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oni flygon
February 24th, 2005, 07:22 PM
Heya! Since a poem thread won't work because I'm not popular in these parts... I decied to make individual threads for my poems...>.> Like this one! X3 Please enjoy this poem (it's more of a song...but oh well...XD) I wrote ... and please do reply! :nervous: (Gee...I sound desperate) I'm open for criticisms, too! ^__^

I am jealous but I don't want to be

Its in my mind and you know I cant forget

Am I the only one and its kinda stuck in my head
Must I keep thinking of that stupid song that they sang?

Just the same old line over and over again
Every note they made irritated me out of my mind
Always the same message that they try to imply
Love hurts, yeah whatever I dont care
Of all the songs why do they like it?
Unless everyone is crazy or its just me
Simply because Im sick and tired of romance

But you know I try not to be
Unless of course you want me to hurt myself
These thoughts wont go away, I must confess

Its in my mind again and you know I cant forget

Do they only have one song, because Im getting tired of it
Oh of all things, why this horrible feeling?
No one has ever felt true love without true jealousy
Tell me please that I never felt true love before

Wishing I wasnt but I couldnt seem to deny it
All I wanted to do is to be your friend
Never did I intended to be like this
To be a jealous lover, I know you have no time for this

Thinking of you and your newly found lover
Oh I wanted to leave you alone but I cant seem to do that

But nowadays I can only think of one thing:
Everything will be alright

I am jealous but I dont want to be

Miyu-chan
February 24th, 2005, 07:56 PM
*is caught reading the poem* xD;

I <3 ed it, 'specially the conflict 'tween Man vs Self. I loved how you wrote various reasons, explaining the protagonist's feelings, and the last verse was just beautiful. It describes how all of us feels sometimes. n___n

Great job! xD *worships*

Kelsey
February 25th, 2005, 02:12 PM
Awws, you're plenty popular around here! At least to me ya are. XD *glomps*

This poem was a good one along with your other works. ^^ I have one suggestion, you need to use puncuation more. If you've noticed, in my poems and any other poem, there should be commas, colons, semi-colons, periods, etc. at the end of each line. This really helps when it comes to the flow of a poem. ^___^

Well, this poem was really neat. ^o^ It made you think of what love is truly about. It seems as though there are stages of love. First, you fall hopelessly in love and feel as though this is just the happiest feeling of all. But then love turns to heartbreak and sorrow, as you are cast into a world that you yourself have never been to before.

Jealousy seems to be yet another stage of love. For after denial of not loving your 'true love' anymore after how much hurt they had caused you, you become jealous over them, only showing that your feelings about them are just as strong as they ever have been. ^^

Weeee, great work Niko! *huggles and snuggles* Yet another awsome poem. ^^

~Kelsey

oni flygon
February 25th, 2005, 09:43 PM
Thanks everyone! X3
Thanks Kelsey-mommy! XD *huggles back*

I'm surprised no one has noticed that the poem is in acrostic form... ^^;;

Kelsey
February 26th, 2005, 09:11 AM
<3 *huggles and snuggles Niko* Well, as I have always said, I'm always gonna be one to notice them, for not only are your poems so enchanting and beautiful, but I'm in here a lot, so it'd be hard for me to miss it. XD

~Kelsey

oni flygon
February 26th, 2005, 09:12 AM
No... not that mommy...XD
I mean read every first letter of each line... ^^ *huggles and snuggles back* X3

MegaDitto
February 26th, 2005, 09:16 AM
Thanks everyone! X3
Thanks Kelsey-mommy! XD *huggles back*

I'm surprised no one has noticed that the poem is in acrostic form... ^^;;
Well mothers do know best.I like the poem very much Oni.And you are very popular around Pokecommunity.Youre a well like mod.I could see that the poem is really based on your emoition.

oni flygon
February 26th, 2005, 09:30 AM
Really? XD
I don't know if I can be that popular... XD

MegaDitto
February 26th, 2005, 09:32 AM
Really? XD
I don't know if I can be that popular... XD
Stop being negative.You are liked.Like look at your fan club,rep,buddy list.You are liked but if you are nevative like right now,mabye you should make a poem on it.

oni flygon
February 26th, 2005, 09:46 AM
My fan club died, my rep is disabled, and my buddy list hasn't been updated for a year...>.>

XD

But you're right...I shouldn't be all pesisimistic and stuff...^^

KLS
February 26th, 2005, 09:16 PM
0_o, ub3rly long, makes me want to stop reading, but i enjoyed it, great job.