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View Full Version : ~几ife of a Legend: Mew才


lilbluecorsola
March 5th, 2005, 11:12 AM
This one was okay, though not as great as the others when considering emotions... I'm proud of the description though. ^^;

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A tiny, pink-furred creature sat upon a glistening rainbow bubble in the center of the lake, hovering just a foot above the water. All around her sprouted an abundant amount of plantlife, lush and verdant due to their location near the water's edge. As she shifted positions every now and then, the sphere on which she sat on would bob slightly, occasionally touching the smooth, mirror-like surface of the pool and sending faint ripples across the pond. The orb itself shimmered in an amalgam of colors as the dappled sunlight struck upon it; golden rays shafted through the multiple screens of emerald that sheltered the place.

The being herself was not extraordinarily unusual, especially in a world where nearly nothing was considered out of the ordinary. In fact, compared to some of her flashier cousins, this creature was quite plain. She was covered from head to toe in a coat of short, carnation fur, barely any variation in hue anywhere on her body, and a long, feline tail extended from her behind, swishing in the air. Her form was minute, delicate, as well as elegant. Her expression retained a touch of childness however, the entire creature perhaps resembling a kitten.

Bright, brilliant cobalt optics stared curiously out at her surroundings, eagerly soaking them all in. She seemed positively fascinated by the world around her, even though she had lived in that area all her life. She was also incredibly cheerful and relaxed too, reclining on her bubble as she surveyed the beauty all around her.

But she is alone.

There weren't any others of her kind around, and if you searched and scoured the entire world, you would not find them. They were gone, wiped off the face of the entire earth. They'd been slaughtered, every one of them, by savage, two-legged creatures, who cared for nothing but themselves. They were cruel beings, ravaging and reaping the world of nature's precious offerings for their profit alone.

Yet she is happy.

Indeed she was. Having grown restless after remaining stationary for so long, the creature had discarded her bubble, which vanished with a satisfying pop. Now she was turning cartwheels in the air out of pure joy and playfulness.

Despite all the pain and suffering she has witnessed and experienced, she is happy.

After releasing the gathered burst of energy, she lazily drifted down to surface of the lake, a light pink foot dancing upon its calm surface. Once the waves that distorted the waters had subsided, she stared at the clear image of herself reflected back at her. Her eyes watched as the other creature's smile grew thin, and its feline ears drooped downwards at the sight of another of its kind. The only one left in the world.

She is not completely ignorant, however.

Reaching forward tentatively with a furry pink paw, she caressed the water replica lovingly, causing another round of silvery circles to emerge and bounce against one another. This occurrence, though trivial, seemed to delight her enough to make her perform a loop-de-loop in the air.

Still, she is happy.

Why?

This, unfortunately, was not a question that could be answered by simply observing.

The cat drifted slowly to the nearby shore, and with an energetic flick of her wrist, re-conjured the bubble into existence. Gratefully, she flopped onto it, resettling into her former seated position.

Although she seemed not to notice it, a great phoenix effigy perched beside her, a blazing golden and rainbow silhouette against the pastel, sunset background. Its colossal form resembled that of a bird, two gargantuan, orange wings folded neatly on either side of its body. The pink cat appeared completely oblivious to its existence however, despite its flaming might and glory being a considerable detraction to the atmosphere. And if she realized that those two auburn eyes, encircled in a ring of charcoal, were watching her, she made no comment.

For a minute, all was quiet, save for the soft bubbling of ripples dancing across the lake, and the chirping of nearby insects. Placid silence enraptured the entire area, and both creatures took a moment to enjoy it, neither acknowledging the other's presence.

It was the larger being who spoke at last, ringing, bell-like tones interrupting the calm.

"The lake is pretty, is it not?"

The rosy cat glanced upward and nodded eagerly, blue eyes sparkling. "Oh, it is. Especially at this time of year, when all the flowers are in bloom. I should know. I've lived here all my life. When I see the water, laced in patterns of pink and white lilies, I think it's simply enchanting, don't you? Oh! See that pretty lilypad over there? Doesn't it look absolutely lovely, surrounded by green and azure waters?"

