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Ryoutarou
February 2nd, 2005, 06:23 PM
Okay, back to writing stuff again XD I had Lance help me out with some details and the overall quality of it. So thanks XD Now if most of you don't know Big O it's more or less the story of a city that lost all it's memories fourty years ago and the story of things called Mega Dues, or giant robot if you prefer XD This is set sixty years after the end of Big O II the tv show, so I couldn't come up with a better title XD

More or less, there were twenty years after Big O II then something one day causes people to forget their memories. So I'll shut up and get onto the story XD

The city stood ablaze, people lost in confusion. As they said this was occurring all over the world, yet it started from this city. What was it? Surely one can never assume with something this big, yet it was assumed. War fell and world cried. The city continued to burn as people fought. The barrage came out of nowhere, people cried in pain as a silent blanket fell over the city. War felland the city slept for year upon year.


Big O III
Prologue One: The answers we seek

This is a city of perplexity and greed, during that long and cold war people forgot. But what did they forget? Love, dreams, painsthese are what people forgot. Every day I hear the people of this lost city mourn over their memories. But why, why do these people that know nothing of their former life yearn for something more? To feel complete? Why do they need it so bad? The memories of today and the memories that come tomorrow should be enough. But why does this city that remembered nothing yearn for everything?

Whatever the reason, I am the one they turn to. They all want to find something, anything from the past they once had, a past so elusive that they would embrace more then their own child. They keep looking to the past, but never to the future or the presentforgetting todays actions are tomorrows memories. But it is not my job to question the actions of others. I am a negotiator.

My name is Arian Smith, I do not wear a badge of justice, and I do not need one. People who are cast to judge and protect the justice of the city are at times unjust themselves.

My car doesnt announce my entrance with a glorified horn. My attire doesnt not signify protection; I do not believe in the end we all get what we deserve. But that is how it is in a city of lost memories. They think, but are truly unaware that the only memories these people will ever have are the ones they made for themselves today, so as its said there are somethings people shouldnt believe, for what they do is unjust.

These people suffer because they do not have a past of their own, they do not realize that the actions taken today will be the memories of a later time. I got up today and put on a black suit, that is a memory, albeit a small and unimportant one its a memory nonetheless. Most are not as lucky as I am to realize this, most search for memories of the past. I myself could care less what a relative wore or did forty years ago, but I do what I must for payment.

My life is under the title of 'Negotiator,' which basically means that, if you have a problem with another person, I can help you get what you want. The people I work for are just like any other person of the city; only they were lucky enough to have some form of wealth. For I may not be a unjust man, but I am not a stupid one. I help for payment, and for an understanding of what makes these people want the memories so much.

For this reason alone some people call me the savior of the city they think I can bring back an old memory. These people are fools, my customers are idiots lost in a dream world that will not return. Bless the old that lost the memories they once had, and forgive the ignorant that still seek something that was never there. Big O, you are the one that aids me, for as long as I can remember we have been together. And if ever the need arise I would proudly die along side you. I always finish a job.

I'm just another citizen in an amnesiac city trying to make a living, and it just so happens that being a negotiator is what I'm good at.

Next- Chapter one: viability

Kelsey
February 2nd, 2005, 06:48 PM
Okay, back to writing stuff again XD I had Lance help me out with some details and the overall quality of it. So thanks XD Now if most of you don't know Big O it's more or less the story of a city that lost all it's memories fourty years ago and the story of things called Mega Dues, or giant robot if you prefer XD This is set sixty years after the end of Big O II the tv show, so I couldn't come up with a better title XD

More or less, there were twenty years after Big O II then something one day causes people to forget their memories. So I'll shut up and get onto the story XD

The city stood ablaze, people lost in confusion. As they said this was occurring all over the world, yet it started from this city. What was it? Surely one can never assume with something this big, yet it was assumed. War fell and world cried. The city continued to burn as people fought. The barrage came out of nowhere, people cried in pain as a silent blanket fell over the city. War felland the city slept for year upon year.


Big O III
Prologue One: The answers we seek

This is a city of perplexity and greed, during that long and cold war people forgot. But what did they forget? Love, dreams, painsthese are what people forgot. Every day I hear the people of this lost city mourn over their memories. But why, why do these people that know nothing of their former life yearn for something more? To feel complete? Why do they need it so bad? The memories of today and the memories that come tomorrow should be enough. But why does this city that remembered nothing yearn for everything?

Whatever the reason, I am the one they turn to. They all want to find something, anything from the past they once had, a past so elusive that they would embrace more then(than) their own child. They keep looking to the past, but never to the future or the presentforgetting todays actions are tomorrows memories. But it is not my job to question the actions of others. I am a negotiator.

My name is Arian Smith, I do not wear a badge of justice, and I do not need one. People who are cast to judge and protect the justice of the city are at times unjust themselves.

My car doesnt announce my entrance with a glorified horn. My attire doesnt not signify protection; I do not believe in the end we all get what we deserve. But that is how it is in a city of lost memories. They think, but are truly unaware that the only memories these people will ever have are the ones they made for themselves today, so as its said there are somethings people shouldnt believe, for what they do is unjust.

These people suffer because they do not have a past of their own, they do not realize that the actions taken today will be the memories of a later time. I got up today and put on a black suit, that is a memory, albeit a small and unimportant one its a memory nonetheless. Most are not as lucky as I am to realize this, most search for memories of the past. I myself could care less what a relative wore or did forty years ago, but I do what I must for payment.

