PDA

View Full Version : Shadow War 3


Icy42
April 3rd, 2005, 07:41 PM
Chapter 1 :: The Robbery
GEC and I were walking around in the Spirit Realm, doing what we usually did there; selling priceless, powerful Black Diamonds on the street. Suddenly, the entire Realm started shaking! In the middle of the street, a portal was forming! Once the Portal was fully formed, A Shadow Demon from the Shadow Realm stepped out. A Shadow Demon is aphysically strong shadow creature. Of Course, this brute was not welcome to our shop. But just as we expected, he walked over and said in a deeply angry tone,
"I'll be taking these now if you don't mind." Our special Diamonds started glowing with dark violet energy. They started floating and POOF! The Diomands were suddenly gone!
"Aserath Ice BEAM!!" I yelled, trying to undo his spell.
"Water Wave!!" GEC yelled. With both of our attacks together, this resident of the Shadow Realm didn't have a chance even if his power level was 25 levels higher! He fell, gasping in pain (dying) and vanished...

Since nobody's responding, I'll write the next chapter.

Chapter 2 :: The Boss
GEC and I closed shop and traveled to the Blizzard realm to supply for the journey. I asked,
"We probably should fuse our energy before we start, right?"
"Yeah." said GEC.
"Azarath...Metrion...Zinthos....Luna-Twin-Zoa!" We said together. We started glowing and our auras swirled around each other and mixed. The shockwave sent us flying backward. Our new power level was 64!
"C'mon, GEC! We have to get those diamonds back!"
"Yeah! This time, I'll make the Portal." A flash of light came from her hand and the Portal to the Shadow Realm opened! The next thing we saw was an army of Shadow Demons Each one armed with 1 of our Diamonds and a Shadow Spear. Leading them was Outer Serpent!

Here comes Chapter 3!

Chapter 3 :: The Fleeing
"Glacier Line!!" I yelled. Blue cracks in the ground rocketed over to the Army. Five entire Column dropped dead!
"Water Wave!!" Water swirled around in the center of the Army. Zzzttt! All the rest of the Army were shocked to death! We had defeated Outer Serpent's Army!
"Th.. That's im... impossible!!! You will pay! Do you hear me!?!" Outer Serpent cried, in shock. He slithered away. The battle was over. We could retrive our crystals!
"Sohtniz.. Noirtem.. Htaraza!" The diamands began to glow and We teleported them to the Blizzard Realm.

Kyosuke
April 4th, 2005, 11:34 AM
Nice story DEC, but you should work on getting more of the descriptions down, then starting nw chapters that don't seem very long.

Such as: "GEC and I were walking around in the Spirit Realm, doing what we usually did there; selling priceless, powerful Diamonds on the street. Suddenly, the entire Realm started rattling! In the middle of the street, a portal was forming! Once the Portal was fully formed, A Shadow Demon from the Shadow Realm stepped out. Of Course, this brute was not welcome to our shop."

Explain how the diamonds look, what colour the diamonds are, and so forth. It dousn't have to be very extensive, but just very basic to give the reader some idea.

The length of the chapters is another thing, it would have worked better if you did that in one long chapter, insted of seperating it in little short ones, but do what works for you ^^.

But nonetheless a good job, and I admire your effort *adds to rep*.

latias45
April 4th, 2005, 02:17 PM
great job make more

Icy42
April 7th, 2005, 08:19 AM
I'll be sure to add more description. ^_^
I'll post 2 more chapters and maybe more soon. :D