The other creature's beak curled upwards in a slightly crooked smile. While puzzled by the cat's behavior, the bird evidently enjoyed her chatter.

"But it is a bit lonely, no?" the bells continued to ring, determined on pursuing the reason why this creature was so cheerful.

The cat's smile faded slightly at the mention of the subject. "Yes, I suppose so," she murmured with a dramatic sigh.

The bird's long neck craned over to gaze at the pink creature emphatically.

"Do you know where the others have gone?" The being watched her reaction intently, eager to know if she was aware of the truth.

She nodded slightly, and her expression informed the bird that she did indeed know what had happened to her species.

The phoenix turned to gaze at the lake again. "Do you know who did it?"

Shocked, she turned towards the larger creature. "Who?" she asked, struggling to maintain a steady voice, desire for the knowledge burning in her eyes.

"Humans," was the answer, the tone resentful.

"Humans," she repeated softly. The concept was fairly new to her, although she recollected mentions of them in fairy tales and nursery rhymes, read to her at night. Usually, they were spoken of as hideous monsters that walked on two legs, destroying whatever was in their way for their gain alone. Often, parents would use the myth to scold their young ones, teasing that the humans would come to get them if they weren't good. Though her parents had spoken of them numerous times, she'd never truly believed they were real up until now. They were just sort of like bogeymen, childhood imaginings meant to be feared whilst young then disposed of once maturity set in.

But they were real, weren't they? By the larger being's voice, she could tell the bird firmly believed they existed. And, whatever this being said, she felt obliged to believe.

The phoenix had been watching her ponder all this time, retaining a patient silence, awaiting her answer.

Much to the bird's surprise, she simply asked curiously, "Why?"

Stunned by such an odd question, coming from one in her position, it took a few moments before the phoenix responded, his expression grave.

"They are blinded by their own ego... They've nearly forgotten the meaning of love..."

Both gazed out towards the lake, and watched as an aurora of blue and green colored lights danced beneath its surface.

"They don't know how to appreciate life, do they?" she whispered.

A soft, rueful sigh emitted from the golden beak. "Once, they knew. They enjoyed beauty and laughter as much as you do now, young one. But over time, their 'superiority' began to take control over their minds. Now they believe they are above everyone and everything, which is most certainly untrue."

A sour expression appeared on the beast's face, but the small cat paid no heed, deep in thought.

"If someone could teach them... to love again... Do you think they would be... alright?"

The phoenix's head swiveled around, astonished at the genuine concern displayed in the cat's voice. "You don't mean to say you care about them? Even after all they've done to you?"

"Of course I care about them," she responded firmly, equally astonished at the bird's reaction to her consideration, "Life is beautiful, and all living things deserve a chance to enjoy it." Her voice grew softer, slightly embarrassed. "I should like to give them that chance. That is, if I could."

The phoenix watched her nervous form sternly for a minute, perplexed. At last, the bells rang again loudly in a chuckle.

Startled, the cat glanced uncomfortably in the bird's direction. "Why are you laughing?"

"You intrigue me, young one," the phoenix replied with a warm, reassuring smile.

As she returned the smile, the other's orange and auburn wingtips spread outwards in flight stance. In a downfall of shimmering rainbow feathers, the larger being took off, soaring against the rose and scarlet skies.

Below, the cat hesitated, then eagerly followed, pushing off against the orb to take flight in the air. The abandoned bubble drifted lazily towards the earth, and disappeared out of sight as the pair continued upwards, spiraling past layers of thick, pearly cloud.

"You may give them that chance, young one," the phoenix spoke as they ascended, "I am ensuring you now with the responsibility to educate the world. Enlighten them, Humans and Pok幦on alike, with your wisdom. Teach them to understand and appreciate life, to respect and cherish the joys that are given to them."

