PDA

View Full Version : Legend of the Pokeman(Ash has a twin?)


White_Winter_Wolf
March 29th, 2005, 05:50 PM
Hi everyone. This is my first pokemon fic so it might have some errors. I eccept flames, but be gentle. I got burned on my last Harry Potter fic and [I've still got a sunburn. please R&R. Luv Ya. :)

Legend of the Pokeman:Chp. 1 Dreams of a Horrid Past
Ash Ketchum and his friends, Brock, May and Max, are on the road once again and are headed to Viridain City( probaly spelt wrong). May and Max's dad, Norman, is there and he invited the gang to come visit. They're camping out in the pokemon center near rock tunnel. They decided to take rock tunnel tomorrow to Cerulan then take a train from Cerulan to Viridian. Ash can't wait to entroduce May and Max to Misty. May isn't so sure. According to Brock Ash was suppost to have a thing for Misty, and there was no way someone was was gonna steal her Ash!
The gang falls asleep fast after a big dinner, cooked by Brock. May and Max curl up together, and Brock sleeps near by. Ash sleeps a little farther from the fire and pikachu sleeps on Ash. Ash doesn't think he will ever fal asleep, but then a strange feeling takes pver him and he dozes off.
_________________________________________________________________
Misty looks around,*Ash keeps leadng us in circles, I really hope we don't get lost.* Ash keeps running, ignoring his breathless companions, between buildings and up and down streets. She sighed, *He has no clue where he's leading us.*
"Ash can we go back to the pokemon center? I prefer Brock flirting with nurse Joys then running around nowhere" "No Misty. I don't know why but I feel like I'm being dragged somewhere." "Come on Ash . There is no such thing as spirits controling your mind and guiding you a magical lake in the middle of a firest. We're in Viridian City, stop the fantasies!'' She suddenly heard Brock gasp, pikachu mutter "pika pi", and saw Ash freeze in front of her, mouth hanging wide open. She looked past him and almost fainted. Out of nowhere lay a huge lake glistening in the moonlight. If somelse knew about this place they sure didn't put it on a map. It was silent strange since a minute ago you could hear peolpe shouting, pokemon crying and cars driving. It was scary, very scary seeing she had just said that it was impossible. She looked at Ash. He was staring at something across the lake. She followed his gaze and came even closer to fainting. There was a girl staringback at them from across the lake. She had on bluejeans, a black t-shirt, and a red league hat like Ash's. Her was unruly and as black as the ebony sky back dropping her. But scarest was the warm amber eyes that seemed like they were looking straight through Misty. "She looks just like..." Miisty stared at Ash. ''She looks like me" "Pika pi?'' Ash ignored the question and keep staring. Suddenly, in a bright flash of light, the girl was standing right in front of Ash looking deeply into his eyes. Ash gasped, for through her eyes he remembered things he thought never could have happened.
_________________________________________________________________
Flames danced around him as he struggled to breath. His small size, and low level made it impossiable to escape the fire. He looked around and saw that his pals mudkip and pichu were also trapped. He felt the roof above take it last breath and saw it fall in slow motion... He saw light! He must have been in Pokevan, but then he looked around. Behind him was a burning tower and there was the body of a dead torchic inside. It was him. "Ho!" He turned around, Hoho! He was a spirt! slowly his, and his two pokemon friend's, souls began to filter into new forms. Pichu became Raicu, Mudkip became Sucuine, and felt himself slowly become Entai. He didn't want to become entai! Entai was to, boring! He slowly let part of his soul filter out of him and sent it into a human. Right before he left with Hoho and tolf the man that one of his heirs would have twins. The girl would contral the boy until he found true love, then she take over. The boy would gifted with the abillitie to become Entairous and he would be the Pokeman. She was his tamer until the Cloud Goddess took contral. "Please name them after the volcanoe and be careful, if the goddess and boy aren't always together the effects could be terriable."
_________________________________________________________________
Ash gasped and fell on his knees. Misty and Pikachu ran to his side while Brock got togepi whom Misty had dropped. "Ash!" "pikapi!"
"Speak to me Ash!" Misty half cried, halr screamed.
"What?" Misty looked at the girl, confused.
"Your not Ash!" "Wanna bet?" Ash slowly stood up, the look in his eyes bewildering. Part fear, part confusion, part anger, and part joy.
" She is Ash, Misty." turning to the girl he said, "Ashley, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes Ashton. Named after th volcanoe. They did do a good job naming us didn't, brother.
"BROTHER!"

Mechajoseph
March 30th, 2005, 02:46 PM
DUHNDUHNDUHN! I likes it! It got confusing here and there, but good,7/10

Pokemon Trainer Red
March 30th, 2005, 04:47 PM
Man.... is confusing o_o?????????????

White_Winter_Wolf
April 4th, 2005, 06:06 PM
Its confusing? Well its my first fic in pokemon so... I dont know. Maybe you could tell me whats wrong and help me out

Frostweaver
April 4th, 2005, 06:21 PM
it will definitely help if you read all the current stickies first, and then try reading the fanfics that are awarded "Fanfic of the Week" to see what's so special about them. The fanfics that scored my own personal Standard of Excellence achievement can help too (link to those stories in my sig).

Try to learn what's in those respectable stories, yet are absent in yours.

White_Winter_Wolf
April 4th, 2005, 06:23 PM
Thanks Frostweaver. I do that and my next thread will be better.

