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Poke
February 4th, 2005, 06:54 PM
I made this....well.....just because. Its rated Pg-13 mainly because of some language and violence.....thats all. Alrighty its gonna be in chapters.


Prolouge: Kill Part 1

Tears were streaming down the boy's face like water works. The light outside was dim. He couldn't understand anything. He stood there, still in the cold night, looking at the bloody corpses scattered across the ground. In his hand, he gripped a knife,bloody,sharp,and deadly.

"Where am I," he asked to himself.

"You are nowhere but somewhere, lost yet found, you know so much but understand so little. It's sad really."

He had been listening to this voice ever since he could remember. Actually, he didn't remember if he ever heard it, he really didn't know who he was. Suddenly, all went blank and the boy slumped to the floor.

Part 2
"Mornin mom, mornin dad," Koji said after waking up.

"Good morning son, hope you're hungry," his mother replied. All he got was the usual grunt from the upraised newpaper.

"Sure mom!" he replied cheerily. She layed the pancakes on the table and Koji sent them on a one way trip to his stomach.

"Thank mom! I've gotta get to school. Bye," he yelled.

Outside, the sound of Koji's car purred as he sped off. His dad put down his paper with a look of horror on his face. His lips moved silently but his mother knew what her husband was saying. His lips said, he doesn't remember.

Part 3
He sped down the road enjoying the breeze of the crisp winter morning. He sat there going down the highway on the way to Sansuke High in Tokyo. He always left early in the morning to get to school before the morning traffic starts. As he sat there he wondered, "If I wake up every morning early, why are mom and dad awake and already have breakfast ready by 4:00 a.m.?"

He dismissed the thought instantly. He rode listening to the soft rhythm of his soft rock radio station. He started litening intently for some reason not paying any attention to the road. "Kill."

What was he listening to?

"Death."

He tried changing the station but it just got louder.

"Destruction."

He was now swerving all over the road unaware of what was going on.

"Despair."

He was starting to get desparate.

"Lifeless."

His head was about to explode with pain. He was shivering all over.

"Awake"

He had an urge to kill. He wanted to cause panic and despair. He wanted to stop all life. He slammed directly into the back of a tanker truck. An explosion occured. Nothing got past the fury of the blast.


What do you think? Please reply. Please note this is a prolouge. Regular chapters will be longer. F the cliffhangar. If noones gonna read it I'll just continue.


Chapter 1:Awaken Part 1

He layed there, motionless, until his eyes flickered open. He jumped up, still engulfed with his urge to kill. He tore the burning flesh off of the rotting corpses and ate it. He pulled out all the intestines chewed on them spitting them out. His mouth was bloody and so was his body. Somehow he didnt have a bruise or a scratch on him.

"Eat! Fill that gap in your stomach! The more damage you do, the better you are!"

He stopped when he heard that voice and he calmed down.

"Where am I?" he asked to no one.

Nothing replied to this answer. In flickers of vivid pictures, he saw the terrible crash and how he, causing it, was the only one to survive. He had survived without a scratch on him.

"Come now, subcum to the darkness. Let your dreams take you away from this mess."

The voice had spoken again. Who was this voice.....or what was it..... how does he remember it?

"NO!" he yelled out firmly. "I'm not going to sleep. If I do, I I dont know what will happen."

"Poor confused little child. I am your master. You must obey me or I will force you to."

"Force me to then!" he screamed at whatever it was that was talking to him.

It started to rain. The drops drizzled down his cheeks and he was unaware of anything. He layed on the ground.

"**** it! Why do I have to take to the lives of these innocent people! Why, **** it, answer me you horrible voice."

"It is what I want you to do! If I want you to kill you will do it understand!"

Koji just stayed there not saying another word. Sirens roared in the distance coming closer and closer. His vison was blurred and all he could see was two giant blue blobs inching towards him.

"Dont let them take you Koji, fight! KILL!"

He wanted to ask so many more questions but didnt. He got up and walked towards the blobs and layed down by them letting them put cuffs on him.