They reached cosmic skies, pitch black with a tint of lavender hue. The vast expanse of ebony and amethyst was speckled with twinkling points of silvery light and draped in thick, lavender ribbons of mist. Ho-Oh's bells rang once again, echoing throughout time and space.

"Please, help show them the way."

Mew's sapphire optics sparkled with delight, and she hastened forward to hover beside the phoenix.

"I will. I promise I will. I will teach them..."

As the duo drifted onwards together at a much slower pace, she whispered softly the last words of the sentence.

"To love."

Chibi Pika
March 5th, 2005, 05:10 PM
Come on, your emotions are the best part of your fics! Come to think of it, the description rules all, too. I've lost my ability to criticize with you ^^;;;
Ahh, da ficcy that started it all, in terms of the armageddon series. Lesse, in order of the story, it went Mew, Ho-oh, Delia's Promise, Final Trials, then Point of Light, with Finality after Ho-oh, right? Or is Point of Light earlier? @_@ Gah, anyways, I love this series, and again it's amazing how they all flow together, yet at the same time are completely seperate.

And blah, I forgot to review Jirachi *runs off to do so.*

~Chibi~

lilbluecorsola
March 5th, 2005, 05:16 PM
Come on, your emotions are the best part of your fics! Come to think of it, the description rules all, too. I've lost my ability to criticize with you ^^;;;
Ahh, da ficcy that started it all, in terms of the armageddon series. Lesse, in order of the story, it went Mew, Ho-oh, Delia's Promise, Final Trials, then Point of Light, with Finality after Ho-oh, right? Or is Point of Light earlier? @_@ Gah, anyways, I love this series, and again it's amazing how they all flow together, yet at the same time are completely seperate.

And blah, I forgot to review Jirachi *runs off to do so.*

~Chibi~

Chibi! 8D *glomps* I've been waiting for reviews. XP

XP But the emotions weren't all that deep in this one, which is why I don't like it.

Wait, are you listing them in order of occurence or when they were written? Because in the story, Delia's promise came before Ho-Oh. o.O; I think. And yeah, Finality was after Ho-Oh. I think. o.O;

XD S'okay. Thanks for reviewing this one! *Supa Lolly*

Breezy
March 5th, 2005, 05:47 PM
She was covered from head to toe in a coat of short, carnation fur, barely any variation in hue anywhere on her body, and a long, feline tail extended from her behind, swishing in the air.Not a major misplaced modifier here but you're saying that her entire behind was swishing in the air, not her tail. :P
Her expression retained a touch of childness however, the entire creature perhaps resembling a kitten.However doesn't really work in that sentence. "Though her expression was tainted with childness, she resembled a kitten" is pretty much what you're saying here. There wasn't anything before that sentence either that would prove that she wasn't child-ish looking so you might want to fix that. Or correct me if I'm wrong of course.

Some other errors both grammatical and sentence structure wise, but nothing too big to point out.

You write description beautifully and vividly lilblue. I wub it. ^_^ I also love Mew's emotions in this fic (you DO write good emotion-packed one-shots lol. Don't argue it, just agree); innocent yet wise (despite the fact that she might not even know that).

Good portrayal for both Ho-oh and Mew. I love how us humans are the demons. >=D Lol.

You are improving on vocabulary too which is always a wonderful thing; always try and build that up. Though, I find it rather ironic that your vocabulary is building yet your adjectives on color are still bland. While you did use "cobalt", "sapphire", and "emerald", the majority of colors were just "blue", "pink", and a few others. Pink especially; I didn't catch any adjectives for that.

Besides that though, no complaints on your fic. A good mixture of both emotion and description that packed a pretty good punch. :)

LaTeR dAyZ!