My life is under the title of 'Negotiator,' which basically means that, if you have a problem with another person, I can help you get what you want. The people I work for are just like any other person of the city; only they were lucky enough to have some form of wealth. For I may not be a(an) unjust man, but I am not a stupid one. I help for payment, and for an understanding of what makes these people want the memories so much.

For this reason alone some people call me the savior of the city they think I can bring back an old memory. These people are fools, my customers are idiots lost in a dream world that will not return. Bless the old that lost the memories they once had, and forgive the ignorant that still seek something that was never there. Big O, you are the one that aids me, for as long as I can remember we have been together. And if ever the need arise I would proudly die along side you. I always finish a job.

I'm just another citizen in an amnesiac city trying to make a living, and it just so happens that being a negotiator is what I'm good at.

Next- Chapter one: viability

^o^ Wow, Jorge, you've really outdone yourself here. XD This story's plot is amazing. o.o I adore how it seems to be set in the furute, yet in the present day as well. ^^

Arian already is shaping up to be a fascinating character. I love how the people turn to Arian to aolve their problems and hopefully bring back their lost memories that they so desire once more.

But with Arian's personality, though he helps those that come to him, he is at the same time disgusted with what it is they want. To him, memories are but a rutheless burden that he himself seems to wish he could do without.

I found a few spelling mistakes, nothing serious, but I'll show them to you anyways. I have highlighted them above for you to see. ^^
Now, if you're going to ask about the 'then' to 'than' correction I made, I'll tell you my reasonings now. ^^

You see, the word 'then' is used in sentences that are refering to the phrase 'now and then'. Whilst 'than' is used when you tend to be comparing things. ^^

Awsome prologue to your ficcy Jorge, I can't wait for chapter one. ^^

~Kelsey

Kyosuke
February 2nd, 2005, 06:54 PM
To repeat what I said about a half hour ago: That was deep son! XD.

But seriously, prolouges don't really have to be long in length, just because its introducing the story and its not expected to give deep details on as to say a real chapter would, because as chapters go by you see the story more and more.

"Savior of the city" adds a nice touch as well, its true to life that to be a "hero" you don't have to be wearing a badge, a uniform, or even a costume for that matter just a regular person who many or no people admire.

I really liked how insted of changing the end of the prolouge to add a clich cliffhanger, you simply just told what the subject of thefirst chapter will be about. Nicely done Blue ^^.

Ryoutarou
February 3rd, 2005, 11:19 AM
Allrighty, I've got chapter one done. Again sorry for the sortness of it ^^' I should have chapter two done by tomorrow. So read away XD


Viability

Big O III
Chapter One

Amazing isnt it? That after such a set back we were able to almost do a perfect replica of one of the largest buildings from before the memory loss. A long gray haired man said.

A small blue robin hoped(hopped) along the ground, pecking for grain that the gray haired man had been sprinkling.

What is it Jerry? I dont have any time for small talk today. Said Arian as he sat down on a small yellow park bench next to the man.

Oh my, Arian Smith not have time for small talk? Thats not really unexpected, but I was hoping I could ask your help for a job. Said Jerry as he sprinkled some more grain onto the floor as the small bird continued pecking the ground for food.

Ive got a client waiting for me, the same one. You know who, so if you dont have anything to say Ill be off. Arian said as he got up from the park bench and dusted his black suit off taking a moment to comb his hair back with his hands. His sleek black hair almost reflected sunlight off it. But.... Go ahead and make her something, she might like that better then anything store bought. Arian said as he walked off.

Arian threw a small yellow food wrapper into a green trashcan as he walked away. Jerry got up from the bench and called his name.

Hey Arian, howd you know I was going to ask that? Jerry called out to Arian

How many years have I known you Jerry? Sixteen right? In all those years Ive never known you to be a romanticnot to mention you bug me with this every August twenty-ninth since youve been married. Arian said with a smirk as he walked off leaving a stunned Jerry behind.

Arian continued down the small sidewalk on the outskirts of the lush green park, people in business suits rushing by him off to a job. Arian came to a street corner facing a metropolis of a city, towering buildings and a road packed with cars lay in front of him. Arian took a glance at his watch and pulled out a phone from his pocket dialing a number.

Erick, youre late again and you know he doesnt like to wait. Arian sternly said as he hung up the phone.

In a matter of minutes a sleek black car pulled up to Arian, he opened the door and slammed it shut as he sat down inside. The car then speed(sped) off as Arian rested his arm on the velvet armrest connected to the door.

Nothing can be gained without something of equal value lost in return. This is absolute truth, for something tangible, effort and energy of a person put into the creation of a tangible item is the equal value of what he receives in return. But what about my clients? Looking for their lost memories or for something that has been taken from them, what effort do they put into getting them back? Money? Surely a few bills isnt anything compared to the grief the person suffersso what happens if a person receives their memories without any understanding of what they mean? Would it all be just like watching a show, a play that they entered in the middle of, with no understanding of the plot?

Arians car pulled up to a small white mansion atop of a lush green hill overlooking the sea, Arian stepped out of his car signaling for his driver to wait for him as he made his way up the short dirt road leading him to the mansions door.

Youlen, open up Im here. Arian shouted as he knocked on the door.

The large brown door slowly creaked open to reveal a short old black haired man behind it, the man wearing a crimson red suit gestured for Arian to come in as he closed the door behind him.

I was starting to think you wouldnt come this time Arian. I almost put away our tea. Youlen said as he made his way into a small living room with two black couches in the middle and a small coffee table at the center. Arian eyed the large blue piano at the end of the living room as he sat down, the bricklayer interior gave Arian the feeling of an old home that survived the war. Both men sat down as they started to talk.

