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~Ozy~
February 27th, 2005, 07:50 PM
Inhale
Open your eyes, look and see
The hopeless path lying at my feet.
Exhale

Rise
Gleam of steel, most precious friend
Another life brought to an end.
Fall

Create
Bound by honor, bound by duty
Strength of my vows obscuring all beauty.
Destroy

Far from my best, I don't really like it. It's still i rough form, but I'm kind stuck as far as revisions. I started writing it to go with my current theme on here. Tell me what you think.

crazed flareon
February 27th, 2005, 07:52 PM
Dude I thought I'd never say this but I think your perfect at everything here on the P.C. I give it a 10 out of 10! Good job!

Psychotic_Demon
February 28th, 2005, 03:21 PM
Saphi wubs it!! *gives rep* Wait a sec, it won't let me... Either way, it was really good.

Kyosuke
March 1st, 2005, 02:49 PM
I really enjoyed that one, the death and the way its told tells alot about the character's personality, and how the amount of self duty thats being felt is so strong that, no real emotions can show to express what is really being felt inside.

Great job another fine example to show people that poetry dousn't have to be long in length, but can still deliver in the end ^^.

~Ozy~
March 2nd, 2005, 08:10 PM
Why thank you all. It still feels a little unfinished to me, though. Suggestions?