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Jolteon91
February 8th, 2005, 02:03 PM
Here is my very first Pokemon fan-fiction. I hope you enjoy. It will be based on Johto, and will include the gym leaders and all. If you have ideas for events, battles, trainers, etc. please reply. If you would like to rate it fairly, please do. I'm up to comments and such. This first chapter is short just to get the story running. Other chapters will be longer. I will have a separate reply for each chapter (or section in chapter). I hope it does not cause a problem with double posting.

-Jolteon91

Jolteon91
February 8th, 2005, 02:04 PM
Chapter I

Our story begins on a bright, sunny morning in New Bark Town. New Bark Town is where the hero of our story lives. His name is Chris. He is ten years old, the age that all children cant wait to be. This town is different from towns you may know in your world. This town is not in your world, but a different one. A world with humans, like you, and pokemon. Pokemon are creatures that are like animals to you; however, very different, very different indeed. For these pokemon have powers. Today, our hero will start his journey, and will encounter many pokemon. It all startsnow

~alarm clock rings~
CHRIS: [half open eyes] Huh? [reaches over to clock] All right! [smiles]

Chris jumps out of bed, heads to the bathroom, and changes. After washing his face and brushing his white, straight teeth, he heads downstairs.

CHRIS: Something smells good!
MOM: Morning, Chris.
CHRIS: Morning. Where is dad?
MOM: Hes at the lab. Sit down and have some breakfast, youll need the energy.
CHRIS: Thanks mom, this looks good.

After a fantastic meal, Chris heads out of his house, and walks down the street to his fathers lab. Chriss father is a Pokemon Professor; he researches about pokemon in their habitats.

CHRIS: Morning dad.
DAD: Morning, Chris. Ready to choose a pokemon?
CHRIS: You bet I am! Where are they?
DAD: [walks over to a table] Here they are.

Chriss dad releases three pokemon from their pokeballs.

DAD: Here they are. The one on the right is Chikorita, the grass type pokemon. The one in the middle is Cyndaquil, the fire type pokemon. And the one on the left is Totodile, the water type pokemon.

Chris examines the three pokemon, thinking carefully on what pokemon he should get.

CHRIS: [thinks] Why am I making this so hard; I know what the answer is. Ive always wanted a water type, especially since I want to be a water type gym leader. There are no water type gym leaders in Johto, so he would be the first.

DAD: So who will it be? Chikorita, Cyndaquil, or Totodile?
CHRIS: Totodile for sure! [smiles]
DAD: Great. [returns the three pokemon] Here you go. [hands the pokemon containing Totodile] Oh! Almost forgot. [reaches into pocket and pulls out a pokedex] Youll be needing this, and five pokeballs.
CHRIS: Thanks Dad!
DAD: Well, youll want a head start on your journey. Im proud of you son. Be sure to call when you get to Violet City.
CHRIS: Sure Dad. [heads for door][turns head to Dad] Thanks again!

---
CHRIS: Come on out Totodile!
TOTODILE: Toto!
CHRIS: Toto? Hmmm Toto? Thats a great nickname! I know! Ill call you Toto! is that o.k.?
TOTO: Toto!
CHRIS: Great!

Chris and Toto walk together down the town, and stop at the beginning of a large field.

CHRIS: Here we go. This is the end of New Bark Town, and the beginning of a new journey!

[Chriss puts one foot into grass]

TO BE CONTINUED

emeraldslay
February 9th, 2005, 09:08 AM
It seems pretty good, but one thing immediately turned it off....SCRIPT! I can't stand it. I probably wont read much more, because of my passionate hate for script fics.

Blaziken Trainer
February 9th, 2005, 02:08 PM
I enjoyed it! Keep it up!

Jolteon91
February 9th, 2005, 02:30 PM
I was planning on writing it in non-script form. I think I'll try it for the next chapter, which I have began already. Thanks!

oni flygon
February 10th, 2005, 03:25 PM
*sigh*

Title is a bit too cliched and for a script fic, there's a lack of length...

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844
That link will help you...

Mandy-Chan
February 10th, 2005, 04:09 PM
I enjoyed it^^ I can't wait for the next part:)
*~Mandy~*

Strawberry Delcatty
February 14th, 2005, 09:49 PM
I couldn't help but notice that your scripting format is rather similar to mine.

Anyway, from what I can tell, it's a Trainer fic, and they're pretty much getting less popular these days. Also, it appears very rushed.

Unless you put in some description of the characters and make the fic longer, I can't really say that this fic will have a happy future.

Breezy
February 14th, 2005, 11:05 PM
*takes a crack at reviewing here*
Our story begins on a bright, sunny morning in New Bark Town. New Bark Town is where the hero of our story lives. There's not many fics where an author tells about a city and then moves onto another city where the hero lives. So those two sentences could of been combined (if you get rid of the second New Bark Town of course).

Pokemon are creatures that are like animals to you; however, very different, very different indeed.Incorrect usage of the semi-colon. Semi-colons are use to connect two independant clauses together and your second half of the semi-colon isn't a complete sentence.

A hybrid script format but not many write in correct format anyways so I'll shut my mouth up here. =X

Anyhoo, your plot is rather bland and boring right now no? You can use the trainer fic plot (the average battle gym leaders and go the to Pokmon League) as a background plot in case you run out of ideas but you can also build your own ideas on top of it. Gives the fic a kick IMO plus you'll reviewers won't bug you about your plot if you catch my drift. ;)

LaTeR dAyZ!

Geometric-sama
February 15th, 2005, 10:19 PM
Content: It's stale, unimaginative and the same as pretty much every scripted trainer fic out there. Unless you have some special twist to add to it very, very soon (ie. in the next chapter or two) I suggest you forget it.

Language: Script fics tend to be boring just because they mostly echo the Anime in basically every way, except with different characters/places/etc.

I'd probably say that you shouldn't bother continuing with this one, but if you do make sure there's something different about it. 4/10 so far.