So Youlen, what is it this time? Was it kidnapped again? Or did you simply misplace it? Arian remarked as he took a small white teacup from the brown table.

ArianYoulen said as he took a short pause. I would like to ask you not to speak so crud(crude) of him Youlen grimly said as he took a white cup of tea and began to drink.

How can I not? This is the third time this year alone, theres really no other way to speak of it. You say you feel great emotion for it, but this is the third time its been replaced youre not fooling anyone so just get on with the job you want me to do. Arian replied.

ArianYoure still young so youre fortunate enough to not remember or to not have lot what I did. I lived during that cold time of war

Arian interrupted him Cold time? If you lost all your memories how is it a cold time? Whos to say you didnt have the best time of your life then? Arian said with a smirk.

It was war Arian, no one was happy. But I suppose I know what youre getting atVery well then Ill get to the point. Vee was kidnapped again and I need you to find it for me. The police got fed up and refuse to do anything to help me at the moment since its happened so many times this year. Youlen said as he took another sip of tea.

Hehas I though, youre so careless with something that apparently is of great value to you. I can see why the police got fed up, but dont worry like I saidIll take any jobfor a price. Arian said as he stood up and made his way over to the large blue piano.

For a price? Same old Arian always putting money before his customers well-being, but you are the best and you did get him back the other two times so youre hired. Its the same kids who took him last timethey called today and they are at the same place as last time. Youlen said.

Arian looked at the piano as he spoke. Its a shame. Something so beautiful as this piano needs someone to play it, and there isnt a soul around. It goes collecting dust while the other things of your home prosper in useall because no one can play it Arian said

Arian.If need be and you cannot salvage him please destroy it and bring the fools that did this to justice. You will receive you payment either way

Very well job accepted, same place like you said? Big O might have some fun, havent used him in so long. I was starting to think hed get rusty after so long. Arian said as he made his way towards the door.

He exited the home and made his way down the dirt road returning to his car. Youlen continued looking out his door before closing it.

Arian Smith, you truly are fortunate to not need these memories. But as for us, these are what we lost; these are what made us people. Having them ripped from us is a pain like no other. and that mega dues is the only thing that I can remember from my past, so I built it. For what purposeto be viable in this new world as they were in the last, but it seems they only cause trouble

What happens to a sudden return of a memory? Does one lose all interest in the current life and dwell over this old memory? They dwell on it until there is nothing leftletting the chance to make new memories pass them by

"Your terms are accepted"

Next- Chapter Two-Viable Life

Kyosuke
February 3rd, 2005, 03:01 PM
You may think this is short, but the amount of storyline that you added to this one "little" chapter makes up for it greatly ^^. The descriptions and details are top notch down things as little as birds pecking for the seeds on the ground to throwing a piece of garbage in a trash can.

You really accomplished alot here, from the conversation with Jerry to the riding in the limo, to even explaining what "Big O" is, all in one chapter. Plotwise, its a very good idea, it seems to be based in a futurisic Japan with the business men, walking around on the streets.

This sort reminds me of Gundam Wing in a way in terms of "Big O" proberly being mobile suit, and turning this into a mecha fan-fic. I found a mistake though (I should proberly be the last person to say this because I make so many in my fan-fics XD), but when you said during the conversation with Jerry, "In all those years Ive never known you to be a romanticnot to mention you bug me with this every August twenty-ninth since youve been married". Just using romantic seems to work better.

Great chapter son! XD

Ryoutarou
February 3rd, 2005, 05:00 PM
Thanks for the replies guys ^^' So is this normal chapter size or not? XD

Kyosuke
February 3rd, 2005, 05:47 PM
Well it depends, it could be slightly longer, but that would just be nitpicking ^^. Its really about the amount of effort and description you put into it, then length.

Kelsey
February 4th, 2005, 08:37 AM
Allrighty, I've got chapter one done. Again sorry for the sortness of it ^^' I should have chapter two done by tomorrow. So read away XD


Viability

Big O III
Chapter One

Amazing isnt it? That after such a set back we were able to almost do a perfect replica of one of the largest buildings from before the memory loss. A long gray haired man said.

A small blue robin hoped(hopped) along the ground, pecking for grain that the gray haired man had been sprinkling.

What is it Jerry? I dont have any time for small talk today. Said Arian as he sat down on a small yellow park bench next to the man.

Oh my, Arian Smith not have time for small talk? Thats not really unexpected, but I was hoping I could ask your help for a job. Said Jerry as he sprinkled some more grain onto the floor as the small bird continued pecking the ground for food.

Ive got a client waiting for me, the same one. You know who, so if you dont have anything to say Ill be off. Arian said as he got up from the park bench and dusted his black suit off taking a moment to comb his hair back with his hands. His sleek black hair almost reflected sunlight off it. But.... Go ahead and make her something, she might like that better then anything store bought. Arian said as he walked off.

Arian threw a small yellow food wrapper into a green trashcan as he walked away. Jerry got up from the bench and called his name.

Hey Arian, howd you know I was going to ask that? Jerry called out to Arian

How many years have I known you Jerry? Sixteen right? In all those years Ive never known you to be a romanticnot to mention you bug me with this every August twenty-ninth since youve been married. Arian said with a smirk as he walked off leaving a stunned Jerry behind.

Arian continued down the small sidewalk on the outskirts of the lush green park, people in business suits rushing by him off to a job. Arian came to a street corner facing a metropolis of a city, towering buildings and a road packed with cars lay in front of him. Arian took a glance at his watch and pulled out a phone from his pocket dialing a number.

Erick, youre late again and you know he doesnt like to wait. Arian sternly said as he hung up the phone.