"****it Koji! Start listening to your master! KILL THOSE **** COPS!

Koji didnt listen. All he did was keep his mind blank trying not to think of anything. He didnt want that voice to worm into his consiousness. He hated life and everything about it. But what life and who was he? He couldnt stop the questions from whirling and he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Voices outside were talking to him. He wasnt listening. "It must be those blue blobs," Koji thought. Suddenly, the voices outside stopped. The person grabbing his arm let go. He opened his eyes to see two heads rolling by his feet. Blood painted the grass as blood ozzed from the spot the bodies lay.

"This is what happens when you dont listen to me!"

He kept walking. Not listening to a word it said.

"Listen to me! STOP WALKING AWAY!"

The voice was starting to fade off. He wanted to be rid of it so bad so he stated walking faster.

"Stop it! Return! I am your master! You must listen to me! Get back here right.....

He had started running as fast as he could the voice completly gone. He couldnt stop running. Not now not ever.

Part 2
"What happened," asked Koji's mother.

"I......lost control"

"How? You corrupted his brain so that he could do these things," she replied.

"Something is keeping me from controling him"

"What is it? You know me and my husband will help," she cooed.

"Im not sure"

Koji's dad's fist slammed the table cracking it in two.

"Cut the bull****! Tell me why my son isnt listening to your orders!" He yelled.

"I don't know what it...."

"THEN FIND OUT YOU PIECE OF ****!" he screamed.

"As you wish mister yomito"

The voice was now gone and him and his wife sit there.

"Our son.... why did we let him do this," she asked.

"It was for Koji's own good. It was the only way to save him," he responded.

"Yes but....." she tried to say.

"ENOUGH! All we need is for him to come through for us." is all the father had to say.

They sat there, motionless, waiting for their son to return.

Part 3: Coming soon..... I hope

Kelsey
February 5th, 2005, 03:28 PM
I made this....well.....just because. Its rated Pg-13 mainly because of some language and violence.....thats all. Alrighty its gonna be in chapters.


Prolouge: Kill Part 1

Tears were streaming down the boy's face like water works. The light outside was dim. He could'nt(couldn't) understand anything. He stood there, still in the cold night, looking at the bloody corpses scattered across the ground. In his hand, he gripped a knife,bloody,sharp,and deadly.

"Where am I," he asked to himself.

"You are nowhere but somewhere, lost yet found, you know so much but understand so little. It's sad really."

He had been listening to this voice ever since he could remember. Actually, he didn't remember if he ever heard it, he really didn't know who he was. Suddenly, all went blank and the boy slumped to the floor.

Part 2
"Mornin mom, mornin dad," Kijo said after waking up.

"Good morning son, hope you're hungry," his mother replied. All he got was the usual grunt from the upraised newpaper.

"Sure mom!" he replied cheerily. She layed the pancakes on the table and Kijo sent them on a one way trip to his stomach.

"Thank mom! I've gotta get to school. Bye," he yelled.

Outside, the sound of Kijo's car purred as he spede(sped) off. His dad put down his paper with a look of horror on his face. His lips moved silently but his mother knew what her husband was saying. His lips said, he doesnt(doesn't) remember.

Part 3
He sped down the road enjoying the breeze of the crisp winter morning. He sat there going down the highway on the way to Sansuke High in Tokyo. He always left early in the morning to get to school before the morning traffic starts. As he sat there he wondered, "If I wake up every morning early, why are mom and dad awake and already have breakfast ready by 4:00 a.m.?"

He dimised(demised) the thought instantly. He rode listening to the soft rhythm of his soft rock radio station. He started litening intently for some reason not paying any attention to the road. "Kill."

What was he listening to?

"Death."

He tried changing the station but it just got louder.

"Destruction."

He was now swerving all over the road unaware of what was going on.

"Despair."

He was starting to get desparate.

"Lifeless."

His head was about to explode with pain. He was shivering all over.

