh Lily, this is such a beautiful poem. <3 It felt as though you wrote it with such soul and passion. ^o^

Well, this poem inflicted many emotions in me. The first four lines
"If roses talk, they'd understand

The color red and lifes demand

As petals die, they brush away

The fragments of just yesterday" To me, they are saying that as you go through life, you may pick up on things that weren't noticable to you before. <3 Though as one's life comes to an end, one's peaceful passing seems to sweep away, as you said, "the fragments of just yesterday" ^^

This next part suggests naivete ("I sleep without the knowledge of - Whats coming down from high above). For you are not knowing of what is yet to come. You seem blissful with life, yet you are not sure of what impending events are about to happen.

I really enjoyed the next part -
"Life's silhouette is vaguely seen,

to keep it just - simple and clean" It's saying that with all the events, good and bad, happy and sad, you wish for things to be kept simple. As if to say you are hoping for people to die in peace and not let it be known to you what a sorrow one's death truly is. You do not wish the have the knowledge of theft or cruelty. You just want things "plain and simple".

"Death can echo through the waves

But it cannot my hidden cave

It cannot my hearts last plea

It cannot - my Sanctuary" This is a wonderful ending. For through all of your thoughts about just wanting to let go and forget all the sorrows that life gives to each and every living creature, you still shall not let death portray your hidden soul. You will not let it pass and prevail over you. For you believe in a better place.

Sorry for teh lengthlyness. XD But the way I saw it, as stated above, this poem really reached out to me. Lily, I'd love to see more poems by you, you truly have a great talent. ^_____^

~Kelsey

Lily
January 31st, 2005, 06:10 PM
*screams with joy* Long reviews make me so happy. ;-;! Thank you for taking the time to digress through it! It really means a lot to read a review that can be insightful and meaningful. Once again, you have my up most thanks! ^^


...thank you so so so so much. =D!!! You've just made my day. X3~

Kelsey
January 31st, 2005, 06:14 PM
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws. <3<3<3 You're such a sweetie. ^o^ Of course I'd take the time to read through it and take it apart bit by bit. ^^ I do that to any poem or piece of writing.

You, Lily, have truly inspired me. Your poem makes me feel all sorts of emotions, all of them positive. I'm not just saying that. You are a phenominal writer. I can see you going pro one of these days. ^_~ Keep up the great work! *huggles*

~Kelsey

KLS
January 31st, 2005, 08:36 PM
GREAT use of metaphors, i absolutely love the way you compare roses to life.

Miyu-chan
February 1st, 2005, 09:59 PM
I love this poem~ I loved the beat, and your choice of words... A very deep and thoughtful poem... n__n