In a matter of minutes a sleek black car pulled up to Arian, he opened the door and slammed it shut as he sat down inside. The car then speed(sped) off as Arian rested his arm on the velvet armrest connected to the door.

Nothing can be gained without something of equal value lost in return. This is absolute truth, for something tangible, effort and energy of a person put into the creation of a tangible item is the equal value of what he receives in return. But what about my clients? Looking for their lost memories or for something that has been taken from them, what effort do they put into getting them back? Money? Surely a few bills isnt anything compared to the grief the person suffersso what happens if a person receives their memories without any understanding of what they mean? Would it all be just like watching a show, a play that they entered in the middle of, with no understanding of the plot?

Arians car pulled up to a small white mansion atop of a lush green hill overlooking the sea, Arian stepped out of his car signaling for his driver to wait for him as he made his way up the short dirt road leading him to the mansions door.

Youlen, open up Im here. Arian shouted as he knocked on the door.

The large brown door slowly creaked open to reveal a short old black haired man behind it, the man wearing a crimson red suit gestured for Arian to come in as he closed the door behind him.

I was starting to think you wouldnt come this time Arian. I almost put away our tea. Youlen said as he made his way into a small living room with two black couches in the middle and a small coffee table at the center. Arian eyed the large blue piano at the end of the living room as he sat down, the bricklayer interior gave Arian the feeling of an old home that survived the war. Both men sat down as they started to talk.

So Youlen, what is it this time? Was it kidnapped again? Or did you simply misplace it? Arian remarked as he took a small white teacup from the brown table.

ArianYoulen said as he took a short pause. I would like to ask you not to speak so crud(crude) of him Youlen grimly said as he took a white cup of tea and began to drink.

How can I not? This is the third time this year alone, theres really no other way to speak of it. You say you feel great emotion for it, but this is the third time its been replaced youre not fooling anyone so just get on with the job you want me to do. Arian replied.

ArianYoure still young so youre fortunate enough to not remember or to not have lot what I did. I lived during that cold time of war

Arian interrupted him Cold time? If you lost all your memories how is it a cold time? Whos to say you didnt have the best time of your life then? Arian said with a smirk.

It was war Arian, no one was happy. But I suppose I know what youre getting atVery well then Ill get to the point. Vee was kidnapped again and I need you to find it for me. The police got fed up and refuse to do anything to help me at the moment since its happened so many times this year. Youlen said as he took another sip of tea.

Hehas I though, youre so careless with something that apparently is of great value to you. I can see why the police got fed up, but dont worry like I saidIll take any jobfor a price. Arian said as he stood up and made his way over to the large blue piano.

For a price? Same old Arian always putting money before his customers well-being, but you are the best and you did get him back the other two times so youre hired. Its the same kids who took him last timethey called today and they are at the same place as last time. Youlen said.

Arian looked at the piano as he spoke. Its a shame. Something so beautiful as this piano needs someone to play it, and there isnt a soul around. It goes collecting dust while the other things of your home prosper in useall because no one can play it Arian said

Arian.If need be and you cannot salvage him please destroy it and bring the fools that did this to justice. You will receive you payment either way

Very well job accepted, same place like you said? Big O might have some fun, havent used him in so long. I was starting to think hed get rusty after so long. Arian said as he made his way towards the door.

He exited the home and made his way down the dirt road returning to his car. Youlen continued looking out his door before closing it.

Arian Smith, you truly are fortunate to not need these memories. But as for us, these are what we lost; these are what made us people. Having them ripped from us is a pain like no other. and that mega dues is the only thing that I can remember from my past, so I built it. For what purposeto be viable in this new world as they were in the last, but it seems they only cause trouble

What happens to a sudden return of a memory? Does one lose all interest in the current life and dwell over this old memory? They dwell on it until there is nothing leftletting the chance to make new memories pass them by

"Your terms are accepted"

Next- Chapter Two-Viable Life


Ooh, this was a nice chapter for the first one. ^_____^ This chapter is really starting to bring out Arian's personality. ^^ It's a shame that money's his bigger worry than his clients' well-being. XD

I only found two spelling mistakes, which are noted above. ^o^ Very nice job on this chapter, Jorge. And as Lance said, no need to think this chapter was too shart, for you did have plenty of detail in there, which is always wonderful when reading a fanfic. ^_______^

Keep up the great work Jorge, I can't wait for chapter two. ^_~

~Kelsey

Ryoutarou
February 4th, 2005, 09:02 AM
Thanks for the reviews guys, it really means a lot ^^' My word messed up when I was writing this chapter out and it got deleted so it came out a bit different then what I had planned XD Actually....The same just happened with half of chapter two, so it might be a bit late XD

Kelsey
February 4th, 2005, 02:50 PM
Don't worry about it Jorge. XD Word messes up on just about everyone. XD Take your time with the next chapter, I can't wait for it to come out. <3

~Kelsey

Ryoutarou
February 5th, 2005, 02:56 PM
Okay, I've got chapter two done now ^^' Hope you all like it...it got deleted like three times XD


Big O III
Chapter Two

Arian walked down a narrow sidewalk, small stores stood next to him, with cars passing by the dirty street to his right. He was in a small part of the city, he came to a small red store and entered. Three small wooden tables on the inside with a large white counter at the back of the small store. The dim blue wallpaper had started to peel already, Arian took a seat next to the large window at the front of the store.

SoWhatll it be? Asked a short brown haired lady in a waitress uniform with a pen and pad ready to take Arians order.

Ill take a soda and a tuna sandwich Arian said as he looked out the window.