"Awake"

He had an urge to kill. He wanted to cause panic and despair. He wanted to stop all life. He slammed directly into the back of a tanker truck. An explosion occured. Nothing got past the fury of the blast.


What do you think? Please reply. Please note this is a prolouge. Regular chapters will be longer. F the cliffhangar. If noones gonna read it I'll just continue.


Chapter 1:Awaken Part 1

He layed there, motionless, until his eyes flickered open. He jumped up, still engulfed with his urge to kill. He tore the burning flesh off of the rotting corpses and ate it. He pulled out all the intestines chewed on them spitting them out. His mouth was bloody and so was his body. Somehow he didnt have a bruise or a scratch on him.

"Eat! Fill that gap inyour(in your) stomach! The more damage you do, the better you are!"

He stopped when he heard that voice and he calmed down.

"Where am I?" he asked to no one.

Nothing replied to this ansewer(answer). In flickers of vivid pictures, he saw the terrible crash and how he, causing it, was the only one to survive. He had survived without a scratch on him.

"Come now, subcum to the darkness. Let your dreams take you away from this mess."

The voice had spoken again. Who was this voice.....or what was it..... how does he remember it?

"NO!" he yelled out firmly. "I'm not going to sleep. If I do, I I dont know what wil(will) happen."

"Poor confused little child. I am your master. You must obey me or I will force you to."

"Force me to then!" he screamed at whatever it was that was talking to him.

It started to rain. The drops drizzled down his cheeks and he was unaware of anything. He layed on the ground.

"**** it! Why do I have to take to the lives of these innocent people! Why, **** it, ansewer(answer) me you horrible voice."

"It is what I want you to do! If I want you to kill you will do it understand!"

Koji just stayed there not saying another word. Sirens roared in the distance coming closer and closer. His vison was blurred and all he could see was two giant blue blobs inching towards him.

"Dont let them take you Koji, fight! KILL!"

He wanted to ask so many more questions but didnt. He got up and walked towards the blobs and layed down by them letting them put cuffs on him.

"****it Koji! Start listening to your master! KILL THOSE **** COPS!

Koji didnt listen. All he did was keep his mind blank trying not to think of anything. He didnt want that voice to worm into his consiousness. He hated life and everything about it. But what life and who was he? He couldnt stop the questions from whirling and he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Voices outside were talking to him. He wasnt listening. "It must be those blue blobs," Koji thought. Suddenly, the voices outside stopped. The person grabbing his arm let go. He opened his eyes to see two heads rolling by his feet. Blood painted the grass as blood ozzed from the spot the bodies lay.

"This is what happens when you dont listen to me!"

He kept walking. Not listening to a word it said.

"Listen to me! STOP WALKING AWAY!"

The voice was starting to fade off. He wanted to be rid of it so bad so he stated walking faster.

"Stop it! Return! I am your master! You must listen to me! Get back he right.....

He had started running as fast as he could the voice completly gone. He couldnt stop running. Not now not ever.

Part 2
"What happened," asked Koji's mother.

"I......lost control"

"How? You corrupted his brain so that he could do these things," she replied.

"Something is keeping me from controling him"

"What is it? You know me and my husband will help," she cooed.

"Im not sure"

Koji's dad's fist slammed the table cracking it in two.

"Cut the bull****! Tell me why my son isnt listening to your orders!" He yelled.

"I don't know what it...."

"THEN FIND OUT YOU PIECE OF ****!" he screamed.

"As you wish mister yomito"

The voice was now gone and him and his wife sit there.

"Our son.... why did we let him do this," she asked.

"It was for Koji's own good. It was the only way to save him," he responded.

"Yes but....." she tried to say.

"ENOUGH! All we need is for him to come through for us." is all the father had to say.

They sat there, motionless, waiting for their son to return.

Part 3: Coming soon..... I hope

Wow, this fic is really interesting Poke. ^_______^ I love how when that strange voice is trying to persue Koji into killing, you feel this manic air around Koji, as though he's going mad.

