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~Black Moonlight~
February 9th, 2005, 05:27 PM
hiya allz I just made my first poem below however I do write stories so it's kinda wierd for me this being my first poem, anyway I made this poem out of my obsession with wolves.

__________________
There is no other
other than the wolf,
with it's sometimes grayish fur coat
and silverish eyes
it leaps into the darkness
coming out at the blink of an eye
for when there's a notice there's no other
other than the wolf....
_________________________

~Black Moonlight~
February 9th, 2005, 05:35 PM
I've made another poem here too I would've put it in my other thread but the title would've messed things up and I JUST thought of it so here it is.
_______________

similar it's a world we hear everyday
wether it's the word twin, alike, the same,
it means the same for every one of them.
Similar we have alot in common me and you,
so lets try to not change it.
Similar whether it's similar cloths, paper, shoes, whatever,
it's all similar, similar like me and you.
_________________________

Kyosuke
February 9th, 2005, 08:15 PM
Not bad ~Black Moonlight~ ^^, its a good poem at explaining why so many people have a deep admiration towards wolves, and the characteristics that is involved with this wonderful agile animal.

But I think the poem would have worked better if it was written like:

There is no other
other than the wolf.
with it's sometimes grayish fur coat
and silverish eyes,
it leaps into the darkness
coming out at the blink of an eye.
For when there's a notice, there's no other
other than the wolf....

But overall its a pretty good poem to read, good job ^^'.

Miyu-chan
February 9th, 2005, 08:25 PM
Very beautiful images! I could almost imagine seeing it. =D

Too bad that it ended so quickly though... I would have liked if it was a wee bit longer. ;D

Kyosuke
February 9th, 2005, 08:32 PM
Nice poem, it really reflects how it is in a friendship when it comes to having certain things in common and how it dousn't matter what it is, its just something that keeps you as friends, along with certain common things in a relationship ^^.

It was a bit too short though, next time try making your poems slightly longer to add more depth to it for the reader to really appricate what you are writing ^^.

You might want to edit some words though:

similar it's a world we hear everyday
wether it's the word twin, alike, the same,
it means the same for every one of them.
Similar we have alot in common me and you,
so lets try to not change it.
Similar whether it's similar cloths, paper, shoes, whatever,
it's all similar, similar like me and you.

And if you want, I can merge this thread with your other poem and rename it ~Black Moonlight's~ poems or something XD.

Dignity
February 10th, 2005, 11:03 AM
Well, LT is right, it is a bit short, and there is some spelling errors. I also think that after each similar, at the begginning of each line, there should be a ',' . ^_^ But, since you are just begginning, you have to get some credit. xD;; Try harder next time. ~origin

Dignity
February 10th, 2005, 11:07 AM
hiya allz I just made my first poem below however I do write stories so it's kinda wierd for me this being my first poem, anyway I made this poem out of my obsession with wolves.

__________________
There is no other,
other than the wolf,
with it's sometimes grayish fur coat,
and silverish eyes,
it leaps into the darkness ,
coming out at the blink of an eye.
For when there's a notice, there's no other
other than the wolf....
_________________________

I like this poem, but all of your poems seem to be a bit short. =\ In the bold parts of your poem, I put some commas and a period there. I think they would help a lot. =) Good job, but keep trying. ~origin

flame_chi
February 21st, 2005, 06:51 PM
i like this poem alot. its very good, but the spellin part
but its very good. everyone not perfect ^^