The women walked off into the kitchen area and started making his food as Arian continued looking out the window. The dirty streets and poorly taken care of red bricked apartment building across the street was a clear indication that this was not a good part of town.

Here you go, said the waitress as she returned with a dark cup and a plate with the sandwich.

Arian began eating and as he looked at the apartment building across the street from him.

Danners cornerThis is the name given to the poor side of town. These people were unable to fully recover after the great memory loss, these people couldnt rebuild like the rich could. They had to live in such an awful place, or perhaps it was us, the rich that lived in the awful place. These people go about their daily life enjoying it to the fullest, while we just go about our jobs wondering how big our paycheck will be.

Bliss, truly what the people here enjoy, and yes the streets are in poor condition, and yes the homes may not be the best. But even after the war they were able to rebuild on their own, helping each other while the rich simply rebuilt individual areas not caring for the well being of otherssuch a run down area and yet Id give the world to live here

Arian finished his meal and went to the counter at the back of the store to pay, he took his wallet from his pocket and paid his meal. Arian took a glance at the inside of the store once more, and then took off.

I suppose I wont know where to find this kid until I find out where he relocated to. Youlen said it was the same place, but I dont believe itd be that easy. If I knew his face Id be able to find out a lot faster. Arian said as he walked down the dusty sidewalk, he passed an old chain link fence with broken down cars behind it. Arian stepped back a bit and ran towards the fence jumping it to land on his feet on the other side. HehDidnt know I could still do that Arian said as he caught his breath.

He looked around the aged car lot only to find wreaked cars and useless shreds if steel and metal.

Guess these people dont know how manage a good lot. Arian muttered to himself as he rummaged around the broken down cars. Hello, is anyone here? Arian called out as he continued looking through the lot.

A short black haired boy wearing a light blue shirt and brown pants came walking out behind the wreckage of a few cars as he heard Arian call out.

Can I help you? The boy said as he cleaned motor oil off his hands with a small washcloth.

Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find someone by the name of Damon, I dont know a last name so it might be hard. Arian said as the young boy pointed him in the direction of a small white shed that looked like a small office where the both walked.

Arian took a seat on the inside of the office, a rickety old wooden chair, a small black desk with chips and nicks all over it with a small chair on the other side, the office looked old, papers littered over the small concrete floor, and window blinds that looked as if they where ready to fall.

Damon? Is that the name? The young boy said as he filed through a small stack of papers on his desk.

Yes, I dont have a description just the first name. Arian said.

No problem, it might be a while, but Ill see what I can find. The boy said as he continued looking through the papers.

A few minutes passed as Arian stared blankly at the ceiling when the boy called him.

I think Ive found someone that might be able to help you out, hes got a home not far from here so you should be able to get there relatively fast by foot. The boy said as he handed Arian a slip of paper that had directions to the mans home on them.

As Arian exited the small office he noticed how young the boy looked. Excuse me, you dont look much older then fifthteen, but youre out here while Im pretty sure other schools are still in session, did yours let out early today? Arian said as the two stepped out of the office.

Umm, well I dont actually go to school. The boy said as they both made their way to the chain link fence that Arian had jumped the get into the lot. My father became rather ill a while back and Ive had to take up his job at least until he recovers. Thee young boy responded as Arian stepped back and leapt over the fence once more.

Arian once again landed on his feet once reaching the other side. WellJust make sure to go back to school when your dad gets better. Arian said trying to catch his breath.

UmmSir, you know you could have just used the normal entrance right? The young boy said pointing to door like area of the fence.

With a startled look on his face Arian began walking away as he waved bye to the boy.

Sure. After I already jump the fence the kid bothers to tell me. Arian muttered to himself as he continued walking down the old sidewalk.

The sun slowly started to fade as Arian reached the location he had been given. With a very surprised look Arian slowly dropped himself to the floor.

An empty field?! Arian yelled as he looked out to where he was told to go, a barren wasteland of an old parking lot. You have got to be kidding me! Arian yelled in frustration as he ducked his head down with his hands covering his face. That kid. Did he just give me the wrong directions or.

Arian jumped to his feet and began running back to the direction of the lot.

Howd I miss it? His father was sick, no older then fifthteen, right before my eyes. How could I have been so blind? Arian thought to himself as he continued running down the old broken sidewalk, people hurrying to get out of his path as he passed them by on the sidewalk.

Hell! How did that kid know it was I then? Weve never met face to face. Arian said as he continued running. If this gets back to Youlen he might just cut my paycant have that. Arian said in a cocky voice as he finally reached the old car lot.

This is the perfect place to hide a megaduce Arian said as he jumped the fence without hesitation landing on his feet. Damon! Damon Uzbek! Arian shouted out as he hurried to the office.

I know youre here, where are you? Uzbek! Arian yelled.

Heh. I thought you didnt have a last name for me Said a voice.

Just as Arian came to the front door of the office, he turned and saw the boy that had given him the directions from before.

Damon Uzbek.Just as I thought. Arian said as he faced the young boy.

What? You said you didnt have a last name for me? Damon said as he laughed at Arian.

I knew it, Damon Uzbek, son of Youlen Uzbek. You left your father three years ago after he was accused of killing your mother, the courts thought itd be safer to place you in a foster home. But you got placed in a family that lived in Danners corner Arian said as he continued to catch his breath.

Very good Mr. Negotiator youve done your homework. And yes its true I was placed here in this slum of an area thats supposed to be connected to The great city that rebuilt itself. Do you have any idea how hard it was to go from living with my father to here?! Damon yelled out. That sick bastard killed my mother and yet he was allowed to continue living on his life in wealth and riches while I had to be cast off into the hellhole! Arian yelled in a rage.