I love how your fic started, simple yet constructive, it sure helped to build out a nice plot. ^_____^ I love the dad's personality. He seems to be the type of person who cares about his children but isn't apt to showing it. While the mother is just a sweet little housewife trying to help her family stick together.

My favorite scene was actually the most gory one. XD I thought it to be interesting how Koji was suddenly taken over by whatever creature was speaking to him, and Koji began ripping at the bodies' flesh. X3 I know, I love horror. XD

Well, the spelling errors I found are highlighted above. ^o^ Also, in the beginning of the fic, I think you spelled Koji's name Kiji by mistake. ^^; Also, in the first paragraph of Part 1, you need to have a space after the commas. ^^

Awsome job so far Poke, I hope to see more chapters soon. ^^

~Kelsey

Dignity
February 8th, 2005, 03:30 PM
Well, Kelsey pointed out the mistakes so I won't... ^__^ I like this story, the voice in Koji's head especially. I have heard of people that hear voices insulting them, and telling them to kill. It's very good to incorporate that into your story. xD;; ~origin

Poke
March 5th, 2005, 04:04 PM
Part 3 Chapter 1:
Koji layed on the ground gasping for breath. He had run 12 straight hours without rest. He was exausted but also wanted to know how he could have the stamina to run for so long. Thoughts were attacking his brain of who he was and what had just happened. He was frightened, and unsure of what to do. All he could do is lay on the scratchy grass. His eyes started to close. He wanted to stay awake but why? He didn't know why he didn't want to sleep. His eyes were closed now and he started to snore. Koji had fallen asleep.

Several hours later, Koji awoke. He raised his head to nothing but grass and animals around him. "Where am I?" he wondered to himself. His mouth tasted like blood and his clothes were now dyed red. "Has my shirt been red? Where is Mom and Dad? What the hell am I doing here?" His mind was buzzing and he felt as though he were about to explode. Suddenly, he fell to the ground unconsisous, and started having a dream.

"BUZZZZZZZZZZ!" the sound of a drill roared in his mind.

"Everything is ready sir," a man said.

"Good, I think he'll make a perfect canidate," a man in a dark robe said. He saw something but what? He saw a man but not his face. Suddenly, the buzzing sound grew louder.

"The drill is apporoching," the man in the dark robe said. the buzzing grew louder until finally he could feel the tip of it touching his head. He tried to scream but nothing came out of the mouth. CRACK!

Koji awoke with a fright after seeing that terrible vision. He was shaking all over. "What was that?" he asked himself. He rose to find a huge beast approaching in the distance. The beast had 3 horns on its monsterous head shaped like upside down triangle. It teeth sy=tuck up out of its bottom lip and it was drooling everywhere. The body stretched a long way back with a gigantic swinging tail that looked like it had a mace head on it. The body was drooping but its hooves kept it moving. It was about 5 times bigger than an elephant. "Im getting outta here," he yelled. He turned around but rolled down a very large hill bruising himself up in the process. Although he was hurt, he ran as fast as he could, away from the beast not wanting to be its next meal.

Part 4 Chapter 1:
"Faster my Behemoth slave!"

"ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" the beast yelled out.

"This thing is a little thing is so easy to control HAHAHA." The behemoth was through the forest its feet covered in blood from all the forest animals.

"Find that imputent boy who does not follow others! He shall be punished!" The maniacal voice laughed at being able to catch that terrified little boy. However, in his laughing he was also frightened. Nobody had ever resisted his voice. His voice controlled all. He could make anything obey his every whim with his very voice as well as chips implanted into brains. "That boy is special! I need him to be able to finish my grand plan! On my vicious beast, run and kill all or anything that gets in our way. Remember, the boy is the target!"

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!" the beast screamed as citizens all over Tokyo was in panick over the 2 huge earthquakes had occured.

"Excellent, the boy is heading to Tokyo. Soon, he will find out the whole world is against him.....MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

Chapter 2 is coming. For now.... enjoy the Prolouge and Chapter 1: Parts 1-4