Chibi Pika
March 5th, 2005, 10:21 PM
Wait, are you listing them in order of occurence or when they were written? Because in the story, Delia's promise came before Ho-Oh. o.O; I think. And yeah, Finality was after Ho-Oh. I think. o.O;
Yeah, occurence...before ho-oh? Oh, wow, I am mixed up, isn't Ho-oh the one where they're talking again and Mew first begins her search for the light? I think. Blah, I don't remember, but I thought that would therefore make it before Ho-oh made Ash. @_@

~Chibi~

SilverBlaze09
March 6th, 2005, 04:58 AM
There weren't any others of her kind around, and if you searched and scoured the entire world


Err, you don't need both. They mean the same thing, except "scouring" is an advanced form of "searching".

They'd been slaughtered, every one of them, by savage, two-legged creatures, who cared for nothing but themselves.

*groans* Not another "evil humans" fic!?!? Those things are everywhere!!
bubble in the center of the lake,
surface of the pool
across the pond
surface of the lake,
dancing across the lake,
You get the idea. I think you're going for "lake", but there was the other two...
Gotta go. SB

lilbluecorsola
March 6th, 2005, 07:29 AM
Not a major misplaced modifier here but you're saying that her entire behind was swishing in the air, not her tail. :P
However doesn't really work in that sentence. "Though her expression was tainted with childness, she resembled a kitten" is pretty much what you're saying here. There wasn't anything before that sentence either that would prove that she wasn't child-ish looking so you might want to fix that. Or correct me if I'm wrong of course.

Some other errors both grammatical and sentence structure wise, but nothing too big to point out.

You write description beautifully and vividly lilblue. I wub it. ^_^ I also love Mew's emotions in this fic (you DO write good emotion-packed one-shots lol. Don't argue it, just agree); innocent yet wise (despite the fact that she might not even know that).

Good portrayal for both Ho-oh and Mew. I love how us humans are the demons. >=D Lol.

You are improving on vocabulary too which is always a wonderful thing; always try and build that up. Though, I find it rather ironic that your vocabulary is building yet your adjectives on color are still bland. While you did use "cobalt", "sapphire", and "emerald", the majority of colors were just "blue", "pink", and a few others. Pink especially; I didn't catch any adjectives for that.

Besides that though, no complaints on your fic. A good mixture of both emotion and description that packed a pretty good punch. :)

LaTeR dAyZ!

XP Gah. I must have made a lot of mistakes.

We are demons. >.<

o.O; Okay, on the colors thing. When I first began my fic writing, a lot of people started to complain that I used too many different words to replace colors, especially blue. Because of that, the shades seemed to change throughout the story. Since then, I've been trying to decrease the amount of replacing words I use, or at least use the same one consecutively throughout the fic. (And are you sure about pink? I thought I must've used 'rose' or 'carnation' somewhere...)

XP Thanks Breezy. *Supa Lolly*

Yeah, occurence...before ho-oh? Oh, wow, I am mixed up, isn't Ho-oh the one where they're talking again and Mew first begins her search for the light? I think. Blah, I don't remember, but I thought that would therefore make it before Ho-oh made Ash. @_@

o.O; Delia's Promise was among the first. At that time, the world wasn't so bad, but Mew did request for Ash to be created. Years later, after Ash left home, she returned to Ho-Oh. That's when the world really started to crumble, and she began to search for the light again.

Err, you don't need both. They mean the same thing, except "scouring" is an advanced form of "searching".

Quote:

They'd been slaughtered, every one of them, by savage, two-legged creatures, who cared for nothing but themselves.



*groans* Not another "evil humans" fic!?!? Those things are everywhere!!

Quote:
bubble in the center of the lake,



Quote:
surface of the pool



Quote:
across the pond



Quote:
surface of the lake,



Quote:
dancing across the lake,


You get the idea. I think you're going for "lake", but there was the other two...
Gotta go. SB

*XD's and XP's* I made that many mistakes? XD XD XD

Humans are evil. o.O; Well, actually, only certain characters in my fics think that, including Ho-Oh and Mewtwo. Mew is the one who believes they are good. =O

Meh. *is too lazy to edit her fic* XP It's not my best anyway...