DamonThat still gives you no right to have gone and did what you did. Arian shouted.

What? Steal that thing that my father valued so much more then me? That thing made my life a living hell! My mother got fed up with having to deal with my father giving orders to his company day and night to rebuild that beast! Why do you think he killed her? She would have gotten in the way of his precious past. Damon said mockingly as he jumped onto the top on an old rep car. But no more! This time father will not cast me away as he did with mother and me three years ago! This time father will pay! Damon yelled.

Arian felt a rumbling under his feet that reminded him of an earthquake. Could itNo dont be stupid! Arian yelled as he ran towards the fence of the lot. If you bring that thing out here all these stores and homes will get destroyed! Arian yelled.

Like I care? All I care about now is teaching my father he shouldnt have taken away my life! Damon yelled. But nownow he will learn! Arias. Rise! Damon shouted into a wristwatch.

The ground began to rumble again as the surrounding ground behind the red car Damon was on collapsed. A gigantic beast erupted from he ground behind, its giant white hand taking Damon in it as it raised to full glory. The giant white mechanical beast with arms like ropes and a head like a cone began walking away. causing the small shops around it, and the apartment buildings to collapse slowly.

Damon! Arian yelled as he began running after the giant beast looking back at the destruction in the small area it had caused. Argh! That fool, look at what he did to these people! Arian yelled in rage as he tried to follow the beast. But a man was no match for the speed of such a giant.

Arian had chased it to a small field just outside of both side of the city. The field looked barren and dead, Arian knew this was as good as place as any.

Arian took his cell phone from his hand a dialed a few numbers. Erick! Get it ready right now! Arian yelled into the phone.

Very well sir, its on its way. Erick responded as Arian hung the phone.

Arian slammed his right fist into his left hand in anger. That fool, doesnt he know what he just did?! Arian shouted. He took a glance back at the mess left behind and saw a swarm of lights from ambulances and firefighters behind him. Hewont get away with thisArian muttered. Should be about ready now Arian said as he looked at his watch. OkayBIG O. SHOWTIME! Arian yelled as the giant black beast arose from the ground taking Arian in his hand. Arian quickly jumped and made his way into the cockpit of the giant.

Arian jumped into the seat and began flicking switches and buttons as red light lit up the interior of the cockpit.

Wellthis isnt quite the way I wanted to use you, but Ive got no choice. Arian said as Big O began walking into the rebuilt area of the city.

Back at Youlens mansion the old man was at his balcony looking out into the night sea as he thought of his memory being returned to him. ArianIm but a lone old man, I need something to give me purpose Youlen said as he took in a deep breath.

A deep ruble caused Youlen to grab onto the white stone guardrail as to not fall over. Whatwhat in the world is that? Youlen said in confusion as he saw the white towering beast. AhArias. How

Well, well, well, fathertables are turned this time are they not? Damon said as he spoke into a microphone projecting his voice. NowIll make you feel the pain, the fear that you caused me to feel those years ago! Damon yelled as he slammed the right fist of Arias down.

Just as the beast was about to cause Youlens home to come crashing down it was stopped by a gigantic black fist.

I dont think soArian said softly as Big O appeared behind Arias.

YouHow did Damon said in amazement at the site of another megaduce.

Big O and me have been together for a long time. When I hurt, he hurts. When I cry, he cries. And after the pain you caused the people of Danners corner todayyou will not go unpunished. Arian said in a stern voice as Big O took its fist back to its side.

HmpDont thinks my age is a handicapI will win! Damon yelled. Arias crush him! Damon yelled.

Arias lifted its hands and like ropes they came out and began whipping Big O.

ArghBig O guard yourself. Arian yelled as Big O used its two hammer like fist to protect itself by covering its head.

What? Is protecting itself and standing there like a sitting duck all the famous Big O can do? I thought the megadues of legend could do better! Damon yelled. Forget this playing aroundArias kill my father! Damon yelled.

Ariass head turned to the left and its eyes began glowing a dark red.

Arias FIRE! Damon yelled.

No way! Arian yelled. Big O intercept it! Arian yelled moving a lever inside the cockpit causing the left hand of Big O to shot itself off like a rocket hitting Arias in the head before it could attack.

Both Big O and Arias were knocked to the ground.

Da. DamonI am your father why do you do such a thing to me?! Youlen yelled in rage.

The sound of this cased Damon to laugh uncontrollably. YouHah! You a father?! HAHAHA! You sent me offYou killed mother all to follow your memories and forget about us! Damon yelled.

You will pay for what you did to mother! Damon yelled as Arias came to its feet about to attack the home again.

Big O came running behind Arias and punched the beast in the head again.

And youYou will pay for what you did to those people! Arian yelled in a rage. You destroyed their lifes! You will pay! Arian yelled as Big O lifted its right leg and gave Arias a swift kick.

A small screen in front of the controls inside of the cockpit of Big O began flashing red and white as words moved along the screen. Cast in the name of GodYou are foundGuilty. The screen flashed.

Big O NOW! Arian yelled as Big O propped its left arm back.

Big O slammed its fist as fast as it could into the cockpit of Arias knocking it into the sea.

Good job Big O.Lets go home Arian said in a weary voice. The Big O slowly walked off into the distance as police arrived at the home.

Stop right now! You in the megaduce stop! A police officer yelled into a megaphone.

Big O ignored this and continued walking off.

