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View Full Version : Never ending love.......


crazed flareon
February 27th, 2005, 12:53 PM
Love of my life, cripples and dies, She gone with the wind and never coming back, she told me im imature, but she dosnt "really" know me,
I'm falling to peices without her,will I get her back? Only God knows.
Shattering me, drops of blood spew from this broken heart, I'm begining to think it'll never be repaired, As I strive to care I'll never share I feel so bare!

EvIL_CAjUN_CHIkIN
February 27th, 2005, 03:11 PM
That was sad........And I know what it's about too......

Kelsey
February 27th, 2005, 06:47 PM
Love of my life, cripples and dies, She gone with the wind and never coming back, she told me im imature, but she dosnt "really" know me,
I'm falling to peices without her,will I get her back? Only God knows.
Shattering me, drops of blood spew from this broken heart, I'm begining to think it'll never be repaired, As I strive to care I'll never share I feel so bare!

Awwws, what a sad poem! ;o; It was still quite good, however. ^__^ You showed what heartbreak and envy can be like. Heartbreak; for when you lose the one you hold dear, and feel as though all is lost. Yet you still yearn to have her back. <3

And envy; for knwoing that only God is your witness, and only God knows of what is to come. ^_^

First thing's first, your format is kinda sloppy and makes the flow kinda choppy. =\ Here, I've rearranged it, see if this helps. ^o^

The love of my life cripples and dies,
She's gone with the wind and never coming back.
She told me I'm immature, but she doesn't "really" know me,
For I'm falling to peices without her.

Will I get her back? Only God knows...
Shattering me; drops of blood spew from this broken heart,
I'm beginning to think it'll never be repaired,
As I strive to care I'll never share for I feel so bare!

OK, I tried my best to clean it up a little. ^^ Now, the way I did it, I corrected your spelling and grammar mistakes as well as added a few missing words to help it flow much much smoother. ^___^ Otherwise, your poem is very good. ^^ Keep up the nice work! ;D

~Kelsey

crazed flareon
February 27th, 2005, 06:49 PM
Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anacortes
March 2nd, 2005, 05:12 PM
Aww..It's too bad you can't make more.
It dosent matter the layout really, as long as it's a piece of writing.
But remember, hope shall always come at the last moment! XD
What inspired you to write this..?