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Sableye~
February 28th, 2013, 07:37 PM
This might be considered a sensitive topic for some, and involves self-harm, okay?
So if you think you'll be bothered by it, go ahead and press that back button on your internet browser.

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Okay, to those of you who are around still, here it is.

Pretend a good friend or a relative (someone near your age, such as a sibling or cousin) has admitted to you that they've been harming him/herself. But before they tell you, they swear you to secrecy.

Would you:
-Betray that friend/relative and find help for them (or, if you're young, tell an adult)
-Keep it a secret and try to help them on your own
-Ignore the matter altogether and pretend it will take care of itself sooner or later
-(If you have a different answer, feel free to go with that one. The above are just general options)

Guy
February 28th, 2013, 07:53 PM
At first I would probably keep it to myself and try to help them to stop on my own as best as I could. If I see it going too far though or that they can't / won't stop, then I'm getting outside help. I rather that friend be angry at me not hurting themselves, than happy with me and hurting themselves.

Sweets Witch
February 28th, 2013, 08:59 PM
At first I would keep it to myself and see how I could help on my own, but if it was too much for me then I'd turn to someone else who they trust and see if we could be of more help together.

I dunno, it's a difficult situation since reaching for the help of others could easily be more dangerous than helpful. But one person is rarely ever as effective as multiple people.

Mochi
February 28th, 2013, 09:18 PM
Always tell someone. I'm in an education course right now (going into primary education) but we were discussing social issues like this which is common in high schoolers. We were even quizzed on it, and the correct answer was 'inform the school psychologist or counselor about the issue'.

But, anyway... That's something you should never keep secret. If they're telling you, then they want someone to know. They're reaching out for help just by telling you, so they aren't too enveloped in depression or whatever is causing the self-harm.

Always tell somebody, help should be sought after immediately imo. Helping them by yourself is just ego stroking, to me. Everyone wants to be the one to save someone but if they're physically harming themselves then they need a lot more help than any one individual could probably give them.

TornZero
February 28th, 2013, 09:59 PM
Always tell somebody, help should be sought after immediately imo. Helping them by yourself is just ego stroking, to me. Everyone wants to be the one to save someone but if they're physically harming themselves then they need a lot more help than any one individual could probably give them.

While I don't argue that everyone wants to be able to save someone, going straight for someone else's help can very easily do more harm than good with a high schooler, or anyone, really.

Outside help is very likely going to be necessary if you haven't dealt with and overcome a similar (and therefore may have the ability to provide coping mechanisms), but as the person who knows their secret (and swore to keep it a secret), you should do your best to try and help them get comfortable with telling a counselor or other professional.

I think it's especially necessary with high schoolers, because the vast majority of them believe they can do everything themselves, and it's a jab to their self-esteem (and in this case, their well-being) to go behind their back so blatantly — realizing they need help and telling someone that should be no exception.

shenanigans
March 1st, 2013, 07:46 AM
Heh, trying not to reply directly to anyone here, lest this turn into a debate. not that i don't think this could fit into oc&d

I'm not intervening unless they ask me to. Just because they told me about it doesn't mean it's suddenly my place to do something about it because I'm their friend; I'd listen to what they have to say, ask what's going on for them and all that, since ignoring the matter totally won't help it go away and getting people to talk about stuff is generally a good thing. But I won't try and help them myself unless they ask me to.

Further to that, I'm absolutely not about to betray their trust by telling someone external. I know I'd have a hard time dealing with a friend who did that sorta thing to me when I told them not to. How can I know that there aren't other reasons why they don't want anyone told? What makes me think that they'd trust the person I told? It'd be totally irresponsible of me, as a friend, to betray their trust. Their telling me means that they want me involved, and their asking me to keep it secret means they want only me involved. It's not right for me to take their secret and their life into my own hands.

Crux
March 1st, 2013, 10:22 AM
I've been through some deep **** before myself, to the point that after a particularly bad day I decided that I had to stand up, wipe the blood off my face and tears from my eyes, and tell life 'You hit like a *****' ...or kill myself.
Looking at it now, the one thing I needed was somebody to talk to. Somebody who wouldn't panic, who could understand and had been there. Just somebody to talk to honestly, no stupid fake smiles, or having to act like I was perfectly fine.
So that, that is what I would do.

Esper
March 1st, 2013, 10:52 AM
I would want to help them and to keep it a secret so that I could simultaneously help them and keep their trust, but I care more for helping. Plus what exactly could I do? I mean, maybe, if it seemed like the problem hadn't developed very far, like if they'd only done it once, I might just try to talk them out of it and not involve someone else, but even then I'd be worried for them and want them to get help. Help that wasn't me because I wouldn't know if I were really helping them.

Anyway, yes, I'm pretty sure I would tell someone if I thought it would help my friend.

Sableye~
March 1st, 2013, 08:34 PM
I realized earlier that this thread is just in time for self harm awareness day. I didn't plan it to be that way, though.

I would try to help them the best I can, but keep my mouth shut. If I think they need more help than I'm able to offer, I'd try to convince them to get the help of someone else. I would only tell someone without their permission as a last resort- meaning, if I think they're in a lot of danger to him/herself.

Patchisou Yutohru
March 1st, 2013, 08:37 PM
I would tell someone. My sworn secrecy means **** to me (especially since I think the whole "promise you won't _____" thing people say before they say something to you is stupid) if it means hiding something that harms them in such a way.

Brynjolf
March 2nd, 2013, 12:57 PM
At first I would keep it to myself and see how I could help on my own, but if it was too much for me then I'd turn to someone else who they trust and see if we could be of more help together.

I dunno, it's a difficult situation since reaching for the help of others could easily be more dangerous than helpful. But one person is rarely ever as effective as multiple people.

Definitely.. I'd do this.

At first I'd see if I could help without making them angry, but seriously. If you're harming yourself you need help. Regardless. Eventually I will tell someone if you don't put your chin up and stop.

Broken_Arrow
March 3rd, 2013, 01:47 PM
well betraying is cheap but i'll do it cuz if it was a matter of life and death then excuse me how will i be a good friend\sibling to a dead corpse...wow me,i kept your secret and killed you! lose me and live better than keep me and die

if it was a matter of something other than life and death i would consider helping them myself without telling anybody.

Kura
March 4th, 2013, 03:37 PM
Would you:
-Betray that friend/relative and find help for them (or, if you're young, tell an adult)
-Keep it a secret and try to help them on your own
-Ignore the matter altogether and pretend it will take care of itself sooner or later
-(If you have a different answer, feel free to go with that one. The above are just general options)
__________________

If I felt they were in danger, I don't think that reaching out to someone else would be "betraying" them. However, I'd try to work WITH them first to try and find a solution before reaching out to someone else. That is, maybe going to see a therapist for one session and walking them there to the clinic? I don't think therapists are as taboo as people make them out to be. I wouldn't ignore them. Being ignored is just gonna make someone feel worse.

Sodom
March 5th, 2013, 03:37 AM
This actually happened to me, only she didn't swear me to secrecy and the thought never crossed my mind that I should tell anybody.

I don't know why... now I feel really terrible. Maybe that was a cry for help. Holy crap, 16 year old me sucks!