Asura Nirosuki
April 4th, 2005, 06:29 PM
Wow that really hade suspense and action*gives rep point*be sure to check each word carefully.^~

IceKing
April 5th, 2005, 03:59 PM
Likes
Suspense
The Tin Tower scene
Story

Dislikes
PARAGRAPHING!
Spelling
Confusing (because of paragraphing)

Remember to write your story in a Word Processor if you dont already. What makes this story confusing is mainly its paragraphing like I said under dislikes. There should be spaces in between paragraphs (dont use tab because it doesnt work) and new paragraphs for each new dialogue and central "idea"

White_Winter_Wolf
April 6th, 2005, 06:24 PM
Hi! I'm updating. Yeah! Thanks to everybody who posted. It really helps. I'm gonna fix my paragraphing and I've got a dictionary handy! Spelling is no longer a problem. :D
"They did a good job naming us, didn't they brother."
"BROTHER!" Misty screamed in shock, "Ash, she said you are her brother."
"Yes she did, and Ashley's right." Ash responed in montone.
"I didn't know you had a sister Ash." Brock stated, as confused and shocked as Misty.
"Netheir did I, but I've got a gut feeling she's telling the truth."
"What kind of feeling," Misty asked concerned, "good or bad?"
"Bad." Ash answered. Never once during this converstation did his eyes leave Ashely's. Both brown pools seemed to drown each other, as the twins gained a new understanding of the world. The understaning of lose and pain, then of rebirth and joy. Ashley slowly walked forward till she was a inch or so from Ash.
"No, dear brother. A feeling of something good. We are together, you are safe."
"Sister, I do not understand." Ash said, confused by what she said he felt and what he actually felt.
"I'll examplain. I'm sorry to say this, but our father was evil. When we were born, they knew immediatly that we were the spoken of twins. Our father took me away from you and mom. His hope that without me, your anger would raise to the point that you would transform. He then would use you to take over the world. That's why your mom tried to keep you always happy. If you remember, Team Rocket faired far worse, the angrer you became. Luckily, I followed you everyday since you left Pallet. With me near by, you could not get out of control." Ashley reached out and touched Ash's face. "I'll be with you till you find true love, but I do not think that will ever happen."
At those words, new feelings began to flow through Ash. Her touch, it burned. Fury, worse then any he every felt for Team Rocket, built up inside of him. His gaze blurred and visions pasted through his sight. Visions of Misty; when they first meet, dancing with him, being pulled into a sewer by a bulbasaur, flirting with Rudy, saving his life in the Orange Islands and many more. Then red light shaded his veiw. Ash wasn't just angry, he was mad.
"NO!" he screamed. Ashley backed away and gasped. It was happening. Ashley was no longer in control. He had found true love. But if his true love didn't know they loved him, terriable things would happen. Only the Water Goddess could stop him. But who was that?
Misty stared at Ash as he floated up in the air. It looked like he was on fire, the way his eyes glowed and hair stood up. His black hair began to spread down the outward facing parts of his body. The inward parts turning blood red. Silver bands formed on hir wrists and ankles. He looked just like entai, except for the humanoid form. Blood red eyes stared at Misty with a look of hate.
"Enn taii. Taii taii enn."
"Pika! Chu pika pi!" pikachu gasped and translated for Brock, Misty and Ahley. "Ash says,'Humans do wrong, must meet wrath of Hoho chosen pure.'" Ash's eyes paled to white and a strong wind picked up.
"He powering up a foresight strong enough to take out Veridian City!" Brock shouted over the howl of the wind. Misty then did something unprediticable. She walked closer to Ash. She let out a scream as flames left his mouth and burned her skin, but she kept going. She reached out and touched Ash. As their skin brush Misty's clothes transformed. Her hair grew till it reached her knees. She wore long cerulan robes and crystal arm bands. There was also a crystal circiulet in her hair. The wind stopped. Everything stopped.
"The Water Goddess," Ashley whispered in awe. Ash then transformed back to normal Ash. His eyes returned to normal before closing. He fell to the ground and collasped. Misty returned to normal and ran to Ash's side, Brock and pikachu close behind.
"He'll be find." Ashey said, then turned to Misty, "Your now his tamer. Stay by his side forever. That should be easy since he's your true love. He will not remember this." She turned to go, but stopped, "Oh and Brock..." She looked at Brock and smirked. She blew him a kiss and vanished.
"Brock, you got a girl!" Misty shouted.
"Pika pi!"
"I loved it, but she looks like Ash!"
"Whats wrong with Ash?" Misty asked, threatenly.
[INDENT]"Um... Nothing!
"Good." Misty then turned to Ash, "I love you."
_________________________________________________________________
'I love you.' the words stayed in his head as Ash woke up. "What a weird dream," he muttered, "I've a funny feeling, it's true."

Thanks for reading chapter two! Post respones pleaz. Long, I know. I also don't like the past tense of the first part. It will change so bare with me Luv Ya:) :15:

Asura Nirosuki
April 7th, 2005, 10:46 PM
It sort of over loaded with the Entai thing.Over all....You have it to the next round of American Idol! thank you people and good night!. .....Did i just say that out of my thought bubble?*blinks*Any ways!!! It was a great one-shot story^^.

United squirtle
May 7th, 2005, 05:29 AM
I loved it hope you make more chapters.

Brendon
May 10th, 2005, 05:32 PM
I think you made a AAML story?

Gohan
May 12th, 2005, 03:47 PM
Awesome! Ya know if you like used longer words and more details that could've been two different chapters just as long as that. Anyway nice job! I can't wait for more!

Sesshomaru
May 12th, 2005, 04:11 PM
really confusin i give it a 4/10

Brendon
May 13th, 2005, 11:17 PM
i'll give ya a 50/10 and kirby does also <(^_^)>

United squirtle
May 14th, 2005, 06:50 AM
Hek I'll give your story 1,000 out of 100.

pokemonmew
May 15th, 2005, 04:49 AM
Your story too good.I will rate 15.5/10