May your soul rest in peace...
><><><><><><><><>
That boyDamon Uzbek only wanted to show his father the pain that he had caused him, but in the end it was he that caused the pain. Those innocent people that lost their homesIll understand if you dont want to pay me. Arian said top Youlen as he stood outside of the white mansion.

No, dont worry about it at all. I know who was in that beast that saved me, and as promised your check. Youlen said handing Arian a white and blue check.

Give it to the people of Danners corner, they are really going to need the help after what happened last night. So many peoples lives were ruinedI can do without one paycheck. Arian said as he walked down the dusty road in front of the mansion once more.

><><><><><><><><

SoHowd it go with your wife Jerry? Arian said to his friend as they both sat on the park bench eating a sandwich each,

Well I thought about what you said, and I got her something better then making her a gift. Jerry said as he took a bite of his sandwich.

And what would that be? Arian said as he took a sip of coffee.

I got her that same blue robin that I was feeding before Jerry said slowly.

And? Howd it go? Arian asked he took a bite of his sandwich.

She slapped and made me sleep on the couch last night, she hates the color blue. Jerry said as he drank some coffee.

Arian went into a fit of laughter as he heard this and him and Jerry started arguing back and fourth.


Terms have been reached

Next-Chapter Three-Jester

Ryoutarou
February 9th, 2005, 11:29 AM
Allrighty, I got chapter three done and I should have chapter four done by tonight and up tomorrow. Hope you like it. Gah...another short chapter x_X;


Big O III
Chapter Three Jester

The lonely dark haired man stood atop a large building, the full light of the moon shun on him as if it were a spotlight. Police and onlookers back on the ground littered the surrounding area. The man stepped up to the edge of the building swaying back and fourth mocking the police at the bottom.

What do we do? Asked a browned coated police officer on the ground as he looked to his captain.

I dont know, we cant send a crew up there, he said he has a hostage ready to kill if we try anythingso I dont know Replied the captain in a bleak voice.

Tra la la la lawhich one shall I jump on? The man mocking said as he pointed to the many police cars on the ground. Foolsall of you! The man yelled as he once more began to swing back and fourth holing on only to a small guardrail. Do you think you can save me? Do you think you can save yourself? Were all going to die soon enough; all of you shall once more feel the pain of forty years ago! I myself dont want tobut my master has sent me as a messenger that you will all die! The man yelled.

Then with one big leap he jumped off of the building, he spread his arms wide as he prepared to die. He felt a he hit a hard surface, but he was alive, and unhurt.

Huhwhat the?! The man frantically yelled as he saw where he had landed.

A towering black giant stood in front of him, the beast had caught the man with his hand.

Crazy bastardthird one this week, I dont even know why I try anymore Arian said sarcastically from inside the cockpit.

The police and onlookers stood in amazement as they saw the towering beast slowly let the man down on the ground. Within seconds the man was tackled by a mass of police officers and placed into a blue police van as Big O slowly walked away.

Was that really necessary Erick? Arian asked from within the cockpit as he looked at the screen in front of him.

Forgive me sir, but if the man had killed himselfthen people might have thought his apocalyptic views were true, and that would cause widespread panic. A old grew haired man said as his face appeared on the screen.

I suppose youre right, but his message was exactly the same as the other two before him. The pain of forty years ago will once again be felt. Id shrug it off as just some crazy cult movement, but usually cults dont go to this great of lengths to prove a point, this man was ready to kill himself. I really have to find out who his master is before something bigger comes out of this. Arian said tiredly as Big O slowly continued walking into the distance.

><><><><><><><><

Sowhat would you like for breakfast today sir? Asked Erick as Arian slowly walked to a large brown table in the center of a large room lined with velvet red carpets and beautiful pictures around the wall.

Anythings fine Erick, I dont why but after yesterday Ive just been so tired. Arian said as he took a seat at his table.

Erick took out a frying pan and began to cook from the far side of the room where a stove sat.

Well sir, you have been using Big O a lot this week, and repairing it on your own as well, I cant see how you wouldnt be tired. Erick responded as he began to cook some eggs.

True, but stillsomething about those three people is just getting to me. None of them have any connection to each other, not people that youd ever see talking together. Yet they all said the same thingand they were all willing to die for something as foolish as believing that the world would go through what it so long ago Arian said as Erick brought a small plate of eggs and a cup of coffee to his table.

I do believe, true or not, these people really believed that something like that would happen again. Erick responded as he sat at the table across from Arian.

But its useless, being scared of something like that. They dont even know why the world forgot. People say it could have been war simply from seeing how damaged this city was afterwardsbut thats all they can say, they dont really know what happened. Arian replied as he began to eat.

They may not know what it was, but they obviously fear what they think is to come. Small or grand, an event that was able to make the world forgetthese people did not want to live through that. It is puzzling how none of them had anything in connection, yet they all had the same plans. Erick said as Arian took a sip of coffee from his small white cup.

Arian finished his meal and walked over to a large body sized window and looked out, the rain poured and poured with no signs of ending.

Sothey were just scared to face the truth? That this world isnt perfect and we all have to face fearfoolish, these people think they can just take the easy way out and leave their fears onto the other people of this city? Whoever this master of theirs ishe does know how to strike fear into these people. Arian said as he returned to his room to get dressed.

Sir Erick called just before Arian reached his room.

Yes, Erick? Arian replied.

Even though it may not be true what this master of theirs saidif he was able to bring such a fear of oncoming events into themwill you be able to face him? Erick said

I dont know, someone that could make a person want to end their life because they think such a catastrophe is comingif I do ever meet this man Ill have to remember to try and not pay attention to what he saysArian said as he entered his room.

Arian took off his light blue sleeping robe and began dressing himself, he put on his usual black suit and took a large black trench coat he had on his bed. Just as he was about to exit his room, the phone rang. He went to a small black dresser where his phone stood and answered.

Arian Smith? The voice asked.

Yesand who would this be? Arian replied

I want to hire youI had three students ready, but they all failed. And it seems youll do anything for the right price. The voice said

For the right pricenot anything, not like Ill throw myself off a building. Arian said sarcastically.

I need you to show Paradigm city the fear of forty years agoThe voice said

This sent a freeze of fear throughout Arians entire body. Who is this?! He demanded.

You can call meJesterThe voice said as the phone cut off and the power went out.

Arian dropped to the floor as he felt something from behind hit him.

All shall be right with this world once more, they learn the fear of once beforeand they will not take anything for granted anymorethis is the only man that can ever understand it.

Next-Chapter Four- When the World Ends

Frostweaver
April 4th, 2005, 02:18 PM
YAY super delayed 3 weeks long fanfic review, as you requested 3872035 days ago ^^; I'll do the review directly in the thread here since this is outside of the Pokemon Fanfic Lounge area.


@ Big O III

The city stood ablaze, people lost in confusion.
remember that if a sentence has clauses, you absolutely have to have conjunction(s) to join them together, or else it'll be a run-on. In here for example, you'll need a conjunction like "and" to help out.

-try to be consistent in tenses... since you started with past tense, keep everything in past tense *unless* that action is still being continously done up to the point of the present days

-"big" is a vague, ugly, boring word... avoid it at all cost unless it's inside a dialogue. It's a word that lives only in oral conversations because it's connotation value is terrible and can do more harm than support if it's used in your narrations.

-don't forget your articles... don't skip those "the"s, "a"s and "an"s.

people cried in pain as a silent blanket fell over the city. War fell it's a good thing to try to use imagery/metaphors in your writing, but make sure that it's appropriate in terms of connotation too. Blanket is a very warm, fuzzy word. War is a cold word related to death. These two are on the opposite end of each other in terms of mood, so in terms of connotation this metaphor is a contradiction. You probably want to revise this and use something other than blanket.

But what did they forget? Love, dreams, painsthese are what people forgot. You started with a rhetorical question, answered it, and then repeat the question? Cut out the part after the elipses and move on so you aren't repeating yourself.

-when you're refering to people, you use either "who" or "whom" and never "that." "That" is related to an object or anything that is inhuman. (now pets are always a bit debatable as they usually use "who", but generally this works)

They all want ... You want to say "all of them want" instead. Watch out for your syntax. What is permitted in MSN and in oral conversations may not work in writing.

-remember that only one verb is permitted for every sentence clause so watch out

I do not wear a badge of justice, and I do not need one When you have 2 clauses with negation joined together by a conjunction, it's very likely that you have to use "nor" instead of "and."

-watch out for the misusage of the evil semicolon

...largest buildings from before the memory loss. Since "memory loss" is referring to a specific point in time in the past/history, it actually requires capitalization because it is now a proper noun.

-avoid said most of the time because of its terrible connotation, similiar to big. Don't use it unless you accompany it with other things, or if you want an uninteresting mood/connotation.

Arian threw a small yellow food wrapper into a green trashcan as he walked away. When you're writing, you have to try to be precise in details. If a sentence do not contribute to anything (plot, theme or mood and other similar devices) then take it out as it's not helping except wasting space and making your story unnecessarily long.

-don't suddenly switch the narration from 3rd person to 1st person unless you got some identification for your readers that the narration is switching... usually this is done by italics (if the switch is temporate and short) or a story break. Your readers will be confused otherwise.

-seems that colors in this story are randomly generated out of the blue... colors are *always* more than just adjectives, as they *always* contribute to a motif, symbol or mood. (sometimes this isn't always true because you can't manipulate everything in a fanfic as the original has set them down in stone already, or reality has set them a fixed color. For everything else that is of your original creation, this applies) Random colors can drive your readers nuts. Same goes for numbers... be vague about numbers (few, several, plenty, etc) unless it's used for one of those things I mentioned earlier.

-now the characteristics of a character aren't justified if it's only mentioned through the narration or a character's claim. You have to use their actions and more importantly, *tone of voice* to show supporting evidences. Arian likes money (or at least in ch.1 he does). Ok... so... where do I see that? Arian's pause "... for a price" is a good start, but evidences should be consistent throughout the story, not just in one spot.

-you have to use single quotation marks if you want to use quotation marks in a dialogue. Can't use 2 double quotation marks, one quoting the other.

-Arian's character is changing so rapidly at times... o_O; it'll definitely help if you have some transition for the change, or a reason why. Perhaps he doesn't like money as much as you claimed at first. So be careful

I'll rate this with the same criteria as Pokemon Fanfiction... I don't see why it won't work. There are some mistakes that are reoccurring many times in your story... I didn't quote all of them out every single time so hope that you can find them all by yourself.

Good Points
-Interesting plot
-Mystery

Focuses to Improve On
-grammar and readability
-do not randomize some aspects of your story, putting literacy devices in danger
-using the proper diction that fits the connotation

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 6/10
Coherence/Readability: 8/10
Characterization: 14/20
Story Structure: 8/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 9/15
Diction: 12/20
Effort/Originality: 13/15
Lit. Device bonus: +0

Total: 74

Sorry for the major delay!

O
April 7th, 2005, 05:40 PM
What can I say... It's good. And now that I think about it, weren't you that guy that insisted he was a well known 'nu-bee' bleh. I really like it, I hope to see more.